The best (or worst) Olympic music video you will ever see

This video is an absolute acid trip of epic proportions. It was, I guess, a promotional video for the 1984 Olympic Games - and it may be the real reason why the Russians boycotted those Olympics. The video provides you with a brief history of the Games through interpretive dance, cheesy 80s music, a lot of suggestive sword-grabbing, and costumes that were likely worn in the movie The Beastmaster.

I don't even think the Chinese could make an Olympic music video this awesome, and that's saying something.

-WCK

Slow Thursday links

There isn't a lot going on during this week between Christmas and New Year's, except for best/worst of the year posts. Aside from that, there seems to be almost nothing going on today. But don't worry, we made up for our lack of posts with that insane Olympic music video above. It's worth at least 3 posts, which is probably a huge overstatement, but it's all we got for today.

On to the links.

Deadspin's word of the year is awesome. [Deadspin]

Derek Anderson to the Fins? [SPORTSbyBROOKS]

Some atypical 2007 awards. [The Legend of Cecilio Guante]

What some NFL players did for Christmas. [Throwing Into Traffic]

Not really sports related, but here's a chance to take a test to see how big of a douchebag you are. [Introducing Liston]

-WCK

Nick Barnett is sort of mad at that ref

I didn't really think much of Nick Barnett being taken down by an NFL ref this past weekend. It only registered for about a second before I moved on to more important things, like figuring out how a perpetually drunk Kyle Orton could lead the Bears to such an impressive victory.

I was ready to forget about Barnett, and most importantly, his embarrassing moment.

But Barnett won't let me do that.

That's because his agent told ESPN on Wednesday that the linebacker will file a grievance against linebacker-killer Jim Quirk.

The league told Quirk he went "over the line" when he pulled Barnett down in an attempt to break up a skirmish, according to an NFL report. The league also warned Quirk, but has said there will be no punishment.

Barnett's agent said to ESPN, "This guy puts his arm around Nick's throat ... he should get more than a warning. If Nick pushes (Quirk) to the ground just as a response, he'd be suspended and fined a couple of hundred grand."

While that may be correct, I like how Barnett's agent decided that continually reminding the public about his client's most embarrassing moment as a pro athlete is critically important.

I guess if that's how he wants it, then I'll grant him that wish and always remember Nick Barnett as the linebacker who got violated by a ref during a football game.

Because I'm sure that's exactly what Barnett wants.

-WCK

Football > Law in Louisiana

Justice stops for nothing, unless there's any football team from Louisiana playing in a big game. Then law can sit on its ass and wait.

Yes, the always entertaining - (read: lazy) - state of Louisiana has decided for the second time in a year that football is more important than your right to a speedy trial.

Stephen Babcock, an attorney defending an insurance company in a lawsuit over a car crash, requested the delay of the trial because he has tickets to the National Championship game and is an LSU fan. But, more importantly, he and other LSU fans have rented out the second floor of a Bourbon Street bar for a pre-game tailgate party.

That seems like a reasonable request, even though something tells me Babcock will likely be just as drunk during the actual trial.

And just so you know that Babcock took this matter incredibly seriously, in his written request for a new trial date he referred to Ohio State as "Slowhio" ("due to their perceived lack of speed on both sides of the ball").

Man, that sentence has Harvard Law written all over it.

Not so surprisingly, the judge agreed to postpone the trial.

As mentioned earlier, there is actual precedent for football over law in Louisiana. In January, a judge agreed to postpone a trial due to a conflict with last season's NFC championship game between the Saints and Bears.

While I'm being a bit tough on Louisiana, it could always be worse. In Texas if your trial date lines up with a Cowboys game or a UT BCS game they simply execute you on the spot.

-WCK

MJ drops the double-nickel on Santa

While you spent your Christmas sitting at home, Michael Jordan spent his absolutely demoralizing Santa in a one-on-one game.

-WCK

Wednesday links

It's still Christmas break for most of you, but we here at The Rate never quit. We just kind of post less good stuff at a less frequent rate.

On to the three links.

The NFL network will do 62-hours of lead-up for the Giants/Pats game. That's not a joke. [Construda]

Attention terrorists: There's no security at college bowl games. [All on the Field]

You can own Maria Sharapova's soap. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]

Larry Fitzgerald to the Vikings in '08? [Fanhouse]

-WCK

Soccer players are calm, collected people

I don't really like soccer much at all. Too little action combined with not enough scoring. But what I do love is how the sport turns fans, players, and referees into psychotic, violent lunatics.

Today's example comes courtesy of Kuala Lumpur, where rioting semi-pro players and a gun were involved in some hijinks. Awesome.

It seems that after a ref gave a player at a local soccer match a red card, all hell broke loose, with a number of players taking umbrage with the call. The ref, in an attempt to alleviate the tense situation, ran to his car to grab a gun. Of course. He proceeded to fire off a number of warning shots to stop the rioting players.

And to top it all off, the ref was a police officer. Uh oh.

"We are investigating as to whether the policeman was justified in taking out his firearm and discharging it, and also why he had it with him during the match," said Hussin Ismail, police chief in the southern Johor state.

Wait, so it's not ok for a cop to grab his piece and fire away when confronted by angry soccer players? I would have thought grabbing a gat was par for the course, rather than any kind of punishable offense.

Anyway, the cop was taken into custody for suspected misuse of firearms, while five players are also being held for questioning and could be charged with rioting.

This incident obviously raises a serious question, which is: Can only 5 people constitute a riot? I'd say no, but I'm not exactly experienced in the rioting department.

-WCK

Canada can't find its own Olympics

Because most of you reading this blog are Americans, I'll assume you have no clue where the 2010 Winter Olympics are going to be. They're going to be in Vancouver.

But don't worry my stupid fellow Americans, the Canadians aren't much better than us when posed with the same question.

in June, the federal government commissioned Decima Research to ask this unaided question to Canadians: “Can you please tell me where the Olympic and Paralympic Winter Games will be held in the year 2010?”

And the results, outside of British Columbia where Vancouver is located, were hilarious.

In Alberta 68% of people knew the answer was Vancouver, in Saskatchewan/Manitoba it was 64%, in Ontario it was 60%, in the Atlantic Provinces it was 50%, and it was an unreal 43% in Quebec.

Needless to say the government wasn't pleased about that and ordered a new report that was just recently done. It showed a slight bump in the numbers, but the fact remains that an awful lot of Eastern Canada seems to have no clue that the 2010 Olympics are happening in their own country.

I guess it could worse. According to a survey done in Taiwan (which I realize is a separate country from China, but China likes to impose its will there), 44% of the Taiwanese have no clue that the 2008 Olympics are happening in China.

And this of course means two important things. One, that there are uninformed people all over the world, not just in America. And two, that China needs to increase the beatings in Taiwan.

-WCK

Vladimir Putin will teach you to kick some butt

This has to rank up there as one of the coolest things ever done by a head of state while he's still in office. It seems that Russian President Vladimir Putin is a major badass at judo - he's a black belt. I guess when you consider his political background, this makes sense.

But he just announced that he and Yasuhiro Yamashita, a World and Olympic judo champion from Japan, have made an instructional video together.

If you're wondering when this future instant YouTube classic will become available, here's what Putin had to say.

"He and I have recorded a video disc as a video supplement to a judo manual," Putin said. "I think it will be coming out in January or February."

Man, it must be awfully cool to have a president that can break concrete blocks with his head, and administer the infamous "Touch of Death." And if you want to see Putin taking on either a really short Asian man, or perhaps a kid, here you go. I'm hoping it's a kid.


To be honest, this makes America look weak and scrawny. President Bush is really only known for two things in regards to sports - being a wussy high school male cheerleader and an incompetent MLB team owner. Neither of those strike fear into the hearts of anyone. I take that back, the male cheerleader thing definitely makes me afraid, but not in the right way.

Quite frankly, the only way to rectify this critical situation may be to elect Chuck Norris in '08.

-WCK

In case you want your New Year's party invitation rescinded...

Normally during the holiday season, you're supposed to send out Christmas cards to friends and people you know. Even though you may not enjoy doing this, it's at least a good, friendly gesture that people appreciate during the holidays.

But the times they are a changing, my friend.

ESPN has decided to add some flavor to an old holiday tradition, and by "add some flavor to", I mean "completely take a dump on."

Yes, there are now 8 stupid "Holiday Smack Cards" that you can send out to insult people during the Christmas holiday. Which is a great idea. Nothing says Christmas cheer like getting a holiday card that calls you a loser.

The e-cards also directly target the Yankees, Chicago Bears, and Notre Dame. The least original may be Grossman and Griese throwing "gift-wrapped" interceptions to defensive backs. It took a brilliant mind to come up with that. Probably the same brilliant mind that came up with the "Enjoy the Whatever Bowl loser!" insult. There is no comeback to that my friends.

Sometimes an idea is so bad, it's good. And other times, an idea is so bad, it should be buried 6-feet deep and never discussed again. This is one of the latter.

-WCK

Christmas Eve links

For the two of you wondering why I didn't do my Monday NFL write-up, it's because of the holidays. I'll be writing it tonight after I get last minute presents for 12 people. The worst thing about that last sentence I wrote is that there's no sarcasm in it at all.

On to the (few) links.

Margaret Thatcher's grandson loves football, meaning real American football. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]

The 10 not-so-awesome sports guys of 2007. [I'm Writing Sports]

A college football coach you should know more about. [The Legend of Cecilio Guante]

Some fun facts about my boy Patrick Willis of the 49ers. [Lord, Beer Me Strength]

-WCK

Lighted Santa has mad game

I don't know about you, but I hate boring Christmas lights. I like my Christmas lights to be garish, and preferably moving. And if you can somehow manage to get an animated dunking Santa in the lights, even better.

Luckily, because we live in America, such a product exists. Yes, below is the 20-foot high Animated Dunking Santa light system. As you can tell, Santa has mad game, and a better vertical than Dwight Howard. Isiah just signed him to a 10-day contact.



If you think this thing is "some assembly required," you're damn right. As the site says - Requires 8 tracks to configure all positions of arms and balls. I don't know what the hell that means, but it sounds time-consuming and difficult. Two things I avoid like the plague.

And if you're wondering how much this light system costs, it's only $6,200. Hmmm, I guess I'll only get three then.

-WCK