Offroading is fun and safe

My favorite part about this video is that there are at least four people who, for whatever reason, came to the conclusion that running a car up a 70-degree rock incline would be a good idea. I'm not sure what possesses ordinary people to try insane stunts like this, but my guess would be alcohol - lots and lots of alcohol. And possibly inbreeding.

-WCK

In case you want your New Year's party invitation rescinded...

Normally during the holiday season, you're supposed to send out Christmas cards to friends and people you know. Even though you may not enjoy doing this, it's at least a good, friendly gesture that people appreciate during the holidays.

But the times they are a changing, my friend.

ESPN has decided to add some flavor to an old holiday tradition, and by "add some flavor to", I mean "completely take a dump on."

Yes, there are now 8 stupid "Holiday Smack Cards" that you can send out to insult people during the Christmas holiday. Which is a great idea. Nothing says Christmas cheer like getting a holiday card that calls you a loser.

The e-cards also directly target the Yankees, Chicago Bears, and Notre Dame. The least original may be Grossman and Griese throwing "gift-wrapped" interceptions to defensive backs. It took a brilliant mind to come up with that. Probably the same brilliant mind that came up with the "Enjoy the Whatever Bowl loser!" insult. There is no comeback to that my friends.

Sometimes an idea is so bad, it's good. And other times, an idea is so bad, it should be buried 6-feet deep and never discussed again. This is one of the latter.

-WCK

Eddie Jones is still playing in the NBA?

This video has already made it around the interwebs a bit, but it's the Friday before Christmas and I don't feel like writing much. And odds are you're either half-drunk as you read this or you're already out of the office and aren't reading it anyway.

Anyway, this video is proof that Eddie Jones is still playing in the NBA, which was a total shock to me. It's from last Friday's game against the Hornets. Eddie is his usual savvy veteran self.

-WCK

This could end badly

I actually remember a time when motocross guys doing a backflip was considered completely nuts. That was like 5 years ago. Now, a backflip is considered par for the course.

Well, now race cars want to get into the mix as well. Yes, you read that right.

On New Year's Eve at the Rio Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas, Nevada, some crazy dude named Rhys Millen will attempt the first ever - purposely performed - backflip of an off-road racing truck.

What's hilarious is that even Rhys has never done this, the photo above is a photoshop. But don't worry, he's qualified for it, right?

As Auto Blog notes: The experiment is no far stretch for Mr. Millen as he has performed many movie stunts behind the wheel, along with claiming Pike's Peak and Formula D titles.

Yes, because winning truck series titles is definitely the equivalent of launching your truck 3 stories into the air to do a backflip. I can't see any problem with that logic at all.

Anyway, if you're looking for a YouTube clip for your blog on January 1st, whatever transpires at this event is probably right up your alley.

-WCK

Muhammad does not approve of your soccer jersey

Just when you think the world couldn't get any more ridiculous than it already is, something like this pops up.

It seems a Turkish lawyer just filed a complaint with UEFA, the European football federation, in response to Italian club Inter Milan having worn a jersey with a symbol of a cross on it during a November game against the Turkish team Fenerbahçe.

Personally, I think the lawyer's just pissed that Fenerbahçe got trounced 3-0, because he wants UEFA to cancel the three points earned by Inter Milan for the victory.

But the lawyer has also asked a Turkish tribunal to sanction Inter Milan for wearing the shirts which he says reminded Turks of an emblem of the Christian order of the Knights Templar. Asking a Turkish tribunal to sanction the team seems kind of odd considering Inter Milan decided not to wear the controversial shirt during the first matchup of the teams in Istanbul. They instead wore the jersey at home, in Italy.

Obviously Muslims have some issue with the jersey, since the symbol on it is closely tied to the Crusades of the Middle Ages.

But, guess what...most African and Arab teams, including Turkey, display the Muslim symbol - a crescent moon and a star - on their jerseys. Haven't heard anyone up in arms about that yet.

So, in other words, the moral of the story here is, uh, complain about other religions that do the exact same thing that you do. But proclaim that your religion is correct because you worship the right God.

Yes, that'll solve everything.

-WCK

Who in the hell invents stuff like this?

There are times when you see a TV commercial and you to say to yourself, "They're not seriously trying to sell that, are they?"

Well, yes, they are trying to sell a putter with a scantily clad fat chick on it. I'd have to think Augusta frowns on something like this, but who knows. I just hope John Daly uses one of these things at his next tournament.

-WCK

College sure has gotten nerdier since I left

I have never read a single Harry Potter book, so I don't really know what Quiddich is, but it looks, uh, ridiculously stupid. This video is of the Vassar Quiddich team preparing for the Quiddich World Cup which was held a few weeks ago at Middlebury College in Connecticut - by which I mean Vermont. In case you were wondering, Vassar lost 120-0, or so the comments section of YouTube tells me. I'm not sure what's worse, that there are people playing this made up sport, or that there are people good enough at it to destroy another team 120-0.

-WCK

Nick Saban one ups Kellen Winslow Jr.

Some individuals are born to lead men into combat. Like Dwight Eisenhower, Stormin Norman Shwartzkopf, and of course Kellen Winslow Jr. Remember, he's a soldier.

Now you can add General Nick Saban to that illustrious list. Tell the boys what they're fighting for and where that loss to UL-Monroe ranks in world history.

"Changes in history usually occur after some kind of catastrophic event," Saban said during the opening remarks of his weekly news conference on Monday. "It may be 9-11, which sort of changed the spirit of America relative to catastrophic events. Pearl Harbor kind of got us ready for World War II, or whatever, and that was a catastrophic event."

Ok, so let's get this straight. The three most catastrophic attacks on American soil have been:

1. 9/11
2. Pearl Harbor
3. UL-Monroe beating Alabama

Well, we needed something to fill the #3 spot, and lord knows the War of 1812 wasn't going to cut it. Although judging by the way Saban used "kind of" and "or whatever" to describe Pearl Harbor, perhaps we can move UL-Monroe beating Alabama up to #2.

I've never been more excited to see Alabama lose again. If they lose to Auburn this Saturday, maybe Saban can bring in some intergalactic struggle for his next press conference. The moon of Endor is counting on you General Saban.

-WCK

Your right arm is gay

Today is tattoo day here at the Rate, in case you couldn't already tell that. This story is great because it involves beer, bad decisions, tattoo parlors, and Thailand. Combine those four things and hilarity always ensues. And probably Hepatitis.

Anyway, a diehard Australian Rules Football football fan was in Thailand last week and decided he wanted to get a tattoo of his favorite team, the Geelong Cats. He decided the proper way to go about getting said tattoo was to drink 15 beers to "ease his nerves before the tattoo was applied." Of course.

To be sure the tattooist got it right, he wrote down exactly what he wanted on his right and left arms, under the headlines ''right arm'' and ''left arm." On his right arm he wanted the Geelong symbol and the words "Day Premiers 2007" and on the left "Night Premiers 2006."

Simple enough. However, the tattooist started in on his work and tattooed in "Right Arm" first. Naturally you'd probably stop right there. But our drunk hero decided to keep on going. I mean, you can't expect a Thai tattooist to get everything right.

"My son-in-law came in . . . and said, 'You know they've written 'Right Arm?'"

"I said, 'You're joking!"

"I said, 'Well now he's done that he might as well do the left arm as well."

That turned out to be a bad decision, not only because he now has "Right Arm" and "Left Arm" tattooed onto his arms, but "Day Premiers 2007" turned into "Gay Premiers 2007."

The man said there was some light at the end of the tunnel, with the tattoo being of such poor quality that it appeared to already be peeling and was almost indecipherable anyway. Hey, whatever helps you sleep at night buddy. Your right arm is still gay.

-WCK

I'll just take that trophy from you

Last week the Rugby World Cup trophy was brought to Newlands Stadium in South Africa which is just outside of Cape Town. It seats over 50,000 people, so it's not exactly small. Some guy hopped down onto the field and tried to steal the trophy from South African player Bryan Habana. I've been to this stadium, and I have no clue where this guy thought he was going to go. But then again, this guy probably wasn't thinking in the first place.

-WCK

Word of advice: Never do this

The Ohio Valley Wrestling organization serves as a training ground for future WWE wrestlers. And despite the name, it's actually based in Louisville, Kentucky. Anyway, photos have just started leaking out from last weekend when wrestler Justin LaRouche dressed up in full blackface makeup to mock Charles "The Hammer" Evans - who is African American. And to top it all off, LaRouche wore a fake afro as you can see. Yikes. Why Catherine Zeta-Jones was there is a mystery.

I'm unsure who won the actual match, but I'll go out on a limb and say Evans did, and I bet he wasn't fake wrestling either.

I know wrestling likes to push the envelope, but this is sort of more than just going over the line. It's like leaping well past the line, and continuing to run after you land. Apparently fans and other wrestlers were dumbstruck as well by LaRouche's performance.

Although I wonder if people would have been as mad at him had he been dressed up like Chief Wahoo. My guess would be no, and that's not a good thing.

-WCK

How to become an accidental sex offender

Soccer is bigger in California than most people realize. People can play it here year-round and a lot of the leagues are super intense. Naturally when you combine that high-pressued atmosphere with psychotic fans and coaches, you get a truly awesome mix.

Anyway, over the weekend not far from us one coach went a little overboard. The male coach of a Petaluma-based under 16 girls team was suspended from the league for keeping it a little bit too real.

Witnesses reported that the coach went to the center of the field after the game and exposed himself to the opposing team. Thankfully it was just his ass. At least, I hope that's all that was exposed.

Perhaps even worse than the fact that the guy has been permanently suspended from the league is that police say they are asking prosecutors to file indecent exposure charges against the coach. I think the real travesty here is that the girls will no longer have a coach who will go the extra mile for the team.

-WCK

Channing Crowder is having fun with us, I hope

Channing Crowder is a linebacker for the Miami Dolphins, and I'm hoping he was joking here.

Yesterday Crowder confessed (joked?) that he didn’t know until Tuesday that people spoke English in London, or the rest of England for that matter.

"I couldn’t find London on a map if they didn’t have the names of the countries," Crowder said. "I swear to God. I don’t know what nothing is. I know Italy looks like a boot. I learned that."

And he just kept going.

"I know (Washington Redskins linebacker) London Fletcher. We did a football camp together. So I know him. That’s the closest thing I know to London. He’s black, so I’m sure he’s not from London. I’m sure that’s a coincidental name."

I have to think he's kidding. Mainly because he apparently scored a 30 on his Wonderlic and also graduated from Florida with a 3.5 GPA. Then again, he also supposedly wrestled wild boars and alligators while in college, so who knows. All I know is that I'm familiar with people who could sleep through four years at Florida and still graduate with a 3.5 GPA.

Here's Deuce's take on the story, they have a rather awesome picture of Crowder.

-WCK

Worst Name Ever

If we're all lucky, then the Red Sox's season will end tonight. But even if it ends here, there's still plenty of ways for The Nation to piss you off.

Since the Red Sox won the World Series in 2004, more and more families across the country are birthing their boys into Red Sox Nation with the name Boston. Man, imagine having to go through life with that name. Might as well just let the kid start teething on a bottle of whiskey.

In 2004, for the first time in a century, Boston appeared on the government's list of the 1,000 most popular names. Once less popular than Adolph (ok, I made that up), the name has made a comeback, rising to 626th place. According to the Social Security Administration, 856 boys named Boston were born in 2004, 2005, and 2006.

There are even a few celebrity fathers of Bostons, including Kurt Russell and some Survivor contestant named Shane Powers who I've never heard of and isn't really a celebrity.

And here's the worst thing. Experts predict there will only be more baby Bostons because the Sox aren't going away any time soon.

"What people name their kids is an expression of their personality and values," said Cleveland Evans, associate psychology professor at Bellevue University in Nebraska and former president of the American Name Society.

I guess being named Cleveland probably means your parents didn't like you, but still, it's better than being named after a city with an insufferable fan base.

Buena suerte Tribe.

-WCK

Steve Phillips wants you to turn that frown upside down

Since I was busy watching the Rutgers/USF game for most of the night, I decided to just keep watching ESPN to quickly get the ALCS highlights. But of course you can't have just the highlights. Steve Phillips must drop some knowledge on you.

Neil Everett asked Phillips about the Indians' body language - which is almost as stupid a question as Phillips' response was:

I think the players' body language reflected their manager Eric Wedge’s body language. I thought Eric Wedge was frowning too much. He was head down, shaking his head too much.

Did I miss something, or when did the Indians suddenly become 7-year-old kids? These guys are pros, not impressionable kids. Besides, every time I flipped over to the game some Indians player was making an error or striking out looking. I think Wedge had legitimate reason to be upset.

But who am I to disagree with ESPN "expert" Steve Phillips? Turn that frown upside down!

I'll be looking for a maniacally smiling Wedge in Game 6. That's sure to get the Indians a win. They might want to try swinging at pitches too.

-WCK

Terry Francona needs some help with physics

This floating ball must be a knuckleball because they're lighter.

Bill Simmons once wrote a column where he said that he thought baseball players were the dumbest of all professional athletes. I'd have to say I agree with him. And that's because when it comes to physics and baseball, most baseball players seem to harken back to the equivalent of the pre-Galileo days.

Here was an excellent nugget of infomation that Tim McCarver passed along to viewers after Casey Blake launched that mammoth home run off of Wakefield.

One thing Francona was telling us before the game is that a knuckleball is so light, that if you make crisp contact with it, it will fly.

Wow. The stupidity alarm is exploding right now. So Francona believes that the weight of a baseball somehow gets lighter if it's a knuckleball? While curve balls clearly gain weight. God, Francona's statement is so dumb it makes my head hurt. I guess Francona has more important things to worry about right now than gravity, considering Boston is down 3-1 in the series.

But my question is why do announcers let guys get away with shit like this? Sure McCarver's a former player, but shouldn't Buck step in and say, "That's ridiculous."

Did you know managers used to think you couldn't have a knuckleballer throw in a domed stadium because there was no wind? That's brutal, but true. And you constantly hear announcers who say "look at the late break on that ball." Curve balls don't break. Sliders don't break. No pitches break. If a pitcher could throw a ball that could travel 55 feet in a straight line, and then break a foot down into the dirt, no one would ever get a hit. Curve balls, sliders, splitters all do what they do because they're on a set path once they leave a pitcher's hand. It's an optical illusion that they break late or do something "magic." Let's take a look at the trajectory of a curve ball.

Anyone see a massive break at the end? Because I sure as hell don't. Selig should just force every baseball player to take a class in physics so we don't have to hear any more of these asinine comments by managers and announcers. Because seriously, I felt stupider after hearing Francona's thoughts on the knuckleball.

-WCK

The X-Box is killing soccer players

I know only about 3 of you will care about this, but whatever. For a while now there's been a concern that the English Premier League isn't actually British enough. The majority of players come from foreign countries. I don't really think this should be a surprise considering the EPL is generally regarded as the best soccer league in the world, so naturally it should be filled with the best players from all over the world and not just England.

But some people are fed up with that rubbish. Even though Portsmouth manager Harry Redknapp hasn't volunteered to help teach young English kids soccer, he naturally won't blame himself for the kids' lack of skills. No, he prefers to blame everyone's favorite whipping boy - video games.

"It may sound old and corny but when I was growing up, working class lads like me in the east end lived and breathed football. Now I rarely see a kickabout in the park. All I see are the dazzling lights of bedroom windows from the glare of TVs and computers. It seems football cannot compete with an X-Box."

I always love this argument. "In my day, blah, blah, blah." The real reason there were more English soccer players playing in Britain during Redknapp's day is because foreign players didn't go abroad as much to play. It's really that simple. Pele played predominantly in Brazil. If Pele were in his prime today, he'd be in the EPL, probably taking a spot from an English player.

It's the same thing with major league baseball (and other sports). Baseball used to be dominated by fat white guys before the the color barrier was broken. Now players from all over the world come to play here in the states, meaning the best talent in the world is assembled on the field. But that also means we'll have fewer American players.

But if you're like Redknapp and too lazy to see that, just blame video games. Or if you're Homer Simpson, blame Tibor (which is known as hilarious xenophobia).

Besides, I've played a lot of video games in my day, and I've seen a lot of other people play video games as well. And I honestly can't tell you that I've ever said to myself, "You know what, I bet that kid would be a great pro athlete if he just stopped playing video games and picked up a baseball."

-WCK

LeBron dooms the Indians

LeBron clearly committed a major PR blunder when he showed up at Game 1 of the Indians/Yankees series wearing a Yankees cap. Kenny Lofton even called it "a stab in the back." Well, LeBron's support didn't help much of course, seeing as the Yankees lost in 4 and his buddy Derek Jeter had probably the worst series of any player.

So what's LeBron doing now? Why he's switching his allegiance back to the Indians for the ALCS.

“Cleveland's going to win," he said.

Am I allowed to wager everything I own on the Sox? Because I smell the kiss of death for Cleveland.

"Like I said before, if there's got to be one team to beat New York, I want it to be Cleveland. If Cleveland does the same thing to (Boston) like they did to New York, they have a great chance to win the World Series."

That's great LeBron, always nice to make your home town feel like a second class citizen. Here's another great bit of info as well. If LeBron attends the ALCS, he said he'll probably wear a Tribe cap.

You know what, do the people of Cleveland a favor and just don't show up at all.

-WCK

Xtreme Baseball has a new challenger - Ice Soccer

I thought Xtreme Baseball was a pretty stupid sport, namely because playing two games of baseball at the same time on one field really makes no sense.

But humans are a stupid breed of animal, and we will continue to try and push the limits of stupidity to no end. So here I present you with ice soccer. Yes, a company called Taylor Sports is pushing this sport real hard currently and wants to have a pro league by 2015. And it's being hawked by two former Survivor contestants! So you know it's legit, because nothing says legit like F-list celebrities that you never saw on TV. Basically you put on a football helmet, slide around the ice like an idiot, and kick around something called a Boot'r that looks like a giant black turd. I'm not sure how this league can possibly fail. I like how the site also says Before the Boot’r, soccer on ice was not a viable sport. I'm not sure it was ever meant to be a viable sport period. And man, if you thought diving was a problem in soccer...

Not great, but if the league ever starts making hits like this, then I'll definitely watch it.


-WCK

For your bravery you will get a horn in your gut

I've been to a bullfight in Spain, but never in Portugal. Apparently this practice in the video above is fairly common in Portugal. It's called "stand in front of a bull, piss him off, and let him charge you head on while you stay stuck in one spot." Apparently it's meant to show people how brave you are. Your reward for being brave? The audience claps for you and you get gored. Seems like a fair trade to me.

-WCK