Let's 1984-ize the Olympics

Despite the recent hysteria over the Mitchell report, there are actually concerns about doping in sports besides baseball. In fact, when one thinks of doping, the Olympics usually come to mind. So how exactly can we solve the doping problem at the Olympic Games?

Why, implant computer chips in athletes so you can track their every movement, of course.

Much to my surprise, it isn't the Chinese that are suggesting this - they just brainwash people. Instead it's two reigning Olympic gold-medalists, Carolina Klüft (heptathlon) and Stefan Holm (high-jump) of Sweden, that are actively looking to make this computer chip scenario a reality.

Klüft, who's asked for this rather revolutionary method to be used in the past, still backs it. But she's also now open to just putting a GPS transmitter on the training bags of athletes.

But Holm, no sir, he wants the chip. Somebody could easily jog the bag around the stadium while the athlete is getting "Roger Clemensed" in the training room, with no one the wiser.

"It's hard to be one hundred percent sure without having a chip surgically implanted into the skin," Holm said.

And I agree. In fact, I think ALL athletes should have a chip inserted into them. That way we can constantly keep track of things like:

• Whether Paul LoDuca was almost in a car accident or not.
• Which strip club A-Rod likes the most.
• If Mike Vick managed to escape prison yet.
• What Pacman Jones is doing in his spare time.
• If Florida State players ever attend class.
• Where Brady Quinn goes to cry.

So yeah, I'm all for the Big Brother approach. Let's make this happen.

-WCK