Tetris and Zelda for all

Even though this video has begun to make the rounds, we're contractually obligated to post it because Dwyermaker went to Cal. It's the Cal band from a week and a half ago doing pretty much every Nintendo game you can imagine. My personal favorite is Tetris. Go nerds.

-WCK

A look back at the roots of video game football

When you look at how insane the graphics are on current video games, you tend to forget just how crappy games were in the past. So for no real specific reason, let's take a look back, in terms of football video games, to see where we started and how we got on the right path. Because the road to Madden was a bit bumpier than I ever thought.


Believe it or not, this commercial is actually from 1971, even though it looks like it came from another dimension. I realize it's for electric football, but hey, this was THE game to have before video games existed. At least, that's what the commercial seems to suggest to me. By the way, how did that receiver catch that pass?



Ah, yes. The Coleco Head-to-Head football game. Truly a game that pushed video game football ahead. Actually, this game probably set video game football back 10 years. Watch this commercial closely to see the football players in it who happen to be, uh, rectangular blinking lights. This is real competition! No, no it's not.



Soon football graduated to the Atari, where finally the junk moving on the screen actually kind of looked like people, except for that invisible linebacker who sacks the quarterback. Too Tall Jones did the right thing by attaching his name to this game. Best decision ever.



Naturally Intellivision couldn't let Atari corner the crappy football video game market, so they came along with their own version, and had George Plimpton hawk it.



Nintendo followed all of this up with the epic 10-Yard Fight. A game so bad, it didn't even get its own commercial.



Finally a football game worthy of actually being played happened when Tecmo Bowl was released. And it of course begat one of the greatest video games of all time, Super Tecmo Bowl. The game that made Bo Jackson a legend in his own time.

It hasn't all been perfect since then. We've had games like Gerry Glanville's Pigskin Footbrawl, but at least Tecmo got us on track. So just remember, we've got it pretty good right now. And Madden sure as hell beats electric football.

-WCK

The X-Box is killing soccer players

I know only about 3 of you will care about this, but whatever. For a while now there's been a concern that the English Premier League isn't actually British enough. The majority of players come from foreign countries. I don't really think this should be a surprise considering the EPL is generally regarded as the best soccer league in the world, so naturally it should be filled with the best players from all over the world and not just England.

But some people are fed up with that rubbish. Even though Portsmouth manager Harry Redknapp hasn't volunteered to help teach young English kids soccer, he naturally won't blame himself for the kids' lack of skills. No, he prefers to blame everyone's favorite whipping boy - video games.

"It may sound old and corny but when I was growing up, working class lads like me in the east end lived and breathed football. Now I rarely see a kickabout in the park. All I see are the dazzling lights of bedroom windows from the glare of TVs and computers. It seems football cannot compete with an X-Box."

I always love this argument. "In my day, blah, blah, blah." The real reason there were more English soccer players playing in Britain during Redknapp's day is because foreign players didn't go abroad as much to play. It's really that simple. Pele played predominantly in Brazil. If Pele were in his prime today, he'd be in the EPL, probably taking a spot from an English player.

It's the same thing with major league baseball (and other sports). Baseball used to be dominated by fat white guys before the the color barrier was broken. Now players from all over the world come to play here in the states, meaning the best talent in the world is assembled on the field. But that also means we'll have fewer American players.

But if you're like Redknapp and too lazy to see that, just blame video games. Or if you're Homer Simpson, blame Tibor (which is known as hilarious xenophobia).

Besides, I've played a lot of video games in my day, and I've seen a lot of other people play video games as well. And I honestly can't tell you that I've ever said to myself, "You know what, I bet that kid would be a great pro athlete if he just stopped playing video games and picked up a baseball."

-WCK

Real Life Donkey Kong

This video really needs no explanation. It's Donkey Kong brought to life. Complete with bleeped out swears!

-WCK

Joe Pa is hipper than you thought

SbB did this first, which we just learned after posting this. Whatever, it's all we got. It's slow as hell today and I was in Chicago all day yesterday not reading blogs.

Even though I respect Joe Paterno, I have to admit that I think he should've retired from college football about 10 years ago. He's old and can't really relate to young players.

Or so I thought.

Joe Pa has just made every red-blooded American male desperate to become a Penn St. quarterback. And that's because he's let his son and quarterbacks coach Jay take Madden and add Penn St.'s plays to the game to help prepare the QBs for gameday. Got any room for walk-ons coach?

"The good thing is nobody's ever late for our (meetings) -- not that they're ever late -- but they're all about 20 minutes early now because they all want to get in there and turn it on and beat each other," Jay Pa said.

Needless to say, the players aren't exactly complaining.

"While we're in there, so-called wasting time, playing PlayStation, we can actually learn something," starting quarterback Anthony Morelli said. "It will almost be like watching film. Changing plays on the fly, it's just a fun thing that's going to help us on the field."

This of course brings up fascinating questions - like which pro QB does each college QB use? Does Jay Pa still let the guys use Vick? Can Morelli trade LDT onto his team to replace Travis Henry?

Jay Pa is also going to be throwing virtual defenses at his QBs while they play. If coach plays Madden like I do - totally cheaply - then he'll run punt rush every time and get the instant sack.

Of course not everyone is nearly as cool as Jay Pa. Defensive coordinator Tom Bradley, who coaches the Penn State defensive backs, said in his meetings "There are no video games. We don't even allow any pictures."

He's probably just mad that Jay Pa kicks his ass all the time.

-WCK

Where's the ambulance?

I realize I'm not even close to being the first person to do this today, but as usual, my longtime dream of this being the year that the Madden franchise finally brings back the famed ambulance from the 1992 game has been dashed yet again. For shame Madden, that's why I originally turned to your game. Not for the football, but to see people struck by automobiles at high rates of speed.


-WCK

Jeff Feagles may be our lone link to Tecmo Super Bowl this year

Tecmo Super Bowl. Maybe the greatest sports video game of all time and the game that made Bo Jackson and QB Eagles instant legends.

It was the first football video game to get an NFL team license, so it featured all 28 teams and rosters from the 1990 season - save for a few holdouts like QB Eagles. Tecmo Bowl only had 12 teams and didn't have the NFL's consent to use team names. After Jerry Rice retired, there were no more active players in the pros from Tecmo Bowl.

Well, with the NFL season approaching and training camps starting this week, we may now be on the verge of losing any remaining active players that originally appeared in Tecmo Super Bowl as well.

As of right now, from our research, there are only two players from Tecmo Super Bowl currently signed to teams. That's Jeff Feagles, who's in the last year of his contract with the Giants, and Junior Seau. It has been reported that Vinny Testaverde will resign with the Pats, but that has yet to officially happen.

The most likely player to get signed that played last season but isn't currently with a team is former Saints kicker John Carney. If some team is really desperate, maybe they'd sign Morten Andersen or Ricky Proehl who both played last season as well.

Anyway, we all know the real reason you're reading this post is that you want to play the game rather than do work.

And we're here to help you achieve that goal. So here's Tecmo Super Bowl in all its original glory.

-WCK

Sports video games have gotten a little better over the years

It's a good thing we spent the last 30 years working on making video games better, you know, rather than finding a substitute for oil. I think I'd shoot myself if games still looked like this. I've got Activision fever, and that's not a good thing.

-WCK

George Plimpton hawked crappy video games

It couldn't get more realistic than this. Well, maybe it could.

George Plimpton was a pretty interesting guy. Editor in chief of The Paris Review, sports writer, actor and video game hawker. Hey, we've all got our price, right? Well, I hope Plimpton's price was pretty high for pimping this travesty. As some of you may not recall, because you hadn't even been born yet, Plimpton hawked the Intellivision game system for a period of time in the early 80's, and man are these commercials something else. He was known as "Mr. Intellivision" and appeared in a few bizarre ads with ET star Henry Thomas. Check out this one for Intellivision baseball (Henry Thomas not included).

As Plimpton says during the ad, "Which of these games is the closest thing to the real thing?"

Despite the close up of the sprites, I'll go out on a limb and say neither.

Intellivision's Major League Baseball also had no fly balls, despite the sound effects. Everything hit was a ground ball. George, are you kidding me? No fly balls?

Intellivision's main competitor was Atari, and watching Plimpton compare Atari games to Intellivision games is like comparing diarrhea to crap. One's a little more solid than the other, but not by much.

For even more fun, check out the thrilling basketball video game comparison. For the Atari version, it's literally a one-legged stickman throwing a square at a large vertical rectangle. [Side note: Atari Basketball was featured in the the movie Airplane. The air traffic controllers were playing it.] It really is like playing real basketball - if you lived in a land of squares and rectangles.



-WCK

Some issues with the All-time Greatest Sports Video Games list

I have no idea how old this article is from Boston.com (it seems to be from sometime during the NCAA Tournament this year), but it was an attempt to break down the greatest sports video games of all time into four brackets - NCAA style - to produce a champion. And in my mind, it's a poorly bracketed tournament. The champ was NHL '94 by the way.

Anyway, here are the games that were featured.

Left side, from top to bottom: Tiger Woods Golf, Duck Hunt, Double Dribble, Karate Champ, Mike Tyson's Punch-Out, NBA Live, MVP Baseball, Blades of Steel.

Right side, from top to bottom: Madden, Atari Bowling (WTF?), Excitebike, Tecmo Bowl, RBI Baseball, Fight Night, RC Pro Am, NHL '94.

Although I'm no hockey fan, I loved NHL '94, but I'm not sure it's the best sports game ever. I also take umbrage with some of the selections. Golden Tee, Super Dodge Ball, Fifa World Cup 98 and Tony Hawk's Pro Skater are just a few games that could easily replace some of the questionable choices on this list - like Atari Bowling, Tiger Woods Golf and Karate Champ. And is it just me, or aren't some of these brackets seriously weak? I mean Tiger Woods Golf, Duck Hunt, Double Dribble and Karate Champ? That's a horrible bracket. Plus, they threw two iconic games, RBI Baseball and NHL '94, into the same bracket. Those are two #1 seeds in my book. It's also rough that they put Tecmo Bowl and Madden in the same bracket.

Their Final Four is decent with the exception of Double Dribble. RBI Baseball should be there instead.

So I'm going to redo this with what we've got on the current board. My Final Four now looks like this. RBI Baseball v. Mike Tyson's Punch-Out and Tecmo Bowl v. NHL '94.

My Final would be Mike Tyson's Punch-Out v. Tecmo Bowl.

Champion: Mike Tyson's Punch-Out.

If you don't agree with me, whatever, I could care less. But why get mad when you can play video games? We managed to track down links for some of the games on the list that you can play directly online. Enjoy staying inside and remaining pasty white.

Mike Tyson's Punch-Out
Tecmo Bowl
RBI Baseball
Blades of Steel
Double Dribble
RC Pro Am
Karate Champ



-WCK

Tecmotastic!

I realize it's June. So the NFL really isn't on your mind. Or maybe it is, but whatever. I had to post this insane Bo Jackson run from Tecmo Bowl that I know has made the rounds before.

I wonder how many takes it took to get this video? Probably not many, because Bo was the absolute shit in Tecmo Bowl. 10 men and a gorilla on PCP couldn't bring him down.

-WCK

A dying breed: Original players from RBI Baseball

With the NBA playoffs heading down the toilet, and as we begin the transition to baseball, we asked ourselves a simple question.

Is there anyone from the original Nintendo RBI Baseball video game still playing in the majors? That would mean they would have had at least a decent year or two before the game came out in 1988 in order to be featured in it, and still be actively playing almost 20 years later.

As it turns out, almost unbelievably, the answer is yes. Of the 160 players that appeared in the game, Julio Franco is still playing and Roger Clemens will soon be up with the Yankees.

This is the original TV commercial for RBI baseball that came out in 1988. If you're not too distracted by the Tron-like graphics, you'll hear that the game allows you to "throw heat like Clemens."

Just to put this in perspective, three players from the original game - Kirby Puckett, Jose Uribe and Donnie Moore - are dead. Also, Vince "Firecracker" Coleman is referred to in the commercial, along with some other guy we've never heard of who is told to "swing for the fences." He must have been some player.

And just in case you wanna kill some time, or relive the days of Wally Joyner, here's the game in all its original glory.

-WCK

UPDATE: We have confirmed that it's "Let Gibson swing for the fences." It's garbled, but it is indeed referring to Kirk Gibson.