Targeting the Patriots and Simmons

We wrote this post last Friday, but because Simmons ran his "Eff-You" touchdown column yesterday, this seemed like a good post to run again. By the way, we'd like to thank all you commenters who argued that the Pats didn't run up the score in any of their games. Might want to check out that Simmons column, because even Mr. Patriot seems to disagree with you.

A few weeks ago, Bill Simmons got an interesting email from a reader. Here was the question:

"I noticed Brady threw a TD bomb to Moss in the fourth quarter with a 24-point lead on the Bills. Was he running up the score or padding his stats? You were all about criticizing these moves by Peyton Manning in 2004 when he broke the TD record, so I am just wondering if we can expect these same comments now about Brady?"

Simmons gave what is becoming his all too typical homerism response.

Manning was running up the score to break the TD record; the Pats are running up the score because it's the most effective way to wave both middle fingers at the rest of the league and prove that they didn't need to cheat to win three Super Bowls.

Simmons said that he doesn't condone running up the score, but it was enjoyable watching the Patriots do it. So in other words, he actually does condone running up the score. Which is ok, but it can come with consequences.

Because despite Simmons' ridiculously stupid rationale about the difference between Manning and Brady, it doesn't matter at all to players on the field. All they care about is when people run up the score period, whether it's to get a TD record or to give the league the finger.

Big Daddy Drew at KSK has written a few times asking defenders to take out Brady's knees. And at the rate the Pats are going, that may actually happen.

The Jets season is currently going down the toilet. They meet the Pats again in Week 15. What's to stop Mangenius from telling his players to go at Brady extra hard? It's not the same as telling them to take him out, but it's basically the same message. And what would be sweeter for the Jets than knocking out Brady just before the playoffs? When you honestly think about it, probably nothing.

And you may not even have to wait that long. The Pats play the Bills in Week 11. There really wasn't any reason for the Pats to run up the score on the Bills in Week 3. The Bills never even went after the Pats about SpyGate. If you think the Bills defenders won't be thinking about Week 3, then you're crazy.

We've also got to remember that the Pats play the Dolphins twice. Here's guessing that gets out of hand as well. Which means rematch payback.

The simple truth is this. If you keep running up the score, and you keep taking cheap shots at opposing players like Vrabel did on Sunday (I don't care what anyone says, that was an absolute cheap shot) you're going to ultimately pay for it. Even though pro football players play primarily for money, they still have some pride in them. They don't like getting shown up.

So Simmons can believe whatever the hell he wants. But if the Pats keep running up the score and pissing people off, they're ultimately going to pay a price. And it's most likely to be delivered by a division opponent that got embarrassed during the last matchup.

So if I were the Patriots, I'd watch my back. Because all it takes is one big hit to officially end your season. And you're currently creating a line of people waiting to deliver it.

-WCK

Tom Brady's new archnemesis has a beef with sports

Take a quick look at these two pictures and guess who's 29.

If you said they both are, then you sir are correct. The answer changes slightly if you rephrase the question to who is sleeping with supermodels.

That man above Brady, who looks like he's in his mid-40s, is Mr. Kevin Thompson. He's running for Congress in Massachusetts, he's part of the ultraconservative Constitution Party - and he's using Tom Brady as a whipping boy. And if you don't believe he's 29, check out his MySpace page.

The Fanhouse first reported on this earlier today talking about what a bizarre political strategy this was in going after Brady, because everyone in Massachusetts loves him. But logic hasn't gotten in Thompson's way. Here is one of the barbs he threw Brady's way:

• What is manly or praise-worthy of a man hopping from supermodel to supermodel and forcing a woman to raise her child without a loving, present, father?

If you're still wondering why Thompson is picking on Brady, aside from the fact that Brady's about to have an out-of-wedlock kid, and is dating a supermodel, the reason is that Thompson hates sports - as if you couldn't tell from his awesome physique. This also might be considered a dangerous tactic to use in an election district located just outside Boston that is packed with Red Sox and Patriots fans. Here are Thompson's thoughts on sports:

• It seems as though even good, fundamental men fall into this trap of “worshipping” sports stars to the point of overlooking their sin. I will never understand the great hold sports has upon people. In the end, it is all meaningless to begin with. Bodily exercise profits little Paul tells us. And let’s not fool ourselves - this is exactly what Paul had in mind...Why is so much of our time wasted on something meant as a diversion, played by immature, sinful men and in the end has no effect on our life, the lives of others or on anything of eternal worth. Yet, for some odd reason, many people associate ability in sports with an ideal of manhood.

I personally think the Cincinnatti Bengals and Pacman Jones have helped us overcome our worshipping of sports stars - instead we just mock them - but I could be wrong. As for Thompson, my guess is he got beat up by football players a lot as a kid. For Brady, this is just practice for the future.

By the way, if you take umbrage with Thompson's views on sports, you can reach him here. I already sent him an email letting him know I think Shawn Kemp is a swell father.

-WCK

A reason to bring back an old post

As was first brought up by the FanHouse today, there's a guy named Kevin Thompson who is running for Congress in Massachusetts and he's hammering Tom Brady for his unholy lifestyle.

• "Tom Brady apparently has no regard for traditional virtue or Biblical morality... What is manly or praise-worthy of a man hopping from supermodel to supermodel and forcing a woman to raise her child without a loving present, father?"

I love this because Brady has often said he's interested in running for political office someday, and this is what he can expect will happen if he ever runs.

And what do you, we actually did a post on Tom Brady's political future not that long ago. Seems like running for Congress might be right up Brady's alley. Just think of this as early practice Tom.

-WCK

Dreamboat's political future

This picture won't help

As the race for the 2008 presidential election is beginning to sort of heat up, we thought back on all the times in recent memory we've heard jackass talking heads on radio and television tell us how "it's only a matter of time" before Tom Brady becomes President. When did everyone decide on this? Certainly there are former football players who went on to have political careers. Gerald Ford, Jack Kemp, Heath Shuler, Tom Osborne, and Steve Largent to name a few. Lynn Swann, you're total garbage.

But when did it become written in stone that Dreamboat was going to have his finger on the button when China invades Taiwan in 2041? Sure he's mentioned an interest in eventually going into politics, but that doesn't mean we should roll out the red carpet for him.

We decided we should do an investigation to determine whether or not Dreamboat actually has the potential to be the president of the US and A some day. We've created a scoring system from 1 to 100 points that grades Brady on everything he's done so far and how it could impact his future presidential chances. If it's something good for his future political chances, he gets points. If it's bad, we subtract points. Because Brady is already an extremely well known athlete and a partial celebrity, we'll start him at 75 points.

After we're done, Dreamboat will find himself in one of these categories.

90-100 points: This means he could very well find himself in a heated presidential debate someday discussing important topics. You know, like should we clone U.S. athletes to dominate the Olympics? (yes)

75-89 points: Likely will serve in the U.S. Senate at some point in time or be a potential candidate for Governor of a state.

70-74 points: Mayor of a large U.S. city.

60-69 points: Will be a U.S. Congressman.

50-59 points: Mayor of a reasonably large city.

40-49 points: Either a local city mayor or a sports announcer.

30-39 points: No hope for political future. Likely to be a GAP model, if GAP still exists.

10-29 points: Professional goat-holding model.

0-9 points: Goat farmer.
----------------------------------------
Ok then, let's start the fun.

Political allegiance: Two of us grew up where Brady did and went to a rival high school, meaning we know hardly any more about him than you do. It was suggested that when Brady attended the State of the Union address in 2004 that he might be a Republican. Good friends of Brady, however, say he is a moderate Democrat. Being a Democrat right now would help, but so what. Who knows if that'll help in 25 years. (+0)

Speaking of that State of the Union Address: He appeared at a Bush State of the Union address. No one wants to be seen at a Bush State of the Union address. (-5)

Model shoots: Appeared in a photo shoot with a goat. Not quite the same as Reagan appearing in a movie with a monkey. (-5)

Decision making ability: Has shown great decision making ability as a QB, which would likely carry over into politics. This should be a winning category for Brady. But he knocked boots with Tara Reid. No one who hooked up with Tara Reid should ever have his finger on the button. (-5)

Warren G. Harding factor: Malcolm Gladwell in Blink suggested that Harding was elected the 29th President of the U.S. primarily because he looked like a president. There's certainly reason to believe that, since Harding was incompetent before he became president and went down as one of the worst presidents in U.S. history. But whether Brady would be a good or bad president doesn't matter. There are more than enough stupid people in this country who would vote for Dreamboat simply because he looks like a president. (+15)

Shawn Kemp factor: Let's make this clear right away. As a politician, you can't have it be known that you have an illegitimate kid, period. You can have one (or more), just don't let anyone know about them. Ever. (-25)

Religion: This is actually important. Brady is Catholic. Although we may see an African-American or woman president elected in 2008, the fact remains that with the exception of JFK, every President in this country's history has been a male WASP. And if you think there's no way that someone would base their vote on a candidate's religion, look at Mitt Romney. He's Mormon. He's not winning. Enough said. (-5)

Voting blocs:
African-Americans: Brady has played in a league dominated by African Americans, the most loyal voting bloc in America. If he ran as a Democrat, the whole voting bloc would be his. If he ran as a Republican, he'd could at least say "I have black friends" and not be lying, unlike Lynn Swann. (+5)

Women: Think we all know the answer to this one, even though he knocked up Bridget. (+5)

Gay community: YES! Fabulous! He'd get more points if he were Brady Quinn. (+5)

Connecting with the average Joe: Dating a supermodel instantly loses you points in this category. Not many people out there can relate to Brady's life. Except me. (-5)

Foreign Policy: Went to Africa to fight poverty. Poverty still winning. (+1)

Public speaking: He's better than Bush. But then again, who isn't? (+5)

Ability to sell out: Politicians always have to sell out to someone to gain votes. This is why Peyton Manning would succeed in politics because he sells out like a whore. Brady has endorsements, but he doesn't sell out enough. Gotta work on that Dreamboat. (-5)

Football is war: If Lt. Kellen Winslow Jr. is correct, and football really is war, then Brady would be a solid fit as Commander in Chief. I'm a soldier! (+5)

Politics as a bloodsport: Politics is brutal, and football is reasonably good preparation, since it taxes you mentally and physically. We'd also suggest Brady attend some of Ron Mexico's dog fights to toughen himself up even more. (+5)

----------------------------------
Final Tally: I was hoping we'd get professional goat-holding model, but we didn't. The final total is 66 points, meaning Dreamboat should be able to pull a Heath Shuler if he chooses the right voting district. We'd probably suggest somewhere back in California, since Massachusetts may never get over the fact that Brady wore a Yankees cap.

The simple fact of the matter is that because he knocked Bridget up, and isn't going to marry her, his chance at President is completely shot. He may work his way up from Congressman (if he's very good) to Senator or Governor, but even that seems a bit of a stretch. I don't know anyone who ever won a Senate seat or a Governor's seat when it was openly known that they had an illegitimate kid. But you never know. If he runs in California pretty much anything can happen, as evidenced by the fact that we have the Terminator as our Governor.

-WCK

Sully's gonna be pissed

As a guy who once lived in Boston for a period of time, I learned one important thing. Never, EVER, get caught wearing a Yankees hat, particularly if you're the starting QB of the Patriots. But that happened to Brady recently, as he strolled down a NYC street with Gisele.

Now, Brady is a huge Yanks fan (Why, I have no idea, he should be a Giants fan since he's from where dwyermaker and I grew up) but this is inexcusable. You just don't do stuff like this when you're one of the faces of Boston. Interestingly, Brady used to wear a Yanks hat in the Patriots locker room until some other players told him to take it the hell off.

Now, this story will vanish as soon as Brady throws his first touchdown pass to Randy Moss, but for at least the next few days, I think Boston needs to be on a suicide watch.

-WCK