Lighted Santa has mad game

I don't know about you, but I hate boring Christmas lights. I like my Christmas lights to be garish, and preferably moving. And if you can somehow manage to get an animated dunking Santa in the lights, even better.

Luckily, because we live in America, such a product exists. Yes, below is the 20-foot high Animated Dunking Santa light system. As you can tell, Santa has mad game, and a better vertical than Dwight Howard. Isiah just signed him to a 10-day contact.



If you think this thing is "some assembly required," you're damn right. As the site says - Requires 8 tracks to configure all positions of arms and balls. I don't know what the hell that means, but it sounds time-consuming and difficult. Two things I avoid like the plague.

And if you're wondering how much this light system costs, it's only $6,200. Hmmm, I guess I'll only get three then.

-WCK

No wonder the 1986 Cowboys finished 7-9

I don't know what the hell was going on in the mid-1980s with football teams and music videos, but it wasn't pretty. We had the Rams, uh, Ramming It, the Bears Super Bowl Shuffle, the Seahawks Locker Room Rock, and the Dolphins sucking as usual.

Now it's the Cowboys' turn to look stupid. This video takes about 14 seconds to start, but it's the 1986 Cowboys Christmas video to Dallas. It features everything you'd expect. Herschel Walker looking like an absolute wuss, popped collars, and horrible holiday singing. This video is exhibit A as to why 1986 marked the first time since 1965 that the Cowboys failed to finish with a winning record.

By the way, I can think of a lot of other places I'd rather spend my Christmas than Dallas. Like Hell, for instance.

-WCK

Nothing says Christmas like a defecating Pau Gasol

You've got to stay with me for a minute on this one. In the Catalan region of Spain, there's a Christmas tradition where you put a tiny figurine of a peasant defecating within the traditional nativity scene. The figurine is called a caganer. The origins of why you'd put a crapping peasant somewhere in the vicinity of baby Jesus has been lost over time, but the practice has been going on since the 17th century. Some people say the peasant represents the equality of all people, others say it's just a kids game (as in find the crapping peasant).

But over time, the caganer has evolved to include celebrities, politicians, and of course athletes. So if you're looking for a figurine of Pau Gasol dropping a deuce for your nativity scene this year, we've got you covered.

Here's Pau in action. He's obviously leaving a gift for the defense.

Here's soccer superstar Thierry Henry, who I'm guessing had Cheetos recently.

And here's a very happy Ronaldinho.

And last but not least, wunderkind Lionel Messi.

So if you think athletes taking dumps in your nativity scene is just what you need for Christmas this year, you can find more here.

Sure it may be sacrilegious, but hey, it's also tradition. Either way, you'll certainly be the talk of Christmas (and many more to follow) with one of these figurines.

-WCK