The Chinese have us pegged

I know you're already making your plans for the Beijing Olympics in 2008. And I also know you're thinking - damn, how in God's name am I going to get my Tec-9 and my anti-aircraft rocket-launcher over to China so I can squeeze off a few rounds during some down time?

Well, China has you covered. Not only will they be launching missiles into the air to prevent rain during the Olympics, but they'll also escort you out to the countryside for some target practice with the Chinese Army. Excellent.

• Pay on the spot by the bullet or other projectile. Professional staff from China's army will assist you in having your weapon pointed at the right target. Please don't forget take your passport on hand for identification when you are going to attend the shooting activity. You might want to bring your own earplugs as well.

Oh yeah, you should totally bring earplugs. Nothing is worse than the ringing you get in your ears after pouring out a clip from an AK. But wait, did you say I can also fire off some rounds from an anti-aircraft rocket-launcher? Yes, yes I did.

• The China North International Shooting Range offer a wide selection of both heavy and light weapons. If you are shy, you may use TT Olympia sports pistol. If you are used to it and want to relax yourself, you may try anti-aircraft rocket launcher!

I've got to be honest, I'm not shy. And nothing relaxes me more than shooting down a 747 in mid-flight. And just in case that doesn't float your boat, you can also fire off some mortars.

I don't know about you, but I'm calling my travel agent tomorrow.

-WCK