Bulls on parade, and steroids, lots and lots of steroids

I guess we all should have seen this coming. It was really only a matter of time before animals started juicing.

The sport of bull riding may start drug testing some of their competition bulls because some bull owners allegedly are injecting the animals with anabolic steroids.

Apparently it's pretty rampant in the sport.

"Oh, I think damn near everybody's doing it," said Jerry Nelson, one of the sport's top bull owners. "It ain't going to slow down. It's just like baseball, football, whatever. It's not going to slow down until you legislate (against) it."

Now I know what you're thinking. Does that mean that we have to put an asterisk by the number of cowboys Ol' Leatherneck bucked off his back in competitions? Well, maybe you weren't thinking that, but either way the answer is I don't know and I don't care.

But you'll like this comment. One owner was asked if the roided up bulls would be a danger to the cowboys riding them. His answer:

"I think they need to give the riders some steroids to help them hang on."

Excellent idea my friend. If you're not part of the solution, become part of the problem.

And for fun, here's a YouTube clip from an old post of ours of what a bull on steroids can do.

-WCK

Wednesday links of fire

The NHL season is underway. Yep, just thought you might like to know that. I don't care either, but here's a zamboni on fire for you. That's hockey related. Sort of.

On to the links.

Kwame Brown, in trouble with the law again. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]

Denver is sure interested in Ricky Williams. [Deuce of Davenport]

NOIS on the Isiah judgment. [NOIS]

Cubs hazing video. [Home Run Derby]

Michael Jordan looks a little drunk. [Lion in Oil]

How about a $92,000 season ticket? [SPORTSbyBROOKS]

The customary "baseball needs instant replay" post. [Larry Brown Sports]

AA's email exchange with the ESPN Ombuds(wo)man. [Awful Announcing]

Petros Papadakis played football at USC? And he hates bloggers. Wait, how did this shithead play at USC? Oh that's right, they sucked while he was there. [Brahsome]

An interesting way to try and get the Cubs to win the World Series. [Rumors and Rants]

-WCK

The best quotes of Rampage Jackson

While roaming around the net today, I found this incredible list from the OC Register of Rampage Jackson quotes that were put up just before he cruhed Chuck Liddell back in September. They're simply incredible. I know the timing isn't great, but whatever. Rampage is like Yogi Berra and Gary Sheffield rolled together on steroids.

THE BEST QUOTES OF RAMPAGE JACKSON

On MMA:
"Well the weird thing about me is that I grew up fighting and one of my friends introduced me to it (MMA) and I was like, 'Whoa, you mean I can beat up white dudes and not go to jail?'"

Rampage and PRIDE announcer Mauro Ranallo calling a Kevin Randleman fight:
Ranallo: "There's a left by Jackson ... or make that Randleman, sorry"

Rampage: "Thats alright, all black folks look alike."

Interview with PRIDE announcer Stephen Quadros:
Quadros: "Rampage, where do you see yourself in 2 years?"

Rampage: "Well, right now I'm 23, so in two years, I see myself 25."

On his UFC debut against Marvin Eastman:
"I love Marvin, he's like a brother to me. But right now it's time for some black-on-black crime."

Interview before his rematch against Chuck Liddell:
Question: "Chuck said in his pre-fight interview it's gonna be a first round knockout. What do you have to say about that?"

Rampage: "If he plans on getting knocked out in the first round that's his business."

On who is his role model:
"Right now, Chuck Liddell is my role model. I really look up to him, mainly because he is taller then me."

On what impresses him about Chuck Liddell:
"His Mohawk. I'm impressed with how he keeps his Mohawk looking like that every time I see him. I'm really impressed with that. I wonder if he cuts it himself, if he has a barber or does he have a stencil thing he puts on his head so he doesn't mess it up? Chuck keeps that Mohawk looking like that all the time."

On his main concern about fighting Liddell:
"I don't want to kill him. It's a sport you know, I just hope he survives."

After beating Chuck Liddell for the UFC title:
"You can make a mistake and get caught in a submission, but Chuck made a mistake and he got caught in an ass whoopin'."

"I'm gonna put rims on my car, my scooter, my shoes and my everything."

"The drinks are on the house if you get somebody to buy you one."

On being the victor at the end of the fight:
"I like to see my hand raised at the end of the night. I like when the ref raises my hand. That's why I shave my armpits like the professionals wrestlers. I like to see my arm raised."

On the new UFC video game:
"I never get black eyes ... because I am black."

Joking about his friend Tito Ortiz having a large head:
"They made a Tito bobblehead but that (thing) wouldn’t bobble, it would just fall down to one side and stay there."

On getting into brawls:
"I want to avoid every punch you throw at me, but I'm not scared to get hit. But I'm not just going to let everybody hit me. What the hell's wrong with you?"

On his style of fighting:
"My style is 'whoop that ass.'"

On his taping of the "UFC All Access" show for Spike TV:
"All access was every where man, they even followed me in the bathroom, I give all access to a number two!"

On his rematch against PRIDE light-heavyweiht champion Wanderlei Silva:
"When I beat Wanderlei, I'm a take his belt, pull his pants down and spank him for bein so ugly."

Post-fight interview after Jackson fought Matt Lindland:
Stephen Quadros: "Was that like fighting an octopus?"

Rampage: "Man, that was like fighting a big ass smelly skunk. Matt you need to take a shower man."

During a post-fight interview:
"If I forgot a sponsor, then you aint paying me enough."

On PRIDE heavyweight champion Fedor Emelianenko:
"He's a baaaad man. He's a nice guy, though."

On his fight purses:
"Yo man, I need to get paid. I got a ton of kids. I have like a kid every 30 seconds. Wait, what time is it? Damn, there's another one. Told ya."

On his fighting philosophy:
"When someone tries to force themselves upon you, you have to impose yourself upon them. And doing so, you whooping they ass."

On fighting Ricardo Arona:
"I wanna fight him because I don't know him and he's in the video game, and I'm not."

On the MMA crowds in Japan:
"In Japan, the crowd is quiet, this one time I heard a cute girl fart in the second row."

Some random Rampage quotes:
"My momma said never trust a catfish with a mustache."

"I don't mean to make excuses for all my losses, but I can make excuses for all my losses."

"I ain't no one's punching bag. I go to the gym and see punching bags, and they black. But I ain't no one's punching bag."

-WCK

Mr. Met is still having a rough time

I'm sure most of you have seen last week's Conan clip of Mr. Met attempting suicide. Well, Conan went after him again on Monday. Mr. Met's wife is a huge whore. But I'm sure you already knew that.



-WCK

So did they kill Vick's dogs or what?

I'm coming for you Vick!!!

Some of you may remember back in August there was a story about how Vick's dogs were likely to be euthanized by court order. Well, it's October now. What the hell happened?

Luckily there's finally a decent story in this sordid mess, and Vick might want to start watching his back.

All but one of the dogs seized in the Vick dog fighting case will be placed with families or put in a "sanctuary," where they will interact with people to overcome their fear and lack of socialization, according to a court order filed Monday.

I know I'd pay money to see what happens when Vick runs into Killer and Spike one afternoon.

The one unlucky dog "has a history biting humans" (and probably ripping other dogs to shreds) so it'll be drowned personally by Vick. No, I kid. It'll be euthanized. Then shot by Vick.

Anyway, I always love the official version of how the government justifies euthanizing a dog, so here you go:

U.S. Attorney Chuck Rosenberg on the dog -- identified as number 2621 -- "exhibited intense aggression to humans to the point where the evaluation could not safely be completed."

Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't that the same thing people said about Marcus Vick?

-WCK

Children Of The Corn starring Steve Nash

You know you're famous when your likeness is carved into a cornfield. That's exactly what happened to Steve Nash yesterday when Schnepf Farms in Queen Creek, Arizona announced to Nash that they'd recreated his image in their cornfield.

Needless to say, Nash found it a little weird.

"It's bizarre I don't really know what to make of it. It's just pretty cool," Nash said.

This is the fifth year that the farm has portrayed a celebrity within the cornfield. Past cornfields have depicted Larry King, Jay Leno, Oprah Winfrey and "Louis Gonzales."

"Louis" Gonzales? I guess the paper means Luis Gonzalez.

Anyway, while it may be weird for Nash to have his face carved into a cornfield, it's better than having this carved into a field.

-WCK

Tuesday links

The Bengals sure had problems at linebacker last night. I thought they were going to pull fans out of the stands at some point and send them out onto the field. Also, isn't it maybe about time that Lewis starts to feel the heat a little beat? I had no clue why Kornheiser defended him so vehemently. The team is underachieving, has no defense, commits ridiculously stupid penalties (the 12 men on the field on a crucial third down play in the 3rd quarter was awful), can't make crucial plays when they need to, and half the team has done at least a year in Rikers. Am I missing something here? When do you just say, you know what, Lewis has lost all control of this team. Because that's what it looks like from here. At least the Rockies/Padres game was one for the ages. That game more than saved the night.

On to the links.

Not a good time to be a Padres fan. [Rumors and Rants]

A response to that lame ass Mets apology email. [The Legend of Cecilio Guante]

Already a call for Willie to pack his bags. [I'm Writing Sports]

A CBS cameraman will give you Dolphins tickets if he can have sex with your 11-year-old. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]

Man, I don't know how these guys get these shots of Cuban dancing, but they (the shots and The Sports Hernia) are awesome. [The Sports Hernia]

Delmon Young one-upped Bonds in the awesomely ungraceful end of season exits category. [Larry Brown Sports]

A few Florida football players and a pro player questioned about a weekend shooting. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]

Charlie Weis, stealing Ty's hard work. [NOIS]

A petition to get Lloyd Carr and Chad Henne to permanently stay at Michigan. [We Suck at Sports]

Somebody ate a lot of grits this past weekend. [Brahsome]

-WCK

Amare's going in for surgery again

We're big fans of Amare Stoudemire, whose vicious dunks and pure raw athleticism are exceptionally rare in big men. He's also one of the true young talents in the NBA worth paying money to see. That's why today's news is not good.

According to the AP, Amare's going in for surgery tomorrow.

The operation to remove a loose particle will be on the All-Star's right knee, not the left on which microfracture surgery was done two years ago. That operation forced him to miss virtually all of the 2005-06 season.

"It's a procedure that Raja Bell just went through just to clean it up," Suns coach Mike D'Antoni said. "We have time to do it so we thought let's go ahead and get it done."

Team orthopedic surgeon Thomas Carter will perform the operation.

There was no mention of the impending surgery, by Stoudemire or anyone else, during the team's media day gathering on Monday. The plans were revealed in a news release issued by the team Monday evening.

Something about this doesn't sound good. You release info like this late in the evening so that the press can't get a full story for the next day's papers. We're also getting pretty close to the regular season, which means this probably only started bothering him recently. Hopefully Stoudemire will only miss the expected 2 to 3 weeks.

However, when Stoudemire originally had his left knee scoped in 2005 after some minor discomfort, no one thought it would result in microfracture surgery.

Needless to say, a lot of people will be paying attention to the results of this surgery.

-WCK

How much will Fire(Coach's Name).com set me back?

After a weekend of football that saw five top 10 college teams fall, Norv Turner solidify his title as worst coach in NFL history, and Lovie Smith back a QB who's maybe as bad as Rex Grossman, you have the feeling that a lot of fans around the country are pretty pissed today.

Naturally, when you're pissed at a football coach, the only rational thing to do is get your hands on a Fire(Whoever my coach is).com domain name. Back in the day, that would have been relatively simple. Just sign up, pay a few bucks, and rant away. But these days, in this tech savvy (and greedy) world, you're going to have to shell out for that right.

That's because there's a site called Redshirted.com that annoyingly owns the rights to a lot of FireCoachWhomever.com domains. Let's see what some of the big names potentially on the hot seat go for.

fireLovieSmith.com - $150 (I have a feeling this price may escalate real soon)
fireRomeoCrennel.com - $150
fireJoeGibbs.com - $250 (You've still got it Joe)
fireMarkMangino.com - $100
fireSlyvesterCroom.com - $250
fireRichRodriguez.com - $250

And just for fun:
fireMikeMartz.com - $50 (What a bargain! Of course it's a little strange to have a web site dedicated to firing your offensive coordinator)

Now I know what you're thinking. What does Norv go for? Ah, my friend, you will have to bid on that. Quite frankly, if I were Redshirted, I wouldn't let that sucker go until I got a couple G's for it. My guess is everyone in San Diego wants that domain name right now.

Some of the names you can't get, because they're already sold, include Brian Billick, Urban Meyer, and Dennis Green. I know for a fact that fireDennisGreen.com was crucial to his demise in Arizona. Or maybe it was just because he sucked. Whatever.

Anyway, if you don't mind spending all your hard earned blog money, then soon you too can bring down the hated coach of your choice. I'm just pissed that fireNickSaban.com is already taken. But then that's hardly surprising.

-WCK

Monday links

Well, you can make an argument that technically USC did.

I'm still not 100% sure why LSU passed USC in the polls. Both teams played like crap on the road but won. If you want to bring up the point differential in the games forget it. Tulane isn't nearly as good as Washington. Tulane plays in Conference USA and is 1-3. Washington is in the Pac-10 and is 2-2. This isn't even debatable, Washington is clearly the tougher opponent. Yet LSU jumps USC. It's not really that important, since as long as both teams win out, they'll face each other in the national championship. But this is why we need a playoff system. Because there are years when something like this is a huge deal, and the rationale behind the change in votes is basically nonsensical.

On to the links.

Dan Patrick's first radio since leaving ESPN, not so good. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]

Hatin' on Norv Turner. [Rumors and Rants]

Hope Solo's World Cup tirade and dismissal were the best thing imaginable for women's soccer. [The Beautiful Game]

Ric Flair, finance wizard. [Pop Jocks]

Michigan might have to forfeit the game it won against Penn St. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]

The betting odds are against Cuban winning Dancing With the Stars. [Deuce of Davenport]

The LA Galaxy seem to be doing fine without Beckham. Wait, the LA Galaxy still exist? [Lion in Oil]

Texas is not that great of a football team. [The Pig Pen]

We're apparently an influential blog. But this list leaves off some huge names, and switches from influential bloggers to influential blogs for no real particular reason. You can check and see if you're on it. [Juiced Sports Blog]

-WCK

What we learned from Sunday's NFL action

One reason I don't play fantasy football (aside from the massive debt) is because it's tough to predict what will happen each week. Last week, I'm sure everyone had their Eagles players benched. Then of course the Eagles put up 51 and every offensive player on the team had a fantasy day for the ages. So naturally everyone says, hey the Eagles are really clicking, I should start all the Eagles players I have for this Sunday against a porous Giants D. And of course the Eagles lay an absolute egg and McNabb gets sacked 12 times. Anyway, an interesting day in the NFL. And the most important thing we learned was never hire Norv Turner as your head coach. But I'm sure you already new that.

Here's some other stuff we learned.

1. Firing coaches in midseason should become totally acceptable. Because San Diego needs to get Norv Turner out of town pronto. This is just painful to watch. The Chiefs, who really aren't very good, managed to score 23 unanswered points to beat the crap out of the Chargers. Meanwhile, Rivers looks totally lost. I mean, there's just no way to explain how a team this talented can be this bad. That all falls entirely on Norv Turner. I wonder if he made it home alive last night.

2. Brian Griese looks a lot like Rex Grossman. Last week I said Rex Grossman should never start another game. I still stick with that statement. But I never, NEVER said the Bears should turn to Griese. I realize they don't have a lot of other options, but hey, why not trade for somebody? Remember how Charlie Frye was traded after Week 1, it can be done. I'm not sure what Bears fans were drinking when they were calling for Griese. He's not a good quarterback, period. The upgrade from Rex to Griese is minimal - or as Sunday showed, there's no difference whatsoever. The Bears need a new QB, period. UPDATE: I missed that the trading deadline has passed. Well, there's got to be somebody bagging groceries out there who's better than Griese.

3. The Bills may have found a real quarterback. Trent Edwards grew up only a couple towns away from where Dwyermaker and I did. He was an unreal high school QB, but a lot of people wondered what he'd do once he went to Stanford - because Stanford SUCKS. Edwards had a pretty rough stretch at Elway's alma mater, only playing one injury free season while compiling a hideous 10-20 record as a starter. Quite frankly, Dwyermaker and I were surprised as hell he was drafted in the third round by the Bills. We'd more or less forgotten who he was. But there's a reason Edwards was drafted so high. Guy has arm strength, accuracy, and he's intelligent. And he certainly wasn't the reason Stanford was so bad. The question always was, what could he do with some legitimate talent around him? Although saying the Bills have talent may be going too far, they're at least a pro team, so they have people who can sort of play. As a result, Edwards was very solid today, and extremely accurate - going 22/28. If the Bills are smart, they'll let Edwards play for more than a few games and bench Losman when he comes back. The Bills may have drafted a true diamond in the rough in Edwards. Might as well see what he can do, because you aren't going anywhere with Losman.

4. Green Bay could win 12 or 13 games this year. That sounds nuts, but when I look at how they've played, and I look at their schedule, it's totally possible. They have a ridiculously easy schedule. However, I'm confident Favre will throw away at least two games with boneheaded interceptions, yet the announcers will say, "It's ok! He's a gunslinger!" Whereas they'd crush any other QB in league, including Manning, for doing something that stupid. So be prepared for a full season of announcers orgasming over Favre. Also, can someone tell me where in the hell this "Favre is managing games" idea came from? It's not true at all. He's just as wild as always, the only difference is he hasn't been getting picked off this year and he has a better defense helping him out. This team is just lucky it plays in the NFC, they'd likely be 2-2 or 1-3 if they played in the AFC. Also, considering Favre seems incapable of retiring, has been addicted to painkillers (some say he still is), and struggled with alcoholism, I wouldn't be surprised in the least if he dropped dead before turning 50. He's taken two lifetimes worth of punishment before turning 40.

5. The Raiders, Lions, and Bucs are starting to look semi-legit. Sure the Raiders played Miami yesterday, but Culpepper sure looked sharp. Plus the Raiders have a real scrappy appeal to them. They're 2-2, have played hard in every game, and if not for that Shannahan timeout in Denver, they could be 3-1. I had my doubts about Lane Kiffin, but he's clearly got this team playing well, even if they're not the most talented team in the NFL. I thought after starting out 0-2, you might see this team start to take a dive. Instead they've won back to back games. Gotta credit Kiffin for that to some degree. Meanwhile, Detroit, after getting blown out by Philly, had people wondering if they were actually for real. They responded by rattling off an unreal 34 points in the 4th quarter against Chicago to prove they're here to stay this year. Yes, the Bears aren't great, and yes the Lions sure can't do this every week, but it's starting to feel like the Lions are a team of destiny. And by team of destiny, I mean they make the playoffs and get bounced in the first round. But hey, that's still pretty good in Detroit. And lastly the Bucs are now 3-1, proving that maybe Philly should have hung onto Garcia.

6. You might as well just give the NFC West to Seattle now. The Rams are 0-4, the Cardinals may be 2-2 and did just beat the Steelers, but that dual immobile QB carousel is going to go south at some point, and the 49ers have the worst offense I've seen since last year's Raiders team. By the way, I'm a believer in the Shaun Alexander sucks camp that was first brought up in Simmons' recent NFL picks. He's the biggest sissy running back since Eric Dickerson, which is backed up by these stats here. Seattle is a better than mediocre team, but this division is horrible.

7. It sounds weird, but the Texans lost a game they shouldn't have. I can't ever remember saying that before. They should be able to recover, and granted they played without Andre Johnson, and Harrington played well, but really no one should be losing to Atlanta this year.

8. The Eagles stink when they don't play in bizarre 1930's uniforms. I also have the feeling that whenever I watch the Eagles, they suck. I watch them and McNabb starts throwing balls into the ground and moving like a sloth and gets sacked 12 times. When I don't watch, they put up 51. Me aside, I think the real problem is that the Eagles didn't have Westbrook for the game. He's literally the guy that opens up everything for the Eagles offense and their only big play guy. Take him out, you lose the play action, you lose the run, you lose the game. The Eagles without Westbrook are a really, really bad team.

9. Joey Porter is an idiot. Porter promised a huge win for the Dolphins, and they were killed by the Raiders, 35-17. Way to go Joey. I predict that Porter will predict that the Dolphins win next week's game because he predicted this last week's game wrong. That's gotta work.

-WCK

Papelbon: Lord of the Dance

I don't really know what to say about this video. But it's the Red Sox celebrating after winning the AL East. I really hope everyone was drunk.

-WCK