19th century ballplayers uncensored

I've never really thought much about how 19th century baseball players would voice their displeasure with each other, but I always assumed it'd be something like this:

Good sir, I believe you tried to imprint your cleats upon my shin. I trust you shan't do that again.

But I was wrong, dead wrong. Robert Edward Auctions, which is a seriously high-brow baseball collectibles company, got their hands on an 1898 MLB document that is rife with expletives. It seems at the time, MLB wanted players to avoid using "any indecent or obscene word, sentence, or expression" on the field (or have directed at fans). So they sent a out a league-wide document that gave examples of what they didn't want players saying. Here are some of the "brutal" things they didn't want to hear, and remember, this was a league-wide, uncensored, document that was sent out.

"You cock-sucking son of a bitch!"

"A dog must have fucked your mother when she made you!"

"You cunt-lapping dog!"

"I fucked your mother, your sister, your wife!"

"I'll make you suck my ass!"

You know, I don't remember hearing any of those expressions in the Ken Burns baseball documentary. If you want to read the full document in detail, here's the first part, and here's the second part.

And so you can get your full 19th century fix, here's that clip of Conan at an 1864 baseball game. You should have told the hurler what you did to his mother last night, Conan.



-WCK

The LSU student section is kind to opposing teams

I'm shocked, I repeat, shocked, to hear that LSU's student section has been accused of directing intensely vulgar language at opponents. You mean saying stuff like "Teabag Tebow" repeatedly is bad? I guess it is, because the football team got the combination of Glenn Dorsey and Jacob Hester to try and quell the rising storm of vulgarity at home games. Here was the letter both stars wrote that appeared in today's Daily Reveille, the LSU student newspaper.

An open letter to the LSU student section in Tiger Stadium.

The LSU student section is the heartbeat of Death Valley and the center of emotion for our great stadium.

But during the last two games, vulgar language directed at our opponents by the student section has been dissapointing and embarassing to our school.

Your chants can be heard by the national television audience that tunes in from all over America. When those chants include offensive language, it only damages Louisiana State University. More importantly, these chants can be heard by young children in the stadium who come to see their Tigers play.

We need to support our team. You are important to our success. But that doesn't mean you need to insult our opponents. Let us, the players, take care of our opponents through competition on the field.

We are taught by our coaches to act like champions, play like champions and win like champions. We need you to do the same.

We hope you are with us.

Geaux Tigers!

Glenn Dorsey Jacob Hester

I'm surprised too. Dorsey and Hester can write? But quite frankly, what damage can possibly be done to LSU? It's not like I ever thought you were a real university to begin with anyway.

-WCK

The FCC has had enough of your shit

I'm not sure how many of you know this, but you can actually swear on live television if it's considered a "fleeting expletive" and not get fined. Lord knows announcing live isn't easy and it's possible for even the best people to accidentely drop a "shit" here or a "double penetration" there. I'm not sure Bert Blyleven's live double F-bomb drop from a year ago would count as fleeting, but you get the point. And this kind of thing happens a lot more than you'd think.

Well, the government has decided to step in and end the fun. For a while the FCC has been trying to get the right to fine broadcasters that accidentely swear. Standing in their way was a New York federal appeals court that found the commission's policy on fineable "fleeting expletives" to be arbitrary and capricious. So just make that swear look like an accident my friends and you're in the clear. But last week in Washington the U.S. Senate Commerce Committee took an active step to negate the appeals court ruling when they passed a bill that would allow the FCC to fine broadcasters for slip of the tongue expletives. And the House is now on board as well.

What a shame. Half the reason I watch pro sports is because they're as live as TV gets. My dream is witnessing Joe Buck spurt out a hailstorm of expletives on live TV as Randy Moss takes a dump on the field after a touchdown to win the Super Bowl.

But if this bill passes, every sporting event broadcast could go on tape-delay in order for the stations to avoid paying out the ass should Bert Blyleven drop another crowd pleasing F-bomb.

And that's just fucking wrong.

-WCK