Agent Zero, still awesome

I'd like to thank both The WizzNutzz and the Fanhouse for getting this new Agent Zero mini-film up (You can see 3 others at WizzNutzz, but I think this is the best one). There's really no way to describe this ad. It's like Castaway meets Gilligan's Island meets the worst acid trip you've ever been on.

Bravo Agent Zero. Keep 'em coming.

-WCK

Remembering horrible footwear

When you stop and think about it, shoe commercials are pretty decent these days. But that's mostly because the major shoe companies these days - Nike, Reebok and Converse - are all willing to shell out major cash to make the ads good. Well, there was once a time when there were more shoe companies than we have today. And the only way they could compete with the big guns was to make ridiculously stupid commercials. Yes, I'm talking about British Knights, LA Gear, and of course Keds. So let's take a look back at some memorably awful shoe ads from back in the day.


British Knights. Man, talk about classic. Remember how they had the "diamonds that bounce"? Uh, me neither. Anyway, here's what Urban Dictionary has to say about BKs: "BK's were not for the faint hearted - they sported massive decals, plastic add-ons and had tongues bigger than oven mitts. They were particularly popular with [basketballer]s, crip [gangbangers] and [homeboys]." I never do my cripin' without my BKs.



This is also for BKs, and it's a holiday commercial. It has a rapping knight, because nothing says Christmas like a rapping knight.



Now we're on to LA Gear. Man these shoes were horrible. I'm pretty sure the brainstorming session for this ad was - let's make a commercial that will seem hideously dated in about 4 months time. Mission accomplished LA Gear.



And if one LA Gear ad wasn't bad enough, here's former Laker girl Paula Abdul hawking them as well. (Shudder) You know Michael Jackson also did an LA Gear ad.



And last but not least, here's a commercial that should thoroughly warp your already beaten down mind. It's a 1950s Keds ad where a clown convinces kids that they'll run faster and win more if they wear Keds. Remember kids, you're a commie pinko if you don't wear Keds.

-WCK

Agent Zero stays true to the Bay Area

It seems Agent Zero, once the only reason to watch the Dubs play, is ready to come back to town with a brand new shoe. The 756 shoe. That's right, as you may remember, Gilbert wasn't a big fan of Mark Ecko branding the ball. He wanted to buy it back from the fashion fool so the ball could go to Cooperstown untouched. Gilbert even offered $800,000 to get it back. But since Ecko appears not to be interested, Agent Zero is taking matters into his own hands.

Here's what Gil plans to do, from his blog:

Right now, since Marc Ecko hasn't replied about the Barry Bonds ball to me I'm going to do something different about it. It looks like Coca-Cola has dropped out as one of the color ways for the GilIIZeros, so I'm going to do a 756 shoe, the Barry Bonds shoe. It's going to be the San Francisco colors and it's only coming out in the San Francisco Bay area. It's going to be a giveaway, it's not going to be sold. I'm going to buy probably like 8,000 pairs of shoes and when I come to town, I'm giving them away for free. This is still in the making. Please, for all the San Francisco people that want the 756 shoe to happen, write to adidas and let them know how excited you are for it so they can start making it. Free giveaway, baby. Free giveaway. Since Marc Ecko doesn't want to give the ball back to San Francisco, I'll give you 756 in a shoe.

Regardless of what you think of Bonds, this is awesome. We're going to do everything in our power to get our hands on a pair of these shoes, even if it means knocking over old ladies. The Wizards come to town on February 11th. We'll be waiting Agent Zero.

-100%

Voltron and Allen Iverson are finally aligned

A while back we did a post on the release of Nike's rather strange Transformers athletic shoes. Naturally we figured it was only a matter of time before a Voltron ripoff surfaced. That time has come. This month Voltron athletic shoes have been released one-by-one upon our fair world - to battle the forces of evil, I'm sure. The final shoe will be released this Friday (Note: Shoes cannot be put together to form massive robot). Man, I can't wait. And guess who's responsible for it? Reebok, of course. Man I can't wait for the first Transformers versus Voltron basketball game. LeBron can be Optimus Prime and Allen Iverson can be, uh, whoever was the leader of Voltron.
Regrettably the new Voltron shoes are only available in Singapore right now. So you should be able to get one or two more dates in before the shoes show up here in the states.

-WCK

Sid the Kid is going to get ribbed mercilessly this year

I've always thought of hockey players as extremely tough guys. They're hard-nosed and they take no crap. And they certainly don't hawk pink shoes. I mean, what hockey player would lower themselves to that?

Apparently Sidney Crosby. While Sid the Kid may be one hell of a hockey player he may have officially gone overboard in terms of what he's now endorsing. The shoe you see above is the new women's Crosby cross trainer. And it has his name and number on it. Yikes. Naturally there's no way Sid could have had a hand in designing this monstrosity, right?

Crosby has been doubling as a fashion consultant with Reebok and has developed his very own line of clothing. It's been a hands-on experience for the NHL's most valuable player.

"It was funny because I was getting these prints and these designs sent to me at home," Crosby said Tuesday at the launch for the fall collection of his Rbk SC87 line. "I'd be with my parents and we'd be discussing what's in style and what's out of style."

I see. Well, surely this madness will stop with pink shoes, right? There's no way Crosby would dare subject himself to even more potential abuse from opponents, teammates and fans.

There's even a women's line that includes a pink baby tee featuring the words: "I (heart) Crosby."

I guess pro hockey doesn't pay quite as well as it used to. I look forward to seeing Crosby's future fashion line with Chanel.

Needless to say, Sid might be getting some shit this year from, uh, everyone. We had to look back real far to find anything with a well known athlete's name on it that was anywhere near as fruity as Sid's shoe.

Let's just convince ourselves that Michael had no hand in the design.

-WCK

Nike has the nerd market cornered

For a long time Nike has been focused just on sports. Naturally. Well, now they've begun to expand their web of influence over complete nerds as well. Yes my friends, TODAY Nike releases the shoes we've been waiting our whole lives for - Transformers athletic shoes. And they're making them primarily in adult sizes, as in for adults or people who think they're adults. Here's hoping they transform, and possibly make me fly. Man that would be so cool.

Now let's get a look at what I'm sure are awesome kicks.

Hmmmm. I'm no longer quite so excited. This is the Optimus Prime model shoe. I have a feeling I might get laughed off the basketball court. But thanks to the air cushioning, I might be able to run home before I get my ass severely kicked. For some reason the only thing I can get it to transform into is a shoe. What a shame.

This is the long awaited Starscream model. It doesn't look a lot like him and the purple shoelaces are, uh, less than masculine. I'm pretty sure I can kiss dating goodbye if I wear these things. However, I'm 100% sure though that the Megatron model will really kick ass. It has to, because he was the evil bad guy.

Are you f*cking kidding me! When did Megatron become a complete wuss and a fat woman runner? And to top it all off, this shoe doesn't transform either! Although as a consolation it transforms me into a complete loser.

And the worst thing is none of them have the Autobot or Decepticon decals on them. For shame. Nike, you're now officially on my shit list.

-WCK