Agent Zero, still awesome

I'd like to thank both The WizzNutzz and the Fanhouse for getting this new Agent Zero mini-film up (You can see 3 others at WizzNutzz, but I think this is the best one). There's really no way to describe this ad. It's like Castaway meets Gilligan's Island meets the worst acid trip you've ever been on.

Bravo Agent Zero. Keep 'em coming.

-WCK

Agent Zero stays true to the Bay Area

It seems Agent Zero, once the only reason to watch the Dubs play, is ready to come back to town with a brand new shoe. The 756 shoe. That's right, as you may remember, Gilbert wasn't a big fan of Mark Ecko branding the ball. He wanted to buy it back from the fashion fool so the ball could go to Cooperstown untouched. Gilbert even offered $800,000 to get it back. But since Ecko appears not to be interested, Agent Zero is taking matters into his own hands.

Here's what Gil plans to do, from his blog:

Right now, since Marc Ecko hasn't replied about the Barry Bonds ball to me I'm going to do something different about it. It looks like Coca-Cola has dropped out as one of the color ways for the GilIIZeros, so I'm going to do a 756 shoe, the Barry Bonds shoe. It's going to be the San Francisco colors and it's only coming out in the San Francisco Bay area. It's going to be a giveaway, it's not going to be sold. I'm going to buy probably like 8,000 pairs of shoes and when I come to town, I'm giving them away for free. This is still in the making. Please, for all the San Francisco people that want the 756 shoe to happen, write to adidas and let them know how excited you are for it so they can start making it. Free giveaway, baby. Free giveaway. Since Marc Ecko doesn't want to give the ball back to San Francisco, I'll give you 756 in a shoe.

Regardless of what you think of Bonds, this is awesome. We're going to do everything in our power to get our hands on a pair of these shoes, even if it means knocking over old ladies. The Wizards come to town on February 11th. We'll be waiting Agent Zero.

-100%

In support of Agent Zero the historian

We're huge fans of the great Agent Zero, and frankly we wish he'd never left the Warriors. But we're glad to see he's still taking on new challenges in D.C.

His newest challenge is of course trying to buy Barry Bonds' 756 ball back from fashion jackass Mark Ecko. For the complete story of what Gil had to say, which is most certainly worth a read, check out Agent Steinz's piece from the D.C. Sports Bog.

But anyway, the gist of how Gil feels about the ball is simple. Here's some of what Agent Zero said:

"It's history," Gil began. "It's still history. I mean, the guy's a man before he's some big slugger. I mean, how you just going to take what this man's done for his career and, as another man, say 'Hey, you were accused of this, you allegedly did this, I want to take this away from you.' I mean, what if we took away your Ecko company?

"I mean, why graffiti the ball when, in everybody's mind, they think he's done it. So no matter what, when they look at the ball, they're gonna be like, 'Oh, he allegedly....You don't have to mark it in history. Like, who are you? Are you Superman? You're sitting here throwing all the rockets into space: 'I want to send it to space?' Are you serious? Like, come on."

Now, we're Giants fans, so we realize we're a bit biased here, but we really think Agent Zero has the right idea. The 756 ball is, quite simply, a historic item. It deserves to go into the Hall of Fame without anyone doing anything to it. Even as Giants fans, we're aware Bonds did steroids, and of course so is everyone else. Fans should have the right to go into the Hall of Fame and draw their own conclusions on the ball - not have it force fed to them. Branding the ball because Bonds used steroids is like branding all of Ty Cobb's stuff in the HOF because he allegedly threw a game with Tris Speaker. It's retarded. The items are still historic and deserve to be left untouched. Let history judge them.

Plenty of people already see that ball as one big asterisk anyway, so there's no need to brand it and deface it.

Now there's truth to the fact that Ecko bought the ball, and it's his property, so technically he can do what he wants with it. You can also buy a Picasso for $30 million and then draw a mustache on it.

But the point is you shouldn't do that. The ball, like the painting, is part of a greater cultural heritage. Both deserve to be saved by stand-up people like Agent Zero.

Remember what the whole point of this branding bullshit is. It's so Ecko can get himself some publicity, as NOIS so satirically put it. It has nothing to do with giving "the people" what they want. It has to do with getting the people to be aware of Ecko clothes.

We salute Agent Zero's quest to get the 756 ball to Cooperstown unbranded. It's a noble move on his part. Regardless of how the record was achieved, Gil is doing his part to save a piece of our cultural heritage. That way people can make their own choice about what the 756 ball means to them when they see it person.

Photo from Deadspin.

-100%

My letter to Agent Zero

Agent Zero continues not to disappoint in the least. On his legendary blog he's now asking mere mortals such as you and me to compete in an essay contest for the chance to win a basketball court. I guess he's jealous that R-Jefferson gave U of A $3.5 mil or something.

I’m giving three lucky fans the chance to win a Spalding court. They get the rim, the backboard, Spalding balls, and all the rest of the accessories. All you have to do is submit an essay on GilsArena.com on why you are the one that needs or deserves the court. I’ll have the contest running now until October 1st. That gives you a month to submit your essay.

I'm already planning my essay as we speak.

Dear Agent Zero,

I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to have great basketball courts because, uh, some, uh… people out there in our nation don’t have basketball courts, and, uh, I believe that our basketball courts like such as in South Africa and, uh, the Iraq everywhere like, such as and… I believe that they should, our basketball courts over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., err, uh, should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future basketball courts for our....

Sincerely,

WCK

Agent Zero with the steal

I realize this was first done by The Fanhouse, but since they linked me yesterday, I'm now returning the favor. Plus I think this video of Ian Edwards is better since it's on Conan. As you probably know by now, Gilbert's blog entry in which he talked about how shark attacks aren't really attacks was a complete ripoff of Edwards' stand-up material. Almost down to the exact words.

It starts at the 1:40 mark. It's a fairly good routine as well. I don't think Edwards is going to come surfing with me anytime soon. Your loss buddy.

-WCK