The Arizona mascot needs pants

Here's the Arizona mascot trying to show off for some kids, when things suddenly get a little weird.

The screaming girl makes it even better.

-WCK

The worst Olympic mascots ever

Yesterday the Olympic mascots for the 2010 Vancouver Winter Olympics were introduced to the world, and the reaction was somewhat mixed. Some thought the mascots were bizarre, while others thought they were great.

All I know is this: The Vancouver mascots are nowhere near the worst Olympic mascots to ever preside over the Games. And don't worry, Izzy the Whatizit from Atlanta 1996 isn't even the worst mascot ever, either. No, there were two mascots much worse than Izzy.

So anyway, let's start by counting backwards.


7. The 1998 Nagano Snow Owls
As bad as the Snow Owls are, there was actually a worse mascot before them. The original mascot designed for the Games was a weasel named Snowple, which was rejected by the Japanese public. My guess is Snowple's rejection came right before the Games started, which is why the Owls were subsequently drawn by a 3-year-old in approximately 5 minutes.


6. The 1976 Montreal beaver Amik
Amik was frequently mistaken for a turd on the side of the road.


5. The 1972 Munich dachshund Waldi
Naturally when you have the Olympics in Germany, you make the mascot a hyperactive, ultra-alert, multi-colored weiner dog.


4. The 1992 Albertville snow imp Magique
Has the dubious distinction of being the wussiest of all Olympic mascots despite resembling a ninja star. Also was a second choice after a first mascot was deemed too unpopular. How anything could be less popular than this mascot is beyond me.


3. The 1996 Atlanta Whatizit, a.k.a. Izzy
Izzy is frequently regarded as the worst mascot in Olympic history. That could be because he resembles a brightly colored sperm with shoes on, or it could be because he is a brightly colored sperm with shoes on. But believe it or not, Izzy wasn't even the first sperm inspired mascot. No, that achievement went to...


2. The 1968 Grenoble mascot Schuss
Schuss, over time, has become known as "The Skiing Sperm" and you can certainly understand why. What's remarkable about Schuss is that the French didn't really try hard to hide it. At least Izzy had hands and feet.

And last but not least, the worst mascot ever was...


1. The 1996 Atlanta Paralympics phoenix Blaze
Just a ridiculous mascot. And we have a picture of Blaze below, and yes, that's actually him.
Watch that hand Blaze, you're getting a bit too close for comfort.

-WCK

Violating goalposts will help you win games

Grand Valley State University has pretty much been violating teams for the last few seasons. They've won an NCAA D-II record 39-straight games and haven't lost since 2004. However, during their most recent win against North Dakota on Saturday, the GVSU mascot decided to get in on the action. And by "get in on the action" I mean "he started humping a goalpost totally out of the blue."

Hey man, whatever helps you win games. By the way, if Chad Johnson did this he'd be suspended for a decade.

-WCK

Mr. Testicles, the Bo Jackson of mascots, returns

I know many of you are thinking to yourselves, didn't this blog mention last week that Mr. Testicles, the the Male Cancer Awareness Campaign mascot, was going to be participating in an event during halftime of the Everton v. Sunderland EPL tilt? Yes, yes we did.

And of course, there's now footage of his exploits. By the way, I think Sunderland could have used Mr. Testicles (literally). They got destroyed 7-1.


-WCK

Mr. Testicles is surprisingly athletic

You may remember a little more than a month ago we had a links post where we put up a picture from the Chicago Marathon of a giant testicle mascot. Anyway, Brazil Thrill in a comment on Deadspin let us know the mascot is actually Mr. Testicles of the Male Cancer Awareness Campaign. Which is good news, because I couldn't imagine anyone wearing that costume for fun.

But it turns out Mr. Testicles is a sports fiend, which I guess makes sense considering he's attempting to reach a male audience. It might also be a good idea to have a sign on him that says "Prostate Cancer Awareness" so people don't just think he's a weirdo in a testicle costume, but whatever. So what sports does Mr. Testicles enjoy? Well, let's take a look.


As you can tell, he totally digs snowboarding.



And skiing too.



And don't worry ladies, he has a soft side as well. By which I mean he figure skates.

But don't get the impression that he shrinks from non-Winter sports competition. As you know he ran in the Chicago Marathon. But he's also run in the NYC Marathon.
He also kept a blog of the Chicago run, if you can believe that. It contains everything you'd expect, like this quote: The volume of support was at times deafening, but it was my fellow runners who gave me the support I needed. “Go Mr Testicles, Go ball sack man!”

He even ran across the UK this summer.
"With my pubes flapping in the breeze, I marched my way forward from Lands End at the very bottom of the UK."

Um, thanks for the description.

And before this post gets completely out of hand, he'll be taking the field to play some soccer at halftime of the Everton v. Sunderland EPL match this Saturday.

Way to go Mr. Testicles. At least have the balls not to flop during the soccer game.

-WCK

This would make me want to see a Lady Vols game

I'm sure you've probably heard about how Tennessee would like to increase attendance at Lady Vols basketball games, and to accomplish that they're giving away free tuition to people who attend at least 10 of 14 home games.

Now, while you'd never even catch me dead on Tennessee's campus, let alone at a women's basketball game, I will say this. I'd theoretically consider attending a game if I was always gauranteed a halftime show that involved mascots playing basketball, which the Lady Vols did once last year. Watch out for that shake. He may look slow, but he owns the paint.

-WCK

Soulja Boy, done by every mascot in existence

This is a video from some football game at Kutztown University a few weeks ago. And it seems like literally every mascot in the free world came to do the Soulja Boy dance, including a giant crayon and what appears to be a giant turd or a Ho-Ho, I can't tell which. Superman dat ho, Ho-Ho!

-WCK

Going Dirty Vegas on Soulja Boy

Every college mascot in America has been doing Soulja Boy. Why? Because mascots are lazy as hell. No originality whatsoever.

Except Penn State. The Penn State mascot breaks the mold and goes Dirty Vegas on us during a home game against Iowa a few weeks ago. There's something to be said for just going back to a huge ass boom box and breakin' on a piece of flat cardboard. Suck it Soulja Boy.

-WCK

The Navy Goat gonna knock you out

Is there anything better than a mascot lip synching the words to LL Cool J's "Mama Said Knock You Out"? Yes, have that said mascot recreate the video, do a little breakdance, and deck a few dudes in the process. Pure gold.

-WCK

The Japanese get a lot more out of their mascots

I'm not even going to try and explain this video. It makes no sense whatsoever. But what it does have is one insane green Japanese dinosaur mascot who just kicks ass at every sport you can possibly imagine. He climbs mountains, does wheelies on an ATV, ski jumps, you name it.

I'm suddenly really pissed at American mascots. All they do is breakdance. What pussies. Can't we at least get one of them waterskiing through a ring of fire for god's sake? I'm not asking for much here people.

-WCK