The ad that be blowing up in China, son

This is the brand new Adidas ad that's currently airing in China. Unfortunately, it's nothing outlandishly crazy, although it's still pretty weird. According to Shanghaiist, this commercial took 6 months to produce. Why? Well, I can only assume because they hired some lazy ass fools to do it. There's really no other explanation.

-WCK

I command you to cheer for China

I'm getting to the point where anything the Chinese do in preparation for the 2008 Olympics wouldn't surprise me anymore. But this one still threw me for a loop.

It seems the Chinese are starting to train future spectators on how to cheer during Olympic events.

Yes, this is all part of a larger Olympic etiquette campaign to show off a polite, prosperous and powerful China. In the Olympic city, the campaign has the awesomely titled "Beijing Civilized Workers Cheering Squad," which is a public-education program to teach sportsmanship and destroy independent thought.

China's worried that people cheering at the wrong moment could create negative coverage of the Games. Which is understandable. I mean why would you want to draw attention away from your massive pollution problem and rampant brainwashing?

There are currently 20 cheers that have been approved by authorities. Like this one for example:

"Zhongguo, Zhongguo -- ha, ha, ha. Zhongguo, Zhongguo bi sheng. Jia you, jia you." Rough translation: "China, China -- ha, ha, ha. China, China must win. Let's go, let's go."

I agree, it's pretty bad, but I'm sure the other 19 are outstanding. I'm told at least one incorporates a Chinese version of the John Mellencamp "This is our Country" song.

Naturally, there have been some problems with the Chinese learning how to cheer for sports they've never seen before.

At a field hockey test event this summer featuring Argentina and Australia, hundreds of middle-age women were bused in to add atmosphere and tried to imitate cheers in Spanish, but butchered them.

They also chanted "Ba mao si fen han de di le" which roughly means "Eighty-four cents, you've offered a price too low."

Yep, it's going to be one hell of an Olympics.

-WCK

A look at Nike's ads in China for the Olympic Games

Don't even ask me how I got my hands on this, but it's a series of Nike ads that they're running in China to promote the Games. The ads feature everday people suddenly breaking out into an Olympic event. The best one comes around the 1:40 mark, when a dude gets wrecked Judo style by his date. Happens to me all the time.

-WCK

When the Olympic Spirit goes way too far

As many of you who read this site know, I'm a big fan of the Olympics. And I'm an even bigger fan of China hosting the Olympics because they'll literally do anything to make sure the Games go well. And they also have awesome fans who are willing to desecrate their hair to show their support. But they have even more hardcore fans as well. Scary hardcore.

How about tattooing the Olympic rings onto your forehead? Definitely the mark of a true fan. Or a slightly mentally imbalanced fan. One or the other.


You'll also notice the Great Wall featured prominently on the side of his head. I mean what the hell, you've already got "Beijing 2008" tattooed on your forehead, in English no less. Might as well go all the way.


And just because you can, how about having all the fruity Olympic mascots tattooed around your neck. There are five mascots by the way, which means five times the Olympic fun! Or something lame like that.


But maybe all this mascot crap isn't hardcore enough for you. Maybe you want to get a tattoo of every single pictograph image of all 35 Olympic sports.

There you go. All 35 on the back and arms. I believe this kid is going to act as a human sign for visitors. Point to the sport you want to go see, he tells you how to get there.


Naturally it wouldn't be complete without the rings and the official seal.


And while this guy doesn't have his face tattooed, he at least goes the extra mile to get his hair cut in an "I Heart Olympics" style. Well played psycho fan, well played indeed.

While I appreciate the enthusiasm of these guys, I'd hate to think what life is going to be like for them the day after the Olympics end. But then again, out of date tattoos will probably the least of their worries by then.

[HT: China Daily and Beijing Olympics Fan]

-WCK

The Chinese, and Jackie Chan, are really psyched for the Olympics

The Olympics are still long way off, but don't tell that to the Chinese. They're already doing things like getting strangely awesome haircuts and building bizarre bikes. Apparently it took the guy in the above picture 2 months to build that bike. I'm not really sure why it took that long to do, but my guess is when you work 22 hours a day it's tough to build a bike in your spare time.

Also getting in on the action is Jackie Chan. I never had him pegged as a singer, but he's done a song for the Olympics called "We Are Ready." It's the official countdown song to the Olympics., whatever that means. Here are some of the lyrics.

"Waiting year after year/ We can see into the future/ Together with hard work and sweat, we've created the five different (Olympic) colors."

Not exactly a chart topper, but whatever. It sounds better when you hear Jackie Chan sing it. At least that's what I think. I don't know because I didn't listen to it.


-WCK

Vancouver is not your brother's keeper

When you host the Olympics, one of the things you want to do is tidy up your city just before everyone comes to town. That way people will see how clean and great your city is and will hopefully come back to visit again some day.

But it's tough cleaning up a city, especially when smelly homeless junkies are out doing heroin and crack all over your streets. So what do you do when you're looking to cut the homeless problem in your city by 50% by the time the Olympics come to town? Why, you stick said homeless drug addicts on a one-way plane out of town is what you do.

Yep, Vancouver is in the midst of seriously considering a plan to fly homeless and drug addicted individuals out of the city in time for the 2010 Olympics. That's because Vancouver - despite having the reputation of a clean city - has what a U.N. official recently called one of the world's worst slums in an affluent city. And the plan to send people off on planes wasn't cooked up by some nut. It was devised by the Chief of Police, the Civil City Commissioner, and a member of the Vancouver Board of Trade. Classy.

The plan is to collect a ton of donated frequent flyer miles and then "send people back to where they came from." Which I believe would be the gutter...of some other city. Truly a problem solving plan if ever there was one.

And just so everyone knows it's serious, the chairman of the Vancouver Board of Trade has already donated 100,000 miles. Because those miles definitely get to the root of the problem.

If you think this is bad (or maybe you think it's good), Atlanta did something similar in 1996 just before the Olympics. They rounded up as many homeless people as they could find, threw them on buses, drove them to the edge of the city and then threatened them with six months of jail time if they returned. Sort of like Rambo, except no homeless people came back and shot up a police station. Yet.

But hey, at least homeless people in the US and Canada get free plane trips and bus rides when the Olympics come to town. I have a feeling they won't be doing that in China.

-WCK

One out of three ain't bad

The Chinese are on a mission to end Chinglish signs across the country before the 2008 Olympics, but it looks like they've still got some work to do.
Here's a better shot for you blind people.
Hey, at least it's better than this.
Yes that picture has been altered via paintshop.

-WCK

The Chinese have us pegged

I know you're already making your plans for the Beijing Olympics in 2008. And I also know you're thinking - damn, how in God's name am I going to get my Tec-9 and my anti-aircraft rocket-launcher over to China so I can squeeze off a few rounds during some down time?

Well, China has you covered. Not only will they be launching missiles into the air to prevent rain during the Olympics, but they'll also escort you out to the countryside for some target practice with the Chinese Army. Excellent.

• Pay on the spot by the bullet or other projectile. Professional staff from China's army will assist you in having your weapon pointed at the right target. Please don't forget take your passport on hand for identification when you are going to attend the shooting activity. You might want to bring your own earplugs as well.

Oh yeah, you should totally bring earplugs. Nothing is worse than the ringing you get in your ears after pouring out a clip from an AK. But wait, did you say I can also fire off some rounds from an anti-aircraft rocket-launcher? Yes, yes I did.

• The China North International Shooting Range offer a wide selection of both heavy and light weapons. If you are shy, you may use TT Olympia sports pistol. If you are used to it and want to relax yourself, you may try anti-aircraft rocket launcher!

I've got to be honest, I'm not shy. And nothing relaxes me more than shooting down a 747 in mid-flight. And just in case that doesn't float your boat, you can also fire off some mortars.

I don't know about you, but I'm calling my travel agent tomorrow.

-WCK