Tuesday, October 23, 2007
An update on athletes with illegitimate kids (Jason Caffey edition)
I'd like to thank my buddy Larry Brown at Larry Brown Sports for informing me that I needed to update this list. That's because Larry found out that former basketball player Jason Caffey, who played like a shot dog for my G-State Warriors some years back, has 8 kids by 7 women, putting him in elite company on our list. No, he's not Calvin "I should have been a Mormon" Murphy or Travis Henry. But he managed to get past Shawn Kemp, which is quite the achievement. You have to actively try to get a number that high. By the way I've also confirmed that Marshall Faulk and Ray Lewis are going to be joining the middleweights due to their, uh, productive careers.
But first, as always, a legendary story that reader Paul sent us about Shawn Kemp. It's awesome.
In college I was an intern for the Portland Trailblazers (mind you, this was during their Jailblazers heyday while Shawn Kemp was there). I did a bunch of stuff for the PR Department and one day I was filing a bunch of stuff in the office and I came across the Player Questionnaires that they have each new player fill out when they are acquired. It gives them some stupid personal info to include in the media guide and for the announcers and what not. Anyway, on Shawn Kemp’s questionnaire under hobbies it said, “girls”. And my personal favorite – under favorite breakfast he listed, “girls”.
Brilliant work Paul. As usual, we've decided not to include people like LeBron James on the list, who's at least with his girlfriend while having kids.
Feel free to let us know if we missed anyone, and we'll update the list again whenever someone surpasses Shawn Kemp's total.
ATHLETES WITH ILLEGITIMATE KIDS
Calvin Murphy - 14 illegitimate kids by 9 women. You sir are our current champion.
Travis Henry - 9 kids by 9 women. All of this by 28. Impressive. He is on pace to catch Calvin. The fact that he's broke from paying child support may slow him down though.
Ex-San Antonio Spur Willie Anderson - 9 illegitimate kids. If only his field goal percentage had been as high as his impregnation rate.
Evander Holyfield - 9 illegitimate kids. Has more kids than brain cells left.
NEW MEMBER Jason Caffey - 8 kids by 7 women.
Shawn Kemp - 7 illegitimate kids by 6 women. Gives his nickname of the Reign Man new meaning.
Derrick Thomas - 7 illegitimate kids by 5 women. He died at 33. Let's just leave it at that.
NEW MEMBER Ray Lewis - 6 kids by 4 women.
NEW MEMBER Marshall Faulk - 6 kids by 3 women. Which is probably why he considered coming out of retirement.
Larry Johnson (basketball) - 5 kids by 4 women. 3 are illegitimate.
Charles Rogers - Uber-NFL Draft bust reportedly has 5 illegitimate kids...and no paycheck. Definitely the makings of a solid family.
Vlad Guerrero - 4 kids by 4 women.
Santonio Holmes - 3 illegitimate kids by two women, before leaving college.
Former Celtic Greg Minor - 3 illegitimate kids.
Ricky Williams - 3 illegitimate kids. Maybe that's why he smokes so much weed.
Priest Holmes - 3 illegitimate kids. You best keep running Priest.
Chad Johnson - Has 3 illegitimate kids.
Shannon "Horseface" Sharpe - 3 as well.
Mike Bibby - apparently had two before leaving 'Zona.
THE LIGHTNING FAST GROUP
Willis McGahee - 3 illegitimate kids in 2 years in Buffalo. Not a lot to do in Buffalo, except make babies. Lots and lots of babies.
THE GUYS YOU WOULDN'T EXPECT GROUP
Wizards Coach Eddie Jordan
NHL player Daniel Alfredsson
NHL player Richard Zednik
THE FAMOUS OLD GUYS GROUP
Steve Garvey - 2 illegitimate kids by 2 women.
Dr. J - 2 illegitimate kids by 2 women. I actually met one of them.
THE GETTING A HEAD START GROUP
Gary Sheffield - Had 2 illegitimate kids by age 17. Added a few more later on in life.
THE THAT'S JUST WRONG GROUP
Elijah Dukes - recently impregnated a 17-year-old foster child. Also has 4 more illegitimate kids - making him a middleweight as well.
THE QB KIDS GROUP
Matt Leinart - already has one, my guess is he's working hard on another while that collar bone heals.
Tom Brady - the dream baby is here.
KEEP YOUR EYE ON THIS GUY GROUP
Noel Devine - He's not an official member yet because he's not a pro. He's an incoming freshman at WV. But he had 2 illegitimate kids in high school, and possibly more. Keep it Noel, a good start, but you've got a long way to go.
GUYS WITH AT LEAST ONE ILLEGITIMATE KID
Rae Carruth - Yes, he fathered an illegitimate kid before the incident where he had his pregnant girlfriend gunned down.
Oscar De La Hoya
Gary Payton - From a reader: The best part about Gary Payton is that his illegitimate kid is named "Gary Payton, Jr." so that when his wife (or whatever) had a kid, and he wanted a junior, he couldn't do it without major confusion, so he named his legitimate kid "Gary Payton II."
So in other words, the moral of the story is wrap it up tight. Unless you're a professional athlete. Then just do whatever the hell you want.