Salty D's Rant of the Week: Corporate Names on Stadiums

It's rant of the week time. As always it's decisive, uncompromising, and rude. Just like Max Power. And quite frankly, I'm in complete and total agreement with this week's rant.

Okay,

I am a salty bastard. I know this. But there is literally nothing that gets me saltier than the trend in the past decade of corporations' names on sports stadiums in the United States. Ever since the wonderfully named Candlestick Park in San Francisco first got "renamed" 3Com , the rash of these renamed parks has been driving me up the freakin' wall.

Listen, in my opinion, a sports stadium is like a boat. It gets one name when it is made and that's it... and everyone should know to do otherwise is just bad luck. How many Super Bowls did the Niners win while playing out of Candlestick? And how many did they win after Candlestick got "renamed"? They cursed themselves and god knows how many years it will take to redeem themselves.

Another thing, why the fuck do we let people tell us what to call these stadiums? Candlestick Park is Candlestick Park. I'm not calling it Monster or 3Com or whatever the fuck some lame-ass corporation with way too much marketing budget and not enough quality product tells me to call my home-towns stadium. Are you kidding me? I have NEVER referred to Candlestick as anything other than Candlestick and honestly, if anything, I have AVOIDED the companies that try to associate themelves with these stadiums.

At this point why not just rename sports teams? And while we're at it, fuck cities! Who needs them? You're from Oakland? Guess what, it's not the Oakland Arena any more, it's the Oracle Arena! Why not just start naming cities after corporation? San Francisco's a pretty cool city, I'll bet they could get at least $2 mill to rename it Oracle City!! Why not? As long as we convince all the newscasters and sportscaster to refer to it as Oracle City I'm sure everyone will eventially come around! And lord knows when someone thinks business solutions, they will think Oracle after that! Clearly this shit drives me nuts...

And fuck Monster.com too, guess what? If I ever need to hire someone, do you think forcing a stadium name down everyone's throat that grew up knowing a stadium by another name is going to use you? Fuck off. I'm going to Careerbuilder, bitches. They're easier to use anyway.

Personally, if all I ever did with my life is to stop this atrocity I would die with a huge freakin' smile on my face. Let's put it this way, I hate the Yankees and Red Sox as much as the next guy, but if you think they would EVER rename Yankee stadium or Fenway Park you're nuts. And guess who's going to win at least 4 of the next 6 World Series? Coincidence? I think not...

-Salty D

Salty D's Rant of the Week: Boston Red Sox Fans

As always, here's the rant of the week folks. It's decisive, uncompromising, and rude. Just like Max Power.

Okay,

So, because last week I got accused of having a bias against Yankees fans everyone just assumed I was a Red Sox fan. Are you fucking kidding me? First of all, yes, I do hate non-NY area Yankees fans and I don't care if you're from Zimbabawe or Idaho, there are other teams to love and loving the Yankees from any other part of the country or world makes you a piece of shit. Period. I have never said a damn thing about Yankees fans from NY.

That being said, the only reason that Red Sox fans have been relevant for the past 80-some years is because the Yankees have kept them relevant. If ESPN and everyone else didn't blow up the Curse, which really most the rest of the country could really give a shit about, would anyone even care that the Red Sox finally won a World Series? I doubt it...

As a result, the clear second place winner for most annoying fan-base (and increasingly approaching #1 every day) is EVERY Boston Red Sox fan. As opposed to Yankees fans, I don't give a shit if you live in Guatemala, Cameroon, or next to Fenway Park, you all suck.... and the funny thing is that the rest of the country feels the same way. Anyone who has been to any game that the Red Sox play in outside Fenway are subjected to these retards showing up with Red Sox caps on, frequently with odd signs that just make everyone uncomfortable, and with an expression on their face that says "please, just fuck me up. I am going to be as annoying and lame as possible until someone just punches me in the face, please be that person." And trust me, I have had first-hand experience with this involving friends, and it never ends well. Let's just say if you are showing up at an A's/Yankees playoff game wearing a Red Sox hat and trying to start some shit, you will end up in bad shape... and deservedly so.

So, Red Sox Fan, do Salty D a favor and punch yourself in your face... you'll save some poor soul from having to do it himself and finally take some responsibility for your own behavior... Cheers!

--Salty D

Salty D's Rant of the Week: Most Annoying Fan-Base

Here is the weekly rant. As always, it's decisive, uncompromising, and rude. Just like Max Power.

Okay, so the question today is: "who is the most annoying fan-base in sports today?" Many of you may have your own personal opinions based on being harassed, beaten, or neglected... and if you're a Broncos fan cheering for Denver at Oakland Coliseum I wouldn't be shocked to hear you hate Raiders fans... but that's probably just because you've had someone shit in your mouth at the Coliseum... but at least the Raiders fans had justification for dropping a deuce in your Broncos-loving mouth, you were after all cheering for the Broncos in Oakland Coliseum. You just should have known better.


That being said, the winner for most annoying fan-base is a landslide winner that I'm sure many people can join in my sheer contempt with... the winner is New York Yankees fans that have never lived in or have any reason for claiming to be New Yorkers. Perhaps the best example of this is none other than Tom Brady who is from Northern California yet rocks the Yankees cap and claims to be a fan as if he were brought up in the Bronx and had a role in the movie Kids. I don't care what supermodel he nails or how many Super Bowls that guy racks up in his career, he is officially a piece of shit. I seriously think there should be a Michael Vick-style backlash about this, but apparently the majority of the American public feels that being a New England Patriot and wearing a Yankees cap is totally cool even though you're from San Mateo, California. Hey... to each their own.


Now, I'm sorry Non-New Yorker Yankees fans, there is NO excuse for claiming to be a Yankees fan if you are not from the immediate New York area. NONE. I've heard it all too. "Oh, my grandfather got me into baseball and HE was a Yankees fan so...." Or my personal favorite, "oh, I started loving the Yankees when they sucked in the mid to late 80's so I'm a real fan." Fuck you you're a real fan. What?! So they had like five bad seasons, you jump on the bandwagon and I have to listen to your shit even though you're from Oregon.


And is there any other any fan-base that can't take a bit of shit without freaking out? There's nothing like going up to a Non-New Yorker Yankees fan after them losing a playoff game for the first time in like 8 years and just mentioning the fact they lost and suddenly being involved in a brawl while you were in line for your morning coffee.


Now, I have a very minimal amount of love for JUSTIFIED Yankees fans, but if you're not from the immediate New York Metropolitan Area and you still root for the Yankees, you should really just go home and either: 1) shoot yourself or 2) well, again, let's just have you shoot yourself for the betterment of mankind. Trust me, the rest of the baseball watching world would do nothing but applaud your exit from this world...


Salty D

Rant o' the week

All right. This is a new feature - as if we ever had any features to begin with. It's the Salty D Rant of the Week. A free wheeling, no holds barred, go for the throat take on anything in the world of sports.Does it make sense? Maybe not. But it's real man, real real. Perhaps too real, but what do I know, I didn't write it. Nobody's safe, read at your own risk people. And as always, take it with a grain of salt.

Despite the recent PGA, I have yet to even utter the words Tiger Woods in recent memory as far as I can remember. This is quite astonishing to me because I have followed his career closely from the start and always make sure I watch when he's playing a big event and doing well. Furthermore, Tiger could potentially be the most dominant athlete of this generation in any sport and he has managed to overcome significant racial barriers in a sport not accustomed to change.

How is it possible that there is so little to say about this guy? Seriously, I could count a thousand people off that I would rather sit down and have dinner with than Tiger Woods. How is this possible? Perhaps it's the fact that he plays the sport of golf which doesn't exactly breed Pacman Jones's or that he went to Stanford which seems to have the ability to suck the personality out of just about anyone that goes there. Or that he has the same fucking mix of a dog that my sister does that drives me crazy to hear about constantly. Seriously, I hate what Michael Vick has allegedly done with dogs, but if my sister ever lets me take care of that dog for a few hours I'm going to find Vick and see if we can set something up just so I don't have to keep hearing about the damn thing.

Okay, this column is over, I'm finding it more interesting to talk about setting up fights with my sister's wimpy-ass border collie than to finish an article about Tiger Woods. I have to say though, my great-grandfather's generation had Ruth, my grandfather's generation had Mantle and Mays, my dad had Muhammad Ali, and we're stuck with Tiger Woods??? He better get his shit together and kill a hooker or something in the next couple years or I'm just not going to be able to handle this...

-Salty D