In case you ever wanted to see an Ahman Green Jack-o'-Lantern

You'd think there would be a lot of pro sports jack-o'-lanterns out there, because apparently there are jack-o'-lantern cut out kits for basically every pro team. But that isn't the case. Luckily we found some of the more bizarre sports jack-o'-lanterns you will ever see. So let's get to them.

The first is the Ahman Green Jack-o'-lantern, which is somewhat rare.
And as an added bonues, he autographed it too.

If you're worried that Ahman's the only pro (or former pro) out there signing jack-o'-lanterns, fear not. Stan Musial is doing it as well, because we all know signing jack-o'-lanterns is how most athletes make money on the side.

I'm starting to wonder if both these guys are a little hard-up for cash. Anyway, both of those pumpkins were just sold on eBay. I have no clue how rampant the practice of athletes signing jack-o'-lanterns for cash is, but I'm sure Pete Rose is interested.

Coaches are also getting in on the jack-o'-lantern action, like Mike Holmgren. Oddly enough, this jack-o'-lantern may actually be a better coach than Holmgren.


And lastly, here are some other unique sports jack-o'-lanterns.


That last one's not really sports-related, but whatever, it's awesome.

For more jack-o'-lantern goodness, Home Run Derby has some great ones, including an Ozzie Guillen pumpkin.

-WCK

Soulja Boy, done by every mascot in existence

This is a video from some football game at Kutztown University a few weeks ago. And it seems like literally every mascot in the free world came to do the Soulja Boy dance, including a giant crayon and what appears to be a giant turd or a Ho-Ho, I can't tell which. Superman dat ho, Ho-Ho!

-WCK

Wednesday links

Not a good start to the Warriors season. And they're also going to have some bench problems this year. But not in the way you think. Last year they didn't have enough guys who could play, this year they have too many. Makes my head hurt, sort of like our team cheerleader above.

On to the links.

I recommend every angry bench warmer does this to their coach's car. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]

An intriguing look at Martel Van Zant, Oklahoma State's deaf football player. [All on the Field]

Toronto has a chat with Buffalo bout dem Bills. [Food Court Lunch]

DC athletes seem to have a tendency of dating Miss DC's. Somehow, I'm not that shocked. [Mr. Irrelevant]

I'm not really sure who Don West was, but he was the man at selling sports stuff on TV. And hilarious. [Cats and Beer]

I thought about live blogging the NBA's opening night, but didn't. Luckily someone did it for me. [Half Court Heave]

A look back at Robert Goulet's NCAA basketball work. [Part 1] [Part 2] via Pop Jocks.

-WCK

I'd like a parking pass and a masking agent please

It's always great when the NYT makes an appearance here on the blog. Provides a nice break from photos of a dog humping another dog wearing a Mike Vick jersey.

Anyway, the paper of record has a story that I don't really think will surprise anyone, but it speaks to the problems still facing baseball. Apparently MLB has continued to employ a drug-testing procedure that may allow players time to mask their use of performance-enhancing drugs. May allow? Oh, it allows, no question.

Drug testers contracted by the league routinely alert team officials a day or more before their arrival at ballparks for what is supposed to be random, unannounced testing of players. By eliminating the surprise factor, antidoping experts say the practice undermines the integrity of the testing program.

Something tells me those antidoping experts might be on to something.

Advance notice of only a few hours can provide the opportunity for a player to dilute their urine, use a masking agent or employ a device that allows them to fill their bladders with drug-free urine. Or if they're really pressed for time, they can use the Wizzinator.

The way this alert system works is that the night before testers arrive at major league stadiums to take urine samples from players, officials for the home team receive a call from the testing company requesting stadium and parking passes for the drug testers. This procedure is not outlined in the league’s 48-page testing policy, which baseball promotes as one of the toughest in sports.

That doesn't exactly sound real tough to me. In fact, in sounds like the testing companies and MLB teams are in cahoots.

According to Robert Manfred, baseball’s vice president for labor relations and the official who oversees the sport’s drug-testing programs, team officials are not supposed to tell players that tests will be conducted. But naturally that rarely happens. Multiple anonymous sources from MLB teams told the NYT they receive notice often as early as two days before a test and pass on the info.

Frankly, I don't care if guys are on performance-enhancing drugs or not, because sports are merely entertainment for the masses. But since I'm in the minority on that opinion, I guess I should advise MLB to get a little tougher and close this massive, glaring loophole. I think giving testers year round parking passes so they, you know, don't have to "wink, wink" call in advance for them would be a decent start.

-WCK

Which was better: The Play or The Mississippi Miracle?

Seeing as this question has been going on for the last few days, we've decided we might as well try and answer it. First let's take a look back at The Play.


And now the Mississippi Miracle.
Now let's get to which one is better.

1. Number of laterals - The Play has 5. Mississippi Miracle has 15. Edge Mississippi Miracle.

2. Play Calls - Both announcers have their heads explode. Even.

3. Finish - The Play has the Stanford Band on the field during the final seconds. Mississippi Miracle has Trinity run out onto the field after the final TD. Edge The Play.

4. Number of band members injured - The Play has 1. Mississippi Miracle has zero. Huge edge to The Play.

5. Number of controversial non-calls - The Play has 2, one player is pretty clearly down, and one lateral was potentially a forward pass. Mississippi Miracle has at least one potential holding penalty not called. Edge The Play.

6. Classic postgame quotes - The Play had John Elway saying "This was an insult to college football... They [the officials] ruined my last game as a college football player." Mississippi Miracle had Millsaps coach Mike DuBose saying "The worst part about it is we had five or six guys just quit on the play." Edge clearly to The Play.

7. Impact of loss - The Play prevented Elway from ever playing in a bowl game while at Stanford. Mississippi Miracle prevented Millsaps from clinching a D-III playoff berth for a week. Massive edge to The Play.

So there you have it. Because of the magnitude of The Play's impact on royally screwing over John Elway's college career, combined with the fact that a band member was massacred in the process, clearly gives The Play the definitive title of best play in college football history over the Mississippi Miracle.

-WCK

Hopefully Mike Vick's prison term doesn't wind up like this

Halloween parties are great because something ridiculous always happens. Like having a small dog start humping the hell out of another dog wearing a Mike Vick jersey. There are too many potential jokes you can make about these pictures. All I know is the Mike Vick dog doesn't seem too upset about the violation he's about to receive.


HT: Investors Gab

-WCK

Tuesday links

So, Torre to the Dodgers. As a Giants fan I'm pleased about this. Gives me even more of a reason to hate him.

On to the links.

A look at this year's most epic beatdowns. Pats/Skins wasn't #1. [The Legend of Cecilio Guante]

Seems Oregon coach Mike Bellotti's wife was hammered while going off on a reporter for writing about her son's two DUI's. Hypocritical? Uh, hell yes. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]

An extensive look at the Patriots cheating ways, including the most recent headset problems the Skins had. [Ballsiest]

Emmitt Smith, still awesome, still making no sense whatsoever. [Awful Announcing]

This old Miami Dolphins video may be worse than this years team. [Deuce of Davenport]

A follow-up to the biggest loser sports city post. [Rumors and Rants]

The Giants/Phins halftime streaker. [Pop Jocks]

A 2008 World Series prediction. If the Red Sox win again next year, I'm moving to Canada. [Home Run Derby]

An interview with HOFer Larry Csonka. [Phin Phanatic]

-WCK

Devin Hester as Mona Lisa

You know you've made it when someone does a full-scale painting of you. Here's a guy doing a painting of Hester being chased by a bunch of conference mascots, the weirdest of which has to be the NY Giant. Even though Hester is only in his second season, it makes sense to paint his picture. After all, he's basically the Bears' entire offense.

-WCK

How to become an accidental sex offender

Soccer is bigger in California than most people realize. People can play it here year-round and a lot of the leagues are super intense. Naturally when you combine that high-pressued atmosphere with psychotic fans and coaches, you get a truly awesome mix.

Anyway, over the weekend not far from us one coach went a little overboard. The male coach of a Petaluma-based under 16 girls team was suspended from the league for keeping it a little bit too real.

Witnesses reported that the coach went to the center of the field after the game and exposed himself to the opposing team. Thankfully it was just his ass. At least, I hope that's all that was exposed.

Perhaps even worse than the fact that the guy has been permanently suspended from the league is that police say they are asking prosecutors to file indecent exposure charges against the coach. I think the real travesty here is that the girls will no longer have a coach who will go the extra mile for the team.

-WCK

You may have some money coming your way today

Now that the Red Sox have won the World Series, it's time for one furniture store to start shelling out a hell of a lot of cash.

Jordan's Furniture, which is based in New England and may have the most boring commercials in the region, ran a promotion back in March and April: buy any sofa, dining room table, bed or mattress, and if the Red Sox win the World Series, you'll be completely refunded. Uh oh.

Apparently there were just below 30,000 orders taken during the promotion, so a lot of people will be getting a lot of money back.

If each order was just $500 — a pretty conservative estimate — then Jordan's might end up giving away more than $15 million. But most people bought more than one item. Apparently one customer could get $40,000 back after they furnished their whole house.

Jordan's — like most companies that run such promotions — had taken out prize indemnification insurance, which covers the payouts. So regrettably they aren't going bankrupt. But estimates are that they spent at least $4.5 million on insurance, so at least there's that.

So just in case you weren't already pissed off enough at Red Sox Nation, now you've got this to add some fuel to the fire.

-WCK

Monday links

So that World Series. Not so great. Anyway, I'm intrigued by how many people are angry at A-Rod for opting out of his contract on the same day the Red Sox won the World Series. Is that some sort of a surprise to people? It seems Boras wanted him to do it before the season officially ended, so there you go. Now he can go sign a contract worth the GDP of Bangladesh. And Boston might be interested in signing him. Even though I think he winds up with the Cubs, I'd be happy to see him go to the Sox. He'd probably curse them for another 86 years.

On to the links.

One More Dying Quail interviews Erin Andrews. [OMDQ]

Phil and Kobe are taking off the gloves. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]

Are the Red Sox the team of the decade? Well, I guess so, they're the only team to have won it twice so far this decade. Right? I don't know. I just work here. [Larry Brown Sports]

A Skins fan's reaction to what the Patriots did. [Deuce of Davenport]

Vol fans are sort of mad at Kenny Chesney. You know, because he has a new favorite team every damn week. [Lion in Oil]

Sharapova - huge in the Middle East. [Part Mule]

As always, your weekly hockey recap. I know there were some huge hits this past week. And that's about it. [Pop Jocks]

-WCK

Lee Corso is totally unbiased and does not play favorites

Here's Mr. Corso just before Saturday's Penn St./Ohio St. game doing what he does best. Being a completely serious journalist who doesn't pander to the crowd. By the way, today is Opposite Day.

-WCK

What we learned from Sunday's NFL action

Not the best of Sundays. A horrifying number of blowouts today, capped of course by that ridiculous Pats/Skins game. In addition, a ton of less than inspiring games - like Cleveland/St. Louis. And here in the Bay Area, we had to watch the Raiders lose a snoozer followed by the 49ers getting destroyed. Sweet.

Anyway, on to what we learned.

1. The Patriots are ultimately going to get someone injured at the rate they're going. I'm not going to get into the "did they run up the score" question. Because they did, no question. Running a pump and go when you're up by 38 in the 4th quarter and then later going for it on 4th down is running up the score. But you know what, the Skins could have played better defense as well. But the better question to ask here is why did Belichick leave his starters in so long and risk getting them injured? Michael David Smith at the Fanhouse alluded to this and he's right. Imagine Brady getting hit in the knees in the 4th when the Pats are up by 38. Man, Belichick would be hung by Pats fans. The fact is that the Pats really should take their first-string guys out when they're blowing someone out - not to be nice - but to prevent them from getting injured. Either on freak plays or on not so freak plays when some opposing player decides to take a cheap shot.

2. John Kitna is smarter than an awful lot of us. Kitna said the Lions would get 10 wins this year, they're now half way there. I'm still not 100% sure they'll get there, but I didn't see them winning more than six games this year, so what the hell do I know? Besides, they've beaten the Bucs and Bears in back to back games. The truth is that they play in what is quickly becoming a pretty weak division. And I say that because if anyone thinks Green Bay is going to keep winning with no running game as it gets colder out - forget it. Color me impressed Mr. Kitna.

3. Brian Griese is still a pretty bad QB. I always believed that the Bears had to make a change from Rex, but I was never really excited by Griese. And for good reason. Nothing like throwing 4 picks against the Lions, 3 of them in the end zone. Yikes. The fact is the Bears have no one really to play QB, they're defense isn't nearly as good as it was last year, and Cedric Benson sucks. He's horrible. The Bears will become yet another Super Bowl loser not to make the playoffs the following year.

4. St. Louis and Miami, I like your chances of going 0-16. Both these teams lost close games on Sunday, but whatever, they still lost. Also St. Louis lost Steven Jackson yet again and Miami is quickly becoming the Isiah Thomas Knicks of the NFL. What's even better is that these teams don't play each other, so both could go 0-16. That's probably pretty unlikely, but if I had to bet on one of them to do it, it'd be Miami.

5. It's officially time to revoke Mangenius's nickname. He'll now only be known as Mangini. He's about the only person in the world who wanted to stick with Pennington these last few weeks and needless to say, it hasn't worked out so well. And losing to the Bills, well, that SHOULD be the final nail in the coffin for Pennington. As we said last week Mangini, your season is over, might as well see what Clemens can give you.

6. The Chargers look like they're back. Basically stealing Chambers from the Dolphins was absolutely huge. It just can't be stressed enough how great a deal that was for the Chargers. That gives them a very legit receiver to take some of the defensive pressure off of Gates, and man did it work on Sunday. This team looks primed for a big time run and in all likelyhood we'll look back at that Chambers deal and say that's when things came together for this team.

7. Even though Norv's a bad coach, he's a great O-coordinator. And man, oh man do we miss him in SF. Our 49ers are abysmal on offense right now and it's easy to see why. Every week teams stuff 8 or 9 guys in the box against the 49ers to stop Gore and dare whoever's at QB to beat them. That's it. And it's working really well. The simple fact is that the only difference between this year's offense and last year's offense is Norv. Same QB, same RB, same TE, same O-line. Different O-coordinator. It's hard to say it's anything else.

8. I don't expect England to start liking our football anytime soon after Sunday's game. The Giants and Dolphins combined for 187 passing yards, 7 fumbles, and two missed field goals. Yes it was played in the rain and on a slicker than normal surface, but seriously, if Goodell wants to attract more fans he better provide a better game for them.

9. The Jags/Bucs was the best game of the day. I watched it, and yet I still can't figure out how Quinn Gray wound up being on the winning team. I know it was defense, but still, I'm having trouble wrapping my mind around the fact that Quinn Gray helped lead the Jags to victory, while Alex Smith is totally inept.

10. Tom Brady is no longer the best dressed man in America. That hat he wore in the post game interview - bizarre and horrible.

-WCK

The Chinese, and Jackie Chan, are really psyched for the Olympics

The Olympics are still long way off, but don't tell that to the Chinese. They're already doing things like getting strangely awesome haircuts and building bizarre bikes. Apparently it took the guy in the above picture 2 months to build that bike. I'm not really sure why it took that long to do, but my guess is when you work 22 hours a day it's tough to build a bike in your spare time.

Also getting in on the action is Jackie Chan. I never had him pegged as a singer, but he's done a song for the Olympics called "We Are Ready." It's the official countdown song to the Olympics., whatever that means. Here are some of the lyrics.

"Waiting year after year/ We can see into the future/ Together with hard work and sweat, we've created the five different (Olympic) colors."

Not exactly a chart topper, but whatever. It sounds better when you hear Jackie Chan sing it. At least that's what I think. I don't know because I didn't listen to it.


-WCK

The Play II

The YouTube version of this is gone, presumably because of ESPN, so here's the official ESPN clip. It's Trinity College against Millsaps College from yesterday. And it took 15 laterals from Trinity to get the win. I like how bored the announcer is for about the first 8 laterals. Then things pick up a bit.

-WCK

What we learned from Saturday's college football action

I'm shocked, shocked, that an ASU fan would flash the shocker while he's on TV for about 5 seconds. It's not quite Thunderlabia, but it'll do for an ASU student. Of course later in the night, a panning shot of the student section showed everyone giving the shocker. ASU fans, all class. By the way, if you want to know our thoughts on ASU, we believe Ned Flanders said it best: "Apparently it's easier to get into heaven than Arizona State."

On to what we learned.

1. Ohio State may not be the best team in country, but they at least proved they're worthy of the #1 ranking. Going into Happy Valley and beating down Penn State was what Ohio State needed to do in my mind to prove to people they're a legit #1, and they did that. Even more impressive was that this game was never close. I'm still troubled by the fact that Ohio St. has played some serious cupcakes this year, but this was a big test and they passed it. The only team left that seems to have the ability to beat Ohio St. is Michigan. I can't believe I'm even saying that.

2. Oregon proved today that they belong to be in the same discussions as LSU for National Championship consideration. Oregon hung on to beat an extremely talented USC squad and should have beaten them by more if they hadn't had a few stupid turnovers. The amazing thing about Oregon is that they're literally one play away from being the undisputed #1 team in the country. That fumble into the end zone at the end of the game against Cal may be the difference between them playing in the National Championship and some other BCS bowl game. Regardless, this team's offense is truly something to reckon with, even though they've had a few injuries and a suspension. They can run, pass, and stretch the field in a way I haven't seen any other offenses do this year. Dennis Dixon is like a thin Vince Young and Jonathan Stewart is an absolute workhorse. It'll be tough for this team to make it into the National Championship game, but if they do get in, look out. If this team can put points up on the board against USC's defense, they can put points up on the board against any defense.

3. Speaking of USC, when do we bring out the official "Pete Carroll is a bad coach" chant? This team is ludicrously talented and now they could easily finish their Pac-10 schedule with 3 or more losses. How does this happen? Well, it happens when your coach isn't good at getting everything out of his players. If you think I'm being too critical, look at the Stanford game. The only way you lose a game like that is if you're coach doesn't prepare you for it. When Carroll had that incredible 3-year run from 2003-2005, everyone thought he was the greatest coach since sliced bread. But since losing the National Championship to Texas, a game USC really should have won (to take nothing away from Vince Young), USC has lost some truly head scratching games. The loss to UCLA last year that took them out of the National Championship was pretty terrible and the Stanford loss was about 10 times worse. Oregon totally deserved to beat USC yesterday, but still, there's something wrong with USC. And I think it's Carroll. I think he's a great recruiter, but a lousy coach. Which shouldn't be much of a surprise considering he was a lousy pro coach.

4. If you want our thoughts on BC, we wrote about that on Friday. We weren't real kind to BC.

5. The SEC and Pac-10 are too tough for their own good. Watching Kentucky lose to Miss St. followed by Florida losing to Georgia was pretty surprising. And in addition to that, Tennessee beat South Carolina. Meanwhile, watching Cal lose to UCLA and Arizona St. in back to back weeks (mainly due to Longshore's bad ankle) also speaks volumes about the strength of the Pac-10. And on top of that Arizona St. is in first place in the Pac-10. But you're nuts if you think Arizona St. is going to go through the Pac-10 undefeated. They have to play Oregon, UCLA and USC the next 3 weeks. They'll lose 2 of those games, maybe all 3. By my estimation, the Pac-10 has 6 very legit teams (out of 10) while the SEC has unreal 8 (out of 12). These teams match up against each other every week and absolutely bludgeon themselves to death during the course of the regular season. You should get a badge of honor for making it out of either of these two conferences with only one loss.

6. It looks like SEC teams are starting to figure out Florida. And by figure them out, I mean they're just keying on Tebow. He's literally their whole offense. And when you combine that with the fact that Florida only has about 6 total plays, they aren't really a hard team to prepare for. This isn't Tebow's fault at all by the way. It's Urban Meyer's fault. He hasn't done anything to take the pressure off of Tebow even though he promised to do that weeks ago. Now Tebow has taken way too many big hits and has that bruised shoulder - which is only worse after yesterday. And they've now got 3 losses. You can put all the blame on Urban Meyer.

7. The Heisman race just got incredibly cloudy. Most people going into this weekend had Tebow as the Heisman frontrunner. Then Florida lost. That would have left space available for Andre Woodson, but he had already lost to Mississippi St., officially putting a stake into the heart of his Heisman campaign. I have no clue who in the hell is going to win this thing any more.

8. Kansas is sort of good, maybe. I mean they're 8-0, but who've they beaten? Pretty much no one. But whatever. I'd love to see them go undefeated just to cause a nationwide riot against the BCS system.

9. Bill Callahan continues to dig his own grave at Nebraska.

10. I don't know anything about UCONN at all. But maybe I should start paying attention.

-WCK

Jason Elam has written the weirdest book ever

There's really no simple way to say this. Jason Elam, the longtime Denver Broncos kicker, has a book coming out in January entitled Monday Night Jihad.

You can stop laughing, because this isn't a joke at all. Even though Elam hasn't written anything since college, he somehow has authored a 350-page book that is loosely based on his life. The main character of the book will be Riley Covington, a military guy who has finished serving a tour of duty who then comes back to play for the local pro football team only to find himself brought back into the military world unexpectedly. Just so you know, Covington will not be a kicker.

The idea for the book came mainly from Elam's experiences as a pro football player. But it also came from time he spent in the Middle East. He got background for his book when he visited the Gaza Strip last year and got caught in a shootout. Sweet.

"What I was hoping to do, and think I pulled off, was contrast Christianity with radical Islam and moderate Islam," Elam said. "If Osama bin Laden himself were to pick up this book and read it, I'd want him to say, 'Yeah, that's why I do what I do. That's how I justify, how I reconcile, that's what I believe.'"

If you think there's no way this'll work, I'd have to agree with you. But apparently the publishing industry doesn't agree with us. That's because Elam already has a contract for a second book, with the lead character along the lines of fictional adventurer Dirk Pitt out of the Clive Cussler novels.

So if you're looking for a book about an NFL player who battles terrorists and solves the Mid-East crisis in his spare time, it'll soon be available. You can read an excerpt here.

I think I can confidently say without question that Elam is the new Shakespeare.

-WCK

Don't stick your hand in there

This is some British cable access program taking a look at some cheeky bastards who have been taking dumps in the holes of a local golf course. That's a pleasant prize for the lucky golfer who dips his hand in to retrieve his ball.

See, this is why I don't play golf.

-WCK

Pete Rose needs to move to Europe

I'm not quite sure how concerned Europeans are with their athletes using insider information for gambling purposes. But I guess they're a little more cool with it than people here in the States are.

That's because Bolton Wanderers goalkeeper Jussi Jaaskelainen of the EPL supposedly bet money on who his new head coach would be. Not so surprisingly he got it right and won some money. Also not surprising is that it's somewhat sketchy how he picked the right guy.

A little over a week ago, Bolton coach Sammy Lee left after a horrible start to the season. There were obviously questions about who would replace him - along with betting odds on who it would be. One person that wasn't really a popular choice with fans to replace Lee was Gary Megson. Megson was ultimately given 3-1 odds to become Bolton's new coach but wasn't even close to being the favorite.

Despite those odds, and fan hatred, Jaaskelainen supposedly put down £100 a day for 10 days on Megson to become his new head coach. Jaaskelainen also revealed he and his teammates had discussed the managerial speculation that had surrounded the club since Lee's departure.

Megson was named the head coach yesterday. So when it was all said and done, Jaaskelainen won around £3,000, which I realize isn't much for a pro soccer player. Even better is that there are already odds on whether Megson will make it through this season. Hopefully Jaaskelainen doesn't bet on that.

But I can't be the only one that finds it bizarre that athletes can bet on stuff like this when they're pretty likely to have insider information about it. Looks like Pete Rose should start getting involved in soccer.

-WCK

Unless you're Peyton Manning, don't appear in national ads

It's hard to miss Peyton Manning when you're watching TV. That's because he appears in an average of 3 ads per commercial break. That hasn't hurt the Colts at all because they're 7-0. But pretty much every other NFL star that's appeared in national TV ads this season has watched their team stink up the joint.

Let's take a look:

Steven Jackson - Nike ad. Team record: 0-7 and got injured.
Shawne Merriman - Nike ad. Team record 3-3.
LaDainian Tomlinson - Vizio ad. Team record 3-3.
Reggie Bush - Subway ad. Team record 2-4.
Jason Taylor - A version of him appears in Manning's phone ad. Team record: 0-7.
Vince Young - Madden. Team record: 4-2 and got injured.
Tony Romo - Pepsi ad. Team record: 6-1.

We realize Marvin Harrison appears in Manning's ad as well, but since he's Manning's teammate, he doesn't count.

So if you take Manning (and Harrison) out of the equation, guys that have appeared prominently in national TV ads have a combined record of 15-24 (We're counting Merriman and Tomlinson as one) with only the Titans and Cowboys having winning records. That's horrible. I'm guessing Nike wishes they had gotten someone besides Steven Jackson in their marquee ad.

At least the Cowboys are 6-1, but that's definitely because Romo gets sacked and fumbles in his commercial.

-WCK

Friday "Prepare for the Pac-10" links

Screw the World Series. I don't care anymore. What I do care about is Oregon and USC playing this Saturday. Also Cal and Arizona State. And if I feel like it, maybe I'll catch the dumbasses at College Gameday doing the Ohio St./Penn St. game. How in the hell could they pick that game over Oregon/USC? No one even thinks Ohio St. is the real #1. Great minds working there at ESPN. And by "great" I mean "dumb as hell."

On to the links.

It's a tough sports weekend down in SoCal. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]

Ben Gordan is the Doughnut Man. [Larry Brown Sports]

An interview with that Jags fan who was doing work on Thunderlabia. [Mr. Irrelevant]

The most corrupt football team in America is surprisingly not the Patriots. It's a high school team. [Rumors and Rants]

Boston can suck it. [My Brain Says Rage]

Pics of the Sox rocking out after the ALCS. Papelbon looks like a complete tool. [Part Mule]

Who are the Sox going to sit in Colorado. Ok, no more damn Sox-related links. [I'm Writing Sports]

-WCK

Looks like we've got ourselves a good 'ol fashioned nightmare scenario

BC's win tonight was huge, but it also may have thrown the ultimate monkey wrench into the college rankings this season.

The fact of the matter is that unless Ohio State beats Penn State this Saturday by a wide margin, there's a good chance BC will become #1 in all the rankings. And while that's the right thing - technically - to do, it's also just completely and fundamentally wrong.

BC lucked out last night, plain and simple, in multiple ways. The first was that they didn't have to face V-Tech's #1 QB Tyrod Taylor. The second was that they recovered that onside kick. The third was that they converted with 11 seconds left.

Now, BC could potentially finish the season undefeated and play in the National Championship. Even though I can think of multiple one loss teams (LSU, Oregon, Oklahoma, USC) and even some two loss teams (Florida, Cal) that could all manhandle BC.

Plus, Ohio State could go undefeated as well, setting up a Boston College/Ohio State National Championship. Yikes. I'd hate to see the ratings for that game.

The problem here is that teams like LSU, Florida, USC and Oregon play in far superior conferences and have to match-up against each other during the course of the season. And then they get penalized too much when they lose while a team like BC can potentially ride a less than stellar schedule to the National Championship provided they win one or two big games against a good - but crippled - opponent.

And that's exactly why we need a playoff system. Because in many peoples' minds, whether BC is undefeated or not at the end of the season, they should have to at least prove themselves against one of the big guns from the SEC or Pac-10 in order to be considered true national champions.

-WCK

Kevin Pittsnogle is playing basketball in France with a fat ho

It seems to be international sports day here at 100%, and this story is no exception. Anyway, I'm sure you've spent many a night wondering what happened to Kevin Pittsnogle. Who? He was a former white trash center at West "F*cking" Virginia. I always thought he had a hilarious last name, but I was wrong. Dead wrong.

Pittsnogle is currently playing (I use that term loosely) in France's top basketball league - Ligue Nationale de Basketball - for Cholet Basket. But he's been totally outclassed in the last name department. He's got a teammate named Steeve Ho You Fat. And no, I'm not kidding, here's his player profile page. And just in case you were wondering, Ho You Fat is actually pretty thin and surprisingly not Asian.

Neither Pittsnogle nor Steeve are getting much playing right now, actually none, but I could care less about Pittsnogle. I want Steeve to get some minutes and start improving. He's only 19 by the way. That way he'll eventually suit up for an NBA team some day. The thought of 18,000 fans yelling "Ho you fat!" in unison is almost too awesome to comprehend. Plus it would give me an excuse to yell at fat chicks during games without getting slapped.

HT: Tim's Take for discovering Mr. Ho You Fat. And me for discovering Pittsnogle was his teammate.

-WCK

Channing Crowder is having fun with us, I hope

Channing Crowder is a linebacker for the Miami Dolphins, and I'm hoping he was joking here.

Yesterday Crowder confessed (joked?) that he didn’t know until Tuesday that people spoke English in London, or the rest of England for that matter.

"I couldn’t find London on a map if they didn’t have the names of the countries," Crowder said. "I swear to God. I don’t know what nothing is. I know Italy looks like a boot. I learned that."

And he just kept going.

"I know (Washington Redskins linebacker) London Fletcher. We did a football camp together. So I know him. That’s the closest thing I know to London. He’s black, so I’m sure he’s not from London. I’m sure that’s a coincidental name."

I have to think he's kidding. Mainly because he apparently scored a 30 on his Wonderlic and also graduated from Florida with a 3.5 GPA. Then again, he also supposedly wrestled wild boars and alligators while in college, so who knows. All I know is that I'm familiar with people who could sleep through four years at Florida and still graduate with a 3.5 GPA.

Here's Deuce's take on the story, they have a rather awesome picture of Crowder.

-WCK

Thursday "Keep it in perspective" links

All day long you're going to hear people saying "This World Series is over already." Pay no attention to them. Even though the Rockies were destroyed last night, the fact remains that this was one game. It doesn't matter if they lost 13-1 or 100-1. It's one damn game. Besides, this wasn't exactly a surprise. The Sox had one of the best modern postseason pitchers on the mound and were playing at home. And the Rockies insane run was going to end at some point anyway, we all knew that, and I'm sure they did too. For the Rockies, now's the time to make the move. They've got Schilling, Dice-K, and Lester coming up. Even if they go back to Colorado down 0-2, so what? The Sox will have to tinker with their lineup and they'll be throwing Dice-K and Lester out there. This series is far from over.

Also a tip of the cap to Bay Area product Troy Tulowitzki (Fremont High). The lone bright spot for the Rockies last night.

On to the links.

Ah yes, a look at forgotten players in the CFL. [Deuce of Davenport]

Who will beat 31 NFL teams first? Manning or Brady? Then when they're done, they should switch teams and play each other for the ultimate 32 team winner. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]

The '72 Dolphins team ain't so pleased with the current squad. [Larry Brown Sports]

Who is the bigger loser? Cleveland or Buffalo. My vote's for Cleveland. They suck at everything. [Rumors and Rants]

Who should be the Yankees manager? [NOIS]

The evolution of Dirk's Nowitzki's hair. [The Pig Pen]

Proving that hooliganism is making strides in our country, a soccer mom goes WWE on a coach. [The Beautiful Game]

The Jub-Jub gets dropped in the third inning. [Home Run Derby]

The problems of fall wedding season and watching the NFL. See, this is why you should do everything you can to never, ever, be invited to weddings again. May I suggest taking a dump in the punch. [The Legend of Cecilio Guante]

A dumbass Sox fan tries his hand at making fun of the Rockies by going hick-style, which seems odd because there aren't a lot of hicks in Colorado. Sort of like how it's odd there aren't a lot of sober, rational Sox fans. Wait, that isn't odd at all. [Red Sox Monster]

I wonder if the Rockies were forced to do this last night

Those of you familiar with international soccer may have heard about the epic beatdown Arsenal gave Slavia Prague two nights ago in the Champion's League. 7-0. That's the equivalent of the Rockies losing 50-0.

Anyway, pictures leaked out after the game that showed Slavia Prague bending down in a line while facing the stands at the conclusion of the game. So what the hell were they doing?

They were reportedly apologizing to their fans, even though the game was being played in London. Man, to say people take soccer way too seriously outside of the U.S. would be a major understatement. Although I'm sure Dolphins fans would have appreciated a similar gesture from their squad this past Sunday.

Interestingly, Arsenal fans applauded the act by Slavia Prague. Although that might have been because they were thanking them for their awesomely poor performance against their hometown Gunners. Your guess is as good as mine.

Anyway, it was probably smart for Slavia Prague to beg their fans for forgiveness. After all, soccer fans sometimes do crazy things after their team loses a game. You know, like shoot a player.

-WCK

A different way to get your hands on World Series tickets

You can never really trust Craigslist ads, since it's possible someone could just be posting something as a joke. But for some reason, I sort of believe this one.

Some woman in Colorado has a proposal out there for an interested party. She's got 4 tickets to the World Series in Colorado, but isn't really interested in going. So she'll swap the tickets with you provided you pay for her boob-job.

I was one of the lucky ones and got world series tickets. I have 4 tickets in hand, but honestly would like to get my boobs enhanced....=-)If it helps here is a desricption of me, I am Italian 5'4 125 lbs, long beautiful hair, pretty face...just a little small in the breast area.... I know this sounds shallow, but I figure someone out there would like to go to the game more than me. Tickets are lower level, and I have 4....make me an offer I can't refuse....or we can make a transaction at the plastic surgeons office of my choice here in Denver....plus I will send you before and after photos!! =-) Best wishes to all......

I like how she'll send before and after pictures, just so you can see where your money went. The interesting thing is that it may actually be cheaper to buy her the boob-job than actually buy the tickets straight up. World Series tickets have gone for as high as $1,400 this year. A boob-job, when it's all said and done, usually ranges from $4,000 to $10,000. So if she's up for a cheaper job, you might actually save money. That seems like a good deal for everyone.

-WCK

Going Dirty Vegas on Soulja Boy

Every college mascot in America has been doing Soulja Boy. Why? Because mascots are lazy as hell. No originality whatsoever.

Except Penn State. The Penn State mascot breaks the mold and goes Dirty Vegas on us during a home game against Iowa a few weeks ago. There's something to be said for just going back to a huge ass boom box and breakin' on a piece of flat cardboard. Suck it Soulja Boy.

-WCK

Agent Zero stays true to the Bay Area

It seems Agent Zero, once the only reason to watch the Dubs play, is ready to come back to town with a brand new shoe. The 756 shoe. That's right, as you may remember, Gilbert wasn't a big fan of Mark Ecko branding the ball. He wanted to buy it back from the fashion fool so the ball could go to Cooperstown untouched. Gilbert even offered $800,000 to get it back. But since Ecko appears not to be interested, Agent Zero is taking matters into his own hands.

Here's what Gil plans to do, from his blog:

Right now, since Marc Ecko hasn't replied about the Barry Bonds ball to me I'm going to do something different about it. It looks like Coca-Cola has dropped out as one of the color ways for the GilIIZeros, so I'm going to do a 756 shoe, the Barry Bonds shoe. It's going to be the San Francisco colors and it's only coming out in the San Francisco Bay area. It's going to be a giveaway, it's not going to be sold. I'm going to buy probably like 8,000 pairs of shoes and when I come to town, I'm giving them away for free. This is still in the making. Please, for all the San Francisco people that want the 756 shoe to happen, write to adidas and let them know how excited you are for it so they can start making it. Free giveaway, baby. Free giveaway. Since Marc Ecko doesn't want to give the ball back to San Francisco, I'll give you 756 in a shoe.

Regardless of what you think of Bonds, this is awesome. We're going to do everything in our power to get our hands on a pair of these shoes, even if it means knocking over old ladies. The Wizards come to town on February 11th. We'll be waiting Agent Zero.

-100%

How to avoid China's pollution during the Olympics, don't stay in the country

This is a pretty big week for China. That's because the International Olympic Committee is in town to check on the air pollution at potential Olympic sites. And honestly, it's not looking real good.

Pollution levels in Beijing regularly reach five times higher than the safety level recommended by the World Health Organization. And IOC President Jacques Rogge has said unsafe levels of pollutants in the city might force some outdoor endurance events to be postponed or moved to another location.

The United Nations Environment Program plans to release a report Thursday on Beijing's efforts. But whatever that report says, it probably doesn't matter for a lot of countries and their athletes. And that's because they only plan on being in Beijing for their event and that's it.

In a story that has kind of slipped under the radar of late, it turns out that the U.S. is seriously looking into permanently basing their athletes in South Korea and then flying them into China just prior to competitions. The reason is so that they don't expose them to Beijing's terrible air quality.

And it's not just the U.S. that's mulling this. The British have already made plans to base their Olympic squad on the Chinese protectorate island of Macau, which is about 1,300 miles away from Beijing. The Australians are going to gut it out, but are apparently going to have an asthma doctor on hand.

Anyway, Thursday's findings are fairly important. Forcing the Chinese to move events probably won't help their psyche much.

-WCK

Wednesday World Series links

If you look at this matchup between the Red Sox and the Rockies, then it's really no contest. The Red Sox are a veteran team, complete with big-time pitchers and two of the best bats in the game. And they're red hot. Meanwhile, the Rockies have had 8 days off and still haven't touched home plate. But so what? What matters is that the Rockies crushed Beckett and Schilling in the regular season. What matters is that they'll make the Red Sox pay for mistakes, rather than screw them up like the Indians did. What matters is that they have no expectations hanging over them and no annoying fan base. And lastly, they supposedly have God on their side. I'm not really sure that last one counts, but with the way they've played their last 22 games, you never know.

On to the links.

Nick Saban passing the buck? Nah, he'd never do that. [Deuce of Davenport]

Mark Cuban is off Dancing With the Stars. The world weeps. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]

Mark "Dirty" Sanchez represents for Mexico. In his mouth. [Larry Brown Sports]

NOIS on the firing of Greg Ryan. [NOIS]

A former MLB journeyman now has his own song in Japan. [Ump Bump]

MBSR goes after the Pats. [My Brian Says Rage]

Some suggestions for how to make lame World Series bets better. [The Angry T]

-WCK

Everything's coming up Red Sox

Considering I'm not pulling for the Red Sox in the World Series at all, it pains me to write this post. But what can I do. The Nation is out in force doing comical and stupid things. And it's my job to bring you that news. The man you see above is Mr. Cedric Baar. He's actually a Yankees fan who lives in Rockland, Massachusetts. However, when his beloved Yankees lost in the ALDS, he decided to hitch his wagon to the Tribe in a bet to beat the Red Sox. Needless to say he lost the bet. Naturally, most people who lose a bet and have to wear a dress like to pay their price without a TV camera in their face. But Barr was unlucky, because it must have been a slow news day and Fox shoved a camera in his face to get a thrilling interview. And here's the worst thing. It's not like he was only subject to abuse on Tuesday. No sir. He also has to be out on the street in Rockland again from 5-6pm on Thursday and Friday. Sweet.

And in other Red Sox related news, 7 fans who allegedly threw bottles and rocks at police after Sunday's ALCS Game 7 were sentenced to each write a 5-page essay explaining what they have learned from their experience of being arrested. My guess would be run faster. But don't worry, this isn't as easy a sentence it seems like. I'm not sure any of them can write.

-WCK

The 21st anniversary of The Fridge GI Joe action figure is coming up

I'm not sure how many of you out there remember The Fridge. My only memory of him, aside from the Super Bowl Shuffle, is when he ran through about 40 New England Patriots for a touchdown during the Super Bowl in 1986. Later that year though, The Fridge received one of the greatest honors in American history. He became the first - and last - pro football player to be made into a G.I. Joe action figure. That was primarily because everyone hated the figure so much. Reportedly the reason why The Fridge was even considered was because a deal to introduce Rocky Balboa into the toy line fell through, apparently because Sylvester Stallone's likeness was licensed for the new Rambo toy line. I totally remember that toy line, uh, not so much. Anyway, since the idea to create this ill-fated G.I. Joe action figure happened right around this time of the year and we're nearing the 21st anniversary of its release (it was available to get from late 1986 through 1987 and again in 1989), here's a look back at The Fridge's valiant fight to stop the evil Cobra Commander.

Believe it or not, somebody actually made The Fridge the Joes' physical training instructor. The Fridge taught them how to effectively eat a 10,000 calorie per day diet.

His weapon was a black football attached to a chain. Which I guess makes some sense. Sort of.

The Fridge was also not an easy character to get. You had to save up 5 Fridge proof of purchase certificates to get him. Interestingly, the Fridge also had a 900 number you could call. Seriously.

And last but not least, he even appeared in a cartoon commercial.


I don't think I'm the only one that seems to remember the Fridge being slightly fatter in real life. But whatever.

The only other pro athlete (by which I mean non full-time pro wrestler) to be turned into a G.I. Joe action figure was Ted Williams - who was a decorated Marine Corps pilot.

-WCK

An update on athletes with illegitimate kids (Jason Caffey edition)

wanna have my baby? baby.

I'd like to thank my buddy Larry Brown at Larry Brown Sports for informing me that I needed to update this list. That's because Larry found out that former basketball player Jason Caffey, who played like a shot dog for my G-State Warriors some years back, has 8 kids by 7 women, putting him in elite company on our list. No, he's not Calvin "I should have been a Mormon" Murphy or Travis Henry. But he managed to get past Shawn Kemp, which is quite the achievement. You have to actively try to get a number that high. By the way I've also confirmed that Marshall Faulk and Ray Lewis are going to be joining the middleweights due to their, uh, productive careers.

But first, as always, a legendary story that reader Paul sent us about Shawn Kemp. It's awesome.

In college I was an intern for the Portland Trailblazers (mind you, this was during their Jailblazers heyday while Shawn Kemp was there). I did a bunch of stuff for the PR Department and one day I was filing a bunch of stuff in the office and I came across the Player Questionnaires that they have each new player fill out when they are acquired. It gives them some stupid personal info to include in the media guide and for the announcers and what not. Anyway, on Shawn Kemp’s questionnaire under hobbies it said, “girls”. And my personal favorite – under favorite breakfast he listed, “girls”.

Brilliant work Paul. As usual, we've decided not to include people like LeBron James on the list, who's at least with his girlfriend while having kids.

Feel free to let us know if we missed anyone, and we'll update the list again whenever someone surpasses Shawn Kemp's total.

ATHLETES WITH ILLEGITIMATE KIDS

THE HEAVYWEIGHTS
Calvin Murphy - 14 illegitimate kids by 9 women. You sir are our current champion.
Travis Henry - 9 kids by 9 women. All of this by 28. Impressive. He is on pace to catch Calvin. The fact that he's broke from paying child support may slow him down though.
Ex-San Antonio Spur Willie Anderson - 9 illegitimate kids. If only his field goal percentage had been as high as his impregnation rate.
Evander Holyfield - 9 illegitimate kids. Has more kids than brain cells left.
NEW MEMBER Jason Caffey - 8 kids by 7 women.
Shawn Kemp - 7 illegitimate kids by 6 women. Gives his nickname of the Reign Man new meaning.
Derrick Thomas - 7 illegitimate kids by 5 women. He died at 33. Let's just leave it at that.

THE MIDDLEWEIGHTS
NEW MEMBER Ray Lewis - 6 kids by 4 women.
NEW MEMBER Marshall Faulk - 6 kids by 3 women. Which is probably why he considered coming out of retirement.
Larry Johnson (basketball) - 5 kids by 4 women. 3 are illegitimate.
Charles Rogers - Uber-NFL Draft bust reportedly has 5 illegitimate kids...and no paycheck. Definitely the makings of a solid family.
Vlad Guerrero - 4 kids by 4 women.
Santonio Holmes - 3 illegitimate kids by two women, before leaving college.
Former Celtic Greg Minor - 3 illegitimate kids.
Ricky Williams - 3 illegitimate kids. Maybe that's why he smokes so much weed.
Priest Holmes - 3 illegitimate kids. You best keep running Priest.
Chad Johnson - Has 3 illegitimate kids.
Shannon "Horseface" Sharpe - 3 as well.
Mike Bibby - apparently had two before leaving 'Zona.

THE LIGHTNING FAST GROUP
Willis McGahee - 3 illegitimate kids in 2 years in Buffalo. Not a lot to do in Buffalo, except make babies. Lots and lots of babies.

THE GUYS YOU WOULDN'T EXPECT GROUP
Walter Herrmann
Peja Stojakovic
Wizards Coach Eddie Jordan
NHL player Daniel Alfredsson
NHL player Richard Zednik
Mike Miller
Marvin Harrison
Tracy McGrady

THE FAMOUS OLD GUYS GROUP
Steve Garvey - 2 illegitimate kids by 2 women.
Dr. J - 2 illegitimate kids by 2 women. I actually met one of them.
Larry Bird
Isiah Thomas
Jim Palmer
Darryl Strawberry
Pete Rose
Tug McGraw

THE GETTING A HEAD START GROUP
Gary Sheffield - Had 2 illegitimate kids by age 17. Added a few more later on in life.

THE THAT'S JUST WRONG GROUP
Elijah Dukes - recently impregnated a 17-year-old foster child. Also has 4 more illegitimate kids - making him a middleweight as well.

THE QB KIDS GROUP
Matt Leinart - already has one, my guess is he's working hard on another while that collar bone heals.
Tom Brady - the dream baby is here.

KEEP YOUR EYE ON THIS GUY GROUP
Noel Devine - He's not an official member yet because he's not a pro. He's an incoming freshman at WV. But he had 2 illegitimate kids in high school, and possibly more. Keep it Noel, a good start, but you've got a long way to go.

GUYS WITH AT LEAST ONE ILLEGITIMATE KID
Antawn Jamison
Chipper Jones
DeShawn Stevenson
Cliff Floyd
Mark Messier
Brian Urlacher
Rae Carruth - Yes, he fathered an illegitimate kid before the incident where he had his pregnant girlfriend gunned down.
Oscar De La Hoya
Juan Gonzalez
Andre Rison
David Justice
Andruw Jones
Alonzo Spellman
Dave Meggett
Gary Payton - From a reader: The best part about Gary Payton is that his illegitimate kid is named "Gary Payton, Jr." so that when his wife (or whatever) had a kid, and he wanted a junior, he couldn't do it without major confusion, so he named his legitimate kid "Gary Payton II."
Stephon Marbury
Jason Kidd
Allen Iverson
Latrell Sprewell
Juwan Howard
Kenny Anderson
Scottie Pippen
Hakeem Olajuwon
Patrick Ewing
Randy Johnson

So in other words, the moral of the story is wrap it up tight. Unless you're a professional athlete. Then just do whatever the hell you want.

-WCK

Tuesday links

After a Sunday of craptastic NFL games, we were rewarded with a great MNF matchup...until Garrard had his ankle crushed. I hate it when then happens in a big game. A good QB gets injured in the first quarter and it basically ends the game right there. I must have watched about 3 minutes of the second half.

On to the links.

Jags fans are freakin' dirty. But also hilarious. [Mr. Irrelevant]

Ohio State spends a hell of a lot more on its athletes than it does on its students. I'm shocked! Well, not really. [All On the Field]

USF let down Erin Andrews. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]

NOIS gives their weekly college rankings. [NOIS]

Agent Zero might want to come back home to the West Coast. [Larry Brown Sports]

Those fires in SoCal are causing lots of problems, even for bloggers. [Rumors and Rants]

Byron Leftwich's ankles need serious help. [5 on Five]

Travis Hafner promises to bring a bat next year to the playoffs. [Lord, Beer Me Strength]

-WCK