Somebody give Mercury Morris an Oscar

I think by now, a fair number of people know that Mercury Morris appeared in an incredibly low-budget 1974 blaxploitation film called The Black Six. It featured Gene Washington of the San Francisco 49ers, Mean Joe Greene of the Pittsburgh Steelers, Willie Lanier of the Kansas City Chiefs, Mercury Morris of the Miami Dolphins, Lem Barney of the Detroit Lions, and Carl Eller of the Minnesota Vikings. Just to make the cast even more hilarious, former baseball great Maury Wills made a cameo appearance as well.

The movie is of course horrible, but the above video contains Mercury's big scene in the film, where he gets on the nerves of some racist white honkies. I know, Mercury annoying people? That's so out of character for him.

Mercury isn't exactly Hamlet, but when he calls the woman behind the counter "fat and ugly," he gets pretty close.

-WCK

The Role of a Lifetime

As a Giants fan, and an illegal substances fan, I was naturally excited to learn that HBO is planning on making a Barry Bonds movie. Here's the recent press release:

HBO Films is developing a movie about embattled baseball player Barry Bonds and has tapped director Ron Shelton (Bull Durham, Tin Cup, White Men Can't Jump) to helm and pen the script with his Tin Cup writing partner John Norville, once the writers' strike is over.

The movie will be based on Game of Shadows, but will be focused specifically on Bonds - or at least it better be. Of course, now the question is who will play the role of the most infamous steroid user in history? That's a question I will attempt to answer here by looking at the pros and cons of a number of actors.

1. Denzel Washington
Pro: Great actor.
Con: Must gain about 125 lbs.

2. Arnold Schwarzenegger
Pro: Has great experience with steroid use.
Con: Not black.


3. Forest Whitaker
Pro: Has a history of playing psychotic prima donnas.
Con: Fat.


4. The dude from the Bronx is Burning
Pro: Has played a controversial, introverted baseball superstar.
Con: I have no clue who he is.


5. Vin Diesel
Pro: Is bald and ripped.
Con: May be indicted for steroid use during filming.


6. Mike Tyson
Pro: Has same voice as Bonds.
Con: Not an actor, also might eat children.


7. Barry Bonds
Pro: Remarkable physical similarities.
Cons: Major jackass, would probaby want multi-year contract.

If they can somehow get Morgan Freeman to play Dusty Baker and William H. Macy to play Selig, I'll definitely watch it.

UPDATE: Bugs and Cranks did a great post on a potential Bonds movie cast back in August.

-WCK