Somebody really doesn't like Maria's grunting

Considering how little tennis I watch, I could care less whether players grunted or not. Hell, they could scream their heads off on every point and I wouldn't care - because I'm not watching.

But I guess the 11 people out there that do care about tennis are beginning to get a bit mad at Maria Sharapova for grunting repeatedly. Sharapova's grunting has been recorded at 101.2 decibels - the equivalent, apparently, of a police siren at close range or a small aircraft landing nearby.

Some people say grunting constitutes "cheating," because it's a deliberate tactic to prevent an opposing player from hearing the sound of the ball on the racquet. Ok, that's somewhat believable.

But this next idea for how to combat it is ridiculous.

Judy Dalton, one of the Womens Tennis Association founders, and a multiple-time grand slam champion, said she thinks Sharapova's opponents should forfeit matches until she stops grunting so loud.

"If that was me and I was playing Sharapova, I would be saying, 'If you continue with that, you can have the match - I'll walk off and I'll lodge a complaint.' The other girls should say, 'Fine, I'll forfeit the match'. They can only forfeit so many matches and that might get the message across."

Yes, that's quite productive. Rather than, say, threaten to suspend her, advise everyone to forfeit to her. That'll make me even less likely to watch tennis, if that's even possible.

But I think the real question most people are wondering about is, does Sharapova's grunting translate elsewhere? The answer is apparently no.

-WCK

Ana Ivanovic is interested in a guy you've never heard of

I don't speak Serbian, but I know enough about letters and names to deduce that a headline from a Serbian tabloid magazine called Svet says that Ana Ivanovic is apparently amorous with tennis player (star?) Tommy Robredo. Even though Robredo is ranked 8th in the world, I've heard of him I think once in my life. No wait, I've never heard of him.

According to Women's Tennis Blog, Tommy Robredo is a close friend of Novak Djokovic, who is Ana’s very good childhood friend. And the 19-year-old Ivanovic apparently has her mother’s support (they must do things differently in Serbia), which was concluded because of the fact that Robredo was watching Ana’s match against Vera Dushevina while sitting in the VIP section, not far from Ana’s mother.

They also will now both be training together in Barcelona.

What may be the weirdest thing is that Robredo has earned the nickname "Disco Tommy" for his long hair. I'm sure Ana couldn't resist that.

So anyway, I find it funny that I can't tell you who the #8 men's tennis player in the world is, but I can tell you who's fourth on the Niners depth chart at wide receiver. My conclusions: Football is more popular than tennis and you will not be dating Ana Ivanovic anytime soon.

-WCK

Tim Donaghy loves tennis

There's been a lot of bad press lately for major American pro sports and cycling, but at least tennis seemed to be doing ok.

That is until Friday.

Officials yesterday began investigating suspicious betting patterns on a Thursday match in which No. 4-ranked Nikolay Davydenko of Russia retired with an injury against No. 87-ranked Martin Arguello of Argentina at an ATP tournament in Poland.

The British online gambling company Betfair voided all bets Friday placed on Thursday's second-round match at the Prokom Open in Sopot.

Betfair said it received about $7 million in bets on the match, which is 10 times the usual amount, and most of the money was on Arguello to win, even after Davydenko won the first set 6-2.

Arguello went on to win the second set 6-3 and was up 2-1 in the third set when Davydenko withdrew after he said he aggravated a left foot injury.

"Normally I try to fight to the end but it was very painful and I may have done even more damage by trying to finish the match," Davydenko said Thursday after the match. "Since the beginning of Monday I've had a problem with my left toes. Today that became a problem with my foot."

He was also backed up Arguello.

"I saw Davydenko playing very well the first set, and I saw also that he had problems with his feet, and that was true, he was not inventing that, so it's difficult to suspect him," Arguello said.

It may be impossible to tell if Davydenko was taking a dive or not, since it was known before the match that he would be playing with an injury. He's also lost his last three first round matches in tournaments and there were apparently no patterns of irregular betting in any of those matches. Those losses seem to be due to the lingering injury issues. So either Davydenko's been throwing matches at an extraordinary pace, or more likely, people have just keyed in to his worsening condition.

Regardless of the pending situation, considering all the bad press that's going on in sports right now this was about the last thing tennis needed.

-WCK

The Curse of Young Attractive Female Athletes...

I was skimming Simmons's mailbag earlier today and noticed a question comparing Anna Kournikova and Danica Patrick. This got me thinking and of course my mind then jumped to Michelle Wie. What is it about these young, talented female athletes where that combination just seems to be the kiss of death to success in their sports? The minute Kournikova looked like a decent tennis player and started getting attention she seemed to shift her focus from tennis to getting attention from every Russian hockey player and endangering the entire NHL back when hockey was still a sport (how do you say "statutory rape" in Russian?).

And it's the way that these female athletes fall off. It's just not pretty. Like Michelle Wie's near nervous breakdown last month eventually resulting in her just quitting in the middle of a round after a frustrating shot. When was the last time you heard of a professional golfer doing that? This isn't Uncle Frank losing it after a 6-pack and hitting his ball in the water; this is supposed to be a potential top-tier professional women's golfer we're talking about. It's just bizarre.

The other thing I find odd about all this is that it just doesn't seem to happen on the men's side. They're dealing with the same attention and problems handling fame that women athletes are dealing with, but this just doesn't seem to impact them when it comes to excelling at their sports. My theory is that the women know that they CAN get by just on their sex appeal. Look at Kournikova, at one point she was not even in the top 100 players and she was number 2 in endorsements for women's tennis players at about $10 million per year. Michelle Wie is looking eerily similar. I don't know her exact endorsement numbers, but I'll bet they are heading in the same direction of Kournikova's were while her ranking is similarly slipping at an age when she should only be improving. Meanwhile, guys like Jeter and A-Rod who show up on magazine covers in their late teens and early 20's and definitely benefit in endorsements from having female (and i'm sure some male) admirers, just never seem to fade in the same way.

One comment I heard once that is often true is that, in general, women (and Jeff Garcia) think of men as a total package, and a critical failing in one area can kill the guy even though they have any number of great attributes in other areas. Men, on the other hand, see an array of parts and any one great attribute (ie, appearance) can make up for a laundry list of failings in other areas (ie, being the age of consent, attitude, intelligence, and whether they'll take off with your kidneys at 5 am when you pass out). Essentially, women aren't going to be impressed with a guy's appearance if his reason for being in front of them in the first place ain't up to snuff. Meanwhile, as long as Kournikova was wearing those short shorts and running around guys could care less about her tennis ability... as long as she kept running after that ball, perspiring ever so slightly... as the sun gently caressed her perfect, lithe tan body.... floating around like an angel from...

Whoa! It's okay... i'm okay. Just a Kournikova flashback from the last 90's. I'll be fine...

--dwyermaker