100% Injury Rate

Let's start this up again

2010-05-12T12:46:00.000-07:00

Ok, so after 2+ years off, I think it's time to start this blog back up again. How often will I post? I don't know. I also need to spruce this piece of crap site up a bit. But it's good to be back. And yes, the Shawn Kemp jokes shall flow again.

It's been great

2008-01-08T11:24:00.000-08:00

I’ve had a great time these last nine months blogging about absolutely ridiculous stuff for all of you out there. The illegitimate kids of athletes post is still my personal favorite. But I’m going to be moving.

I’ve decided to accept the job of editor over at FanIQ. I’ll be doing both blogging on the FanIQ featured blog and content editing for the homepage. I’ll still be posting as 100% Injury Rate on their blog and I'll have all my own posts available to read here. Right now, the only RSS feed I can give you is this one, which is the RSS for the FanIQ blog where I'll be writing almost every day. You can also access the blog RSS from the FanIQ featured blog page. In the near future I should have an RSS feed available for just my posts. You can read a few of my first posts if you want.

I’ll still be reachable by email and gchat at injuryrate[at]gmail[dot]com. And I’ll still be doing those crazy Olympic posts.

You’ll also be able to reach me at injuryrate[at]faniq[dot]com.

What’s important to know is that FanIQ wants to make sports blogging an integral part of their site, and as an editor there I’ll have a large say in that. We’ll be linking sports blogs not only on the blog, but also in the main content section of the front page.

I’ll have the ability to keep linking all of you, so keep sending me your good posts. Considering FanIQ gets much more traffic than I ever did at this site, I’m sure you’ll appreciate the new links even more.

The site itself aims to give all sports fans a voice and a chance to connect with people who share similar interests, while also providing people with a wealth of sports news and opinion. That news and opinion comes from anywhere, from the mainstream media to crappy blogs like this one.

I’m going to miss being underground in nature, and only creating revenue from Shawn Kemp t-shirts, but I think by taking this position I can do more good for the sports blogging community.

All the best and stay in touch.

-WCK

A man destroys his own lawn

2008-01-07T00:43:00.000-08:00

Further proof that the internet is absolutely awesome: A site called Lawn's and Life, which focuses on lawns all over the world, has some pics of an obviously mentally-balanced Ohio State fan's lawn.
The real clue that this guy's an Ohio State fan is actually not the lawn designs. It's the propane tank and 1971 camper that give it away. And the crappy house. By the way, I wonder what would happen if that propane tank blew up. Not that I'm suggesting anything.

Now, in all honesty, this Ohio State fan isn't anywhere nearly as nuts as this one, but I'd at least put them in the same ballpark.

I think it's also worth noting that LSU fans have done similarly crazy things with their lawns.

-WCK

Offroading is fun and safe

2008-01-07T00:11:00.000-08:00

My favorite part about this video is that there are at least four people who, for whatever reason, came to the conclusion that running a car up a 70-degree rock incline would be a good idea. I'm not sure what possesses ordinary people to try insane stunts like this, but my guess would be alcohol - lots and lots of alcohol. And possibly inbreeding.

-WCK

Monday links

2008-01-07T00:01:00.000-08:00

I don't care whether you have a job or not, the Monday after the Holidays end always suck. At least we have a not-so-interesting National Championship to watch. Sa-weet.

On to the links.

Your American Gladiator experts are not pleased with the new version. [My Brain Says Rage]

Brett Favre has an identical twin. [The Sports Hernia]

And he's hawking Bowflex - the key to his awesome 17th season. Right. [Food Court Lunch]

Jose Lima could be headed to Korea. Awesome. [Ump Bump]

Always one of my favorite posts. Search terms that people use to get to MBSR. [My Brian Says Rage]

Who didn't vote for Brady as MVP? [Larry Brown Sports]

A Packers fan goes a bit nuts with two homes. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]

Intentional walks are harder to do than you'd think. [Home Run Derby]

A pretty detailed look at who was actually better, the Phillies or Mets. [Crashburn Alley]

A retrospective on the Skins's season. [Scott Van Pelt Style]

Your weekly NHL recap. [Going Five Hole]

-WCK

Sgt. Stoudemire, reporting for duty

2008-01-04T00:25:00.000-08:00

I guess Amare Stoudemire is off to Iraq sometime in the near future, judging by his choice of pre-game attire for Thursday night's home tilt against the Sonics. Do us proud Amare, and be sure to steer clear of the smack while you're over there.

And just so you all know, Stoudemire will of course be reporting to Lt. Winslow.

-WCK

Those BCS games sure have been awesome so far

2008-01-04T00:14:00.000-08:00

During our week off, we had a chance to kick back and watch (I use that term loosely) the bowl games without having to write anything about them. We especially appreciated you anonymous commenters who called us pussies for doing that. After all, you ARE a SPORTS blog, right?

Yes, we are. So here's our awesometacular BCS recap to this point in time.

Rose Bowl: USC pounds Illinois because Juice Williams can't throw a football to save his life. The only highlights of the game are USC's three excessive celebration penalties, proving once again that Pete Carroll runs a tight ship in LA.

Sugar Bowl: Georgia beats Hawaii by 140 points, while going easy on them. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say maybe the BCS should have found a way to get Missouri into this game instead of Hawaii.

Fiesta Bowl: Featured two teams that always seem to crap the bed in important games. I thought this game would somehow wind up a tie - even though that isn't possible - but West Virginia dominated. There can't be any school out there that's had a worse time in the BCS than Oklahoma. They were big favorites in the 2004 National Championship before getting absolutely violated and humiliated by USC. Last year they were heavily favored to beat Boise State and lost. And this year they were facing a team that had recently laid an egg against Pitt and lost their head coach. And to top it all off, West Virginia lost Steve Slaton early in the game. Yet Oklahoma got killed, despite again being heavily favored. That's either an indictment of the quality of the Big-12 or Bob Stoops. Or both.

Orange Bowl: Since Mangino didn't get a Gatorade bath, this game didn't quite live up to its potential. But it was a well-contested game. Too bad the teams were Kansas and Virginia Tech. I'm glad Kansas won, but this game was competing with Borat YouTube clips for most of the night. Borat won.

-WCK

Back on the Wagon links

2008-01-04T00:02:00.000-08:00

All right, we're back. Here's yo links.

An interesting look at which NCAA basketball programs produce the most $$$. [Storming the Floor]

NFL Playoff teams as beers. [Deuce of Davenport]

Is Ryan Mallet going to transfer to UCLA? My guess would be UCLA is certainly hoping so. [Construda]

The Giants continue to get hammered this week, this time thanks to a Barber. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]

A look back at the Top-10 most dramatic NFL playoff finishes. [All Balls]

A random, but fascinating, tidbit from the Orange Bowl. [Scott Van Pelt Style]

They actually have NFL wild card T-shirts. [Mr. Irrelevant]

Even weathermen are weighing in on the Knicks' stinkiness. [The Sports Hernia]

-WCK

Short Break

2008-01-01T12:20:00.000-08:00

For those of you wondering where we've been the last couple of days, the answer is taking a short break. After doing the blog pretty much every day for the last 9 months, we decided to take a short vacation so we could watch all these bowl games. We'll be back later this week, probably Thursday or Friday.

And Happy New Year to everyone.

-100%

May you rest in hell, Rich Rodriguez

2007-12-28T00:24:00.000-08:00

I think we're all aware that West Virginia is not taking Rich Rodriguez's departure well. The governor got mad at him, there have been conspiracy theories floating around that he lost to Pitt so he wouldn't have to play in the National Championship, and the school he dedicated himself to for a number of years is now suing him. It kind of makes you think the state wants him dead.

This video confirms that's indeed the truth. Nothing better than a Coach Rodriguez tombstone!

Congrats, West Virginia. You're now wedged between Mogadishu and the Sunni Triangle as places I can't wait to visit.

-WCK

Patrick Ewing: Talent Assessor

2007-12-28T00:23:00.000-08:00

Patrick Ewing has a lot of experience in pro basketball. He was a great player for a long time, went to the NBA Finals, and is now an assistant with the Magic where he's helping Dwight Howard become the league's next great big man. Naturally, one would assume that he can spot talent.

Wrong.

Here's what Ewing had to say about the Knicks, courtesy of the bastion of the journalism world, The Daily News:

"They have a lot of talent, they're a talented bunch of guys. How talented they are has yet to be seen. Sometimes you may have too much talent. There's only one ball and you can't have 12 guys who want to score."

I would think this is partly just Ewing trying to say kind things about his old team, while maybe also taking a subtle shot at Isiah.

But could he be right? Could the Knicks be too talented? I guess I might as well take a look.

Stephon Marbury - Talented at being a talented player who's a team cancer and perpetual ball hog.
Jamal Crawford - Same as Marbury, but with less cancer.
Nate Robinson - Extremely talented at being psychotic and missing dunks.
Jared Jeffries - Talented at somehow remaining in the league, and being paid exceedingly well in the process, when he should be playing in Europe.
Jerome James - Talented at eating, and being paid $30 million for doing nothing.
Eddy Curry - Talented at being 6-11 and unable to rebound. Also talented at eating.
Fred Jones - Talented dunker, not much else.
Zach Randolph - Actually talented. However, also talented at getting into a lot of trouble.
Mardy Collins - Talented at getting superior players thrown out of games and suspended.
Malik Rose - He's still playing?
David Lee - Actually talented, but can thank talentless coach for not playing him enough.
Quentin Richardson - Talented headband wearer.
Randolph Morris - Talented at never showing any emotion.
Renaldo Balkman - Sort of talented if used properly.
Wilson Chandler - Um, who?

Just to sum up how talented the Knicks are, here's a fun story involving James. He's been out all season after having surgery to remove a cyst and a bone spur on his right foot. During that time he's bulked up to well over 300 lbs. He recently returned to practices and is waiting to pass a league-mandated fitness test before he returns to the court. But that may take a while, because when asked if he thought he could pass the test, James said, "I haven't been running."

Or apparently been trying to stay in shape in any way whatsoever.

This is definitely one talented team.

-WCK

Friday links

2007-12-28T00:20:00.000-08:00

I'm awful glad its Friday, and so is Isiah. Thanks to Deuce for finding this pic.

On to the links.

Wayne Rooney has a tranny cousin who wants to be a bridesmaid at his upcoming wedding. Wow. [Deuce of Davenport]

Darren McFadden has a new Escalade, and potential problems with being eligible for the Cotton Bowl. Shockingly, these two things relate to each other. [The Pig Pen]

They're pulling down Rich Rodriguez signs in West Virginia. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]

Where the hell is Mel Kiper, Jr.? [Scott Van Pelt Style]

A 70s tennis player who should have been ranked #1, but wasn't. Weird. [All on the Field]

Fukudome doesn't just have a great name, he has a great arm. [Home Run Derby]

The Orange Bowl got a little more interesting, thanks to mock Mac ads. [Lion in Oil]

The Broncos are still mad at Philip Rivers. I'm still mad at Rivers for sucking this entire season. [Rumors and Rants]

-WCK

The quest for the worst Super Bowl ad ever

2007-12-28T00:10:00.000-08:00

You probably don't remember this SalesGenie Super Bowl commercial from last year. Or maybe you do because it was so awful.

Yep, no dancing celebrities, no monkeys, no making it rain. And to top it all off, the ad looks like it was filmed for a local television station. It's an absolute crime that this thing appeared during the Super Bowl. I want the best, most expensive, and ridiculous ads during the Super Bowl, period.

But SalesGenie could care less. Even though the commercial was voted the worst of last year's Super Bowl ads, it helped the company make some serious bank by driving traffic to the site.

So what are they planning on doing this year? Why, making three even worse commercials, of course.

"If it positively impacts business like it did last year, we’d be thrilled to be the worst again," said founder and chairman Vin Gupta.

Way to shoot for the stars, Vin. By the way, Gupta was the mind behind last year's wonder, and he penned the three pieces of shit the company will unveil this year. They'll hit the airwaves during Super Bowl XLII’s pre-game show, first and third quarter action.

While that certainly sucks, at least you won't have to watch the third quarter ad because whatever NFC team is playing the Patriots will have forfeited by then.

By the way, in my enlightened opinion, this is the best Super Bowl ad ever.

-WCK

The best (or worst) Olympic music video you will ever see

2007-12-27T00:49:00.000-08:00

This video is an absolute acid trip of epic proportions. It was, I guess, a promotional video for the 1984 Olympic Games - and it may be the real reason why the Russians boycotted those Olympics. The video provides you with a brief history of the Games through interpretive dance, cheesy 80s music, a lot of suggestive sword-grabbing, and costumes that were likely worn in the movie The Beastmaster.

I don't even think the Chinese could make an Olympic music video this awesome, and that's saying something.

-WCK

Slow Thursday links

2007-12-27T00:38:00.000-08:00

There isn't a lot going on during this week between Christmas and New Year's, except for best/worst of the year posts. Aside from that, there seems to be almost nothing going on today. But don't worry, we made up for our lack of posts with that insane Olympic music video above. It's worth at least 3 posts, which is probably a huge overstatement, but it's all we got for today.

On to the links.

Deadspin's word of the year is awesome. [Deadspin]

Derek Anderson to the Fins? [SPORTSbyBROOKS]

Some atypical 2007 awards. [The Legend of Cecilio Guante]

What some NFL players did for Christmas. [Throwing Into Traffic]

Not really sports related, but here's a chance to take a test to see how big of a douchebag you are. [Introducing Liston]

-WCK

Nick Barnett is sort of mad at that ref

2007-12-27T00:19:00.000-08:00

I didn't really think much of Nick Barnett being taken down by an NFL ref this past weekend. It only registered for about a second before I moved on to more important things, like figuring out how a perpetually drunk Kyle Orton could lead the Bears to such an impressive victory.

I was ready to forget about Barnett, and most importantly, his embarrassing moment.

But Barnett won't let me do that.

That's because his agent told ESPN on Wednesday that the linebacker will file a grievance against linebacker-killer Jim Quirk.

The league told Quirk he went "over the line" when he pulled Barnett down in an attempt to break up a skirmish, according to an NFL report. The league also warned Quirk, but has said there will be no punishment.

Barnett's agent said to ESPN, "This guy puts his arm around Nick's throat ... he should get more than a warning. If Nick pushes (Quirk) to the ground just as a response, he'd be suspended and fined a couple of hundred grand."

While that may be correct, I like how Barnett's agent decided that continually reminding the public about his client's most embarrassing moment as a pro athlete is critically important.

I guess if that's how he wants it, then I'll grant him that wish and always remember Nick Barnett as the linebacker who got violated by a ref during a football game.

Because I'm sure that's exactly what Barnett wants.

-WCK

Football > Law in Louisiana

2007-12-26T00:43:00.000-08:00

Justice stops for nothing, unless there's any football team from Louisiana playing in a big game. Then law can sit on its ass and wait.

Yes, the always entertaining - (read: lazy) - state of Louisiana has decided for the second time in a year that football is more important than your right to a speedy trial.

Stephen Babcock, an attorney defending an insurance company in a lawsuit over a car crash, requested the delay of the trial because he has tickets to the National Championship game and is an LSU fan. But, more importantly, he and other LSU fans have rented out the second floor of a Bourbon Street bar for a pre-game tailgate party.

That seems like a reasonable request, even though something tells me Babcock will likely be just as drunk during the actual trial.

And just so you know that Babcock took this matter incredibly seriously, in his written request for a new trial date he referred to Ohio State as "Slowhio" ("due to their perceived lack of speed on both sides of the ball").

Man, that sentence has Harvard Law written all over it.

Not so surprisingly, the judge agreed to postpone the trial.

As mentioned earlier, there is actual precedent for football over law in Louisiana. In January, a judge agreed to postpone a trial due to a conflict with last season's NFC championship game between the Saints and Bears.

While I'm being a bit tough on Louisiana, it could always be worse. In Texas if your trial date lines up with a Cowboys game or a UT BCS game they simply execute you on the spot.

-WCK

MJ drops the double-nickel on Santa

2007-12-26T00:40:00.000-08:00

While you spent your Christmas sitting at home, Michael Jordan spent his absolutely demoralizing Santa in a one-on-one game.

-WCK

Wednesday links

2007-12-26T00:38:00.000-08:00

It's still Christmas break for most of you, but we here at The Rate never quit. We just kind of post less good stuff at a less frequent rate.

On to the three links.

The NFL network will do 62-hours of lead-up for the Giants/Pats game. That's not a joke. [Construda]

Attention terrorists: There's no security at college bowl games. [All on the Field]

You can own Maria Sharapova's soap. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]

Larry Fitzgerald to the Vikings in '08? [Fanhouse]

-WCK

Soccer players are calm, collected people

2007-12-26T00:32:00.000-08:00

I don't really like soccer much at all. Too little action combined with not enough scoring. But what I do love is how the sport turns fans, players, and referees into psychotic, violent lunatics.

Today's example comes courtesy of Kuala Lumpur, where rioting semi-pro players and a gun were involved in some hijinks. Awesome.

It seems that after a ref gave a player at a local soccer match a red card, all hell broke loose, with a number of players taking umbrage with the call. The ref, in an attempt to alleviate the tense situation, ran to his car to grab a gun. Of course. He proceeded to fire off a number of warning shots to stop the rioting players.

And to top it all off, the ref was a police officer. Uh oh.

"We are investigating as to whether the policeman was justified in taking out his firearm and discharging it, and also why he had it with him during the match," said Hussin Ismail, police chief in the southern Johor state.

Wait, so it's not ok for a cop to grab his piece and fire away when confronted by angry soccer players? I would have thought grabbing a gat was par for the course, rather than any kind of punishable offense.

Anyway, the cop was taken into custody for suspected misuse of firearms, while five players are also being held for questioning and could be charged with rioting.

This incident obviously raises a serious question, which is: Can only 5 people constitute a riot? I'd say no, but I'm not exactly experienced in the rioting department.

-WCK

Canada can't find its own Olympics

2007-12-26T00:23:00.000-08:00

Because most of you reading this blog are Americans, I'll assume you have no clue where the 2010 Winter Olympics are going to be. They're going to be in Vancouver.

But don't worry my stupid fellow Americans, the Canadians aren't much better than us when posed with the same question.

in June, the federal government commissioned Decima Research to ask this unaided question to Canadians: “Can you please tell me where the Olympic and Paralympic Winter Games will be held in the year 2010?”

And the results, outside of British Columbia where Vancouver is located, were hilarious.

In Alberta 68% of people knew the answer was Vancouver, in Saskatchewan/Manitoba it was 64%, in Ontario it was 60%, in the Atlantic Provinces it was 50%, and it was an unreal 43% in Quebec.

Needless to say the government wasn't pleased about that and ordered a new report that was just recently done. It showed a slight bump in the numbers, but the fact remains that an awful lot of Eastern Canada seems to have no clue that the 2010 Olympics are happening in their own country.

I guess it could worse. According to a survey done in Taiwan (which I realize is a separate country from China, but China likes to impose its will there), 44% of the Taiwanese have no clue that the 2008 Olympics are happening in China.

And this of course means two important things. One, that there are uninformed people all over the world, not just in America. And two, that China needs to increase the beatings in Taiwan.

-WCK

Vladimir Putin will teach you to kick some butt

2007-12-24T02:30:00.000-08:00

This has to rank up there as one of the coolest things ever done by a head of state while he's still in office. It seems that Russian President Vladimir Putin is a major badass at judo - he's a black belt. I guess when you consider his political background, this makes sense.

But he just announced that he and Yasuhiro Yamashita, a World and Olympic judo champion from Japan, have made an instructional video together.

If you're wondering when this future instant YouTube classic will become available, here's what Putin had to say.

"He and I have recorded a video disc as a video supplement to a judo manual," Putin said. "I think it will be coming out in January or February."

Man, it must be awfully cool to have a president that can break concrete blocks with his head, and administer the infamous "Touch of Death." And if you want to see Putin taking on either a really short Asian man, or perhaps a kid, here you go. I'm hoping it's a kid.

To be honest, this makes America look weak and scrawny. President Bush is really only known for two things in regards to sports - being a wussy high school male cheerleader and an incompetent MLB team owner. Neither of those strike fear into the hearts of anyone. I take that back, the male cheerleader thing definitely makes me afraid, but not in the right way.

Quite frankly, the only way to rectify this critical situation may be to elect Chuck Norris in '08.

-WCK

In case you want your New Year's party invitation rescinded...

2007-12-24T01:08:00.000-08:00

Normally during the holiday season, you're supposed to send out Christmas cards to friends and people you know. Even though you may not enjoy doing this, it's at least a good, friendly gesture that people appreciate during the holidays.

But the times they are a changing, my friend.

ESPN has decided to add some flavor to an old holiday tradition, and by "add some flavor to", I mean "completely take a dump on."

Yes, there are now 8 stupid "Holiday Smack Cards" that you can send out to insult people during the Christmas holiday. Which is a great idea. Nothing says Christmas cheer like getting a holiday card that calls you a loser.

The e-cards also directly target the Yankees, Chicago Bears, and Notre Dame. The least original may be Grossman and Griese throwing "gift-wrapped" interceptions to defensive backs. It took a brilliant mind to come up with that. Probably the same brilliant mind that came up with the "Enjoy the Whatever Bowl loser!" insult. There is no comeback to that my friends.

Sometimes an idea is so bad, it's good. And other times, an idea is so bad, it should be buried 6-feet deep and never discussed again. This is one of the latter.

-WCK

Christmas Eve links

2007-12-24T00:03:00.000-08:00

For the two of you wondering why I didn't do my Monday NFL write-up, it's because of the holidays. I'll be writing it tonight after I get last minute presents for 12 people. The worst thing about that last sentence I wrote is that there's no sarcasm in it at all.

On to the (few) links.

Margaret Thatcher's grandson loves football, meaning real American football. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]

The 10 not-so-awesome sports guys of 2007. [I'm Writing Sports]

A college football coach you should know more about. [The Legend of Cecilio Guante]

Some fun facts about my boy Patrick Willis of the 49ers. [Lord, Beer Me Strength]

-WCK

Lighted Santa has mad game

2007-12-21T01:06:00.000-08:00

I don't know about you, but I hate boring Christmas lights. I like my Christmas lights to be garish, and preferably moving. And if you can somehow manage to get an animated dunking Santa in the lights, even better.

Luckily, because we live in America, such a product exists. Yes, below is the 20-foot high Animated Dunking Santa light system. As you can tell, Santa has mad game, and a better vertical than Dwight Howard. Isiah just signed him to a 10-day contact.

If you think this thing is "some assembly required," you're damn right. As the site says - Requires 8 tracks to configure all positions of arms and balls. I don't know what the hell that means, but it sounds time-consuming and difficult. Two things I avoid like the plague.

And if you're wondering how much this light system costs, it's only $6,200. Hmmm, I guess I'll only get three then.

-WCK

Santa hates Rangers fans

2007-12-21T00:33:00.000-08:00

This is an old video, although it hasn't been viewed that much. It's a bunch of Islanders fans who got free seats for dressing up like Santa, and somehow they all wound up on the ice at some point.

But what makes it great is that some idiot Rangers fan also made it out onto the ice. Naturally, the Santas made him pay for this heinous crime.

-WCK

Friday links

2007-12-21T00:30:00.000-08:00

Everybody have a Happy Holidays. I'm not going to pack it in for the next four days, because something's bound to happen in one of these crappy bowl games coming up. But don't expect much.

On to the links.

A very cool look at A-Rod's case for getting the $252 million contract he got years ago. [You Been Blinded]

The Red Sox even stick it to the Yankees in creative, ultra-subtle ways. [Home Run Derby]

Let's destroy Tony Romo. [Mr. Irrelevant]

Cam Cameron is like a bad one-night stand. [Rumors and Rants]

This is a really strange way to get revenge on Rich Rodriguez leaving WV. [Lion in Oil]

I am seriously excited for the New Mexico Bowl. Nevada, which is playing in it, not so much. [The Pig Pen]

-WCK

Eddie Jones is still playing in the NBA?

2007-12-21T00:05:00.000-08:00

This video has already made it around the interwebs a bit, but it's the Friday before Christmas and I don't feel like writing much. And odds are you're either half-drunk as you read this or you're already out of the office and aren't reading it anyway.

Anyway, this video is proof that Eddie Jones is still playing in the NBA, which was a total shock to me. It's from last Friday's game against the Hornets. Eddie is his usual savvy veteran self.

-WCK

Let's 1984-ize the Olympics

2007-12-20T00:32:00.000-08:00

Despite the recent hysteria over the Mitchell report, there are actually concerns about doping in sports besides baseball. In fact, when one thinks of doping, the Olympics usually come to mind. So how exactly can we solve the doping problem at the Olympic Games?

Why, implant computer chips in athletes so you can track their every movement, of course.

Much to my surprise, it isn't the Chinese that are suggesting this - they just brainwash people. Instead it's two reigning Olympic gold-medalists, Carolina Klüft (heptathlon) and Stefan Holm (high-jump) of Sweden, that are actively looking to make this computer chip scenario a reality.

Klüft, who's asked for this rather revolutionary method to be used in the past, still backs it. But she's also now open to just putting a GPS transmitter on the training bags of athletes.

But Holm, no sir, he wants the chip. Somebody could easily jog the bag around the stadium while the athlete is getting "Roger Clemensed" in the training room, with no one the wiser.

"It's hard to be one hundred percent sure without having a chip surgically implanted into the skin," Holm said.

And I agree. In fact, I think ALL athletes should have a chip inserted into them. That way we can constantly keep track of things like:

Whether Paul LoDuca was almost in a car accident or not.
Which strip club A-Rod likes the most.
If Mike Vick managed to escape prison yet.
What Pacman Jones is doing in his spare time.
If Florida State players ever attend class.
Where Brady Quinn goes to cry.

So yeah, I'm all for the Big Brother approach. Let's make this happen.

-WCK

West Ham Christmas party pictures

2007-12-20T00:23:00.000-08:00

As With Leather informed me of last week, EPL teams apparently have Christmas parties every year. Normally, guys dress up for these things in a style sort of similar to baseball's rookie hazing week. Anyway, here are some pictures of the costumes worn at the West Ham party (theme: sports). I take it the party went well, mainly because no players are currently being accused of rape.

Lee Bowyer trying to hang himself

Freddy Ljungberg as, um, a blind samurai?

Hogan Ephraim as one of the Glasgow Diamonds

James Collins as Sharapova

And just because I can, here's a picture of Peter Crouch from last year's Liverpool Christmas party.

Mo' pics for yer viewing pleasure at The Sun and Chicken Dinner.

-WCK

Thursday links

2007-12-20T00:20:00.000-08:00

Make that left indeed.

On to the links.

Jonathan "I.Q. 47" Papelbon had his dog eat the World Series ball. Seriously. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]

Wrestling is great at promoting stereotypes. [Food Court Lunch]

That was quick. A new American Gladiator did gay porn. [My Brain Says Rage]

A breakdown of the bowls, from best to worst. [Rumors and Rants]

The many hideous faces of Skip Bayless. He's like Medusa. [The Sports Hernia]

The MLB teams the prez candidates root for, courtesy of Home Run Derby. Here are the Democrats, and here are the Republicans. I'm a communist, so you know I'm a Giants fan.

I sure hope this soccer player doesn't get deported back to Africa. [The Beautiful Game]

I should have put this up yesterday, but I sleep from 4am until 8pm. It's a look back at the 1987 Celtics/Pistons. [The World of Isaac]

Who will save the Falcons? Marcus Vick, naturally. [Throwing Into Traffic]

-WCK

Tony Montana should have used a yo-yo

2007-12-20T00:15:00.000-08:00

This strangely hilarious ad actually features two yo-yo professionals - Paul Yath and Patrick Mitchell. I've never heard of them either, and I had no idea there's actual professional yo-yoing. But they show you that yo-yos aren't just for kids that are afraid of the sun and fresh air. Yo-yos are straight-up gangsta, son!

Next time some sucka insults you, bust the side of their face with a yo-yo. They'll never mess with you again - after they kill you, of course.

-WCK

Back in style on the Blog Show

2007-12-20T00:00:00.000-08:00

We made an appearance on the Blog Show this week. Well, sort of two appearances. Anyway, thanks to Mottram and Steinz. And we like the nickname Nick "The City" Young.

-WCK

Cool Brazilian names for American athletes

2007-12-19T00:30:00.000-08:00

Brazilian athletes are well known for having rather cool single names that they go by: Rivaldo, Romario, Kaka, Ronaldinho, Nene, etc.

Naturally, when you're bored out of your mind at work, you can't help but wonder what American athletes' names would turn out to be if they were Brazilian. Luckily there's a Brazilian name generator out there to do the job for us. Let's see what we got for some well known athletes.

Derek Jeter

LeBron James

Purple Jesus

Michael Vick

Vinny Testaverde

Tim Duncan

TJ Houshmanzada

JaMarcus Russell, who hopefully will be a saint for the Raiders

Steve Nash

Roger Clemens

College basketball player Chief Kickingstallionsims

Brady Quinn

I can't be the only one that finds it hilarious that both Quinn and Jeter have Brazilian names that come awful close to "Dildo." If you want to kill a few hours today, here's the site. Enjoyito.

-WCK

PETA just won't stop

2007-12-19T00:25:00.000-08:00

You'd think PETA would let sleeping dogs lie, but I guess they decided not to do that. PETA now has a holiday email card you can send out which features a mini-Vick in a prison snow globe. Shake it up and Vick goes flying. I did everything I could to free #7, but nothing worked. Those prison walls are too sturdy.

By the way, is there any worse group to get on the bad side of than PETA? I'd say the Russian Mafia, and that's about it.

-WCK

Wednesday links

2007-12-19T00:23:00.000-08:00

As you can see above, my ride kinda got stuck while I was cruising around SF yesterday.

On to the links.

A look back at some great sports streaks. [The Sports Hernia]

It's going to cost you more than double for an ad spot during the Giants/Pats game, which about 70% of America won't be able to see. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]

What is going on with the Blazers? They be on fire, son. [The Pig Pen]

The Wizards assistant coaches lace 'em up. [Scott Van Pelt Style]

The Pro Bowl is lame. [Rumors and Rants]

God lord, Peter Puck is back after a 28-year absence. [Going Five Hole]

Will the Dodgers' new Japanese import be as bad as Kei Igawa was for the Yanks? [All on the Field]

-WCK

This could end badly

2007-12-19T00:20:00.000-08:00

I actually remember a time when motocross guys doing a backflip was considered completely nuts. That was like 5 years ago. Now, a backflip is considered par for the course.

Well, now race cars want to get into the mix as well. Yes, you read that right.

On New Year's Eve at the Rio Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas, Nevada, some crazy dude named Rhys Millen will attempt the first ever - purposely performed - backflip of an off-road racing truck.

What's hilarious is that even Rhys has never done this, the photo above is a photoshop. But don't worry, he's qualified for it, right?

As Auto Blog notes: The experiment is no far stretch for Mr. Millen as he has performed many movie stunts behind the wheel, along with claiming Pike's Peak and Formula D titles.

Yes, because winning truck series titles is definitely the equivalent of launching your truck 3 stories into the air to do a backflip. I can't see any problem with that logic at all.

Anyway, if you're looking for a YouTube clip for your blog on January 1st, whatever transpires at this event is probably right up your alley.

-WCK

Somebody really doesn't like Maria's grunting

2007-12-19T00:01:00.000-08:00

Considering how little tennis I watch, I could care less whether players grunted or not. Hell, they could scream their heads off on every point and I wouldn't care - because I'm not watching.

But I guess the 11 people out there that do care about tennis are beginning to get a bit mad at Maria Sharapova for grunting repeatedly. Sharapova's grunting has been recorded at 101.2 decibels - the equivalent, apparently, of a police siren at close range or a small aircraft landing nearby.

Some people say grunting constitutes "cheating," because it's a deliberate tactic to prevent an opposing player from hearing the sound of the ball on the racquet. Ok, that's somewhat believable.

But this next idea for how to combat it is ridiculous.

Judy Dalton, one of the Womens Tennis Association founders, and a multiple-time grand slam champion, said she thinks Sharapova's opponents should forfeit matches until she stops grunting so loud.

"If that was me and I was playing Sharapova, I would be saying, 'If you continue with that, you can have the match - I'll walk off and I'll lodge a complaint.' The other girls should say, 'Fine, I'll forfeit the match'. They can only forfeit so many matches and that might get the message across."

Yes, that's quite productive. Rather than, say, threaten to suspend her, advise everyone to forfeit to her. That'll make me even less likely to watch tennis, if that's even possible.

But I think the real question most people are wondering about is, does Sharapova's grunting translate elsewhere? The answer is apparently no.

-WCK

Chris Farley's sports skits and other classics

2007-12-18T02:59:00.000-08:00

Ten years ago today, Chris Farley passed away. The man was a genius at physical comedy and I still miss his awesome SNL skits. In tribute to Farley, here's a look back at some of the sports-related skits and commercials he did over the years, and a few other choice clips.

This took me forever to find (suck it NBC). It's the ultra classic Superfans skit with Michael Jordan where they debate Ditka versus a hurricane and Farley has the massive heart attack.

Farley also once did an ad for ESPN, recreating the final moments of the Duke/Kentucky thriller.

About 1:40 into this video you get the classic Farley ice skating clip.

The famous El Nino clip.

This Colombian coffee ad always killed me.

The famous Chippendales dance.

And of course, the legendary Matt Foley skit.

BY SPECIAL REQUEST, here's the Schmitts Gay skit.

-WCK

Suddenly, I love hockey

2007-12-18T01:00:00.000-08:00

I don't know much about the Vancouver Canucks, except that Vancouver is a great city. I guess that's not really a comment about the hockey team, but whatever, it's all I know. But that's about to change. This video, which comes from a Canucks fan site called Ultimate Canucks Search, is - dare I say - illmatic. A sample of the lyrics:

When we're on the ice, we be keepin' goalies bizzay
Cyclin' that puck, in the corner t'ill you're dizzay

Now that's quality NHL rapping. They also did a video about 9 months ago that was pretty awesome.

Keep this up hockey, and I might move you up past competitive eating contests on my sports viewing depth chart.

-WCK

Tuesday links

2007-12-18T00:45:00.000-08:00

That Peterson kid can really play.

On to the links.

Elijah Dukes is in trouble again, dawg. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]

NOIS supports the fine on the Falcons who celebrated with the Free Mike Vick shirt. [NOIS]

The Rockets sing Christmas carols. [Deuce of Davenport]

Watching the Giants is like business travel. It sucks. [The Legend of Cecilio Guante]

The Florida basketball team is filled with guys you've never heard of, but they're good. [Storming the Floor]

Kind of a bad week for the Cowboys. [The Pig Pen]

There will be much fewer hot girls at Cubs games now. [Rumors and Rants]

Home Run Derby has an interesting plan to win the Blog of the Year Tournament. [Home Run Derby]

-WCK

George Foreman hearts Mike Vick and grills. But mostly grills.

2007-12-18T00:40:00.000-08:00

The other day the good lads at Construda passed along a link to me which contained Mike Vick's remorseful letter to Judge Hudson. They also mentioned that George Foreman was one of the people who wrote a letter of support for Vick, and that Foreman hawked his grill in the letter at the same time.

That is indeed correct. But I think we need to make it better known what exactly George said. Let's have a quick read of the pdf:

Dear Judge Hudson:

I'm a fulltime minister at the Church of the Lord Jesus Christ in Houston, Texas, former two-time Heavyweight Champion of the world, and known all over the world as the king of the grills because of the George Foreman Lean Mean Fat Reducing Grilling Machine.

But the real story is that as a young boy I prowled the streets of Houston, TX as a thief.....

I think the real story, George, is that you're making a ridiculously shameful (and hilarious) ploy to get, um, I guess the judge and his legal staff to buy your grills. After all, there's profit to be had, and nothing says capitalism like advertising your product in a letter of support for the leader of a dogfighting ring.

If I were the judge, I would have given Vick life after reading Foreman's letter.

By the way, I'd like to mention that Hank Aaron also wrote a letter of support for Mike Vick and never brought up that he was a Hall of Famer or the true home run king. Nor did he hawk a grill.

-WCK

Carl rips the Mitchell Report and bloggers

2007-12-18T00:01:00.000-08:00

For anybody who reads this site regularly, it shouldn't come as any surprise to you that I'm a fan of Aqua Teen Hunger Force. How "Frat Aliens" didn't get an Emmy nomination, I'll never know. Anyway, here's Carl going off about the small number of Red Sox players that turned up in the Mitchell Report, and he also takes a shot at bloggers.

Why? I'll let Carl explain, but it involves a blog suggesting Derek Jeter did something inappropriate with Whitey Ford. Which of course is true, because blogs never lie.

-WCK

MMA stars make awesomely surreal foreign ads

2007-12-17T01:12:00.000-08:00

There's no question that MMA has come a long way. Once labeled "human cockfighting" by Sen. John McCain, it's now become pretty mainstream. But not quite mainstream enough that you see Quinton Jackson selling Campbell's Chunky Soup. But fear not. MMA fighters are hot commodities abroad, particularly in Japan, where they make surreal and otherworldly ads.

So with that said, let's take a look at some of the ads out there that MMA fighters have done abroad.

This ad features Mark Coleman and Wanderlei Silva. It's like a cross between the Matrix and Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon. To say it's not a particularly masculine ad would probably be being kind.

Here's Cro Cop as a talk show host who enjoys punching giant coffee beans. Um, what? Exactly.

Bob Sapp is known mostly for fighting in K-1, but he's also a huge star in Japan. In Japan he's appeared in 23 commercials, been on TV 200 times, and has 200 products with his name or image on them. Here's one example of his 23 commercials. This one is him dancing for pizza. Not what you'd expect from a man nicknamed "The Beast."

And here's a Bob Sapp candy ad that, quite frankly, made me wonder if I was on drugs after I saw it.

And if there's any country that you expect awesome, high-quality commercials to come from, it's definitely Croatia. Naturally, Cro Cop has a starring role.

This commercial will make it clear to you why MMA fighter ads here in the States have a long way to go. This is Randy Couture for some car thing. It sucks.

Obviously we need to step it up here at home. I won't rest until Chuck Liddell is hawking waffle irons on ABC.

-WCK

David Garrard: 1920s Crimefighter

2007-12-17T01:03:00.000-08:00

Here's David Garrard doing his best Eliot Ness impersonation after beating the Steelers. Once the press conference finished he and 10 other Jags players stopped the flow of illegal hooch into Pittsburgh.

Here's Eliot Garrard in action.
Lady Liquor stands no chance against him and his men.

-WCK

What Wayne Rooney be drivin'

2007-12-17T00:46:00.000-08:00

Considering soccer players are some of the wealthiest athletes on the planet, they tend to have more than a few cars. Those cars come in particularly handy when they're broke 25 years from now and have to sell them for cash. But we're not there yet.

Anyway, we managed to find out what cars Wayne Rooney apparently has in his possession. So if you want to see what he's rollin' in, here you go. [Note: These are the models of cars he has, not his actual cars.]

Audi TT

BMW M3

BMW X5

Chrysler 300C

Cadillac Escalade

Porsche 911

Mercedes SLK

There's no question that it's an impressive collection, although the lack of a Bentley is troubling. But I'm guessing that the Roonster probably hasn't brought a lot of flavor to his cars. Maybe some rims on the Escalade, but that's probably it. I'm sure none of his rides are as tight as Devin Hester's ride - which comes complete with Louis Vitton paint job and interior. Actually, that's sort of bizarre.

But still, not even Hester's ride can compare to Darius Miles' pimped out Bonneville.

The hood is even better. And yes, that's Ben Franklin smoking a joint. Here's a closer look if you want.

But none of these cars compare to mine. I call my car Coche del Diablo. Which roughly translates as "My car is badass, fool."

HT: Deuce of Davenport for Coche del Diablo.

-WCK

Monday links

2007-12-17T00:45:00.000-08:00

Here are the links.

The Miami game turned into a Heidi game in some areas. I'm surprised the game was even on TV, period. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]

We are a #3 seed in someone's blog of the year tournament. But it's done by votes and we're up against the The 700 Level. We're not sure we like our odds. [Busted Coverage]

Yep, more jock-straps of athletes are up on eBay. [Red Sox Monster]

Mike Vick's letter to the judge that didn't work real well. [Construda]

The West Virginia governor is mad. [Money Players]

That's more chest hair than I needed to see. [The Sports Hernia]

How well Japanese pitchers will do in MLB is difficult to gauge. [Ump Bump]

The many faces of Lefty. [Food Court Lunch]

Sports figures who resemble celebrities. [5 on Five]

Your weekly hockey recap. [Going Five Hole]

-WCK

The ad that be blowing up in China, son

2007-12-17T00:28:00.000-08:00

This is the brand new Adidas ad that's currently airing in China. Unfortunately, it's nothing outlandishly crazy, although it's still pretty weird. According to Shanghaiist, this commercial took 6 months to produce. Why? Well, I can only assume because they hired some lazy ass fools to do it. There's really no other explanation.

-WCK

What we learned from Sunday's NFL action

2007-12-17T00:02:00.000-08:00

One college football note before NFL stuff. So Rich Rodriguez is going to Michigan. That should be perfect. Instead of losing killer games at the end of the season to crappy teams, he'll lose killer games at the end of the season to Ohio State. Good choice Michigan.

Ok, on to NFL stuff.

1. I'm not sure there's anything else Brian Billick can do to get fired. He ended my dream of watching the Dolphins go 0-16, and I'll never forgive him for that. He also should be fired for not going for it on 4th and goal at the end of regulation. What in the hell are you playing for? You're not making the playoffs, just go for it you idiot. It also seems like after the game against the Pats, the Ravens could absolutely care less about this season, and with Billick as their coach I can't blame them. How else do you explain losing to the Fins? If Billick still has a job after this season ends, I'll be real surprised. The loss yesterday should be the final nail in the coffin. By the way, the Dolphins celebrated like they won the Super Bowl after beating the Ravens. Kind of embarrassing guys, you're pros who've won one game.

2. Speaking of teams quitting, I think we can now add the Lions to that list. They didn't even get off the plane in San Diego. Getting beaten 51-14 on the road when you still have an outside shot at the playoffs says "We're planning offseason tee times."

3. I rip on Eli Manning a lot, but I can't do that after what happened last night. His receivers dropped NINE passes, about 6 or 7 of which a physically disabled kid could have caught. Sure there was some wind, but seriously, Brandon Jacobs needs to learn how to catch a damn ball. By the way, Shockey being done for the season also really hurts this team. It also hurts his New Year's plans as well, I'm sure.

4. The Pats actually have a running game. It seemed to me the Pats were, of late, becoming incredibly predictable. Pass, Pass, Pass. Just like those Colts teams from a few years back that kept losing in the playoffs. And Sunday was the best chance for someone to beat the Pats given the elements. But they rode Maroney to victory. I know some people think Maroney is sort of a soft back, but I think it's just that the Pats have ignored him for about half the season. He's more than a decent running back. Still, the Pats might have some trouble in the playoffs if they wind up in a game where it's snowing and the passing game becomes pretty limited. Both the Steelers and the Colts have better running games than the Patriots and could make them pay in such a game.

5. The Browns look prepared to get back to the playoffs. The win over Buffalo was absolutely critical, seeing as the Titans also managed to win to get to 8-6 to stay alive for the wild card. Provided the Browns win one of their last two games, they'll in all likelyhood make the playoffs - and they can clinch if they win next week. If that happends, they should be the second best story in the NFL this year aside from the Patriots' run. Considering the Browns play the Bengals and the 49ers in back-to-back weeks, it may even be safe to say right now they'll make the playoffs. But one major question is, what do the Browns do with Brady Quinn? Romeo Crennel won't be starting Quinn next year with how well Derek Anderson has played this year. Plus, Derek Anderson is no longer on a short leash either. So even if he has a bad game or two, you won't be seeing Crennel looking to yank him for Quinn. Right now, I'm sure the Browns will hang on to Quinn for at least another season, but if Anderson has another good year next year, why not trade Quinn to get some defensive help? The Browns seem to have found themselves in the position the Chargers were in several years ago with Drew Brees and Philip Rivers. And something tells me the Chargers wish they still had Brees instead of Rivers. Cleveland definitely has something in Anderson, and with the way first round QBs have fared in the NFL - pretty much a total crapshoot - there's no guarantee Quinn will be any good at all. I'm on the Derek Anderson train, and my guess is Crennel is too. Unless Anderson craps out next year, I'd look to ship Quinn out in the not too distant future.

6. Matt Moore has to be one of the worst career passer rating QBs to ever start and win a game. He had a career passer rating below 22 heading into Sunday's game, yet passed for over 200 yards with no INTs and his team got the win. Is the NFL really that bad this year that something like this can happen? Yes.

7. The Packers relatively easy win over the Rams seems to say something about how bad the NFC is. I know everyone knows that the NFC is awful this year, but this game seemed to show it in more detail. Favre threw two picks (which seemed appropriate given how he also passed Marino), no receiver had a 100-yard game, Ryan Grant ran for under 60-yards and lost a fumble, and yet Green Bay won pretty easily. Even though Green Bay has a great defense, I still found the end result of the game somewhat surprising. I guess the basement of the NFC really is that bad. But is the top - aside from the Packers game - really that much better? On Sunday the Seahawks took a dive against the Panthers, who had Matt "career passer rating 21.2" Moore starting, the Giants lost at home to the Redskins, and the Cowboys lost to Philly at home too. The Cowboys also haven't looked real good since they beat Green Bay. I know I'm not exactly going out on a limb by saying whoever wins the AFC is going to win the Super Bowl, but right now, that seems inevitable rather than highly likely.

8. Anyone else wonder if Jessica Simpson has something to do with the Cowboys stinking of late? Just throwing that out there.

9. And just to continue on about how bad the NFC is, the Saints have a decent shot of making the playoffs. No team that started 0-4 has ever made the playoffs, but the Saints may do it. If that doesn't explain this entire NFL season in a nutshell, I don't know what else does.

10. The Jaguars took a huge step forward by beating the Steelers yesterday. People have been harping on them a bit for not beating a lot of winning teams, but the Steelers are a seriously legit team to beat. Plus the Jags beat them in Pittsburgh. What's crazy is that the Jags are going to be a wild card team. I sure as hell wouldn't want to play them in the first round. Also, I mention this every week, but it's true - Jack Del Rio can't get enough credit for choosing David Garrard over Leftwich. Just a great move. Garrard has 16 TDs and 2 picks this year. Just a great season for him. No way this team is 10-4 if they had stuck with Leftwich.

11. Even though I didn't watch Thursday's game, I think it's time people start stepping up and apologize to Mario Williams. He wasn't as bad a #1 pick as people made him out to be. He's had a better year than Vince Young and a ridiculously better year than Reggie Bush. I can understand people who say the Texans still should have drafted Vince Young, but at least Mario's play of late makes where he was drafted understandable. It's incredibly hard to find gifted pass rushers like Williams, so the Texans - in the end - may have been smarter than us all. That said though, there's still plenty of time left in all these guys' careers. We'll come back to this debate time and time again.

12. Lane Kiffin may ultimately be a pretty good coach. The Raiders played a real gutsy game against the Colts yesterday. That says something. Anytime you're 4-9 and you come into a game against a team like the Colts and give them everything they can handle, that speaks well of your team and coach. The thing was that a week prior, the Raiders looked like crap against the Packers. They could have just packed it in for the remainder of the season, and with a young coach like Kiffin you can easily see that happening. But Kiffin had them prepared for the Colts and they gave them a real game. It'll be interesting to see what the Raiders can do next year with JaMarcus Russell at QB. This team looks like it's pretty close to becoming relevant again.

13. I think Atlanta may be the worst team in football. And Chris Redman was 4/15 for 34 yards and 2 INTs. That's gotta be, what, a -32.7 passer rating? Atlanta really didn't think anyone could do better than him? Warrick Dunn could have done a better job than Redman. God, the Falcons are horrendous.

-WCK

Roger Clemens got off easy

2007-12-14T00:05:00.000-08:00

Even as a life-long San Francisco Giants fan, it certainly seemed to me that one of the best arguments out there that Bonds had definitely used steroids was that he was actually more productive in his late 30s and early 40s than he had been in his mid-20s. Naturally, when the BALCO case exploded, this clinched it for most of the public. Bonds had used steroids, period.

As a result, the cacophony of boos, chants, taunts, signs, etc., etc., that Bonds faced during every road game as he chased Aaron's record was almost unreal. I'm still impressed that he managed to break the record under such difficult circumstances.

But what always bothered me during Bonds' home run chase was how hard people went after him, especially when he had never tested positive for steroids and wasn't yet on his way to a federal perjury trial. He was killed in the court of public opinion before technically being guilty, just like McGwire and Sosa. Meanwhile, Clemens, who also fit the steroids M.O. to a T, basically got off scot-free.

Of course, people will say the rage directed at Bonds was primarily due to the fact that he was connected to BALCO, while Clemens was not. There's certainly some truth to that. It also helped that Bonds was chasing baseball's defining record, while Clemens was not.

But for Clemens, the same signs were there for the court of public opinion to judge. It wasn't quite at the BALCO level, but it sure was close.

Clemens was incredibly productive late in his career. He beefed up substantially after Dan Duquette said Clemens was "past his prime." He went nuts and threw a bat at Mike Piazza. Baseball writers openly speculated if Clemens had used steroids. And perhaps most damning of all, former pitcher Jason Grimsley in late 2006 named Clemens as a player who used performance enhancing drugs.

When you line up both Bonds and Clemens, according to the strict letter of the law, neither had ever tested positive for anything at the time these separate instances broke - BALCO and Grimsley's admission.

Yet everyone began bashing Bonds incessantly after BALCO, while no one really jumped on Clemens after multiple signs that he too was a user.

The reasons why Bonds got the raw end of the deal are of course limitless. It has to do with the home run record, it has to do with race, it has to do with the mistaken belief that steroids wouldn't really be beneficial for picthers to use, it has to do with the media, it has to do with the fact that Bonds is a bigger jerk than Clemens (barely), etc.

Now, the public has essentially the same proof on Clemens that they used to bash Bonds with. Again, for neither man is there proof of a positive test, but documents that say Clemens got steroid shots in the butt should be viewed on the same level as BALCO.

But for Clemens, he isn't going to have to deal with people coming after him, because he's probably never going to play again.

He should have gotten killed in the court of public opinion just as hard as Bonds did. But for whatever reasons, he didn't.

He got off easy.

-WCK

The Arizona mascot needs pants

2007-12-14T00:04:00.000-08:00

Here's the Arizona mascot trying to show off for some kids, when things suddenly get a little weird.

The screaming girl makes it even better.

-WCK

Friday links

2007-12-14T00:03:00.000-08:00

The Mitchell investigation is done. Now I have nothing to look forward to until Christmas.

The great photo above is courtesy of Pulled My Groin.

On to the links.

Allen Iverson on OJ Simpson. This should be entertaining. [Scott Van Pelt Style]

Scot Pollard finds an interesting way to hurt himself. [Construda]

See the actual checks - signed by incredibly stupid Major Leaguers - that helped the Mitchell investigation. [Lion in Oil]

You can't FireKennyWilliams.com because MLB owns it. [Home Run Derby]

God apparently didn't approve of former Heisman candidate Casey Weldon coaching a high school football team. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]

The largest fantasy sports payout ever is in...fantasy fishing? What the hell? [Deuce of Davenport]

A Maryland basketball player has the weirdest facial hair I've ever seen. [Mr. Irrelevant]

Have you ever pulled a "Petrino?" [The Legend of Cecilio Guante]

-WCK

The vitriol aimed at Vick right now is frighteningly intense

2007-12-14T00:01:00.000-08:00

There's an old saying that things can only get worse before they get better, which is pretty much the case for Michael Vick right now.

But to top it all off, some people are taking rather scary shots at Vick while he's down.

Case in point, if you go to the "Bad Newz Kennels dog fighting investigation" wikipedia page, someone seems to already be making a sick joke about Vick's prison time: It has been reported to a local Georgia news station on December 12, 2007 from a letter of an inmate, that Vick was raped in prison by three former PETA members. Vick is currently under going treatment in a local hospital.

If it's already gone from the actual wikipedia page, you can see it below by clicking on the pic.

I'd call that dark humor at its absolute worst. And using the term "humor" is probably being way too kind. By the way, if you're wondering, no, nothing has happened to Vick.

But I guess I shouldn't be surprised by vitriol like this. There are a lot of people out there that are actually hoping Vick gets roughed up in the you-know-what in prison, which is disturbing when you stop and think about it. Some recent postings from out on the Web, including a PETA blog, have unfiltered thoughts such as these:

I hope he gets raped in prison every day, and then 1 day before his release....he dies

I hope he gets ass raped in prison, let him rot in there

the powers that be need to pick out a prison and put Vick's rape stand right in the middle of the workout area and strap Vick to it and release all the men prisoners and let them have a "SWEET VISIT" with Vick.

I don't think the length of time in jail matters. As long as he gets raped the same way his dogs did.

So much for people thinking Vick can be rehabilitated. Which, correct me if I'm wrong, is technically what prisons are supposed to help do (even though I know they don't).

Look, what Vick did was wrong. But actively hoping he gets raped in prison makes you about as good of a human being as Vick was when he was drowning dogs. Maybe worse.

Vick's been given a sentence, and with luck, he'll come out a different man.

People should at least give him the chance to turn his life around before they bury him.

-WCK

Marshawn "Beast Mode" Lynch gets his own comic

2007-12-13T01:01:00.000-08:00

You may remember that classic answer that Bay Area legend Marshawn Lynch gave during an NFL Draft camp when asked to describe his attitude: "Beast Mode! On the field."

It seems the Bills hired a comic book illustrator to Beast Mode Marshawn up for one of the Bills' recent home games and ran the flip-book comic on the scoreboard.

Here's hoping this becomes an actual comic. A mild-mannered Marshawn spends his time as an Applebee's regular who just so happens to turn into into gold-toothed, linebacker killing machine every Sunday.

Solid. Way too solid.

-WCK

England's likely new coach is sort of a fascist

2007-12-13T00:36:00.000-08:00

I really shouldn't be writing so many soccer stories this week, but as they say, when it rains, it pours. And man is it pouring ridiculous soccer stories this week.

As international soccer fans already know, England failed to qualify for Euro 2008. That doesn't mean much to us here, but it means a hell of a lot over there. So of course a new coach is in order.

Well, the main target of England's attraction is Fabio Capello, the former Juventus and Real Madrid coach. Nothing wrong with that, except that Capello has a somewhat ultra-right, fascist slant to his political beliefs.

Last year, when Capello headed off for his second tour of duty with Real Madrid, he told the Italian paper Republica: "Spain in two words? Latin warmth and creativity regulated by a rigorous order. The order which comes from Franco."

When reminded that Franco was a dictator, Capello replied: "But he left a legacy of order. In Spain everything works well, there is education, cleanliness, respect. We should follow their example."

Capello may have forgotten that both Mussolini and Hitler sent troops, aircrafts, tanks, and other weapons in support of Franco during the Spanish Civil War. The end result of said war was that Franco wiped out approximately 200,000 of his enemies and established a dictatorship for nearly 40 years under which he subjected his democratic and leftist enemies to forced labor camps, mass exile, prisons, torture and executions.

Capello has also admitted to veering to the far right in his voting in Italy. He began to follow politics in 1968 and after starting off voting for the Italian socialist party, he drifted further to the right, eventually switching to extreme right parties Lega Nord and Forza Italia.

Anti-racism groups have accused Lega Nord of "openly embracing racist and fascist" attitudes. And both Spanish and Italian papers have taken shots at Capello calling him a fascist sympathizer.

What makes Capello's political beliefs even more strange is that his father spent time in a Nazi concentration camp.

Capello of course tried to backtrack on his statements, claiming he didn't believe in totalitarianism. But his voting record, and his less-than-intelligent spoken words, still linger.

The fact of the matter is that for most Europeans facism still stings deeply, since a number of countries were under fascist control during WWII. And some, like Spain, for a much longer period of time.

Yet at the same time, England appears ready to make this guy their national team coach before Christmas.

I'm not sure what the American equivalent of this would be. I think, and I'm being serious here, that if U.S. Basketball Team coach Mike Krzyzewski said he really liked the way Stalin got things done that would be about the same.

And I assume we'd all think long and hard about whether we'd still want him to be our country's head coach.

-WCK

Thursday links

2007-12-13T00:25:00.000-08:00

Am I excited about the Mitchell Report? Sure, to a degree. It'll be interesting to learn who was in all likelihood using performance-enhancing drugs. But since I'm guessing most of this report hinges on the testimony of that felonious Mets bat boy, I guess I'll always be slightly skeptical of the released names.

On to the links.

'Twas the night before the Mitchell Report, or I guess now it's today, uh whatever. Just read it, it's good. [Deuce of Davenport]

A very interesting look at the Black Sox scandal in comparison to the steroids scandal. [Ump Bump]

The Redskins Chris Cooley, I shit you not, had a deuce-related injury. [Mr. Irrelevant]

Ocho Cinco has some nice things to say about the only guy who's had a good year for my 49ers - Patrick Willis. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]

The Falcons will win the Super Bowl before Arkansas wins the SEC. I actually think neither of those two scenarios will ever happen, but that's just me. [Five on 5]

NOIS tackles Petrino. [NOIS]

NBA team logos have changed quite a bit over the years, and not always for the better. [The Pig Pen]

This should be tasty, the Fred Smoot sports bar. [DC Sports Bog]

Dat Nguyen did pretty well for himself. [Uwe Blog]

-WCK

The ship be sinking in San Fran

2007-12-13T00:10:00.000-08:00

When it comes to the 49ers, the ship be sinking. And it be sinking fast.

With the 49ers now 3-10, and having no quarterback to speak of, you could say that Mike Nolan is in serious trouble. He's been getting hammered by local papers for weeks, and now it seems that the fans are starting to chime in as well, as the NSFW video above makes clear. But that's not all. There's now a Fire Mike Nolan site and for Sunday's home game, a group of irate fans hired a blimp that will fly over the stadium and have a lighted sign on it that reads "FIRE NOLAN."

Alex Smith also ripped Nolan in this Tuesday Mercury News article, claiming that Nolan went behind his back and made it clear to teammates that he was using injuries as an excuse for his poor performance. Smith was suffering from a lingering third-degree shoulder separation and tendonitis when he chose to shut himself down. And that was after Smith got a second opinion from Dr. James Andrews, who told Smith his injuries were much worse than he'd thought they'd be. It should be noted that Nolan didn't want Smith to get a second opinion. Way to be coach.

Smith is now known by some players in the locker room as "The Lion" in reference to the Cowardly Lion from the Wizard of Oz. That's fantastic work by Nolan, who has been tied to Smith since they both arrived in 2005.

I realize people play hurt all the time in the NFL, but putting a quarterback out there who's trying to recover from a severe shoulder injury and tendonitis - both of which are only getting worse - is just stupid. You're lucky if you can lift your hand above your head after separating your shoulder, let alone throw a football with any accuracy.

I haven't been the biggest fan of Smith during his time in SF, but I'm behind him on this one.

Any coach that systematically looks to turn his team against the hurt starting quarterback - who he is inextricably tied to - doesn't deserve to have a job.

I have the sense that once everything leaks out about Nolan's time in SF after he's fired, he'll never coach another NFL team again.

And that's fine by me.

Thanks to Mac G's World for passing the Nolan rap along to me.

-WCK

Someone call the photo editor

2007-12-13T00:00:00.000-08:00

As a guy with a journalism background, I'm well aware that there are times when the rush to finish a story can produce some unexpectedly hilarious results. But when you let a picture like this make it onto the front page of the sports section, you've got to wonder if someone did more than just fall asleep at the switch.

Go Ireland.

-WCK

The 756 asterisk, now on actual baseball cards

2007-12-12T01:52:00.000-08:00

We're all aware that the 756 ball that Bonds hit is eventually going to get branded, you know, once Marc Ecko decides to stop using it as a gimmick to sell his crappy clothes.

But now that asterisk is starting to turn up in other places as well.

Upper Deck is now taking shots at Bonds - who just so happens to be a Topps spokesman. Upper Deck recently released their annual "sweet spot autographs" line which sells for $100+ per pack, but each pack contains the signature of one current baseball star on a cowhide insert card. They usually look like this.

But I'm guessing you know what appeared on the 756 card.

Yep, one huge asterisk.

So far, three collectors have found an asterisk card. One of the asterisk cards sold Monday night on eBay for $955 after drawing 41 bids. A second card appeared and was bought immediately for $1200. There's one more left up on eBay, should you be much wealthier than I am.

Upper Deck claims that these cards weren't intended for distribution, which naturally begs the question: "Then why did you make them?"

At this point though, it doesn't really seem to matter anyway. If Bonds is ultimately found guilty of perjury, or gets named in the Mitchell Report, I wouldn't be surprised to see the public just cut to the chase and tattoo an asterisk onto his head.

-WCK

Muhammad does not approve of your soccer jersey

2007-12-12T00:12:00.000-08:00

Just when you think the world couldn't get any more ridiculous than it already is, something like this pops up.

It seems a Turkish lawyer just filed a complaint with UEFA, the European football federation, in response to Italian club Inter Milan having worn a jersey with a symbol of a cross on it during a November game against the Turkish team Fenerbahçe.

Personally, I think the lawyer's just pissed that Fenerbahçe got trounced 3-0, because he wants UEFA to cancel the three points earned by Inter Milan for the victory.

But the lawyer has also asked a Turkish tribunal to sanction Inter Milan for wearing the shirts which he says reminded Turks of an emblem of the Christian order of the Knights Templar. Asking a Turkish tribunal to sanction the team seems kind of odd considering Inter Milan decided not to wear the controversial shirt during the first matchup of the teams in Istanbul. They instead wore the jersey at home, in Italy.

Obviously Muslims have some issue with the jersey, since the symbol on it is closely tied to the Crusades of the Middle Ages.

But, guess what...most African and Arab teams, including Turkey, display the Muslim symbol - a crescent moon and a star - on their jerseys. Haven't heard anyone up in arms about that yet.

So, in other words, the moral of the story here is, uh, complain about other religions that do the exact same thing that you do. But proclaim that your religion is correct because you worship the right God.

Yes, that'll solve everything.

-WCK

Wednesday links

2007-12-12T00:09:00.000-08:00

I really wanted to post on that kid who's related to Davy Crockett that bagged the black bear, but it swept across the blogosphere like wildfire yesterday. Although I'd still like to say I particularly enjoyed this classic quote: "His 10th great-grandfather was Davy Crockett, and Davy supposedly killed him a bear when he was three."

I reckon he dun killed that bear good.

By the way, this kid learned how to fire a gun when he was 2. Is that even legal? We have the Tiger Woods of hunting on our hands people.

On to the links.

I am psyched about the soon to be released Mitchell Report. Mr. Underhill is not, but for good reasons. [I'm Writing Sports]

This is a pretty interesting site. You can go and see what the likelyhood of your NFL team making the playoffs is. For my 49ers, it's -893%. [Sports Club Stats]

Joe "Super Hairy Guy" Namath finally graduates from 'Bama. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]

Which Hoosier hero is in worse shape: Isiah or Cam Cameron? Man, that's tough. [Rumors and Rants]

Nothing can stop Fred Smoot, and he also has his own candy bar. [Mr. Irrelevant]

Petrino joins the Lou Holtz Club. [Deuce of Davenport]

A call to free Vick, but for different reasons than you'd think. [Crashburn Alley]

Vote for who you think should make the MLB Hall of Fame out of guys who aren't in, but maybe should be in. By the way, vote for Shoeless Joe. [Ump Bump]

It's going to be a rough time for the Jets this weekend. [Throwing Into Traffic]

I had no idea there was a video game called Ninja Golf. It looks awesome. [I-Mockery]

-WCK

If you're fat, don't watch this

2007-12-12T00:01:00.000-08:00

This is the most ridiculous commercial I've seen in a long time. It's from Denver, where there's some guy that runs a fitness center called Anti-Gym that I guess is supposed to help you get thin without having to lift weights or do much. Sweet.

But his commercials are, uh, not kind to chubby individuals of the female persuasion. I'm just glad he didn't beat her to death.

HT: SteveSilver.net

-WCK

The problem is not Reggie Bush, it's the NFL

2007-12-11T00:50:00.000-08:00

Before the 2006 NFL Draft, there was a scout who said that if Reggie Bush failed as a pro football player, it would be because there was something wrong with the NFL.

Two years into Bush's career - since he's likely done for the season - it isn't looking particularly good. Bush has only rushed for 1146 yards through two years at 3.7 yards per rush. I should, however, also mention that he has 1159 yards receiving in those two years, which means he's not one dimensional. But his tendency to drop passes, along with being fumble-prone (7 times this year), is discouraging.

Even teammates are starting to sour on him a bit, as was made clear by AOL Fanhouse. The easy answer is that Bush needs to concentrate more, work harder, etc., etc. The more truthful answer is that he needed Deuce McAllister healthy to help him carry the load.

But there may also be another answer as to why he's struggling. And that is that there may actually be a problem with the NFL.

Bush is most often compared to Gale Sayers, who had a brief, but brilliant, NFL career. Sayers, like Bush, is 6-feet tall, and played at approximately the same weight as Bush currently does - 200 lbs. The problem for Bush, however, is that the NFL he plays in is not the same NFL that Sayers played in.

When Gale Sayers played pro football (1965-1971), there wasn't a single 300-lb. lineman in the game. In 1990, there were 39 players who weighed 300 lbs. or more. Today, there are over 300 guys in the league who tilt the scales at 300 lbs. or more. And not only that, they're faster and stronger than they used to be. Plus, Gale Sayers never had to face a guy clogging the running lanes like Broncos D-Tackle Sam Adams, who is politely listed at 350-lbs.

And it's not just guys that are over 300-lbs. that are a problem. It's also linebackers who weigh 240 lbs. or more and have ridiculous speed.

Shawne Merriman is listed at 6-4, 272-lbs. and supposedly runs the 40 in 4.6. The average linebacker in the NFL right now according to the Elias Sports Bureau weighs 242-lbs. Dick Butkus (1965-1973), one of the greatest linebackers in NFL history and considered an absolute monster in his day, was 6-3, 244-lbs., which would make him an average sized linebacker in today's NFL.

The truth is that everyone who plays in the NFL is a physical freak to some degree, since that's what the job demands. It's always been that way. But, over time, people who play in the NFL have become more than just physical freaks, they've become pharmalogically modified freaks.

Zach Thomas of the Dolphins is, by all accounts, a very small linebacker by NFL standards. He's 5-11, 230 lbs. Meaning he outweighs me by more than 60-lbs. even though we're the same height. But those extra 60-lbs. aren't fat. They're primarily muscle. Needless to say, that's unnatural.

We've seen guys like Merriman, Julius Peppers, Rodney Harrison, and countless other individuals receive suspensions for either steroids or HGH or God only knows what. We've also seen guys like Brian Urlacher morph from a college safety into a 258-lb. linebacker at the pro level. This kind of pharmalogical modification isn't the exception anymore - it's basically the rule.

And that, frankly, is what Reggie Bush is up against. An NFL that is no longer dominated by those with sheer talent, but by those with sheer talent who also have chemicals coursing through their veins.

While Tiki Barber and Barry Sanders both excelled in the NFL as small backs, they were shorter than Bush (Sanders: 5-8, Barber: 5-10) and weighed slightly more than he did (Sanders: 203, Barber: 205). They also not so surprisingly retired early to avoid the physical toll of playing in a juiced-up league. Bush may ultimately have to become a receiver in the mold of Wes Welker if he wants to have a significant impact in the pros.

But what's clear is that Bush would have been an every-down back in the days of Gale Sayers. In today's NFL, he can't be that, and it isn't his fault.

He was just born 40 years later than he should have been.

-WCK

Some gross Christmas presents for you

2007-12-11T00:38:00.000-08:00

A little while back, you may have heard that Mike Lowell's game used jock-strap got pulled off of eBay for being "adult-oriented material."

Well, there's more stuff available again.

Some dude named Phil Castinetti of a shop called SportsWorld in Saugus, MA has gotten his hands on a large collection of Red Sox All-Star underwear and he’s selling everything on eBay. And if you think that's gross, this is even worse. The rag of choice in Beantown, The Boston Herald, says that at the end of the season, the Sox throw stuff like this out and some enterprising dumpster-diving Fenway employees retrieved all of it. It's not pretty, but it pays the bills.

The bidding and selling of the items has been bizarre to say the least.

While Jason Varitek's spandex underwear went for $255, seldom used Matt Clement - who didn't make an appearance in 2007 - had his spandex underwear go for $430.

Equally strange is that Manny Ramirez's famous 'do rag has only gotten up to only $26 on bidding so far. And no one wants Manny's spandex underwear, which is stuck at $9.99.

Of course, people normally bid on items right before their time is set to expire, but I don't think anyone really wants Manny's stuff. I'm convinced he hasn't taken a shower in 3 years.

Papelbon's spandex is also available, in case you were wondering. And I know you weren't.

On the plus side though, at least this means Red Sox Nation's Christmas shopping will be done soon.

-WCK

Tuesday links

2007-12-11T00:12:00.000-08:00

So, 23 months it'll be for Vick. Or I guess less than that if he's good. He'll be back in the NFL some day. No question. Here's a detailed article about the sentencing by the main reporter who covered Vick for the AJC.

On to the links.

MBSR has the inside scoop on how the early filming for American Gladiators has gone. Torn ACLs and broken legs galore! I'm so psyched for this show. [My Brain Says Rage]

Roddy White is still backing Mike Vick. [Brahsome]

How to grab your crotch like an MLB pro. [Home Run Derby]

Jason Whitlock: prognosticator. [Food Court Lunch]

Jeff Fischer ordered a code red on Shawne Merriman. [Rumors and Rants]

That dude that gauranteed the Steelers win over the Pats and subsequently got burned multiple times, he's still talking. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]

Al Sharpton could cost Chicago the Olympics. [All on the Field]

The great Jonathan Ogden is a dancing machine. [Deuce of Davenport]

Michigan's coaching wish list. [The World of Isaac]

-WCK

Mmmmmm, fried chicken

2007-12-11T00:00:00.000-08:00

I didn't watch the majority of the Saints/Falcons game, like most of America, but I did catch Arthur Blank talking with the MNF crew. Well, no, I didn't catch that either. I muted the TV while he was on because I didn't want to hear 10 minutes of him answering questions about Vick. But apparently Blank said something that may or may not have been bad.

“If Michael makes a mistake and eats fried chicken and French fries every day, he could come out weighing 250 pounds and he won’t be able to play football.”

I know exactly what you're thinking. They have fried chicken and French fries in federal prison? Man, it doesn't sound so bad after all. Maybe I'll get on that international mail fraud scheme right now.

But in reality, some people are already talking about whether or not Blank's comment was a Fuzzy Zoeller style moment. I'll let you decide that. I'm going to run to KFC.

-WCK

It could always be worse than the Knicks

2007-12-10T00:10:00.000-08:00

One of the things that's admittedly hilarious about American sports is that we think we know what's a truly horrible team situation. Like the Knicks. They have a terrible owner, a terrible coach, a crazy point guard, no cap space until 2087, and they had to pay a woman employee more than $11 million because of a sexual harrassment lawsuit invloving the crappy coach. And to top it all off, the owner says the coach's job is totally safe.

All of those examples scream that the Knicks are a team is in disarray. Well, sort of.

Let's go somewhere else - like Serbia for instance - where team disarray is a bit different.

Last Friday, four high-ranking team officials of the soccer club Red Star Belgrade (which sounds more like a guerilla movement than a team), were detained by authorities. And as of Sunday, they've all been sentenced to 30 days in jail - and could go away for much longer than that. So why were they detained? Well, they failed to stop a riot that left a police officer nearly dead.

During the first weekend of December at a league match at Red Star's stadium, the fans attacked a plainclothes policeman trying to film them in the stands. The policeman fired shots in the air to keep the attackers at bay, but it didn't quite work. Several fans were arrested after beating up the cop, including one charged with attempted manslaughter.

But here's the important thing to remember. This happened right in the middle of the game, and to top it all off, Red Star Belgrade is accused of letting fans bring flares into the game, which were used during the attack. But since fan violence is frequent at Serbian stadiums, Red Star Belgrade said forget about it, and just decided to keep playing while the cop was being beaten up and flares were going off. Fantastic, where I can get tickets to the next game?

Since Red Star Belgrade actually allowed fans to bring in illegal flares, and a policeman got the business, the police were naturally a tad upset when everything was over. In fact, this situation is the first time team officials have ever been detained in Serbia as a result of fan violence.

But why in God's name would Red Star Belgrade allow fans to bring flares into the stadium? Good question. And here's the answer.

The pro-government Politika daily newspaper said the riots were inspired by Red Star officials to sidetrack a police investigation into their alleged links with organized crime and murky deals in the sale of at least 15 Red Star players to foreign teams.

Well, of course. What else were they going to do? Offer free bobble-head dolls to fans? Actually tell police the truth? Please.

So in other words, the next time you're at a Knicks game, remember it could be much worse. You could have Isiah arrested at mid-court and have a flare stuck in your ear while Nate Robinson bricks another dunk.

-WCK

Monday links

2007-12-10T00:09:00.000-08:00

If you ask me, Michael Vick is in for a rude awakening today. The judge that's going to be sentencing him today is the kind of guy who would give Vick the chair if he could. Check out this article about the judge written by ESPN's Lester Munson, who taught a class I once took. Munson knows the legal system cold since he was an attorney for 15 years before he went into sports reporting. And he knows an awful lot about this judge. It's likely going to be a rough day for Vick.

On to the links.

Mayweather had quite the entourage Saturday night. [Larry Brown Sports]

BCS bowl teams as gangs from The Warriors. [The Grand National Championships]

The man most worried about the Mitchell Report: David Eckstein. [Food Court Lunch]

Breaking down the new American Gladiators. [My Brain Says Rage]

Your record is Antoine Walker's fault Minnesota, just like it always is. [The Pig Pen]

Some craptacular NFL Christmas junk. [Deuce of Davenport]

Hochuli actually wore long sleeves this weekend. Never thought I'd see the day. [The Sports Hernia]

College football coaches are the real free agents. [Money Players]

This may be fake (I think), but it provides a valuable lesson nonetheless. [Red Sox Monster]

-WCK

Human rights group tries to destroy the best part of the Olympics

2007-12-10T00:02:00.000-08:00

This was bound to happen at some point. You may remember a while back we had that post about how China was going to let only young attractive females be medal presenters at the Olympics. Who can forget? Well, an American-based human rights group is now up in arms about it, and looking to potentially try and ruin what I'm hoping will be the best part of the Olympics. Because I certainly won't be paying attention to any of those weird sports.

Yes, those killjoys known as Human Rights Watch have slammed the Beijing Olympic Committee for "discrimination" against individuals, especially women and for adopting "unfair hiring practices." This all stems from a female Olympic Committee member who said they wanted medal presenters to not be fat and be between a certain age and height.

I couldn't agree more.

A word of advice to Human Rights Watch, China doesn't care about any of that stuff. They care about showing off hot Chinese women so that the world takes notice. But despite my advice, Human Rights Watch decided not to heed it. Instead they did what so many groups like theirs do.

They sent a firm letter to China.

Yes sir, that'll show them. Here's what it said:

"Gender, age and appearance requirements arbitrarily exclude individuals from jobs for which they are professionally qualified and constitute discrimination."

I agree with these sentiments, generally speaking, but this is just a two week job. It's not exactly something worth getting bent out of shape about. Plus, we're guilty of doing stuff like this all the time in America as well.

Besides, it's usually best not to mess with China. They're not exactly well known for their human rights.

-WCK

What we learned from Sunday's NFL action

2007-12-10T00:01:00.000-08:00

At least there were some pretty good games on Sunday. Of course, not where I live. Both the Raiders and 49ers were blown out, which is why I went to a sports bar. Because I like to watch real football. Also, that guy on the Steelers, his prediction work out so well. But that was blown out of proportion. The sentence after he predicted the win he said, "If we do X, Y, and Z, then we'll win." Nothing like the media blowing stuff out of proportion.

On to what we learned.

1. As good as the Pats are this year, they could be ridiculously better next year. The fact of the matter is that the Pats have the 49ers 1st round pick for next year. If the 49ers wind up being the second worst team in the NFL, which seems pretty good considering they have someone playing quarterback that I think I repeatedly beat up in high school, then the Pats will have the second pick in the draft. Considering Miami desperately needs a QB, guess who could fall into the Pats lap. Darren McFadden, which would pretty much solve their running game problem. That's scary.

2. Looks like we're going to have 16-0 and 0-16 season this year. The Pats have the Jets, Dolphins and Giants left. We know they're going to beat the Jets and Dolphins. And while some people say they might lay an egg against the Giants because they'll have nothing to play for, I disagree. When you're 15-0, you want to win that last one to make it perfect. The Dolphins, meanwhile, have Baltimore, New England, and Cincinnatti. For some reason, people think they can beat the Bengals. Why? The Bengals still have a pretty good offense that's healthy while the Dolphins have no defense and no offense. Regardless of how bad the Bengals defense is, it doesn't really matter if you're playing a team that can't find any way to score. 16-0 and 0-16 look inevitable at this point.

3. It appears that the Packers definitely have a running game that isn't going away. I kept thinking Ryan Grant was going to crap out at some point, but he hasn't. In fact, he's gotten better. Yesterday he was a one-man wrecking crew carrying 29 times for 156 yards and a score. And who the hell is he? Well, he went to Notre Dame, but I don't remember him at all. He was also undrafted, yet he's running like a first rounder right now. I don't know what to say, except that the Pack desperately needed a running game this year and they found it in Grant, who is the definition of a diamond in the rough.

4. The Vikings are the most dangerous 7-6 team I've ever seen. They also were the most dangerous 6-6 team I had ever seen coming into Sunday. With Tarvaris Jackson playing well, combined with that devastating running attack, this team scares the crap out of me. Right now, Minnesota is sitting 6th in the NFC. But I think they can beat anyone in the NFC, including Dallas. I would not want to run into this team in the playoffs. They also proved on Sunday that even if you can stop Purple Jesus, you've got to stop Chester Taylor as well. The 49ers did a hell of a job on Peterson, and with the exception of one run by Taylor, they did a good job stopping him as well. But that one 84-yeard run by Taylor was a killer. The odds of shutting down both Purple Jesus and Taylor is basically impossible, and when you combine that with Jackson playing well, you've got one dangerous team.

5. The Chargers' win over the Titans should be the kind of victory that gives this team a ton of confidence to win the remainder of their games and make a serious playoff run. Of course, to make a serious playoff run, they have to avoid the Pats, but that's certainly possible given that there are three games remaining and the playoff seeding isn't finalized yet. But the problem with this Chargers team is that they're too unpredictable. I thought their win over Indy would spur them on, but then they lost to Jacksonville the following week. Still, a good win over the Titans.

6. Speaking of the Titans, Vince Young seems to be doing his best Eli Manning impression of late. Last week he was great against Houston, then this week he throws two picks. Is it possible that Mario Williams was actually the right choice as the #1 pick of the 2006 draft? Well, Reggie Bush has been terrible this year while VY has been a pick machine who's killed his team at times. Meanwhile, Mario's had a pretty good year for the Texans. This debate isn't anywhere near over, but right now, the Texans appear to be smarter than most people would probably give them credit for.

7. I can't be the only one that thinks the Giants are winning DESPITE Eli Manning, right? Even though he didn't throw a pick yesterday, he missed a ridiculously wide open Shockey in the end zone. He's got to complete that pass. Plus his QB rating is still below 80 for the season, which is not good. Even funnier is how on a weekly basis we hear announcers talk about how Eli keeps improving and how he's making progress. He's in his FOURTH YEAR! You're talking about him like he's a rookie. He isn't one. If the Giants are smart, they'll draft a QB in next year's draft to either light a fire under Manning's ass or to replace him. Hopefully replace him. Because with a good QB, this team would have the ability to seriously contend every season in the NFC.

8. I love them Cleveland Browns. They've given us quite an exciting season. We've gotten to see Braylon Edwards turn into one of the best receivers in the game, K2 similarly become one of the best tight ends in the game, and we've gotten to see Derek Anderson create a permanent bench seat for Brady Quinn. Not only that, but this season saved Romeo Crennel's job. Which is a good thing. Crennel is a good coach who got stuck with a lousy team when he first arrived in Cleveland. If he hadn't produced this year, I'm convinced he was going to get fired. Now, I think he could have a very long career as a head coach. Anyway, Cleveland's season has basically already been a huge success. And sure, if they make the playoffs they won't go far. But just getting there would be a huge accomplishment.

9. The Colts are the second best team in the AFC, and maybe all of football, but their special teams stink. I know there are arguments out there about how Vinatieri isn't a great kicker. That's debatable. What isn't debatable is that Vinatieri is one of the worst kickoff guys in football. He doesn't get the ball deep, never gets touchbacks, and teams consistently start well past the 20-yard line when he kicks. Combine that with crappy coverage and we start to see a huge weakness in the Colts. Hunter Smith is a bit different. He isn't a bad punter, his coverage team just isn't very good. What this all adds up to is that the Colts have given up 7 kickoffs or punts for touchdowns in the last two seasons, which is the most in football, and that doesn't include Hester's opening kickoff return in the Super Bowl. This is a glaring deficiency for the Colts, and I wouldn't be surprised if it killed them at some point in the playoffs. Remember, special teams was a huge part of what killed them in that horrible loss to the Chargers - a team they could face again in the playoffs.

10. Judging by how Baltimore played last night, I'd say they pretty much spent all their energy in the Patriots game last week.

11. I thought the Lions could potentially revive their season if they had beaten the Cowboys yesterday. And they should have beaten the Cowboys. But like the Lions pretty much always do, they blew it. It's kind of sad to see this team, at one point 6-2, drop 5 straight. But, in retrospect, even if they don't win another game this year, 6 wins will be a pretty good season in Detroit. I think Millen deserves another extension.

-WCK

Somebody give Mercury Morris an Oscar

2007-12-08T02:02:00.000-08:00

I think by now, a fair number of people know that Mercury Morris appeared in an incredibly low-budget 1974 blaxploitation film called The Black Six. It featured Gene Washington of the San Francisco 49ers, Mean Joe Greene of the Pittsburgh Steelers, Willie Lanier of the Kansas City Chiefs, Mercury Morris of the Miami Dolphins, Lem Barney of the Detroit Lions, and Carl Eller of the Minnesota Vikings. Just to make the cast even more hilarious, former baseball great Maury Wills made a cameo appearance as well.

The movie is of course horrible, but the above video contains Mercury's big scene in the film, where he gets on the nerves of some racist white honkies. I know, Mercury annoying people? That's so out of character for him.

Mercury isn't exactly Hamlet, but when he calls the woman behind the counter "fat and ugly," he gets pretty close.

-WCK

Hot dogs at halftime, and other bizarre athlete food and drink tales

2007-12-07T00:40:00.000-08:00

Agent Steinz's great post from a couple days back about how Caron Butler used to religiously down a 2-liter bottle of Mountain Dew both before games and in the middle of games to amp himself up got me thinking that Butler can't be the only athlete who's ever had a weird association with food and drink in regards to his athletic performance.

And that's indeed the case. A number of athletes have had food and drink play a critical role not only in their athletic accomplishments, but also athletic failures. So let's take a look back, in no particular order, to see who else joins Caron Butler on the Mount Rushmore of food and drink athletic fame.

1. Rod "Hot Dog" Strickland - Rod had a very long and productive NBA career, spanning close to two decades. Some people say he never got the respect he deserved, others say he was a total space cadet. But what I know Rod best for was his habit of throwing up hot dogs during Wizards games. Yes, Rod was a huge hot dog fan, and nothing could stop his quest for a Ballpark Frank, not even a game. Strick used to eat hot dogs from the press room just before game time, sometimes with reporters. This is an actual conversation from a Strick hot dog grab one night (via the Washington Post).

Reporter: Rod, you can't eat that. You'll get sick and throw up!

Rod: I know. Won't be the first time...or the last...Can you slide me that mustard?

2. Babe Ruth - Everyone knows Ruth loved to eat and drink. He also might have been a good challenger for Joey Chesnut and Kobayashi if he were still around. According to an awful lot of people, Ruth once ate 24 hot dogs during a break between a doubleheader. And proceeded to wash down said dogs with 8 sodas - or more likely 8 beers. Ruth also claimed his daily breakfast was as follows: a pint of whiskey mixed with a pint of ginger ale in a pitcher of ice, followed by a porterhouse steak, four fried eggs, fried potatoes, and a pot of coffee. Forget about Wheaties, that's the real breakfast of champions. And morbidly obese men.

3. Billy Walker - Yes, Walker is now well known for taking a leak into some towels during a game, but there was once a time when he was known for something else. Last year he ate popcorn on the bench while watching his Kansas St. teammates lose to DePaul in the NIT. He was recovering from a torn ACL at the time, but I think this speaks to what we all know is true. The NIT is boring as hell.

4. Paul Waner- Waner was part of a Hall of Fame brother tandem that played from the mid-1920s to the mid-1940s for the Pirates. Paul was known as "Big Poison" and his younger brother Lloyd was known as "Little Poison." What made the elder Waner unique though was that he was essentially Caron Butler, except with alcohol, not Mountain Dew. Waner drank nearly constantly and frequently played drunk or hungover. He even said there was an advantage to playing while sauced because a pitched ball looked so blurry, there was "More of it to hit." Waner also once hit a double, rounded second base, and slid into the bullpen mound - more than 60 feet away from third base. Teams would also pitch to Waner depending on whether he showed up to games tanked or not. A pitcher for the NY Giants said if Waner was drunk, he'd pull the ball, if he was sober, he'd go to the opposite field. "Not that it made a great deal of difference."

5. Antonio "Double-Cheeseburger" Tarver - Long before Tarver appeared in the most recent Rocky film, he fell prey to one of the worst ideas in Olympic history. In 1996, a McDonald's was inserted into the Olympic Village in Atlanta. But it gets even worse. If you were an Olympic athlete, you could order whatever you wanted for free. Tarver, who was the light-heavyweight gold-medal favorite, nearly ate himself out of the competition. He spent the entire day before his first bout against lowly Russian Dmitri Vybornoz pigging out at Mickey D's.

"It was free, you know, double cheeseburgers and stuff, any time you want," he said.

Tarver had to go to a split decision in the bout, but won. He went on to win a bronze and eat 127 double cheeseburgers.

6. Andy Roddick - Time for even more McDonald's trouble. Ranked No. 5 in the ATP rankings, Roddick was playing in the semifinals at the Indianapolis Tennis Championships in July, and was expected to cruise to a victory and likely the title. Instead he dropped his semifinal match to unseeded Frank Dancevic 6-4, 7-6 (7-1). Roddick blamed his poor performance on the fact that he had gorged on Chicken McNuggets the night before the match. Considering how I feel after I eat a couple McNuggets, I believe Roddick.

7. Wade Boggs - Boggs is best known for eating chicken before every game of his career. Considering he played in nearly 2,500 pro games, that's a lot of chicken. That also explains why he went by the nickname "Chicken Man" on the Red Sox. But Boggs also had another ridiculous habit. He apparently consistently drank upwards of 50-60 Miller Lites on cross country flights. During an interview, here's what former Yankee Jeff Nelson said.

Nelson: Oh, I’d say, on a typical road trip, east coast to west coast, say a road game to Seattle……Wade would drink anywhere between 50 and 60 beers.

Paul Sorrento, however, claimed it was usually 70 per trip.

8. Tottenham Hotspurs - Sitting in 4th place with one game to play in the 2005-2006 EPL season and a Champions League berth at stake, 10 Spurs players came down with cases of food poisoning after a buffet meal at their hotel the night before their final game against West Ham United. The Spurs went on to lose 2-1, while Arsenal wound up winning their final game and moved into 4th place, thus knocking the Spurs out of the Champions League. Police and scientists were even called to investigate to see if the poisoning had been done intentionally. Although the hotel was ultimately cleared of the food poisoning, and the players were said to have come down with a virus, try telling that to any Spurs fan.

-WCK

Friday links

2007-12-07T00:35:00.000-08:00

The interwebs tell me that the Redskins won last night's game that I couldn't watch. So no repeat Super Bowl trip for the Bears. Aside from those Bills team, this marks about the 473rd time that the Super Bowl loser didn't even make the playoffs the next year. The game also primarily featured two backups, because Campbell and Grossman appear to have suffered bad injuries - at least that's what AP tells me. No more Rex? Might as well just put Devin Hester at QB now.

So who's Michigan looking at now? [SPORTSbyBROOKS]

The most hateable guys in the NFL. [Rumors and Rants]

A requiem for Jason Cambell's season. [Mr. Irrelevant]

ESPN leaks an ad involving Richard Simmons. [Awful Announcing]

Apparently it's a tough time for the Cardinals. Speaking as a Giants fan, I think this is a bit of an overreaction. [I'm Writing Sports]

-WCK

Upper Deck sticks it to Michael Eisner

2007-12-07T00:32:00.000-08:00

I've never heard of a baseball card recall, but that's what Upper Deck is doing right now.

It seems that Upper Deck "accidentally" randomly inserted parody cards of new rival Topps owner Michael Eisner into packs of the recently released Upper Deck Sweet Spot Baseball product. It seems clear that Upper Deck isn't fond of the former Disney CEO Eisner, whose Tornante Company along with Madison Dearborn Partners finalized a $385 million purchase of Topps in October after a battle with Upper Deck for most of the year. According to Collect.com, Upper Deck sent out this statement upon learning of their "accident":

It has come to our attention that 2007 Upper Deck Sweet Spot Baseball contains cards that should not have been included in the product release. Accordingly, The Upper Deck Company has sent notices to its customers requiring them to return any and all 2007 Upper Deck Sweet Spot Baseball product that they have received and/or that they may receive in the coming days.

A few cards are already up for sale on eBay, and one sold for $310 on Wednesday. The parody card features a caricature of Eisner made to look like Bazooka Joe. The character's name is "Michael Buysner."

The card has this on the back of it:

"Upper Deck welcomes this season's newest rookie, Michael Buysner. After humble origins as a page for a top TV network and stints that included crashing a hamboni machine at an Anaheim hockey arena, he is now the topp dog searching for a way to bring Bazonka Joe into the 21st century. As Big Cheese of his own cardboard kingdom, he is enthusiastically searching for the baseball cards his mom threw away and no one will be surprised to see a new big budget film titled, ‘Bazonka Joe and the Temple of Lost Trading Cards' in the very near future. Upper Deck wishes Buysner well – in the candy business."

I guess I should say something funny here, but what do I care. Eisner nearly ran Disney into the ground before being forced out and now he's involved in something I stopped caring about 15 years ago.

Still, nice effort Upper Deck. Nice work indeed.

-WCK

Steve Kerr busts mad rhymes, yo!

2007-12-06T01:03:00.000-08:00

I'm pretty sure this is from 1988, when Arizona made the Final Four. Although the video is choppy and dubbed worse than a Godzilla movie, it gives you the chance to watch Steve Kerr, Kenny Lofton, Tom Tolbert, Jud Buechler and Sean Elliott all bust mad rhymes about how great Arizona is. 'Zona son!

If only Lute Olson had busted a few raps, this would be the greatest video in human history.

-WCK

You're with me, Kerry Leather and Lacy

2007-12-06T00:53:00.000-08:00

Sometimes when you're bored as hell, you accidentally stumble upon something while surfin' them interwebs that is almost inexplicable. Like, why would anyone create a database of every stupid Chris Berman nickname that the man ever used on Sportscenter?

I honestly have no idea.

But you know what, somebody has actually done that. Believe it or not, there are hundreds of nicknames that Berman has used over the years. I thought there'd be maybe 75 to 100. Man, was I ever wrong. The list contains such longtime forgotten nicknames as:

Jay Fiedler on the Roof
Jim Saturday Night LeFebvre
Mike Car 54 Lavalliere
Al Cigarette Leiter
James Teenage Mouton Ninja Turtles
Chan Ho 3 Com Park
Mark Fall Of The House Of Tauscher
John Teenage Wetteland
Greg The Wrath Of Zahn
Rich Protect Your Car With Amaral

Anyway, the whole thing is categorized from A-Z. I'd only suggest viewing the complete list if you're having a really slow day at work. Which, come to think of it, is probably all of you.

-WCK

Thursday "Wie want pizza" links

2007-12-06T00:24:00.000-08:00

I randomly stumbled upon Michelle Wie last night at the California Pizza Kitchen in Palo Alto. She was having dinner with some guy who wasn't Tony Romo so this story really has no merit whatsoever. But whatever, it's a slow day and that's all I got.

On to the links.

This is why sports are fun. I thought the Dodgers signing Andruw Jones was ridiculous, but our bud Larry Brown thinks otherwise. [Larry Brown Sports]

This might stop USC from trying to move from the Coliseum to the Rose Bowl next year: death threats. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]

Only Steve McNair could rival Evel Knievel in injuries. [Deuce of Davenport]

Caron Butler used to pound the Mountain Dews. [DC Sports Bog]

Sports movies never get any Oscar love. [Rumors and Rants]

Fred Taylor, not a fan of Reggie Bush. [Larry Brown Sports]

MBSR on the Cabrera/Willis deal. [My Brain Says Rage]

It's fat guy throwdown time. Bay Area (Vallejo!) product Sabathia v. Colon. [Home Run Derby]

A look back Julian Tavarez's, uh, unbalanced demeanor. [Red Sox Monstah]

-WCK

Italian soccer is still hilariously violent

2007-12-06T00:20:00.000-08:00

What's there not to like about Italian soccer? It has insanely violent fans, it's rife with corruption, and it's filled with players who'll take a dive if a soft breeze rolls through the stadium. It's truly awesome - except for that soccer part, of course.

And now this.

Well-known Italian soccer player Pasquale Foggia is being accused of having ordered an attack on his own teammate. And to top it all off, the attacker may have been part of the local mafia.

David Marchini, who is the teammate who was attacked, just had his lawyer go public and tell Gazzetta dello Sport, that "Marchini and Foggia's troubles started with a training ground incident on October 24."

Apparently, the two exchanged insults, with Foggia saying, "Let's see what happens on Monday."

The following Monday, Marchini was at a cafe with striker Robert Acquafresca when Foggia came in and asked to sit at their table. Marchini refused, so Foggia left. But in came a guy with a thick Neapolitan accent, who sat down next to Marchini.

He asked why Marchini had fought with Foggia in training. Marchini got up to leave, but the guy did what any local mafia strongman would do. He punched Marchini in the nose.

Marchini managed to escape, all while the dude was swinging a chair at him. I'm sure the next team practice was great. Nothing brings teammates together like attempted hits on each other.

Maybe A-Rod should learn from this, and have some local NYC thugs rough up Jeter a bit. Jeter certainly deserves it for his hideous postseason performance last year. And for having once dated Mariah Carey.

-WCK

I command you to cheer for China

2007-12-05T03:54:00.000-08:00

I'm getting to the point where anything the Chinese do in preparation for the 2008 Olympics wouldn't surprise me anymore. But this one still threw me for a loop.

It seems the Chinese are starting to train future spectators on how to cheer during Olympic events.

Yes, this is all part of a larger Olympic etiquette campaign to show off a polite, prosperous and powerful China. In the Olympic city, the campaign has the awesomely titled "Beijing Civilized Workers Cheering Squad," which is a public-education program to teach sportsmanship ~~and destroy independent thought~~.

China's worried that people cheering at the wrong moment could create negative coverage of the Games. Which is understandable. I mean why would you want to draw attention away from your massive pollution problem and rampant brainwashing?

There are currently 20 cheers that have been approved by authorities. Like this one for example:

"Zhongguo, Zhongguo -- ha, ha, ha. Zhongguo, Zhongguo bi sheng. Jia you, jia you." Rough translation: "China, China -- ha, ha, ha. China, China must win. Let's go, let's go."

I agree, it's pretty bad, but I'm sure the other 19 are outstanding. I'm told at least one incorporates a Chinese version of the John Mellencamp "This is our Country" song.

Naturally, there have been some problems with the Chinese learning how to cheer for sports they've never seen before.

At a field hockey test event this summer featuring Argentina and Australia, hundreds of middle-age women were bused in to add atmosphere and tried to imitate cheers in Spanish, but butchered them.

They also chanted "Ba mao si fen han de di le" which roughly means "Eighty-four cents, you've offered a price too low."

Yep, it's going to be one hell of an Olympics.

-WCK

"I want Colt Brennan's head on a stick"

2007-12-05T03:22:00.000-08:00

Look, I think the BCS stinks. No question. And I can understand why Georgia is angry. But all that said, I will never, ever, understand the South's fixation on college football.

Case in point is a wonderful - by which I mean horrible - article penned by Travis Fain at the Macon Telegraph.

It's basically your classic slurp the local college team for having a big year deal, but then it gets a bit bizarre. Despite Fain early in the article saying that the Telegraph is a family newspaper, he proceeds to write this ridiculous paragraph:

But since I doubt the BCS is looking for my opinion, let me close with this: I want Colt Brennan's head on a stick. I want that pretty boy Hawaii quarterback driven through the Superdome turf. I want perfection in all phases of the game this New Year's Day. Destroy Hawaii. And then let this be known across the land: The Georgia Bulldogs will be staying in the national title conversation for many years to come. And if you're not with us, then you'd better start running.

Nothing says family newspaper like "I want his head on a stick." I also can't remember ever seeing a print journalist write something like this. Fain writes like Hawaii invaded Georgia and Brennan took a dump on a Jefferson Davis statue (which I'd whole-heartedly approve of Brennan doing).

Hawaii, I'm definitely pulling for you in this game. Just to see what Fain pens if you beat Georgia.

-WCK

Wednesday links

2007-12-05T03:00:00.000-08:00

Mmmmm...forbidden baseball.

I'm glad to see that the The New Evil Empire won't just be able to waltz their way to another World Series next year. Getting Cabrera and Willis is definitely going to help Detroit. Of course, we have to wait about 5 years to see who got the better end of this deal, but it seems like a steal on paper. That's because prospects you can never be 100% sure about, because some guys just never make it once they hit the majors for whatever reason. But what was I expecting - Florida to try and get equal value? When have they ever unloaded all their players looking to get equal value? Never. And just for the record, Cabrera is ridiculously fat.

On to the links.

Detroit is kind of happy about this trade. [The World of Isaac]

Apparently that wasn't John Maine who wanted to try on a woman's dress, but an imposter. [NY Daily News]

Somebody has Tebow-like stats, and it ain't Tebow. Give that mystery man the Heisman. [NOIS]

John Lester is the next Casey Fossum. Who's Casey Fossum? Exactly. [Larry Brown Sports]

A look at some of America's current worst sports cities. [The Legend of Cecilio Guante]

The worst timeouts ever, plus Sinbad as a condom. [Food Court Lunch]

The unseen dialogues of pro football. [Throwing into Traffic]

Kirk Herbstreit, not a fan of reporting. [Construda]

But who knows, maybe Miles will still go to Michigan. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]

It's time for Hawaii to secede. [Rumors and Rants]

About that "boy" comment directed at Samari Rolle. [5 on Five]

-WCK

WAG your way into being a gold-digger

2007-12-05T00:54:00.000-08:00

I've always found it interesting that here in the US, we don't really focus too much on athletes' wives and girlfriends. Sure, there's the occasional Kelli Croyle, Gisele, or Mrs. A-Rod, but for the most part, we leave them alone.

In Britain, however, WAGS are not only celebrities, they go out of their way to let you know how awesome they are for dating soccer players, even though they have no real discernable talents (or any that I can write here in good taste).

But I guess sometimes they get restless. Three WAGS decided to get their butts off their diamond-encrusted couches and create a video that teaches women how to be as vacant as they are. I'm sure this will be a huge hit, and sadly, I'm actually not being sarcastic. Here's a tag from the ad for the video.

WAGS Workout is the must have accessory for all girls wanting to achieve the look and style of a WAG - and who knows, they may even bag themselves a footballer in the process!

I'm not sure this video marks the end of civilization as we know it, but you can certainly see it from here. Anyway, it features classy Nicola T, who apparently gave her former football boyfriend Bobby Zamora a framed picture of her naked knockers that he kept above his bed, Lisa Mundy, who's dating some other soccer guy, and Melissa Johnson, who's married to some other soccer guy I could care less about.

So listen up ladies. Let the pros teach you how to be a full-time gold digger.

HT: WAGS Blog and Chicken Dinner.

-WCK

Who in the hell invents stuff like this?

2007-12-05T00:42:00.000-08:00

There are times when you see a TV commercial and you to say to yourself, "They're not seriously trying to sell that, are they?"

Well, yes, they are trying to sell a putter with a scantily clad fat chick on it. I'd have to think Augusta frowns on something like this, but who knows. I just hope John Daly uses one of these things at his next tournament.

-WCK

We've got a Donaghy style scandal brewing in badminton

2007-12-05T00:03:00.000-08:00

Ah yes, badminton. The sport we all dreamed of eventually playing at a professional level - for about 1/2 a second. Because I know how much badminton means to all of you, I had to share this with you.

Former badminton world number one Lee Chong Wei from Malaysia, who was just beaten by Chinese opponents in something called the Super Series finals in successive weeks, has warned that foreign players will have to deal with hometown officiating at next year's Beijing Olympics.

"All the calls go in favor of the Chinese players," he said.

I'm not sure what's more amazing, that there are crooked Chinese badminton officials, or that Lee made it out of China alive.

Anyway, if what Lee says is true, then there's no doubt that a judge-influenced badminton finals would be on par with the 2002 figure skating scandal. Or maybe not.

Anyway, if you somehow managed to make it to the end of this post, here's a ridiculous video for your troubles.

-WCK

No wonder the 1986 Cowboys finished 7-9

2007-12-04T01:16:00.000-08:00

I don't know what the hell was going on in the mid-1980s with football teams and music videos, but it wasn't pretty. We had the Rams, uh, Ramming It, the Bears Super Bowl Shuffle, the Seahawks Locker Room Rock, and the Dolphins sucking as usual.

Now it's the Cowboys' turn to look stupid. This video takes about 14 seconds to start, but it's the 1986 Cowboys Christmas video to Dallas. It features everything you'd expect. Herschel Walker looking like an absolute wuss, popped collars, and horrible holiday singing. This video is exhibit A as to why 1986 marked the first time since 1965 that the Cowboys failed to finish with a winning record.

By the way, I can think of a lot of other places I'd rather spend my Christmas than Dallas. Like Hell, for instance.

-WCK

When going PC goes too far

2007-12-04T01:15:00.000-08:00

The new Philadelphia Phillies Triple-A team, the Lehigh Valley IronPigs, will begin playing in 2008. Naturally, they need a mascot. So they decided on a big furry pig whose moniker would be PorkChop. Sounds delicious. Or so I thought.

It turns out that naming the mascot PorkChop wasn't appreciated by a few local Latinos who claimed that the name was offensive. Huh?

Yes, it turns out (at least according to Urban Dictionary) that pork chop is a racist term used to refer to people of Puerto Rican descent.

However, Dictionary.com also tells me that pork chop is "the flesh of hogs used as food."

I don't want to sound insensitive here, but this seems to be going a bit too far. This isn't flying the stars and bars over the state capital or somebody wearing blackface. It's naming a pig mascot after a popular cooked food.

What is interesting though is that the IronPigs immediately decided to change the name of the mascot to Ferrous - from the Latin word "ferrum," or iron. No Romans were angry about the name change as far as I know.

But more seriously, the IronPigs quick response is impressive, considering we have a number of teams out there, most notably the Redskins and Indians, who really should have had their names changed years ago - because their names are unambiguous terms directly used to demean a specific ethnicity. Plus Chief Wahoo is a ridiculous mascot.

How people can succeed so quickly in changing a benign name, but can't affect the same change with a truly offensive name, is a bit of an enigma.

-WCK

Tuesday links

2007-12-04T01:12:00.000-08:00

I was going to write a serious post on the Pats/Ravens game, but whatever, everyone will be doing that today. Besides, the game just proved what we already know. The Pats are beatable and you can do it by controlling the clock with a great running game (Ravens), carving them up with 10-20 yard dig routes or ins (Eagles), or having a great 4-man pass rush (Colts). Problem is that no one has been able to do either of these 3 things for a complete 60 minutes. The Ravens came the closest, and had they not called a timeout on that critical 4th down, or had the Pats not hopped offsides the play after it, the Ravens would have won the game. The Patriots also can't be pleased with their defense. Two mediocre offensive teams - and two not so great QBs - have lit them up the last two weeks. The reason the Pats D looked so much better earlier this year was because their offense was scoring so many points and creating such huge leads. It's not hard to play defense when you're up by 30 and you know the other team has to pass every time.

On to the links.

Stephen A. Smith hates on bloggers. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]

Mercury Morris continues to be a huge jackass when it comes to New England potentially going 16-0. [Construda]

A look at the best steals ever in the Rule 5 draft, including Johan Santana and Roberto Clemente. [Home Run Derby]

Don Imus is back, and he has some friends. [NOIS]

There are some weird bowl games out there. [The Pig Pen]

Finally, the Grand Slam of curling is hitting the big time. [Lion in Oil]

Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo don't look real happy here. [Deuce of Davenport]

What's the better fit for Santana? NYC or Beantown? [I'm Writing Sports]

-WCK

Sorry I caught you spanking the monkey, Ricky

2007-12-04T01:11:00.000-08:00

In honor of yesterday's hilarious You Been Blinded post about Ashley Young's bizarre pre-game ritual of jacking it in front of a web cam for all the interwebs to see, I decided we needed to help Mr. Young understand when it's ok flog the dolphin, and when it's not. So I dug up this incredibly uncomfortable 1970s PSA that should help him out, and you too.

-WCK

Don't expect to see any world records set at the Olympics

2007-12-04T01:00:00.000-08:00

It's well known that Beijing is struggling to improve its air quality before the Olympics. That should be more than apparent from the satellite image above. China is considering shutting down some construction during the Games and and trying to get some 1 million cars off the road. Right now, Beijing's air is six times more polluted than the air in Tokyo - and Tokyo has terrible pollution. In October, the International Olympic Committee even said some of the Olympic events may be rescheduled if pollution is particularly bad.

There's even an argument floating around right now that we're not going to see any world records set at these 2008 Games - due entirely to pollution.

One study, to be published by the Journal of Strength and Conditioning Research, tested college athletes with six-minute bike rides in two environments—one with very little pollution, and one with quite a bit. Then each group was asked to take another bike ride three days later in the same environment. Researchers found that heart rates didn't vary too much from one ride to the next, but subjects in the high-pollution conditions had 5 percent less power on the second test. The study's authors believe these students breathed in pollutants in the first ride and started to develop inflammation in their lungs as a result. Three days later, they had a harder time pedaling.

You can certainly bet this is why so many Olympic teams aren't staying anywhere near Beijing.

But just as an example of what's going on, here are two pictures of the same location in Tianjin, which is near Beijing and will be an Olympic host city, only two days apart. It's pretty stunning.

I like how the tower on the left disappears faster than Matt Leinart after a positive pregnancy test.

As much as we make fun of this pollution problem, I've got to admit, it's a real serious problem. And even though the American team will be based in Korea and only fly athletes in for their events, I'd still have them bring gas masks. Just in case.

Pics from China Hope Live

-WCK

19th century ballplayers uncensored

2007-12-03T01:00:00.000-08:00

I've never really thought much about how 19th century baseball players would voice their displeasure with each other, but I always assumed it'd be something like this:

Good sir, I believe you tried to imprint your cleats upon my shin. I trust you shan't do that again.

But I was wrong, dead wrong. Robert Edward Auctions, which is a seriously high-brow baseball collectibles company, got their hands on an 1898 MLB document that is rife with expletives. It seems at the time, MLB wanted players to avoid using "any indecent or obscene word, sentence, or expression" on the field (or have directed at fans). So they sent a out a league-wide document that gave examples of what they didn't want players saying. Here are some of the "brutal" things they didn't want to hear, and remember, this was a league-wide, uncensored, document that was sent out.

"You cock-sucking son of a bitch!"

"A dog must have fucked your mother when she made you!"

"You cunt-lapping dog!"

"I fucked your mother, your sister, your wife!"

"I'll make you suck my ass!"

You know, I don't remember hearing any of those expressions in the Ken Burns baseball documentary. If you want to read the full document in detail, here's the first part, and here's the second part.

And so you can get your full 19th century fix, here's that clip of Conan at an 1864 baseball game. You should have told the hurler what you did to his mother last night, Conan.

-WCK

Monday links

2007-12-03T00:59:00.000-08:00

There are teams that have a right to be mad that LSU is in the national championship. [We Suck at Sports]

The Padres are close to giving Peavy an extension. [Rumors and Rants]

Rickey Hatton is calling out Mayweather. I approve. [Larry Brown Sports]

New Yorkers don't like NASCAR. I'm shocked to hear that, but then again, New Yorkers don't like anything. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]

ESPN turns into MTV for no particular reason. [Deuce of Davenport]

Video of the Skins playing with 10 men in tribute to Sean Taylor. [Mr. Irrelevant]

Some dope ping pong shots. [Epic Carnival]

The supreme battle to determine who is the one true Toronto Raptors point guard. [Food Court Lunch]

Because I know some of you still watch it, your weekly hockey recap. [Going Five Hole]

-WCK

How are those translations going?

2007-12-03T00:43:00.000-08:00

I'm sure you're well aware that China, and particularly Beijing, is looking to get rid of embarrassing Chinglish signs before the 2008 Olympics begin. That way China will prove to the world they're great and powerful.....or something, whatever. Anyway, if you've ever been to China, then you know getting rid of Chinglish is no small task. And they've still got some work to do. Here's a look at some of the hilarious signs that are still out there.

And don't forget to get your hands on a Damage condom while you're there.

HT: Daily Mail

-WCK

What we learned from the weekend's football action

2007-12-03T00:15:00.000-08:00

That's one bleak future.

I don't think there's a lot of point in talking about college football from this weekend. It's a disaster. And LSU v. Ohio State is ok, I guess. People can argue forever about who should be playing in the national championship, but it doesn't really matter. The truth is there really is no national champion this year. I'm just glad that Hawaii made a BCS game. But they went undefeated against a crap schedule, people say. Yes, but they tried to schedule some big non-conference games - like Michigan. Michigan didn't want to play them. So hey, if no one wants to play Hawaii, and they go undefeated, let's let them play one of the big boys and see how they do, just like Boise State. It only seems fair.

On to more important things, like pro football. By the way, this was not the best of weekends for games. But anyway, on to what we learned from the weekend (and the Thursday game) of pro football.

1. You might as well just write the Dolphins down for 0-16 at this point. An awful lot of people thought that if there was any game they were going to win this year, it was going to be this one against the Jets. Instead, they got blown out in the second half. I honestly can't remember a team anywhere near as bad as the Dolphins in my lifetime. They literally have nothing at this point. No quarterback, no running game, no defense, nothing. I'm not even sure pride can save them at this point, because right now I actually think a hot college team like USC could hang with the Dolphins for a period about a half or three quarters. If people are starting to wonder if a college team could beat you when you're a pro team, you're really awful.

2. Making the forced out of bounds call reviewable would probably be bad for football. Even though I'm mad as hell that Cleveland lost a game that they technically won, making a play like that reviewable puts you on a slippery slope. Because then you could argue that we should also make pass interference and holding calls reviewable as well. That's the problem with the "let's make this play reviewable" argument. Then technically we should make everything reviewable and games would last 5 or 6 hours. Of course, when Cleveland beat the Ravens, they technically reviewed a play they shouldn't have on the field goal. So in other words, the NFL has no clue what the hell it's doing. Truthfully, I've never been totally happy with the whole instant replay deal. I think it's necessary, but it's not infallible, and there are a lot of scenarios where you think to yourself "this really should be reviewable", but you know that if it was reviewable, games would last forever. It's a crappy system that needs reform, but what exactly that is remains a bit of mystery.

3. As much as it pains me to say this, Joe Gibbs has lost it. He's now fully responsible for two Redskins loses and arguably a third. I know the team had its mind on Sean Taylor yesterday, but they had a good chance to win as well, and Gibbs pretty much gave the game to the Bills. What's terrible is that Gibbs is a 3-time Super Bowl champion and made a mistake that is completely inexcusable. I hate to say it, but an awful lot of people know that you can't call back-to-back timeouts. It's not exactly some obscure rule.

4. Just when you think Eli's about to get benched, he manages to survive yet again. Quite frankly, he's horrible. The way the Giants are winning is defense and a good running game. Eli isn't even managing games well. This is winning DESPITE him. That's really all you can say. Imagine this Giants team with Romo. They'd be a lot better than 8-4. Meanwhile, it was interesting to see Rex play pretty well across the line. He played much better than Eli, yet his team lost. It's funny how this game came out. Eli was beyond dreadful except the last two drives but gets the win and survives for another week when he really shouldn't. Rex lost, but it wasn't his fault. I think my brain's going to explode.

5. Purple Jesus is my hero. He had 15 carries for 116 and 2 TDs and made some ridiculous moves in the game. My theory is he magically healed himself last week when no one was watching, because he didn't look like he was ever injured at all. Also, Tavaris Jackson is finally playing like an NFL quarterback, which sure is helpful. Finally might get defenses to stop keying on PJ and Chester Taylor. This team looks pretty good right now, and experts are starting to pick them as the last NFC wild card team. Which naturally means they'll lose their next 4 games.

6. God has left the Lions. They were overachieving earlier this year and now they've returned to earth. Their schedule is also brutal from this point on. But hey, 6 wins is like going undefeated during the Matt Millen era. Might as well give Millen that 10-year contract extension right now, Detroit.

7. There are too many mediocre teams in football. We all know this, but whatever, it needs to be said. I can't remember the last time I saw this many teams hovering around .500 this late in the season. Sure makes for some crappy Sunday viewing - like yesterday.

8. If you don't live in the Bay Area, you're lucky. We had only two day games today - SF v. Carolina and the Raiders v. Denver. And the Raiders game wasn't in HD. It was good to see the Raiders win, and JaMarcus finally get a few reps, but we all know nothing will be going on here until next year. Right now watching the 49ers and Raiders is like going to a funeral. You don't really want to go, but you go because you have to.

I'm getting tired, so the next few will be quick.

9. The Colts proved they are the second best team in the AFC. I really wanted to see Jax win that game to mix things up a bit, but Indy won without Harrison and Freeney, which made this an even bigger win.

10. People should stop assuming Aaron Rogers is some kind of bust. He's behind a QB that basically would be allowed to play even if he was in a wheelchair. Rogers finally had a chance to show what he could do in the Cowboys game, and he proved that he's definitely got something. Hell, I should know, I watched him at Cal for a few years. He's a damn good player. Green Bay is lucky to have a backup as solid as Rogers. Not many teams in the NFL have a backup of his caliber. Plus, he'll be a good replacement for Favre, you know, when Favre retires at age 57.

11. New Orleans, what can I say. You let a third string QB beat you. You suck.

12. I think you could say, right now, that Mario Williams actually was the right pick at #1 for the Texans. Bush has been awful this year, and cost the Saints their game on Sunday, and the jury is still out on VY and his passing ability.

13. Nice work on passing Walter Payton, LT. You just made the Hall of Fame.

-WCK

Arkansas loves its Special Olympians

2007-12-01T03:22:00.000-08:00

I've never been to Arkansas in my life, and after hearing this story, I plan to keep it that way.

On Wednesday of this past week in the state, a Special Olympics athlete got caught in a case of mistaken identity by police.

And, naturally, he got tasered.

Police were looking for a 'Travis Henderson' who had an outstanding warrant for failing to appear in court on a reckless driving charge. However, the officers flagged down Travis Henderson - Special Olympics medal winner.

The police were, of course, totally on the ball, as they disregarded Henderson's ID (who has a different birthdate than the suspect) and also called for backup. They clearly have some mean streets in Arkansas.

Incredibly, the tasering was deemed justifiable. Police claim our Special Olympics hero resisted arrest.

"(Officer Ward) O.K., don't resist..."

"(Henderson) O.K."

"(Officer Ward)...'cause you're gonna get Tased."

"(Henderson) I'm not..."
BUZZZZZZZZ! (note: I added the buzz)

Wait a second, so agreeing with police is a taserable offense? You learn something new every day.

And to top it all off, police still charged Henderson with disorderly conduct and resisting arrest even after they realized he was the wrong guy. Hey, might as well kick a Special Olympian while he's down, right?

The charges were dropped on Friday - which is kind of surprising. I half-expected Henderson to get the chair.

-WCK

That kid hockey fight was just a tad overblown

2007-11-30T01:46:00.000-08:00

People have been waiting for this all week. It's that hockey fight from Canada where a bunch of 8-year-olds started a massive on ice brawl that caused the cops to show up and then a riot broke out and then the world as we know it ended. At least, that's what I think happened from reading the early news reports. Since neither team would release a tape of the incident, some news outlets went a little nuts with this story.

Well, now the video is out. I was expecting at least one person, namely a sauced up parent, to have been brutally speared by a hockey stick judging by the early media reports. But as the video shows, the brawl was exactly what you'd expect a fight between 8-year-olds wearing tons of padding to be like. Fairly tame.

-WCK

The Role of a Lifetime

2007-11-30T00:31:00.000-08:00

As a Giants fan, and an illegal substances fan, I was naturally excited to learn that HBO is planning on making a Barry Bonds movie. Here's the recent press release:

HBO Films is developing a movie about embattled baseball player Barry Bonds and has tapped director Ron Shelton (Bull Durham, Tin Cup, White Men Can't Jump) to helm and pen the script with his Tin Cup writing partner John Norville, once the writers' strike is over.

The movie will be based on Game of Shadows, but will be focused specifically on Bonds - or at least it better be. Of course, now the question is who will play the role of the most infamous steroid user in history? That's a question I will attempt to answer here by looking at the pros and cons of a number of actors.

1. Denzel Washington
Pro: Great actor.
Con: Must gain about 125 lbs.

2. Arnold Schwarzenegger
Pro: Has great experience with steroid use.
Con: Not black.

3. Forest Whitaker
Pro: Has a history of playing psychotic prima donnas.
Con: Fat.

4. The dude from the Bronx is Burning
Pro: Has played a controversial, introverted baseball superstar.
Con: I have no clue who he is.

5. Vin Diesel
Pro: Is bald and ripped.
Con: May be indicted for steroid use during filming.

6. Mike Tyson
Pro: Has same voice as Bonds.
Con: Not an actor, also might eat children.

7. Barry Bonds
Pro: Remarkable physical similarities.
Cons: Major jackass, would probaby want multi-year contract.

If they can somehow get Morgan Freeman to play Dusty Baker and William H. Macy to play Selig, I'll definitely watch it.

UPDATE: Bugs and Cranks did a great post on a potential Bonds movie cast back in August.

-WCK

Friday links

2007-11-30T00:30:00.000-08:00

As everyone who reads this site regularly knows, I'm a fan of the Olympics. Correction, I'm a fan of the Beijing Olympics, because China will do whatever it takes to make them work. Including making tasty pizzas. I don't really get what's going on here, but I'll take three.

Damn, the NFL Network is brutal. I couldn't watch the Cowboys/Packers game and now I'll miss the Pats chance to complete their perfect season (which is going to happen). [SPORTSbyBROOKS]

Smush Parker really needs those $12. [Larry Brown Sports]

Clinton Portis talk with John Thompson about Sean Taylor. [Mr. Irrelevant]

It's a huge weekend in college basketball. [Storming the Floor]

Hockey players are psychotic. [Lion in Oil]

Defending Philip Rivers for telling fans to shut up. Hey, it's better than flipping them the bird. [Rumors and Rants]

Indoor seats for an outdoor Jan. 1 hockey game? Count me in. [Going Five Hole]

Aaron Rogers isn't so happy at Brett Favre. [Throwing into Traffic]

The Soulja Boy thing is almost passe I hope. But anyway, here are the best of the Soulja Boy dances in sports. [All Balls]

-WCK

Hockey goes nude

2007-11-30T00:05:00.000-08:00

I'd have to think it'd be awful weird to see a 7 ft. tall portrait of yourself completely naked, especially considering that you never posed naked in front of an artist.

But that's exactly what's going on right now for two former Boston Bruin greats, Bobby Orr and Derek Sanderson.

Artist Kurt Kauper, who loved the Bruins growing up, currently has an exhibition going on at the Deitch Projects gallery in New York entitled, "Everybody Knew That Canadians Were The Best Hockey Players."

Anyway, as I said before, Orr and Sanderson never posed for Kauper. The artist used images from hockey trading cards and photographs to create the nude paintings. And all but one of the nude paintings has been sold.

Kauper, who has done a number of nude portraits, including some of Cary Grant, has been surprised by the reactions of some people to him and his work.

"People didn't really ask the question so much as assume that I'm gay." Kauper is straight. He lives in New York with his wife, photographer Annelizabeth Wells, and their two children.

Sanderson has no problem with the paintings.

"I just hope he's a good artist," he said.

Orr, however, hasn't said anything about the paintings. And former Bruin Brad Park, who played briefly alongside Sanderson and Orr and looked at the works online, said he "would not walk across the street to view this art."

Anyway, I think the moral of the story here is this: If you don't want to be painted nude, then it's probably best not be a public figure. So in other words, hockey players should feel pretty safe at this point.

HT: Boston.com

-WCK

A Joe Pa costs 1/8 of a Nick Saban, and will get you more wins

2007-11-30T00:01:00.000-08:00

Joe Paterno may be a bit old for a coach, and he may not know what a Playstation 3 is, but considering what Penn State is paying him, that's ok. He'll do for now.

It was revealed today that Joe Pa makes only a little over $500,000 a year. While that's still a lot of money, it pales in comparison to what other big name coaches make. Alabama's Nick Saban is the highest paid coach in the land at $4 million per year - which makes me laugh every time I hear it - while Oklahoma's Bob Stoops makes over $3 million. Ohio State's Jim Tressel, Florida's Urban Meyer and South Carolina's Steve Spurrier make upward of $2 million annually. I especially like how Meyer is paid $2 million a year to literally run 6 offensive plays. A drunk monkey could run that offense.

What's a bit odd about this whole story is that we never knew what Joe Pa's salary was until now. Penn State is a public institution, which means that all employee salaries should be available to the public.

Penn State, however, refused to make the information public for a long time. It took five years of legal turmoil between The Patriot News in Harrisburg and Penn State before the Pennsylvania Supreme Court ruled that Joe Pa's salary and those of other top Penn State officials are public information.

I'm actually glad we finally found out what Joe Pa makes, and it's not outrageous by any means. As Joe Pa said "I'm paid well. I'm not overpaid." Plus he has a substantial retirement fund he can dip into.

In an age where college football has become big business not only for schools, but for coaches, it's good to see a coach of Joe Pa's stature not robbing a school blind. Hopefully, it also leaves some extra money in the coffers to spend on stuff like, say, education.

-WCK

The worst Olympic mascots ever

2007-11-29T02:21:00.000-08:00

Yesterday the Olympic mascots for the 2010 Vancouver Winter Olympics were introduced to the world, and the reaction was somewhat mixed. Some thought the mascots were bizarre, while others thought they were great.

All I know is this: The Vancouver mascots are nowhere near the worst Olympic mascots to ever preside over the Games. And don't worry, Izzy the Whatizit from Atlanta 1996 isn't even the worst mascot ever, either. No, there were two mascots much worse than Izzy.

So anyway, let's start by counting backwards.

7. The 1998 Nagano Snow Owls
As bad as the Snow Owls are, there was actually a worse mascot before them. The original mascot designed for the Games was a weasel named Snowple, which was rejected by the Japanese public. My guess is Snowple's rejection came right before the Games started, which is why the Owls were subsequently drawn by a 3-year-old in approximately 5 minutes.

6. The 1976 Montreal beaver Amik
Amik was frequently mistaken for a turd on the side of the road.

5. The 1972 Munich dachshund Waldi
Naturally when you have the Olympics in Germany, you make the mascot a hyperactive, ultra-alert, multi-colored weiner dog.

4. The 1992 Albertville snow imp Magique
Has the dubious distinction of being the wussiest of all Olympic mascots despite resembling a ninja star. Also was a second choice after a first mascot was deemed too unpopular. How anything could be less popular than this mascot is beyond me.

3. The 1996 Atlanta Whatizit, a.k.a. Izzy
Izzy is frequently regarded as the worst mascot in Olympic history. That could be because he resembles a brightly colored sperm with shoes on, or it could be because he is a brightly colored sperm with shoes on. But believe it or not, Izzy wasn't even the first sperm inspired mascot. No, that achievement went to...

2. The 1968 Grenoble mascot Schuss
Schuss, over time, has become known as "The Skiing Sperm" and you can certainly understand why. What's remarkable about Schuss is that the French didn't really try hard to hide it. At least Izzy had hands and feet.

And last but not least, the worst mascot ever was...

1. The 1996 Atlanta Paralympics phoenix Blaze
Just a ridiculous mascot. And we have a picture of Blaze below, and yes, that's actually him.
Watch that hand Blaze, you're getting a bit too close for comfort.

-WCK