Track has hits that rival pro football

Since it's Tuesday, and there are no more big hits from pro football going on until next weekend, we've decided to quench your thirst by bringing you the best big hit in the history of track and field. Gotta keep your head on a swivel people.

-WCK

Roger Clemens wants you to be Zestfully clean

I'm not a fan of Roger Clemens. And this video did nothing to change that. This is baseball's most famous overpriced mercenary in a 1987 Zest commercial, and it'll leave you feeling dirty rather than clean.

-WCK

Commie Olympic haircuts are bizarre/awesome

I'm not sure how excited you are about the 2008 Olympics, but the Chinese obviously are. That's because if they're not, they get thrown in prison. In fact, they're so excited they're already getting crazy haircuts in anticipation of the big event - even though it's almost a year away. And if you thought Colt Brennan had one interesting haircut, wait until you see what communist might can do to a head of hair.


This is definitely a pro quality haircut. And I'm certain it's a huge hit with the ladies.


All I can say is I'm impressed. Very impressed. It puts DeAngelo Hall to shame.


What's excellent is that this was shaved into this kid's head when he fell asleep at lunch.


My Chinese is a little rusty, but the dude on the back is the Olympic logo, and the writing on the side says "Colt Brennan's haircut is weak."


This one's for the ladies.


It's not the best haircut, but at least it gives pigeons multiple targets to aim for.


HT to some totally random Chinese site.

-WCK

Lie detectors to be used to stop the use of performance enhancing drugs

I always, repeat ALWAYS, go to The Scotsman for all my news. That aside, they had one really interesting article from late last week.

In an effort to put a dent into the performance enhancing drugs that dominate the sport of pro bodybuilding, a team of lie detecting specialists are being flown out to Edinburgh later this month to quiz 75 bodybuilders.

Former FBI expert Al Lombardo will lead a group testing competitors in the British Natural Bodybuilding Championships to ensure they are drug-free.

The New York-based polygraph consultant, who runs a professional lie detecting company, was invited by officials to screen entrants on computerized lie-detecting kits.

Vicky McCann, who is the current Natural Miss Universe titleholder and the federation's co-founder, said "Some bodybuilders try to use growth hormones that don't even show up on normal drugs tests, so the polygraph machines will help find out if anyone has been trying to gain an unfair advantage."

All entrants will be quizzed prior to the competition.

I find this absolutely fascinating. The idea of quizzing NFL and MLB players, along with guys like Lance Armstrong, about whether they've ever used performance enhancing drugs is incredibly intriguing. Even though lie-detectors are far from perfect, they're pretty tough to beat. And my cynical nature tells me that a lot of guys would fail the test.

I don't think we're ever going to see this happen for any of the major sports leagues here in the states, but you never know. Stranger things have happened.

-WCK

Monday links

Mondays always hit hard. We didn't do links this weekend because we were lazy. That's what you're supposed to do on weekends. Be lazy and watch 43 hours of football.

On to the links.

Uh, in case you wanted some help in learning how to pickup NASCAR drivers, some woman has written a book on it. [Deuce of Davenport]

As of right now, Mario Williams is ahead of Reggie Bush. [Brahsome]

Sure this was linked all weekend, but it never gets old. The Oregon Duck got suspended for beating the crap out of the Houston Cougar. [Larry Brown Sports]

Could JD Drew go to the Phillies this offseason? [Ump Bump]

Some guy went on quite a rant this weekend about some of the big name sports blogs. [The Nosebleeds]

In case you were wondering, and I know you were, the Women's World Cup starts today. It helps that some of the women are attractive. [The Beautiful Game]

Seems like most people spent the weekend watching football and not writing posts for Monday. Definitely the right decision.

-100%

This streaker had a better weekend than Jamal Lewis

This great video comes from some fans at the Calgary Stampeders/Edmonton Eskimos CFL game during Labor Day weekend in Calgary. Watch as the streaker breaks multiple tackles and even delivers a stiff arm worthy of LDT.

There were actually 4 streakers and one semi-clothed guy who ran onto the field, which set some kind of record. Edmonton Eskimo fans were being encouraged by a sports radio talk show host to break Calgary's streaker record in Edmonton on Sept. 7th during the rematch (no word on how that worked out). Something tells me that if people tried this at an NFL game they'd be shot on the spot.

-WCK

What we learned from the weekend of football

If we're feeling like it, we're going to post our thoughts every Monday on the past weekend in football, both college and pro football. It will not be insightful or engaging. It will be something south of that.

College Football - What we learned

1. The Pac-10 is extremely legit. Everyone thought Michigan would come out guns blazing against Oregon after losing to App St. Instead, they got historically waxed by an insanely balanced and prolific Oregon offense. On top of that, UW put an end to Boise St.'s win streak. Suddenly, the Pac-10 looks real dangerous. USC, Cal and UCLA everyone knew were great teams. But now it looks like you can add Oregon to that group. And UW looks like they're not going to be any cake walk either. Considering all these teams have to play each other, the Pac-10 conference is going to have some really good games this year.

2. LSU is good. Real good. And Virginia Tech was hideously overrated. I'm not sure who has the better defense, USC or LSU, but if there is a God, he will let those two teams meet in the National Championship.

3. Notre Dame is probably going to start the season 0-8. Their schedule has no cupcakes and they suck. Charlie Weis will then get a 20-year extension at the end of the season.

Pro Football - What we learned

1. Bill Simmons should be hung for making the Falcons his sleeper pick. I like Simmons, but that was an insanely stupid choice for sleeper team of the year. He even broke down how Joey Harrington would succeed in Atlanta. Has he not been paying attention these last few years? Harrington is a horrible decision maker who isn't a very accurate passer. Let me make this clear: The #1 most important thing to have in a QB is that he's a good decision maker. It's not arm strength or athleticism. It's decision making, period. Harrington is a horrible decision maker and that's why he's a horrible NFL QB.

2. The Eagles may be in for a long year. Losing to Green Bay your first week, when Green Bay didn't even play well. Man, that's not a good sign.

3. The Browns suck and need a real QB. Also Romeo Crennel better think of something or his ass is going to get canned at the end of this season. Crennel could put Quinn in, but then he's essentially waving a white flag on the season. Regardless, Crennel is screwed either way and the Browns are going to have yet another horrible year.

-100%

Packers fans - even those from Australia - are a bit off

On this first Sunday of the NFL season, which we've been waiting on forever, we feel compelled to bring you a story that speaks to when maybe you should take a time out as a fan, champ.

Wayne Scullino — a Green Bay Packers fan from Sydney, Australia — recently quit his job, sold his house and cars and moved his family to Green Bay for what he calls a once-in-a-lifetime chance to follow his favorite football team for just one season.

Yes, he moved his whole family to Green Bay to watch a washed-up QB and a team that will likely go 6-10 (or worse) this year.

After arriving in Green Bay Sunday with wife, Kelly, and sons Ben, 2, and 9-month-old Luc, Scullino said it was emotional seeing Lambeau Field and realizing he was finally there.

"It's something I've always wanted to do," said Scullino, who quit his job as a phone equipment salesman. "And with the house money in the bank and the boys not yet in school, it's literally now or never."

Some people would say with a wife and kids, this is already in the "never" category, but who are we to tell a man how to live his life? Usually the wife does that.

Anyway, the family will certainly have some difficulties. They've never lived in snow, or outside a major city, or driven on the opposite side of the road or been without a paycheck for six months. Yeah, that last one sure could make things interesting. For now, the family is living in local motels while trying to find housing.

I don't know what Scullino has promised to do for his wife in repayment for her agreeing to do this, but man, does he ever owe her big time - that is if she doesn't divorce him before the end of the season.

Speaking of that, Vegas has the over/under at 10 weeks. I'm going with the over for now, but my guess is the divorce will come when Favre has his first 6 interception game of the season - which is pretty likely to occur every week.

-WCK

The English like Johnny Cash for some reason

England's soccer fans are world renowned for their chants. They're everything from dirty, to humorous, to nationalistic, to downright racist. Regardless, they're always interesting.

Here's a few lines from Arsenal's current team chant.

Who's that team they call the Arsenal? Who's that team we all adore? They're the boys in red and white, And we're fucking dynomite, 'cos Georgy Grahams mother is a whooore, yeah she's a whore, yeah shes a whooore

But on Saturday, when the English national team mopped the pitch with Israel, beating them 3-0, English fans were continuously singing a different chant. And that chant was Johnny Cash's famous song, "Ring of Fire."

“I fell in to a burning ring of fire I went down,down,down and the flames went higher. And it burns,burns,burns the ring of fire the ring of fire.”

I'm not sure why England fans would be singing this song - but something about this is just weird. Johnny Cash never seemed like the kind of music soccer hooligans would listen to. If anyone knows why they were singing this, because we know next to nothing about soccer, feel free to let us know.

-WCK

The Xtreme Baseball League refuses to die

Every so often we check in on the Xtreme Baseball League, and we almost always expect it to have folded every time we visit the official web site. But for some reason, that hasn't happened yet. And, as we found out recently, it's actually expanding. Yes, you read that right. The league that may be the worst idea in sports history, has actually added two more teams.

Originally there were only two teams, now they've got four. Luckily if you live outside Florida, you won't see any of these teams play.

But we find the growth of this league disturbing beyond belief. After all, we mentioned in the past that this league has plans to expand to 32 teams by 2009. Perhaps the best line from a commenter about the expansion plan was: "This crap will last about 2 weeks once they expand. A very horrible idea indeed."

We naturally agreed. But it seems the league doesn't give a damn, despite having no fans and no support. Somebody really needs to put this league out of its misery, or get more YouTube clips of it up on the web. That would work too.

Anyway, as is stipulated in our contract here at the blog, whenever the league manages to put stuff up about itself, we're required to make fun of it. Here are some pics from the most recent thrilling game played about 2 weeks ago featuring the new Tampa Bay Black Sox against the old fart Orlando Pythons. We really don't care who won. In fact, no one won. Everyone lost for being a part of this travesty.

On to the pics.

Ah yes. The stands are packed with fans cheering on our semi-employed heroes.


Apparently you can sag your pants like a wannabe gangbanger in this league. Sag Master definitely looks professional, doesn't he? And by "looks professional" we mean "looks like a complete tool."


No matter how many times we see it, a guy rounding first to get to home never gets any easier - because it's not supposed to happen, ever. Also good to see they have an orange cone on the field of play out there. Excellent work.


We'd like to think he's getting hit by pitch, because that stance is horrible. We'd also like to think he's getting hit by a pitch because we're assholes.


This may or may not have been a close play, since there are two homes. Whatever, we don't care.

-100%

Your weekend sendoff

Here's a weird ass Japanese show that involves running on a treadmill and eating stuff. We should probably have this show in America just for exercise, people are so damn fat here.

-WCK

So Ankiel used HGH, you gonna be as tough on him as you were on Bonds?

Man if this isn't the most ironic story of the year. Comeback Kid Rick Ankiel has been linked to a massive HGH scandal. And now comes the most fun part of it all.

How are you going to react?

Yeah you. The one who's been raising hell since it was first reported that Bonds was on steroids. You bitched and moaned and talked about the integrity of the game and how Bonds had ruined it. Of course that may just be because you hate Bonds because he's an arrogant prick (which is true) and steroids gave you the opportunity to vent your rage. But steroids were the anchor, the key.

So if you got on your high horse during Bonds' steroid fueled run, then you sure as hell better get on that horse again for Ankiel. In your mind Ankiel should be as guilty as Bonds, because for all intents and purposes he "cheated" the same way Bonds did.

But wait, you say, that's not true. Ankiel stopped taking HGH before it was banned by baseball in 2005 and he had a prescription - although you know quite well from the story that the prescription was total bullshit. That's all true, but also remember that McGwire, Sosa, and Bonds all used steroids before they were officially banned by baseball in 2002.

Despite those damning similarities, I'm sure you'll come up with some other way to rationalize it to yourself. That maybe he was using it for recovery. Or maybe you'll say, well, he hasn't broken any major records, so I don't care. Or his story is so great who cares.

But deep down you know that's wrong. He's the same as Bonds. Bonds used steroids to gain an edge in hitting home runs. Ankiel used HGH to gain an edge in reinventing himself as a ballplayer.

You buried Bonds gleefully, and now you've got to do it to Ankiel, whether you like it or not. Otherwise, you're one huge hypocrite and you know it.

-WCK