MMA stars make awesomely surreal foreign ads

There's no question that MMA has come a long way. Once labeled "human cockfighting" by Sen. John McCain, it's now become pretty mainstream. But not quite mainstream enough that you see Quinton Jackson selling Campbell's Chunky Soup. But fear not. MMA fighters are hot commodities abroad, particularly in Japan, where they make surreal and otherworldly ads.

So with that said, let's take a look at some of the ads out there that MMA fighters have done abroad.


This ad features Mark Coleman and Wanderlei Silva. It's like a cross between the Matrix and Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon. To say it's not a particularly masculine ad would probably be being kind.



Here's Cro Cop as a talk show host who enjoys punching giant coffee beans. Um, what? Exactly.


Bob Sapp is known mostly for fighting in K-1, but he's also a huge star in Japan. In Japan he's appeared in 23 commercials, been on TV 200 times, and has 200 products with his name or image on them. Here's one example of his 23 commercials. This one is him dancing for pizza. Not what you'd expect from a man nicknamed "The Beast."


And here's a Bob Sapp candy ad that, quite frankly, made me wonder if I was on drugs after I saw it.


And if there's any country that you expect awesome, high-quality commercials to come from, it's definitely Croatia. Naturally, Cro Cop has a starring role.


This commercial will make it clear to you why MMA fighter ads here in the States have a long way to go. This is Randy Couture for some car thing. It sucks.

Obviously we need to step it up here at home. I won't rest until Chuck Liddell is hawking waffle irons on ABC.

-WCK

Who exactly are these dolls targeted for?

A company called Round 5 MMA is coming out with mixed martial arts action figures for Christmas. The one you see above is an uncolored prototype of Randy Couture. There will ultimately be an entire series launched featuring a number of MMA stars.

While this clearly shows that MMA is on the rise, who in the hell are these things targeted for? Or maybe I'm just not in the know and MMA is actually the sport of choice for 6-year-old boys. Football? Football's for losers old man!

Something tells me that the primary audience for this doll, I mean action figure, will be 35-year-old men who live in their mother's basement. You know, just like me. Except I'm 10 years younger and live in a mansion.

-WCK

The best quotes of Rampage Jackson

While roaming around the net today, I found this incredible list from the OC Register of Rampage Jackson quotes that were put up just before he cruhed Chuck Liddell back in September. They're simply incredible. I know the timing isn't great, but whatever. Rampage is like Yogi Berra and Gary Sheffield rolled together on steroids.

THE BEST QUOTES OF RAMPAGE JACKSON

On MMA:
"Well the weird thing about me is that I grew up fighting and one of my friends introduced me to it (MMA) and I was like, 'Whoa, you mean I can beat up white dudes and not go to jail?'"

Rampage and PRIDE announcer Mauro Ranallo calling a Kevin Randleman fight:
Ranallo: "There's a left by Jackson ... or make that Randleman, sorry"

Rampage: "Thats alright, all black folks look alike."

Interview with PRIDE announcer Stephen Quadros:
Quadros: "Rampage, where do you see yourself in 2 years?"

Rampage: "Well, right now I'm 23, so in two years, I see myself 25."

On his UFC debut against Marvin Eastman:
"I love Marvin, he's like a brother to me. But right now it's time for some black-on-black crime."

Interview before his rematch against Chuck Liddell:
Question: "Chuck said in his pre-fight interview it's gonna be a first round knockout. What do you have to say about that?"

Rampage: "If he plans on getting knocked out in the first round that's his business."

On who is his role model:
"Right now, Chuck Liddell is my role model. I really look up to him, mainly because he is taller then me."

On what impresses him about Chuck Liddell:
"His Mohawk. I'm impressed with how he keeps his Mohawk looking like that every time I see him. I'm really impressed with that. I wonder if he cuts it himself, if he has a barber or does he have a stencil thing he puts on his head so he doesn't mess it up? Chuck keeps that Mohawk looking like that all the time."

On his main concern about fighting Liddell:
"I don't want to kill him. It's a sport you know, I just hope he survives."

After beating Chuck Liddell for the UFC title:
"You can make a mistake and get caught in a submission, but Chuck made a mistake and he got caught in an ass whoopin'."

"I'm gonna put rims on my car, my scooter, my shoes and my everything."

"The drinks are on the house if you get somebody to buy you one."

On being the victor at the end of the fight:
"I like to see my hand raised at the end of the night. I like when the ref raises my hand. That's why I shave my armpits like the professionals wrestlers. I like to see my arm raised."

On the new UFC video game:
"I never get black eyes ... because I am black."

Joking about his friend Tito Ortiz having a large head:
"They made a Tito bobblehead but that (thing) wouldn’t bobble, it would just fall down to one side and stay there."

On getting into brawls:
"I want to avoid every punch you throw at me, but I'm not scared to get hit. But I'm not just going to let everybody hit me. What the hell's wrong with you?"

On his style of fighting:
"My style is 'whoop that ass.'"

On his taping of the "UFC All Access" show for Spike TV:
"All access was every where man, they even followed me in the bathroom, I give all access to a number two!"

On his rematch against PRIDE light-heavyweiht champion Wanderlei Silva:
"When I beat Wanderlei, I'm a take his belt, pull his pants down and spank him for bein so ugly."

Post-fight interview after Jackson fought Matt Lindland:
Stephen Quadros: "Was that like fighting an octopus?"

Rampage: "Man, that was like fighting a big ass smelly skunk. Matt you need to take a shower man."

During a post-fight interview:
"If I forgot a sponsor, then you aint paying me enough."

On PRIDE heavyweight champion Fedor Emelianenko:
"He's a baaaad man. He's a nice guy, though."

On his fight purses:
"Yo man, I need to get paid. I got a ton of kids. I have like a kid every 30 seconds. Wait, what time is it? Damn, there's another one. Told ya."

On his fighting philosophy:
"When someone tries to force themselves upon you, you have to impose yourself upon them. And doing so, you whooping they ass."

On fighting Ricardo Arona:
"I wanna fight him because I don't know him and he's in the video game, and I'm not."

On the MMA crowds in Japan:
"In Japan, the crowd is quiet, this one time I heard a cute girl fart in the second row."

Some random Rampage quotes:
"My momma said never trust a catfish with a mustache."

"I don't mean to make excuses for all my losses, but I can make excuses for all my losses."

"I ain't no one's punching bag. I go to the gym and see punching bags, and they black. But I ain't no one's punching bag."

-WCK

OJ gets axed from UFC fight

OJ's had a lot of trouble of late doing just about everything. And it seems just about no place wants him to be anywhere near their business. OJ not that long ago got thrown out of a steakhouse, which I guess makes a lot of sense considering no one wants him to have a knife in his hands.

But now he's also being denied access to UFC fights. According to multiple MMA web sites, OJ's entourage (he has an entourage?) asked for free tickets to UFC Fight Night at the Palms Casino in Vegas this past Wenesday.

And OJ got denied.

There's a question as to who actually denied him the tickets, the Palms or UFC, but either way that's awesome. The fact that OJ can't even get a ticket to what is the most violent mainstream sport going on right now just seems like poetic justice.

-WCK

A fat kid against a pro MMA fighter: what could possibly go wrong?

This video comes courtesy of the good souls at Grapple Monkey and it's hard to believe someone actually let this fight happen. It's a fat kid, who seems to have been plucked from the stands or something, going up against pro MMA fighter Ben Rothwell - who's 6'5" and weighs 265. My money's on the fat kid.

Not to play spoiler, but shockingly the fat kid loses - in brutal fashion. I know, hard to believe.

By the way, where are the proud parents? They make Mike Vick look like a saint.

-WCK

Man v. Woman in MMA

This isn't the world's greatest fight at all. But it is noteworthy. It's a somewhat underground MMA fight from Rio that matches a woman up against a guy. It's pretty much no holds barred. Headbutts allowed, no pads on fists. I would have said initially the guy was going easy. But the broken nose the woman inflicts on him eventually had me thinking otherwise.

-WCK

This is why you wear a cup

I've never really been a fan of athletic cups. They chafe and are uncomfortable. But if I were an MMA fighter, I guarantee you I'd be wearing one. And the reason why is because people are losing their nuts at an alarming rate in MMA.

Sunday provided one of the more brutal examples in recent memory. At the K-1 Asian Grand Prix a fighter by the name of Musashi got more groin shots in a few hours than a man should ever have to endure. During an early fight Musashi was kicked in the groin area on two separate occasions. He managed to bounce back and knockout his opponent later in the fight.

Apparently not learning from his original mistake, Musashi entered his next fight soon after without a cup, and yet again was on the receiving end of multiple knee shots aimed below the belt. Musashi’s corner threw in the towel but it was disregarded by officials because his opponent's knees to the groin were deemed illegal. So Musashi was going to have to fight yet again. He must have been pleased.

The pain however was too great and he was forced to withdraw from the tournament. It was probably a good idea he didn't fight again because he wound up with internal bleeding in his left nut. Ouch.

If you think that's bad, and it is, it could still be worse. A veteran MMA fighter recently had a Lance Armstrong done on the family jewels because he got kneed by a training partner. Rather than go to the doctor, he let his his jewels swell to 4 times their normal size. "I just made a mistake and got caught."

You sure did buddy, you sure did.

-WCK

MMA handles steroids a little differently than Selig

While a lot of focus this summer has been on Bonds and steroid use in baseball, there are also questions regarding fighters in MMA. Most recently UFC lightweight champion Sean Shrek, and his challenger at UFC 73, Hermes Franca, both tested positive for steroids. UFC president Dana White has said he will be "putting the bitch slap on guys who get caught using steroids from here on out." Baseball would sure be a lot more fun if Selig said stuff like that.

One fighter in particular, former UFC Champion welterweight B.J. Penn, has also decided to stand up against steroids in his sport.

Here are Penn's direct words from a recent interview:

"I've suspected for a long time that a lot of these guys are on steroids when I'm busting my butt every day. I can barely walk and my body hurts and people want me to run and here you guys are cheating and doing steroids. Any of you people out there doing steroids, f*ck you guys!"

Classy. Although his words are somewhat crude, I admire Penn's stance on steroids. His direct approach to addressing the situation is a bit of an upgrade in comparison to Bud Selig putting his hands in his pockets. But if I were Penn, I'd still be a bit worried. Angry MMA fighters on a roid rage are I'm sure about the last people in the world you want to have to fight in an enclosed ring, even if you once beat the crap out of a cop.

-WCK

Wanna get your ass kicked for $3,000?

Mixed martial arts is a pretty rough sport. You've gotta train hard for months on end and all that hard work can vanish in one quick bloody mess.

But you get paid reasonably well if you're appearing in big events and facing top-tier competition, right? Right?

Wrong. As it turns out, most MMA fighters - even those on the pay-per-view card - get paid practically nothing for fighting in what are incredibly lucrative events, even if they win.

Here's a breakdown of the recent payout totals from UFC 73, that occured this past weekend.

Let's start with the two Championship fights.

Middleweight Championship Bout
Anderson Silva (winner) - $90,000
Nathan Marquardt - $24,000

Lightweight Championship Bout
Sean Shrek (winner) - $28,000
Hermes Franca - $14,000

Aside from Silva, none of these guys are going to make it rain anytime soon. Let's move on to some of the other Main Card payouts.

Light Heavyweight Bout
Tito Ortiz (draw) - $210,000
Rashad Evans (draw) - $16,000 (are you @#$%^&! kidding me?!)

Heavyweight Bout
Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira (winner) - $200,000
Heath Herring - $70,000

Lightweight Bout
Kenny Florian (winner) - $16,000
Alvin Robinson - $3,000

Nothing like being on the main card and only pulling in $3,000 in prize money like Robinson. And man, if I'm Rashad Evans, I am one pissed off dude right now. I just managed a draw against a guy that made almost $200,000 more than me. I think I'll try and steal Ortiz's wallet on my way out the door.

Now let's look at the Preliminary Card of UFC 73 where you'll start to see some incredibly low prize totals.

Light Heavyweight Bout
Stephan Bonnar (winner) - $32,000
Mike Nickels - $5,000

Lightweight Bout
Frankie Edgar (winner) - $10,000
Mark Bocek - $3,000

Lightweight Bout
Jorge Gurgel (winner) - $14,000
Diego Saraiva -$3,000

Welterweight Bout
Chris Lytle (winner) - $20,000
Jason Gilliam - $3,000

I realize that certain matchups in the sport are more intriguing and produce higher payoffs for specific participants. But man, the UFC is cutting it pretty thin on a couple of bouts here, even though all these guys will probably make some extra cash with sponsorship money. It seems pretty clear that it's better to be an undercard boxer than a top-flight UFC fighter, even though boxing is supposedly in trouble. And it's not like the UFC isn't making money. UFC 73 pulled in more than $1.5 million in gate receipts alone and the main card fights were also on pay-per-view. UFC doesn't release pay-per-view profits, but judging by past UFC events, a conservative estimate would be in the $10 million range.

Considering these guys aren't exactly fighting every week, and the UFC has been known to release fighters who make monetary demands, this sport sure puts a huge premium on winning.

Also, if you need an extra 3 Grand, I'm sure the UFC would be glad to have your body as a donation.

[Thanks to MMA Fighting for the payout totals]

-WCK