Is James Lipton gonna have to choke a bitch?

This isn't sports related at all, but it was too good to pass up and it's a slow day, so here you go. It seems Inside the Actors Studio host James Lipton was a pimp for a period of time in Paris back in the day. I'm still having a hard time imagining that, but whatever, I'll let him explain.

"This was when I was very very young, living in Paris, penniless, unable to get any kind of working permit... I had a friend who worked in what is called the Milieu, which is that world and she suggested to me one night, 'Look, you'll be my mec...' We would translate it perhaps... as pimp. We were earning our living together, this young woman and I, we made a rather good living, I must say."

I'm sure it was good living indeed. With loads of benefits. Nasty, STD-ridden benefits. This has got to be awful high up there on the WTF list is all I can say. By the way, maybe SNL should bring back Will Ferrell for a new James Lipton sketch. I'd actually watch SNL for that.


-WCK

Vancouver is not your brother's keeper

When you host the Olympics, one of the things you want to do is tidy up your city just before everyone comes to town. That way people will see how clean and great your city is and will hopefully come back to visit again some day.

But it's tough cleaning up a city, especially when smelly homeless junkies are out doing heroin and crack all over your streets. So what do you do when you're looking to cut the homeless problem in your city by 50% by the time the Olympics come to town? Why, you stick said homeless drug addicts on a one-way plane out of town is what you do.

Yep, Vancouver is in the midst of seriously considering a plan to fly homeless and drug addicted individuals out of the city in time for the 2010 Olympics. That's because Vancouver - despite having the reputation of a clean city - has what a U.N. official recently called one of the world's worst slums in an affluent city. And the plan to send people off on planes wasn't cooked up by some nut. It was devised by the Chief of Police, the Civil City Commissioner, and a member of the Vancouver Board of Trade. Classy.

The plan is to collect a ton of donated frequent flyer miles and then "send people back to where they came from." Which I believe would be the gutter...of some other city. Truly a problem solving plan if ever there was one.

And just so everyone knows it's serious, the chairman of the Vancouver Board of Trade has already donated 100,000 miles. Because those miles definitely get to the root of the problem.

If you think this is bad (or maybe you think it's good), Atlanta did something similar in 1996 just before the Olympics. They rounded up as many homeless people as they could find, threw them on buses, drove them to the edge of the city and then threatened them with six months of jail time if they returned. Sort of like Rambo, except no homeless people came back and shot up a police station. Yet.

But hey, at least homeless people in the US and Canada get free plane trips and bus rides when the Olympics come to town. I have a feeling they won't be doing that in China.

-WCK

Keep your drawers on son

Japanese game shows are notoriously weird. But this one may take the cake. It's the "see how long you can keep your drawers on before five people acting together can rip them off you" game. And for some reason a football team makes an appearance. I really don't know what to say.

-WCK

Monday links

The Red Sox are back in the World Series, and they're noticeably becoming the new Yankees. But that's ok. Because the Rockies are a team of destiny. Plus, they hammered the snot out of Schilling and Beckett in interleague this year. So to everyone out there who says they have no chance, they most certainly do. As for Cleveland, it's hard to believe they actually led the series against Boston 3-1 at one point. Let alone that they actually had a chance to win it. Considering Sabathia and Carmona turned in 4 putrid performances, the fact that the Indians made it to a Game 7 is sort of astonishing. And maybe says something as well about Boston's pitching. Kind of a bizarre series to say the least.

On to the links.

SI seems to have found a new Jenn Sterger. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]

The iShoe is here, helping to make you even lazier - and nerdier. The video, just for the music alone, is worth watching. [Deuce of Davenport]

SI sucks at boxing coverage. [Larry Brown Sports]

The Yankees are huge cheapskates. It's Costanza's fault, I gaurantee it. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]

Some cheeky free kicks in soccer. And man are some of these ever impressive. [The Beautiful Game]

Your weekly NHL recap, because we don't give you one. [Pop Jocks]

I always enjoy the 'ol search term post. Lot of strange search terms in this one. [Doberman on the Diamond]

-WCK

Germans like racing kitchen appliances

I had no idea about this, but apparently over in Germany wok-racing is a real sport. Yeah, woks. They modify Chinese woks and race them down an Olympic bobsled track in real competitions. Sounds incredibly safe to me. I'm going to see what I can get out of my cheese grater this winter.

HT: Neatorama

-WCK

What we learned from Sunday's NFL action

During the Niners/Giants game, I was informed that the game following it would be Cowboys/Vikings. Considering Sunday's slate of extremely crappy games, that was a pretty good matchup. Yet when the Niners game ended, Fox cuts off and goes to the Niners post-game show called The Point After. So instead of watching a game featuring the NFC's best team and the current rookie of the year, I get a show recounting the beatdown the Niners took from the Giants. I don't know who was responsible for that, but you can go to hell.

1. The Patriots seem hell-bent on destroying every team in the league. They put on an absolute clinic in the first half against the Dolphins. And why were people saying the Dolphins might surprise the Pats in this game? I realize the Pats have always had trouble against the Dolphins, but the Dolphins are horrible this year. The Pats could have gone through the motions and won that game. It also looks like Brady is seriously mad that a lot of people said Peyton Manning was definitively the best QB in football after he won the Super Bowl last year. I wouldn't be surprised if Brady rips Manning's head off during their matchup later this year. Brady looks like a man possessed with becoming the best QB ever, and he might do it. Now, another question is, was putting Brady back in during the 4th quarter classless? I don't really think so, considering Cassell had just thrown an INT returned for a TD to put the Fins within 21 with 10 minutes to go. But the truth is it doesn't matter what I think at all. It matters what the Dolphins think. And considering these teams play each other again - it could be an interesting rematch. Would I be surprised if Brady gets his bell rung? Not really.

2. As crazy as it sounds, the Saints may actually get back in the playoff mix. Since Tampa Bay lost today, and Carolina has the excellent tandem of Testaverde/Carr, I actually think the Saints can do it even though I wrote them off last week. They play my inept Niners next week which could get them to 3-4 and put them right back in it. Granted they have to go play the Jags the week after that, but whatever. Their division is terrible. I think it also says something about the NFC that an 0-4 team can actually still get back in the playoff picture. And it's not good.

3. Tom Coughlin probably won't be fired at the end of the season if the Giants keep playing like they are. That's because since starting out 0-2, the Giants have won 5 straight and their defense has gone absolutely nuts. Osi Umenyiora is playing like the reincarnation of LT. Of course the question is how will the Giants do in the second half? They've been horrible in the second half in recent years. But right now, everything's clicking. Maybe Coughlin just finally pulled that stick out of his ass (Tiki Barber?). Whatever it is he did, it's working.

4. Considering the Dolphins and Rams don't play each other, we could have two teams that go 0-16. I'd actually be excited to see this happen. It's not every year you can see a team go winless, and it's arguably harder to do than go undefeated. I don't think it'll happen, but both of these teams are seriously awful. I can't see either of them winning more than two games.

5. The Eagles aren't going to make the playoffs. That game between the Bears and Eagles was huge on Sunday. Two teams desperate for a win, and the Bears got it. Plus in two weeks the Eagles have to play the Cowboys. Yikes. Combine that with the fact that the Giants have now won 5 straight, the Redskins are 4-2, and man, it's over. Not to mention that McNabb can't run anymore, he has no receivers, and Andy Reid is challenging Mike Holmgren for the title of stupidest coach of the year through Week 7.

6. Speaking of sucking, it's probably time we take the Mangenius title away from Mangini. Despite the whole world telling him he needed to go to Kellen Clemens, he stuck with Pennington. And as a result they lost to the Bengals. You're not going to the playoffs, you might as well go to Clemens now, at least see what you've got.

7. I should say something about the Chiefs/Raiders game because I watched it, but I don't care. It was like watching paint dry.

8. The Steelers are impossible to figure out. On their good weeks, they look like a team that could at least challenge the Patriots for a few quarters. But then they lose games to Arizona and a Denver team that easily could have been 0-5 entering Sunday night's game. Sure Denver was playing at home, but so what? The Steelers should beat them. I have no clue with this team anymore. They're like the UCLA of pro football.

9. Watch Monday night's game. It'll be good, I hope.

-WCK

A chance to destroy the Fox NFL robot

All of us are familiar with the annoying Fox NFL Robot. He usually comes out of the left corner of your screen to do some calisthenics during a critical drive. Why a robot has to stretch out is beyond me, but whatever.

Despite the intense animosity on the Web directed at the robot, Fox actually has plans to release an NFL Robot doll action figure in November. Yes, you read that right. Let's give you the details.

This 10 inch posable PVC plastic action figure features the highest quality and greatest attention to detail available in an action figure. The FOX NFL Robot utilizes its fully articulating joints to evade defenders and score touchdowns. A must-have piece for every sport fanatic's collection.

It can evade defenders? I guess my Lego men are going to have a hard time taking this robot down.

The robot costs $19.95, suggesting it might not actually be made of the highest quality and that it's probably a foolish buy. But still, paying $20 bucks to watch this thing melt in the microwave would probably be $20 well spent.

[Warning: Destroying robot doll may not get robot to vanish from your TV screen]

-WCK

What we learned from Saturday's college football action

Parity - or as I saw it on one site earlier today: parody - is definitely making itself felt in college football. Let's get to what we learned.

1. Announcers and talking heads like to blow stuff way out of proportion. In the LSU/Auburn game the announcers, and later Mark May (who's an idiot by the way), went nuts about LSU going for the touchdown pass. May even went so far as to say that LSU would have lost had the ball been tipped. Yeah that's possible, if the ball had been tipped about 5 times. I don't know what the hell everyone else was watching, but when the ball was caught by the receiver, there were still 5 seconds on the clock. Had he dropped it, the refs would have reviewed the play and reset the clock to 4 or 5 seconds left (as Rece Davis pointed out to May). And it'd be an incomplete pass so the clock would be stopped. And LSU still had a timeout. I mean, am I missing something here? Why did everyone have their panties in a knot? Miles knew exactly what he was doing and announcers and color guys are still idiots.

2. Oklahoma is not the best one loss team in the country. They were listed this past week as the best 1-loss team by both the AP and USA Today polls. The BCS (rightfully) had LSU ahead of them. As many of you who read this site know, I have almost no respect for the Big-12. And Oklahoma's performance on Saturday did nothing to change that. They let doormat Iowa State hang around the whole game. That better cause the jackasses involved in the AP and USA Today polls to drop them down. Both LSU and Oregon should move ahead of Oklahoma.

3. Speaking of Oregon, they might be the best team in the nation behind LSU. I'm not saying Ohio St. isn't deserving of being #1 currently, but are they the best team in the nation? No way in hell. Oregon, playing without a litany of players on offense due to injuries and suspensions, still rushed for an unreal 465 yards and annihilated the Huskies in the 4th quarter. If Oregon hadn't made two awful and totally avoidable late game turnovers in Eugene against Cal earlier this year, they would have won that game. And they'd be the #1 team in the country right now, ranked ahead of Ohio St. due to the strength of their schedule.

4. Notre Dame should probably seriously consider firing Weis at the end of the season. Because despite getting absolutely pummeled 38-0 by USC, the worst thing is that USC didn't even play that well. And the last time Notre Dame got blanked this badly at home Al Capone had just been sent to Alcatraz. Plus Weis has had a number of top flight recruits walk out on the program, including 4 sophomores (ie: he's lost control of the team). And he clearly made a mistake by starting Clausen too early and having his brains beaten out. And it isn't helping that he's now suddenly switched to Sharpley. Man, this team is an absolute shitshow. And it couldn't have happened to a more arrogant, know-it-all prick. I'm loving every minute of it.

5. Trick plays are awesome. Saturday's most intriguing trick play came courtesy of Colorado when the QB faked trying to retrieve a fumble and then hit a wide open tight end for a TD. Great play.

6. Tim Tebow will likely play in the NFL, but it sure as hell won't be at quarterback. Yes he threw for 4 TDs today, but I have yet to see him throw a tight spiral, he doesn't play in a pro-style offense, and he's not consistently accurate (despite some good passes on Saturday). And speaking of not playing in a pro-style offense, hell you could teach a monkey the Florida offense in about 30 minutes. It's basically 8 plays. Tebow does have a very strong arm, but when you looked at who he was facing today - Andre Woodson - the difference between those two guys is night and day. Woodson's a pro QB, Tebow isn't. Period. Of course the question is what would Tebow play then? Well, he's too big and not shifty enough to be a running back at the pro level. And he's too slow to be a wide receiver. I think he'd be a pretty good TE. And unless he becomes a better passing QB in the next two years, that's exactly what he's going to have to be if he wants to play in the NFL.

7. The team that best represents this bizarre college football is UCLA. They were a team that many picked to do some serious damage in the Pac-10 and they started out great. Then they got crushed by a horrible, horrible Utah team. Then they righted the ship for a few games, totally blew some people out...then got waxed by Notre Dame. WTF? Then they follow that piece of shit performance up by beating Cal - who was at full strength. Talk about a roller coaster ride. UCLA is the absolute Jekyll/Hyde team, just like the college football season.

8. Football in the state of Florida isn't what it used to be. Florida State and Miami played on Saturday, which always used to be an epic matchup. Instead, I didn't even know the game was going on. Man, that's just sad.

9. Bill Callahan might as well start digging his own grave.

10. The Big-10, not so good. Congrats on having two teams this season lose to former I-AA schools. You might actually be a worse conference than the Big-12.

-WCK

Buffalo needs to chill out a bit

Sometimes a player can get under a city's skin for being difficult to re-sign. That's understandable. So you let the team trade him and then you boo his greedy ass extra hard when he comes back to town. Maybe throw a battery or two at him.

But in Buffalo, they go the extra mile. Because quite frankly, there's really nothing else to do there.

On Sunday, Willis McGahee is coming back to town as a member of the Ravens, and let's just say some people are, uh, sort of taking the revenge thing way too far.

There's a site called Willis is Trash up on the Web that has everything you need and more to hate on McGahee - for a fee of course - such as:

• Shirts that say F**K WILLIS. Check.
• Gangsta rap CD Single dissing McGahee with death threat lyrics like "You thinkin' Cadillac Coupe, I'm thinkin' more like a hearse." Um, check.
• Accompanying lame-ass rap video where guys beat on a McGahee actor and throw him in the trunk of a car. What the hell?

Now might not be the best time to inform the guys that created the site the McGahee is currently the 4th leading rusher in the NFL, while their running back Marshawn Lynch is ranked 19th. Anyway, I hope most people in Buffalo won't buy anything off of the site, but somehow I doubt that'll happen. Because most people from Buffalo aren't right in the head.


-WCK

Worst Name Ever

If we're all lucky, then the Red Sox's season will end tonight. But even if it ends here, there's still plenty of ways for The Nation to piss you off.

Since the Red Sox won the World Series in 2004, more and more families across the country are birthing their boys into Red Sox Nation with the name Boston. Man, imagine having to go through life with that name. Might as well just let the kid start teething on a bottle of whiskey.

In 2004, for the first time in a century, Boston appeared on the government's list of the 1,000 most popular names. Once less popular than Adolph (ok, I made that up), the name has made a comeback, rising to 626th place. According to the Social Security Administration, 856 boys named Boston were born in 2004, 2005, and 2006.

There are even a few celebrity fathers of Bostons, including Kurt Russell and some Survivor contestant named Shane Powers who I've never heard of and isn't really a celebrity.

And here's the worst thing. Experts predict there will only be more baby Bostons because the Sox aren't going away any time soon.

"What people name their kids is an expression of their personality and values," said Cleveland Evans, associate psychology professor at Bellevue University in Nebraska and former president of the American Name Society.

I guess being named Cleveland probably means your parents didn't like you, but still, it's better than being named after a city with an insufferable fan base.

Buena suerte Tribe.

-WCK

Rick Reilly is leaving SI

SPORTSbyBROOKS has one big story. It seems that Rick Reilly is leaving SI at the end of November to pursue a career in television.

My question is why would he leave? He does less work than Bill Simmons on a weekly basis and probably gets paid twice as much.

And TV? Man, I hope he's not making that jump because he thought Riffs of Reilly was great or something. Because that bit on SI.com was horrendous beyond belief.

-WCK

South Africans make Ocho Cinco look like a wimp

In honor of Saturday's Rugby World Cup Final pitting the Boks of South Africa against the pasty white guys of England, here's a video of SA super winger Bryan Habana racing a cheetah. To prevent the animal from attacking Habana, they tied a piece of bait to the end of a long string to be pulled during the race. That's a totally fullproof plan if you ask me. Technically the cheetah barely won, but that's a much tougher (and deadlier) opponent than a wimpy-ass horse. Suck it Chad Johnson.

-WCK