Who in the hell invents stuff like this?

There are times when you see a TV commercial and you to say to yourself, "They're not seriously trying to sell that, are they?"

Well, yes, they are trying to sell a putter with a scantily clad fat chick on it. I'd have to think Augusta frowns on something like this, but who knows. I just hope John Daly uses one of these things at his next tournament.

-WCK

We've got a Donaghy style scandal brewing in badminton

Ah yes, badminton. The sport we all dreamed of eventually playing at a professional level - for about 1/2 a second. Because I know how much badminton means to all of you, I had to share this with you.

Former badminton world number one Lee Chong Wei from Malaysia, who was just beaten by Chinese opponents in something called the Super Series finals in successive weeks, has warned that foreign players will have to deal with hometown officiating at next year's Beijing Olympics.

"All the calls go in favor of the Chinese players," he said.

I'm not sure what's more amazing, that there are crooked Chinese badminton officials, or that Lee made it out of China alive.

Anyway, if what Lee says is true, then there's no doubt that a judge-influenced badminton finals would be on par with the 2002 figure skating scandal. Or maybe not.

Anyway, if you somehow managed to make it to the end of this post, here's a ridiculous video for your troubles.


-WCK

No wonder the 1986 Cowboys finished 7-9

I don't know what the hell was going on in the mid-1980s with football teams and music videos, but it wasn't pretty. We had the Rams, uh, Ramming It, the Bears Super Bowl Shuffle, the Seahawks Locker Room Rock, and the Dolphins sucking as usual.

Now it's the Cowboys' turn to look stupid. This video takes about 14 seconds to start, but it's the 1986 Cowboys Christmas video to Dallas. It features everything you'd expect. Herschel Walker looking like an absolute wuss, popped collars, and horrible holiday singing. This video is exhibit A as to why 1986 marked the first time since 1965 that the Cowboys failed to finish with a winning record.

By the way, I can think of a lot of other places I'd rather spend my Christmas than Dallas. Like Hell, for instance.

-WCK

When going PC goes too far

The new Philadelphia Phillies Triple-A team, the Lehigh Valley IronPigs, will begin playing in 2008. Naturally, they need a mascot. So they decided on a big furry pig whose moniker would be PorkChop. Sounds delicious. Or so I thought.

It turns out that naming the mascot PorkChop wasn't appreciated by a few local Latinos who claimed that the name was offensive. Huh?

Yes, it turns out (at least according to Urban Dictionary) that pork chop is a racist term used to refer to people of Puerto Rican descent.

However, Dictionary.com also tells me that pork chop is "the flesh of hogs used as food."

I don't want to sound insensitive here, but this seems to be going a bit too far. This isn't flying the stars and bars over the state capital or somebody wearing blackface. It's naming a pig mascot after a popular cooked food.

What is interesting though is that the IronPigs immediately decided to change the name of the mascot to Ferrous - from the Latin word "ferrum," or iron. No Romans were angry about the name change as far as I know.

But more seriously, the IronPigs quick response is impressive, considering we have a number of teams out there, most notably the Redskins and Indians, who really should have had their names changed years ago - because their names are unambiguous terms directly used to demean a specific ethnicity. Plus Chief Wahoo is a ridiculous mascot.

How people can succeed so quickly in changing a benign name, but can't affect the same change with a truly offensive name, is a bit of an enigma.

-WCK

Tuesday links

I was going to write a serious post on the Pats/Ravens game, but whatever, everyone will be doing that today. Besides, the game just proved what we already know. The Pats are beatable and you can do it by controlling the clock with a great running game (Ravens), carving them up with 10-20 yard dig routes or ins (Eagles), or having a great 4-man pass rush (Colts). Problem is that no one has been able to do either of these 3 things for a complete 60 minutes. The Ravens came the closest, and had they not called a timeout on that critical 4th down, or had the Pats not hopped offsides the play after it, the Ravens would have won the game. The Patriots also can't be pleased with their defense. Two mediocre offensive teams - and two not so great QBs - have lit them up the last two weeks. The reason the Pats D looked so much better earlier this year was because their offense was scoring so many points and creating such huge leads. It's not hard to play defense when you're up by 30 and you know the other team has to pass every time.

On to the links.

Stephen A. Smith hates on bloggers. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]

Mercury Morris continues to be a huge jackass when it comes to New England potentially going 16-0. [Construda]

A look at the best steals ever in the Rule 5 draft, including Johan Santana and Roberto Clemente. [Home Run Derby]

Don Imus is back, and he has some friends. [NOIS]

There are some weird bowl games out there. [The Pig Pen]

Finally, the Grand Slam of curling is hitting the big time. [Lion in Oil]

Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo don't look real happy here. [Deuce of Davenport]

What's the better fit for Santana? NYC or Beantown? [I'm Writing Sports]

-WCK

Sorry I caught you spanking the monkey, Ricky

In honor of yesterday's hilarious You Been Blinded post about Ashley Young's bizarre pre-game ritual of jacking it in front of a web cam for all the interwebs to see, I decided we needed to help Mr. Young understand when it's ok flog the dolphin, and when it's not. So I dug up this incredibly uncomfortable 1970s PSA that should help him out, and you too.

-WCK

Don't expect to see any world records set at the Olympics

It's well known that Beijing is struggling to improve its air quality before the Olympics. That should be more than apparent from the satellite image above. China is considering shutting down some construction during the Games and and trying to get some 1 million cars off the road. Right now, Beijing's air is six times more polluted than the air in Tokyo - and Tokyo has terrible pollution. In October, the International Olympic Committee even said some of the Olympic events may be rescheduled if pollution is particularly bad.

There's even an argument floating around right now that we're not going to see any world records set at these 2008 Games - due entirely to pollution.

One study, to be published by the Journal of Strength and Conditioning Research, tested college athletes with six-minute bike rides in two environments—one with very little pollution, and one with quite a bit. Then each group was asked to take another bike ride three days later in the same environment. Researchers found that heart rates didn't vary too much from one ride to the next, but subjects in the high-pollution conditions had 5 percent less power on the second test. The study's authors believe these students breathed in pollutants in the first ride and started to develop inflammation in their lungs as a result. Three days later, they had a harder time pedaling.

You can certainly bet this is why so many Olympic teams aren't staying anywhere near Beijing.

But just as an example of what's going on, here are two pictures of the same location in Tianjin, which is near Beijing and will be an Olympic host city, only two days apart. It's pretty stunning.


I like how the tower on the left disappears faster than Matt Leinart after a positive pregnancy test.

As much as we make fun of this pollution problem, I've got to admit, it's a real serious problem. And even though the American team will be based in Korea and only fly athletes in for their events, I'd still have them bring gas masks. Just in case.

Pics from China Hope Live

-WCK

19th century ballplayers uncensored

I've never really thought much about how 19th century baseball players would voice their displeasure with each other, but I always assumed it'd be something like this:

Good sir, I believe you tried to imprint your cleats upon my shin. I trust you shan't do that again.

But I was wrong, dead wrong. Robert Edward Auctions, which is a seriously high-brow baseball collectibles company, got their hands on an 1898 MLB document that is rife with expletives. It seems at the time, MLB wanted players to avoid using "any indecent or obscene word, sentence, or expression" on the field (or have directed at fans). So they sent a out a league-wide document that gave examples of what they didn't want players saying. Here are some of the "brutal" things they didn't want to hear, and remember, this was a league-wide, uncensored, document that was sent out.

"You cock-sucking son of a bitch!"

"A dog must have fucked your mother when she made you!"

"You cunt-lapping dog!"

"I fucked your mother, your sister, your wife!"

"I'll make you suck my ass!"

You know, I don't remember hearing any of those expressions in the Ken Burns baseball documentary. If you want to read the full document in detail, here's the first part, and here's the second part.

And so you can get your full 19th century fix, here's that clip of Conan at an 1864 baseball game. You should have told the hurler what you did to his mother last night, Conan.



-WCK

Monday links

There are teams that have a right to be mad that LSU is in the national championship. [We Suck at Sports]

The Padres are close to giving Peavy an extension. [Rumors and Rants]

Rickey Hatton is calling out Mayweather. I approve. [Larry Brown Sports]

New Yorkers don't like NASCAR. I'm shocked to hear that, but then again, New Yorkers don't like anything. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]

ESPN turns into MTV for no particular reason. [Deuce of Davenport]

Video of the Skins playing with 10 men in tribute to Sean Taylor. [Mr. Irrelevant]

Some dope ping pong shots. [Epic Carnival]

The supreme battle to determine who is the one true Toronto Raptors point guard. [Food Court Lunch]

Because I know some of you still watch it, your weekly hockey recap. [Going Five Hole]

-WCK

How are those translations going?

I'm sure you're well aware that China, and particularly Beijing, is looking to get rid of embarrassing Chinglish signs before the 2008 Olympics begin. That way China will prove to the world they're great and powerful.....or something, whatever. Anyway, if you've ever been to China, then you know getting rid of Chinglish is no small task. And they've still got some work to do. Here's a look at some of the hilarious signs that are still out there.

And don't forget to get your hands on a Damage condom while you're there.


HT: Daily Mail

-WCK

What we learned from the weekend's football action

That's one bleak future.

I don't think there's a lot of point in talking about college football from this weekend. It's a disaster. And LSU v. Ohio State is ok, I guess. People can argue forever about who should be playing in the national championship, but it doesn't really matter. The truth is there really is no national champion this year. I'm just glad that Hawaii made a BCS game. But they went undefeated against a crap schedule, people say. Yes, but they tried to schedule some big non-conference games - like Michigan. Michigan didn't want to play them. So hey, if no one wants to play Hawaii, and they go undefeated, let's let them play one of the big boys and see how they do, just like Boise State. It only seems fair.

On to more important things, like pro football. By the way, this was not the best of weekends for games. But anyway, on to what we learned from the weekend (and the Thursday game) of pro football.

1. You might as well just write the Dolphins down for 0-16 at this point. An awful lot of people thought that if there was any game they were going to win this year, it was going to be this one against the Jets. Instead, they got blown out in the second half. I honestly can't remember a team anywhere near as bad as the Dolphins in my lifetime. They literally have nothing at this point. No quarterback, no running game, no defense, nothing. I'm not even sure pride can save them at this point, because right now I actually think a hot college team like USC could hang with the Dolphins for a period about a half or three quarters. If people are starting to wonder if a college team could beat you when you're a pro team, you're really awful.

2. Making the forced out of bounds call reviewable would probably be bad for football. Even though I'm mad as hell that Cleveland lost a game that they technically won, making a play like that reviewable puts you on a slippery slope. Because then you could argue that we should also make pass interference and holding calls reviewable as well. That's the problem with the "let's make this play reviewable" argument. Then technically we should make everything reviewable and games would last 5 or 6 hours. Of course, when Cleveland beat the Ravens, they technically reviewed a play they shouldn't have on the field goal. So in other words, the NFL has no clue what the hell it's doing. Truthfully, I've never been totally happy with the whole instant replay deal. I think it's necessary, but it's not infallible, and there are a lot of scenarios where you think to yourself "this really should be reviewable", but you know that if it was reviewable, games would last forever. It's a crappy system that needs reform, but what exactly that is remains a bit of mystery.

3. As much as it pains me to say this, Joe Gibbs has lost it. He's now fully responsible for two Redskins loses and arguably a third. I know the team had its mind on Sean Taylor yesterday, but they had a good chance to win as well, and Gibbs pretty much gave the game to the Bills. What's terrible is that Gibbs is a 3-time Super Bowl champion and made a mistake that is completely inexcusable. I hate to say it, but an awful lot of people know that you can't call back-to-back timeouts. It's not exactly some obscure rule.

4. Just when you think Eli's about to get benched, he manages to survive yet again. Quite frankly, he's horrible. The way the Giants are winning is defense and a good running game. Eli isn't even managing games well. This is winning DESPITE him. That's really all you can say. Imagine this Giants team with Romo. They'd be a lot better than 8-4. Meanwhile, it was interesting to see Rex play pretty well across the line. He played much better than Eli, yet his team lost. It's funny how this game came out. Eli was beyond dreadful except the last two drives but gets the win and survives for another week when he really shouldn't. Rex lost, but it wasn't his fault. I think my brain's going to explode.

5. Purple Jesus is my hero. He had 15 carries for 116 and 2 TDs and made some ridiculous moves in the game. My theory is he magically healed himself last week when no one was watching, because he didn't look like he was ever injured at all. Also, Tavaris Jackson is finally playing like an NFL quarterback, which sure is helpful. Finally might get defenses to stop keying on PJ and Chester Taylor. This team looks pretty good right now, and experts are starting to pick them as the last NFC wild card team. Which naturally means they'll lose their next 4 games.

6. God has left the Lions. They were overachieving earlier this year and now they've returned to earth. Their schedule is also brutal from this point on. But hey, 6 wins is like going undefeated during the Matt Millen era. Might as well give Millen that 10-year contract extension right now, Detroit.

7. There are too many mediocre teams in football. We all know this, but whatever, it needs to be said. I can't remember the last time I saw this many teams hovering around .500 this late in the season. Sure makes for some crappy Sunday viewing - like yesterday.

8. If you don't live in the Bay Area, you're lucky. We had only two day games today - SF v. Carolina and the Raiders v. Denver. And the Raiders game wasn't in HD. It was good to see the Raiders win, and JaMarcus finally get a few reps, but we all know nothing will be going on here until next year. Right now watching the 49ers and Raiders is like going to a funeral. You don't really want to go, but you go because you have to.

I'm getting tired, so the next few will be quick.

9. The Colts proved they are the second best team in the AFC. I really wanted to see Jax win that game to mix things up a bit, but Indy won without Harrison and Freeney, which made this an even bigger win.

10. People should stop assuming Aaron Rogers is some kind of bust. He's behind a QB that basically would be allowed to play even if he was in a wheelchair. Rogers finally had a chance to show what he could do in the Cowboys game, and he proved that he's definitely got something. Hell, I should know, I watched him at Cal for a few years. He's a damn good player. Green Bay is lucky to have a backup as solid as Rogers. Not many teams in the NFL have a backup of his caliber. Plus, he'll be a good replacement for Favre, you know, when Favre retires at age 57.

11. New Orleans, what can I say. You let a third string QB beat you. You suck.

12. I think you could say, right now, that Mario Williams actually was the right pick at #1 for the Texans. Bush has been awful this year, and cost the Saints their game on Sunday, and the jury is still out on VY and his passing ability.

13. Nice work on passing Walter Payton, LT. You just made the Hall of Fame.

-WCK

Arkansas loves its Special Olympians

I've never been to Arkansas in my life, and after hearing this story, I plan to keep it that way.

On Wednesday of this past week in the state, a Special Olympics athlete got caught in a case of mistaken identity by police.

And, naturally, he got tasered.

Police were looking for a 'Travis Henderson' who had an outstanding warrant for failing to appear in court on a reckless driving charge. However, the officers flagged down Travis Henderson - Special Olympics medal winner.

The police were, of course, totally on the ball, as they disregarded Henderson's ID (who has a different birthdate than the suspect) and also called for backup. They clearly have some mean streets in Arkansas.

Incredibly, the tasering was deemed justifiable. Police claim our Special Olympics hero resisted arrest.

"(Officer Ward) O.K., don't resist..."

"(Henderson) O.K."

"(Officer Ward)...'cause you're gonna get Tased."

"(Henderson) I'm not..."

BUZZZZZZZZ! (note: I added the buzz)

Wait a second, so agreeing with police is a taserable offense? You learn something new every day.

And to top it all off, police still charged Henderson with disorderly conduct and resisting arrest even after they realized he was the wrong guy. Hey, might as well kick a Special Olympian while he's down, right?

The charges were dropped on Friday - which is kind of surprising. I half-expected Henderson to get the chair.

-WCK