The Gipper liked them young

You may recall back in October that George Gipp's body was exhumed for rather bizarre and unexplained reasons. And just to make it even weirder, ESPN filmed it too.

Well, a little later it leaked out that Gipp's body was exhumed to find out if he had fathered an illegitimate kid.

Gipp, as it turns out, wasn't the 1920s Matt Leinart, so he won't be joining our list of athletes who fathered illegitimate kids (although Gipp apparently went to even fewer classes than Leinart and was heavily involved in gambling rings). Tests done on Gipp's right femur revealed that he wasn't the father. But there's still some strange stuff to reveal.

The whole reason for this bizarre series of events actually came from this 2005 internet posting by a woman who believed Gipp had gotten her grandmother - Eva Bright - pregnant. Gipp actually did date Bright for a year before he died at age 25. But the interesting thing is that Bright was either 15 or 16 when Gipp was dating her. I don't even think Leinart would do something like that.

So in other words, a 25-year-old All-American football player was dating a woman almost a decade younger than him who wound up cheating on him. I'm just amazed Marcus Vick wasn't involved in any way.

As for Notre Dame, they seem to have taken Knute Rockne's "Win ONE for the Gipper" speech way too literally this year.

-WCK

An update on athletes with illegitimate kids (Jason Caffey edition)

wanna have my baby? baby.

I'd like to thank my buddy Larry Brown at Larry Brown Sports for informing me that I needed to update this list. That's because Larry found out that former basketball player Jason Caffey, who played like a shot dog for my G-State Warriors some years back, has 8 kids by 7 women, putting him in elite company on our list. No, he's not Calvin "I should have been a Mormon" Murphy or Travis Henry. But he managed to get past Shawn Kemp, which is quite the achievement. You have to actively try to get a number that high. By the way I've also confirmed that Marshall Faulk and Ray Lewis are going to be joining the middleweights due to their, uh, productive careers.

But first, as always, a legendary story that reader Paul sent us about Shawn Kemp. It's awesome.

In college I was an intern for the Portland Trailblazers (mind you, this was during their Jailblazers heyday while Shawn Kemp was there). I did a bunch of stuff for the PR Department and one day I was filing a bunch of stuff in the office and I came across the Player Questionnaires that they have each new player fill out when they are acquired. It gives them some stupid personal info to include in the media guide and for the announcers and what not. Anyway, on Shawn Kemp’s questionnaire under hobbies it said, “girls”. And my personal favorite – under favorite breakfast he listed, “girls”.

Brilliant work Paul. As usual, we've decided not to include people like LeBron James on the list, who's at least with his girlfriend while having kids.

Feel free to let us know if we missed anyone, and we'll update the list again whenever someone surpasses Shawn Kemp's total.

ATHLETES WITH ILLEGITIMATE KIDS

THE HEAVYWEIGHTS
Calvin Murphy - 14 illegitimate kids by 9 women. You sir are our current champion.
Travis Henry - 9 kids by 9 women. All of this by 28. Impressive. He is on pace to catch Calvin. The fact that he's broke from paying child support may slow him down though.
Ex-San Antonio Spur Willie Anderson - 9 illegitimate kids. If only his field goal percentage had been as high as his impregnation rate.
Evander Holyfield - 9 illegitimate kids. Has more kids than brain cells left.
NEW MEMBER Jason Caffey - 8 kids by 7 women.
Shawn Kemp - 7 illegitimate kids by 6 women. Gives his nickname of the Reign Man new meaning.
Derrick Thomas - 7 illegitimate kids by 5 women. He died at 33. Let's just leave it at that.

THE MIDDLEWEIGHTS
NEW MEMBER Ray Lewis - 6 kids by 4 women.
NEW MEMBER Marshall Faulk - 6 kids by 3 women. Which is probably why he considered coming out of retirement.
Larry Johnson (basketball) - 5 kids by 4 women. 3 are illegitimate.
Charles Rogers - Uber-NFL Draft bust reportedly has 5 illegitimate kids...and no paycheck. Definitely the makings of a solid family.
Vlad Guerrero - 4 kids by 4 women.
Santonio Holmes - 3 illegitimate kids by two women, before leaving college.
Former Celtic Greg Minor - 3 illegitimate kids.
Ricky Williams - 3 illegitimate kids. Maybe that's why he smokes so much weed.
Priest Holmes - 3 illegitimate kids. You best keep running Priest.
Chad Johnson - Has 3 illegitimate kids.
Shannon "Horseface" Sharpe - 3 as well.
Mike Bibby - apparently had two before leaving 'Zona.

THE LIGHTNING FAST GROUP
Willis McGahee - 3 illegitimate kids in 2 years in Buffalo. Not a lot to do in Buffalo, except make babies. Lots and lots of babies.

THE GUYS YOU WOULDN'T EXPECT GROUP
Walter Herrmann
Peja Stojakovic
Wizards Coach Eddie Jordan
NHL player Daniel Alfredsson
NHL player Richard Zednik
Mike Miller
Marvin Harrison
Tracy McGrady

THE FAMOUS OLD GUYS GROUP
Steve Garvey - 2 illegitimate kids by 2 women.
Dr. J - 2 illegitimate kids by 2 women. I actually met one of them.
Larry Bird
Isiah Thomas
Jim Palmer
Darryl Strawberry
Pete Rose
Tug McGraw

THE GETTING A HEAD START GROUP
Gary Sheffield - Had 2 illegitimate kids by age 17. Added a few more later on in life.

THE THAT'S JUST WRONG GROUP
Elijah Dukes - recently impregnated a 17-year-old foster child. Also has 4 more illegitimate kids - making him a middleweight as well.

THE QB KIDS GROUP
Matt Leinart - already has one, my guess is he's working hard on another while that collar bone heals.
Tom Brady - the dream baby is here.

KEEP YOUR EYE ON THIS GUY GROUP
Noel Devine - He's not an official member yet because he's not a pro. He's an incoming freshman at WV. But he had 2 illegitimate kids in high school, and possibly more. Keep it Noel, a good start, but you've got a long way to go.

GUYS WITH AT LEAST ONE ILLEGITIMATE KID
Antawn Jamison
Chipper Jones
DeShawn Stevenson
Cliff Floyd
Mark Messier
Brian Urlacher
Rae Carruth - Yes, he fathered an illegitimate kid before the incident where he had his pregnant girlfriend gunned down.
Oscar De La Hoya
Juan Gonzalez
Andre Rison
David Justice
Andruw Jones
Alonzo Spellman
Dave Meggett
Gary Payton - From a reader: The best part about Gary Payton is that his illegitimate kid is named "Gary Payton, Jr." so that when his wife (or whatever) had a kid, and he wanted a junior, he couldn't do it without major confusion, so he named his legitimate kid "Gary Payton II."
Stephon Marbury
Jason Kidd
Allen Iverson
Latrell Sprewell
Juwan Howard
Kenny Anderson
Scottie Pippen
Hakeem Olajuwon
Patrick Ewing
Randy Johnson

So in other words, the moral of the story is wrap it up tight. Unless you're a professional athlete. Then just do whatever the hell you want.

-WCK

Travis Henry's kids are in a lot of trouble

Travis Henry. Man, myth, legend. And of course father to nine illegitimate kids. As some of you may remember, Henry has had some trouble paying all of his child support. Which is why this upcoming news is potentially devastating to a rather large group of people.

Henry just tested positive for marijuana use and could be suspended for a year. Hope you like bread and water kids.

Yes, Henry previously served a four-game suspension from the NFL for violating the league's substance abuse policy in September 2005 as a member of the Tennessee Titans. Henry can appeal the latest violation, but if it's denied he'll begin serving a one-year suspension immediately.

I think I speak for all of us when I say that the NFL simply can't suspend Henry. Considering this man is the bread winner for the equivalent of an army battalion, the NFL should make special considerations. Otherwise we might get word of a starvation wave that's sweeping sections of the country.

But on the bright side, if Henry gets suspended he can always spend time with the kids. That is if he can actually remember where they all are.

-WCK

Lance Briggs' baby mama sues him ahead of schedule

Lance Briggs seems to be having a rough couple of months. First he blasts the Bears for not paying him enough, he then got charged for wrecking his Lamborghini, his team has started out 1-3, and now he's being sued by his baby mama.

Except this is one of the weirder suits out there I've heard of. That's because so far, even though Briggs and Brittini Tribbett aren't married, Briggs has been a pretty good father - although his baby's only 3 weeks old. So what's the problem then?

According to her lawyer, "we've got to formalize the obligation of support and right of visitation. Lance has been exemplary both as a parent and as a provider thus far. There's no animosity here, but legal necessities are not always niceties."

Talk about moving fast. Shit, she's only had the kid for 3 weeks. She also seems to be on her way to making it legally acceptable to be a complete gold digger. Hoes of the world, take notice.

I mean besides, you might as well squeeze all the cash you can out of Briggs now anyway, you never know when he's going to get into another car accident. And there goes the paycheck.

-WCK

A serious look at Vick v. Henry

Travis Henry spends some time with two-thirds of his illegitimate kids.

In the comment section of the Fanhouse's recent post on Travis Henry, there were more than a few people that wondered who was actually worse - Vick or Henry. It's definitely a fair question. So why don't we try and answer it from two perspectives. First from the NFL's perspective and second from the larger societal perspective.

NFL perspective: Henry's 9 kids by 9 women is certainly a black eye for the NFL, but let's think about this rationally. Athletes, of all colors and ilk, are notorious for having illegitimate kids. Henry is just a bit worse than normal. And by a bit worse, I mean much worse. But still, in reality all Henry does is reinforce the notion that ALL professional athletes are sexually irresponsible with women. Of course for some people, he reinforces the belief that black athletes are more sexually irresponsible with women. But again, if you scour the backgrounds of pro athletes, the brand of illegitimate kids still falls on all races and economic backgrounds. There's also little concern for the NFL, since the NBA is generally considered to be (fairly or unfairly) the predominant league of illegitimate kids. In this sense, there isn't much for the NFL to worry about in regards to Henry, except maybe bailing him out when he needs money for child support that he hasn't paid. It also helps that Henry isn't exactly the face of the NFL.

Vick, from the NFL's perspective, is entirely different. First and foremost, Vick is better known than Henry and Vick was one of the faces of the league. Vick also committed a serious crime (felony) and has now admitted to it. Although what Henry has done is pretty bad, having illegitimate kids isn't yet a crime here in the United States. It's also important to note that serious gambling was involved with Vick's dogfighting ring - something the NFL wants no part of its players doing. Vick's crime is also particularly bad for the NFL because it wasn't something that can be brushed off as accidental or stupid. Vick didn't punch someone who made fun of him or fall asleep drunk at the wheel. He financed, ran, and participated in a dogfighting ring for an extended period time. For a league, and a commissioner, looking to set things straight, the last thing you want to have happen is one of your star players actually running a clearly illegal operation, and actively gambling on it, for an extended period of time. It lends credence to the notion that pro athletes, particularly football players, are thuggish individuals who consider themselves above the law. It's also important to note that crime (in Vick's case dogfighting and illegal gambling) has a bigger impact on the general public than illegitimate kids. Vick's crime is easy for people to condemn given how he broke actual laws. For most people, illegitimate kids are something much less tangible than crime - and much more difficult to openly condemn seeing as they're actual human beings, and not as easily definable as a broken law.

For the NFL, it's clear that Vick is easily the bigger problem thanks to his admission of the crime and his illegal gambling. Henry will likely be a funny story for years, but Vick is a permanent black eye on the NFL.


Societal perspective: Might actually surprise you here -we'll start with Vick. Although both men have done reprehensible things, Vick's impact is much less great. This hinges on one critical point. Vick was dealing with dogs, who despite what PETA-Nazis will tell you, are not actually humans - and remember our legal system says as much as well. And while Vick killed 8 dogs himself, and has condemned another 53 to lethal injection because they were trained to fight, his crime - from a societal perspective - is less bad than Henry's. This is because as great as dogs are, and as much as I loathe what Vick did, a dog's impact on society is essentially minimal at best. They don't peddle drugs, abuse people, and murder people (usually). Nor do they build spaceships, help solve the battle against cancer, or cure AIDS. They essentially offer humans companionship (and sometimes help with drug busts). While what Vick did is terrible, his overall societal impact is minimal. And there's even an argument to be made that what Vick did has actually raised awareness of dogfighting and will get more people attempting to stop it in the future.

While Henry hasn't killed any dogs or kids, his societal impact is actually much worse than Vick's. Let's think about this for a second. He has 9 illegitimate kids by 9 women. That means if we cut his jimmy off today and he settled down with one of these women, there'd still be eight children who'd have minimal contact with their biological father. I'm sure I don't exactly have to hit you with academic study (Population Review) after academic study (Brookings Institution) that suggest that illegitimate children tend to have the odds stacked against them. Not only that, but as the AJC story from the Fanhouse pointed out, Henry is essentially broke from paying for all nine kids. And we all know he won't be playing football until he's 60, so things could get interesting when he retires. The fact is that Henry's incredible lack of foresight, combined with the motivations of these 9 women, could seriously impact these kids' lives in negative ways. So while Henry hasn't drowned any dogs or physically hurt any of his kids - the odds appear to be against these kids thanks to Henry's stupidity. And these kids will grow up to have a bigger societal impact (positive or negative) than any dog ever will.

From a societal perspective, it seems clear that Henry is actually worse than Vick, seeing as he's made decisions that ultimately have a direct impact on human lives, whereas Vick's actions did not.


Conclusion: As was made clear earlier, both guys have done reprehensible things. But it appears that Henry has actually done worse things than Vick. Henry has likely negatively impacted the lives of 9 kids, who in all honesty, are more important than the life of any dog.

-WCK