A man destroys his own lawn

Further proof that the internet is absolutely awesome: A site called Lawn's and Life, which focuses on lawns all over the world, has some pics of an obviously mentally-balanced Ohio State fan's lawn.
The real clue that this guy's an Ohio State fan is actually not the lawn designs. It's the propane tank and 1971 camper that give it away. And the crappy house. By the way, I wonder what would happen if that propane tank blew up. Not that I'm suggesting anything.

Now, in all honesty, this Ohio State fan isn't anywhere nearly as nuts as this one, but I'd at least put them in the same ballpark.

I think it's also worth noting that LSU fans have done similarly crazy things with their lawns.


-WCK

May you rest in hell, Rich Rodriguez

I think we're all aware that West Virginia is not taking Rich Rodriguez's departure well. The governor got mad at him, there have been conspiracy theories floating around that he lost to Pitt so he wouldn't have to play in the National Championship, and the school he dedicated himself to for a number of years is now suing him. It kind of makes you think the state wants him dead.

This video confirms that's indeed the truth. Nothing better than a Coach Rodriguez tombstone!

Congrats, West Virginia. You're now wedged between Mogadishu and the Sunni Triangle as places I can't wait to visit.

-WCK

Football > Law in Louisiana

Justice stops for nothing, unless there's any football team from Louisiana playing in a big game. Then law can sit on its ass and wait.

Yes, the always entertaining - (read: lazy) - state of Louisiana has decided for the second time in a year that football is more important than your right to a speedy trial.

Stephen Babcock, an attorney defending an insurance company in a lawsuit over a car crash, requested the delay of the trial because he has tickets to the National Championship game and is an LSU fan. But, more importantly, he and other LSU fans have rented out the second floor of a Bourbon Street bar for a pre-game tailgate party.

That seems like a reasonable request, even though something tells me Babcock will likely be just as drunk during the actual trial.

And just so you know that Babcock took this matter incredibly seriously, in his written request for a new trial date he referred to Ohio State as "Slowhio" ("due to their perceived lack of speed on both sides of the ball").

Man, that sentence has Harvard Law written all over it.

Not so surprisingly, the judge agreed to postpone the trial.

As mentioned earlier, there is actual precedent for football over law in Louisiana. In January, a judge agreed to postpone a trial due to a conflict with last season's NFC championship game between the Saints and Bears.

While I'm being a bit tough on Louisiana, it could always be worse. In Texas if your trial date lines up with a Cowboys game or a UT BCS game they simply execute you on the spot.

-WCK

It could always be worse than the Knicks

One of the things that's admittedly hilarious about American sports is that we think we know what's a truly horrible team situation. Like the Knicks. They have a terrible owner, a terrible coach, a crazy point guard, no cap space until 2087, and they had to pay a woman employee more than $11 million because of a sexual harrassment lawsuit invloving the crappy coach. And to top it all off, the owner says the coach's job is totally safe.

All of those examples scream that the Knicks are a team is in disarray. Well, sort of.

Let's go somewhere else - like Serbia for instance - where team disarray is a bit different.

Last Friday, four high-ranking team officials of the soccer club Red Star Belgrade (which sounds more like a guerilla movement than a team), were detained by authorities. And as of Sunday, they've all been sentenced to 30 days in jail - and could go away for much longer than that. So why were they detained? Well, they failed to stop a riot that left a police officer nearly dead.

During the first weekend of December at a league match at Red Star's stadium, the fans attacked a plainclothes policeman trying to film them in the stands. The policeman fired shots in the air to keep the attackers at bay, but it didn't quite work. Several fans were arrested after beating up the cop, including one charged with attempted manslaughter.

But here's the important thing to remember. This happened right in the middle of the game, and to top it all off, Red Star Belgrade is accused of letting fans bring flares into the game, which were used during the attack. But since fan violence is frequent at Serbian stadiums, Red Star Belgrade said forget about it, and just decided to keep playing while the cop was being beaten up and flares were going off. Fantastic, where I can get tickets to the next game?

Since Red Star Belgrade actually allowed fans to bring in illegal flares, and a policeman got the business, the police were naturally a tad upset when everything was over. In fact, this situation is the first time team officials have ever been detained in Serbia as a result of fan violence.

But why in God's name would Red Star Belgrade allow fans to bring flares into the stadium? Good question. And here's the answer.

The pro-government Politika daily newspaper said the riots were inspired by Red Star officials to sidetrack a police investigation into their alleged links with organized crime and murky deals in the sale of at least 15 Red Star players to foreign teams.

Well, of course. What else were they going to do? Offer free bobble-head dolls to fans? Actually tell police the truth? Please.

So in other words, the next time you're at a Knicks game, remember it could be much worse. You could have Isiah arrested at mid-court and have a flare stuck in your ear while Nate Robinson bricks another dunk.

-WCK

The Canadian Nipplegate

Back in 2004 we had Nipplegate here in the states. It changed life forever as we know it. Or at least I think it did. It caused a tape delay or something, right? Whatever, I can't remember.

Now Canada officially has it's own version. Although regrettably it's neither sexy nor interesting like Nipplegate was.

Lenny Kravitz was yesterday's CFL Grey Cup half-time show. And I'm as surprised as you are. Lenny Kravitz is still popular somewhere? Anyway, Kravitz let the plumber's butt drop a few times on Canadian national TV during the halftime show.
Not quite Nipplegate, but hey, it's Canada. What did you expect?

Boy, one hand is getting a little too close for comfort there. (shudder)

HT: BlogTo

-WCK

Burning More Bridges than A-Rod

In an attempt to broaden our horizons, we're adding some more soccer news. Well, I'm not. But a friend of ours who is obviously a communist because he likes soccer, is. So here's your soccer fix, you wankers. -WCK

In the world of futbol, Chelsea soccer star Andriy Shevchenko is a true villain. His notorious ego collides with every manager he has ever played for, opposing fans despise him, and even his own fans get tired of his nonsense. The latest and greatest with Andriy is his ongoing contract disputes with Chelsea’s front office. The guy was paid £31m to produce and the striker has scored less than that autistic kid who went to your high school. How have Chelsea fans responded to such shenanigans? Not well, however here’s the kicker: even toddlers hate Shevchenko. A British web site snagged an interesting story off of a Chelsea fan forum page. Here it is, misspellings and all:

"Fella I work with takes his ten year old down the bridge as much as he can afford, the boy is absolutely obssessed by his heros. His Dad's mate who works in lighting has been working at the bridge, tells my work pal to bring something down hand it over and get the squad to sign it. The Dad sneaks the boys Chelsea annual out, some kind of book with a bio a page on each player. His mate returned it to him yesterday. Told him EVERY squad member in the book that was there signed it on their bio page except for Schevchenko. My work pal says miserable cunt why didn't he sign it? The geezer opens the book and his son had writen WANKER in large letters across his photo, Scheva was not amused when he went to sign it."

Moral of the story….Working class Chelsea fans may be dumb (and horrible spellers), but they know a wanker when they see one.

-ACE

Lee Corso is totally unbiased and does not play favorites

Here's Mr. Corso just before Saturday's Penn St./Ohio St. game doing what he does best. Being a completely serious journalist who doesn't pander to the crowd. By the way, today is Opposite Day.

-WCK

The Chinese, and Jackie Chan, are really psyched for the Olympics

The Olympics are still long way off, but don't tell that to the Chinese. They're already doing things like getting strangely awesome haircuts and building bizarre bikes. Apparently it took the guy in the above picture 2 months to build that bike. I'm not really sure why it took that long to do, but my guess is when you work 22 hours a day it's tough to build a bike in your spare time.

Also getting in on the action is Jackie Chan. I never had him pegged as a singer, but he's done a song for the Olympics called "We Are Ready." It's the official countdown song to the Olympics., whatever that means. Here are some of the lyrics.

"Waiting year after year/ We can see into the future/ Together with hard work and sweat, we've created the five different (Olympic) colors."

Not exactly a chart topper, but whatever. It sounds better when you hear Jackie Chan sing it. At least that's what I think. I don't know because I didn't listen to it.


-WCK

I wonder if the Rockies were forced to do this last night

Those of you familiar with international soccer may have heard about the epic beatdown Arsenal gave Slavia Prague two nights ago in the Champion's League. 7-0. That's the equivalent of the Rockies losing 50-0.

Anyway, pictures leaked out after the game that showed Slavia Prague bending down in a line while facing the stands at the conclusion of the game. So what the hell were they doing?

They were reportedly apologizing to their fans, even though the game was being played in London. Man, to say people take soccer way too seriously outside of the U.S. would be a major understatement. Although I'm sure Dolphins fans would have appreciated a similar gesture from their squad this past Sunday.

Interestingly, Arsenal fans applauded the act by Slavia Prague. Although that might have been because they were thanking them for their awesomely poor performance against their hometown Gunners. Your guess is as good as mine.

Anyway, it was probably smart for Slavia Prague to beg their fans for forgiveness. After all, soccer fans sometimes do crazy things after their team loses a game. You know, like shoot a player.

-WCK

Buffalo needs to chill out a bit

Sometimes a player can get under a city's skin for being difficult to re-sign. That's understandable. So you let the team trade him and then you boo his greedy ass extra hard when he comes back to town. Maybe throw a battery or two at him.

But in Buffalo, they go the extra mile. Because quite frankly, there's really nothing else to do there.

On Sunday, Willis McGahee is coming back to town as a member of the Ravens, and let's just say some people are, uh, sort of taking the revenge thing way too far.

There's a site called Willis is Trash up on the Web that has everything you need and more to hate on McGahee - for a fee of course - such as:

• Shirts that say F**K WILLIS. Check.
• Gangsta rap CD Single dissing McGahee with death threat lyrics like "You thinkin' Cadillac Coupe, I'm thinkin' more like a hearse." Um, check.
• Accompanying lame-ass rap video where guys beat on a McGahee actor and throw him in the trunk of a car. What the hell?

Now might not be the best time to inform the guys that created the site the McGahee is currently the 4th leading rusher in the NFL, while their running back Marshawn Lynch is ranked 19th. Anyway, I hope most people in Buffalo won't buy anything off of the site, but somehow I doubt that'll happen. Because most people from Buffalo aren't right in the head.


-WCK

Worst Name Ever

If we're all lucky, then the Red Sox's season will end tonight. But even if it ends here, there's still plenty of ways for The Nation to piss you off.

Since the Red Sox won the World Series in 2004, more and more families across the country are birthing their boys into Red Sox Nation with the name Boston. Man, imagine having to go through life with that name. Might as well just let the kid start teething on a bottle of whiskey.

In 2004, for the first time in a century, Boston appeared on the government's list of the 1,000 most popular names. Once less popular than Adolph (ok, I made that up), the name has made a comeback, rising to 626th place. According to the Social Security Administration, 856 boys named Boston were born in 2004, 2005, and 2006.

There are even a few celebrity fathers of Bostons, including Kurt Russell and some Survivor contestant named Shane Powers who I've never heard of and isn't really a celebrity.

And here's the worst thing. Experts predict there will only be more baby Bostons because the Sox aren't going away any time soon.

"What people name their kids is an expression of their personality and values," said Cleveland Evans, associate psychology professor at Bellevue University in Nebraska and former president of the American Name Society.

I guess being named Cleveland probably means your parents didn't like you, but still, it's better than being named after a city with an insufferable fan base.

Buena suerte Tribe.

-WCK

The LSU student section is kind to opposing teams

I'm shocked, I repeat, shocked, to hear that LSU's student section has been accused of directing intensely vulgar language at opponents. You mean saying stuff like "Teabag Tebow" repeatedly is bad? I guess it is, because the football team got the combination of Glenn Dorsey and Jacob Hester to try and quell the rising storm of vulgarity at home games. Here was the letter both stars wrote that appeared in today's Daily Reveille, the LSU student newspaper.

An open letter to the LSU student section in Tiger Stadium.

The LSU student section is the heartbeat of Death Valley and the center of emotion for our great stadium.

But during the last two games, vulgar language directed at our opponents by the student section has been dissapointing and embarassing to our school.

Your chants can be heard by the national television audience that tunes in from all over America. When those chants include offensive language, it only damages Louisiana State University. More importantly, these chants can be heard by young children in the stadium who come to see their Tigers play.

We need to support our team. You are important to our success. But that doesn't mean you need to insult our opponents. Let us, the players, take care of our opponents through competition on the field.

We are taught by our coaches to act like champions, play like champions and win like champions. We need you to do the same.

We hope you are with us.

Geaux Tigers!

Glenn Dorsey Jacob Hester

I'm surprised too. Dorsey and Hester can write? But quite frankly, what damage can possibly be done to LSU? It's not like I ever thought you were a real university to begin with anyway.

-WCK

Cubs fans are delusional

This always seems to happen whenever a major pro sports team is on the verge of being sold. Rabid fan starts site asking other rabid fans to pledge money to eventually buy team. Needless to say, there better be a lot of rabid fans out there if the minimum asking price for the team - like the Cubs - is $600 million.

But hey, might as well give it a shot, right? Some loyal Cubs fans started Let's Buy the Cubbies back at the end of June. Basically, it asks people to pledge how many shares they'd buy in the Cubs at $200 a share. They don't have to pay now, just when the magical number of $600 million is hit so they can bargain with MLB.

So, they almost there yet? Uh, not even close. So far total pledges are under $400,000 which means the Cubs will probably be going to either Mark Cuban or some greedy conglomerate. But the fans are still hilariously hopeful.

My favorite comment on the site: "We're so close! Keep fighting"

If by close you mean $599.6 million away.

-WCK

You can change your name, but you still suck

It's well known that English soccer fans are a bit nuts. And this post will do nothing to change that. A group of perpetually horrible soccer players who play for the Lynam Athletic club in the Birmingham Coronation League Alliance Division 3 (translation: a pub league) have decided to try something interesting to change their fortunes since they were the worst team in the league last year. Here's what they did:

The team needed an inspirational way to strike fear into their opposition - so they ALL officially changed their names by deed poll (English term for changing one's name) to professional footballers for the start of this season. With Peter Cech in goal and a back four of Paulo Maldini, Cafu, John Terry and Fabio Cannavaro - their defence sounds like a force to be reckoned with. And the appetising prospects of a midfield of Steven Gerrard, Ronaldinho, Kaka and Christiano Ronaldo would have any manager licking his lips. Thierry Henry and Ruud van Nistelrooy make up the front line but unfortunately, all are merely a bunch of IT workers from the West Midlands.

That means Ronaldinho no longer looks like a horse, but instead a pasty fat white guy with a beer gut. While the new Ronaldinho doesn't have anywhere near the soccer skills of his original namesake, he at least can give the name a slight upgrade in the looks department.

Now the only tough part is getting Henry and Nistelrooy to quit smoking.

Hey, at least they didn't name themselves this.

-WCK

One cheeky ball boy

This video clip is only a day old, but has already had in the range of half a million hits. I realize it's soccer, but I'm always up for seeing an English ballboy absolutely humiliate an Italian player.

-WCK

College football loyalty is up for sale on eBay

Michigan fans are continuing to take their hideous start to the 2007 campaign badly. But one guy is taking it a little further than most.

A guy on eBay, who's totally fed up with the Wolverines, is now auctioning off his allegiance to whoever wants to bid on it.

The events of the last two weeks have caused me to take drastic action. In light of the opening week loss to Appalachian State (that I witnessed first hand) and in light of the subsequent beating that we received from the University of Oregon - I am hereby placing my college allegiance up for auction.

And don't worry if you want him to root for your Division III football team. He's open to any division in college.

You also have the option - by bidding price - of what he'll do for your team.

$50 - I will wear a jersey on gamedays
$100 - I will wear team colors to church
$150 - I will learn the fight song and sing it in a public place
$300 - I will buy team gear for my children
$500 - I will paint my face on game day and go to a public setting to watch the game
$750 - I will fly the team flag at my house
$1000 - I will wear team colors for a week

And you'll love this. He also says: "I am open to other ideas..."

I wonder what he'll do for $10,000. Maybe tea-bag your arch rival's mascot.

-WCK

Packers fans - even those from Australia - are a bit off

On this first Sunday of the NFL season, which we've been waiting on forever, we feel compelled to bring you a story that speaks to when maybe you should take a time out as a fan, champ.

Wayne Scullino — a Green Bay Packers fan from Sydney, Australia — recently quit his job, sold his house and cars and moved his family to Green Bay for what he calls a once-in-a-lifetime chance to follow his favorite football team for just one season.

Yes, he moved his whole family to Green Bay to watch a washed-up QB and a team that will likely go 6-10 (or worse) this year.

After arriving in Green Bay Sunday with wife, Kelly, and sons Ben, 2, and 9-month-old Luc, Scullino said it was emotional seeing Lambeau Field and realizing he was finally there.

"It's something I've always wanted to do," said Scullino, who quit his job as a phone equipment salesman. "And with the house money in the bank and the boys not yet in school, it's literally now or never."

Some people would say with a wife and kids, this is already in the "never" category, but who are we to tell a man how to live his life? Usually the wife does that.

Anyway, the family will certainly have some difficulties. They've never lived in snow, or outside a major city, or driven on the opposite side of the road or been without a paycheck for six months. Yeah, that last one sure could make things interesting. For now, the family is living in local motels while trying to find housing.

I don't know what Scullino has promised to do for his wife in repayment for her agreeing to do this, but man, does he ever owe her big time - that is if she doesn't divorce him before the end of the season.

Speaking of that, Vegas has the over/under at 10 weeks. I'm going with the over for now, but my guess is the divorce will come when Favre has his first 6 interception game of the season - which is pretty likely to occur every week.

-WCK

Eating shit for Ohio State tickets

Ohio State definitely has some psychotic fans. I'm not sure when this video is from, but it's an idiot diving headfirst into a pool of shit to search for tickets to an Ohio State game that are buried somewhere at the bottom of the dark abyss - and don't worry, he gets a mouthful of the tasty stuff. Despite that minor complication, he takes just a bit too much joy in the spectacle, which confirms my belief that no one in their right mind should ever live in Ohio.

This is also reason #7,647 why the terrorists hate us.

-WCK

Bury your college football team's hopes, literally

I realize this isn't exactly all that new. There have been plenty of people in the past crazy enough to be buried in their team's colors and what not. There was even that dead Steelers fan who had his Sunday football living room experience recreated at a funeral home.

But this is for you college football fans. A site called Collegiate Memorials has already gotten licensing agreements with 46 Division I colleges (and they say they can do almost every school in D-I) to put the team's logo on caskets and urns. And get this, they're working on monuments and vaults as we speak. Nothing says I'm a psychotic, mentally unbalanced fan quite like your own casket, combined of course with your own vault and monument. Because I mean once you get the casket you really have to get everything else.

But how do I know I'm getting a well-known product?

• To date, high-quality Collegiate Memorials products have been featured on CNBC, ESPN, CNN, the Paul Harvey Show (WTF?), BBC Radio/London, the Canadian Broadcasting Network and major newspapers, news services and magazines across North America.

Well, that's great to know.

One of the interesting things is that not all the schools that are currently available are what you would consider big time schools. Like here's one for Fort Valley State University. Are they sure people who went to Fort Valley State can even afford a casket?

-WCK

You too can own a soccer clubhouse cancer

Soccer. A sport with intensely loyal fans that will do quite literally anything to get even with the players they despise. Today's soccer revenge comes courtesy of Ebay, where someone decided to put former Tottenham Hotspur player Hossam Ghaly up for bidding.

Ghaly wasn't well liked while playing with Tottenham, and was set to be transferred to Birmingham, but things didn't go so well with that. He showed up a bit out of shape and had been with the club only four days, with his £3 million move from Tottenham still not finally sealed, and complained repeatedly about the training exercises he was being asked to do. On August 3rd, Birmingham announced they would not be completing the deal due to Ghaly's laziness, as well as his badmouthing of Birmingham's players.

Ghaly is currently going for £10,000,000. That seems a bit high even though he's listed as "hardly ever used."

Hey, this is fairly mild treatment compared to having a fan kill you.

-WCK