The Xtreme Baseball League seeks world domination by 2009

Ah yes, the Xtreme Baseball League. You may remember this bastardized version of baseball (and that's putting it kindly) that Deuce of Davenport managed to uncover not so long ago and the hilarious highlights of the first game that we brought you. If you've forgotten how bizarre Xtreme Baseball is just watch the refresher video above.

If you're like me, you probably think this thing is destined to die a quick death. But that's where you're wrong, xtremely wrong. Even though the Xtreme Baseball League currently has only 2 teams (the Orlando Dragons and the Miami Pythons), they plan to expand to 28 teams by 2008. Yes, you read that right. That's a 1300% increase in teams. Where the players will come from is a mystery, but I'm guessing trailer parks. And mental institutions.

If everything goes according to plan, by 2009 the league will dominate the globe. Apparently the demographic that found regular baseball not confusing enough was bigger than any of us ever thought.

Anyway, since the Xtreme League will soon be a worldwide phenomenon thanks to its stellar play and large fan base, we've decided to join them rather than fight them. Since we managed to track down all the 2008 expansion team names, we thought we'd judge the names on their level of xtremeness. After all, even a league that's going to be as successful big a failure as this one can always use some extra help.


Southern Division
Atlanta Confederates - Definitely xtreme, as in xtremely offensive. Don't think you'll find many black players on this team.
South Carolina Blue Birds - Xtremely gay name. The only way their name could be less xtreme would be if they were named the Pussywillows.
Jacksonville Rebels - Not all that original, but rebels tend to be xtreme. An OK choice.
Tampa Bay Black Sox - I guess they'd be considered xtreme if they throw games. Xtremely healthy for my bank account.

East Division
New York MinuteMen - Xtremely dumb. Someone didn't do their research here (what a surprise). The MinuteMen were a militia from Massachusetts, not New York.
Philadelphia Pioneers - Seems like an xtremely forced name and a bit out of place.
North Carolina Lumberjacks - Sure, whatever.
Richmond Radicals - You've gotta be kidding me. Xtremely hilarious! Does anyone even use that word anymore?
Boston Renegades - If you switch names with New York, everthing will make a lot more sense.
New Jersey Comets - Xtremely gay.
Baltimore Blackbirds - Birds really aren't xtreme. Hell Damn Fire Rockin' Griffins are xtreme.

Central Division
Nashville Sparrows - Why not just go all the way and call them the Nashville Fairies.
Cleveland Crows - Doesn't seem like they're trying very hard.
Chicago Shadows - Xtremely mysterious and vague. This is better.
St. Louis X-Men - An xtreme lawsuit is what you'll get if you name your team this.
Indianapolis Mohicans - Again, xtremely dumb. The Mohicans were from New York and the Hudson Bay Valley.
Green Bay Tomahawks - Much better, now we're getting xtreme to the max!
Minnesota Miracles - Oh well, we had it going for a second there.
Cincinnati Blitz - Xtremely confused. I thought blitzes came in football, not baseball.

West Division
Arizona Sidewinders - I'd prefer Arizona Hellfire Missiles, but that's just me.
Colorado Cliffhangers - Finally a somewhat xtreme name that actually fits the state that the team plays in. Although they might get sued by Sly Stallone.
California Cobras - Definitely xtreme, even though I don't think we have Cobras here.
Las Vegas Gold Miners - There was actually more silver than gold found in Nevada.
Texas Roadrunners - You're kidding, right? Can we name a team the Wile E. Coyotes?
Seattle Stars - Xtremely bad.
San Diego Horizons - Xtremely worstest.


I don't know about you, but when this league freakshow hits my town, I'm definitely going to try out. And remember kids, always recycle - to the XTREME!

-WCK