The best (or worst) Olympic music video you will ever see

This video is an absolute acid trip of epic proportions. It was, I guess, a promotional video for the 1984 Olympic Games - and it may be the real reason why the Russians boycotted those Olympics. The video provides you with a brief history of the Games through interpretive dance, cheesy 80s music, a lot of suggestive sword-grabbing, and costumes that were likely worn in the movie The Beastmaster.

I don't even think the Chinese could make an Olympic music video this awesome, and that's saying something.

-WCK

If you're fat, don't watch this

This is the most ridiculous commercial I've seen in a long time. It's from Denver, where there's some guy that runs a fitness center called Anti-Gym that I guess is supposed to help you get thin without having to lift weights or do much. Sweet.

But his commercials are, uh, not kind to chubby individuals of the female persuasion. I'm just glad he didn't beat her to death.

HT: SteveSilver.net

-WCK

You're with me, Kerry Leather and Lacy

Sometimes when you're bored as hell, you accidentally stumble upon something while surfin' them interwebs that is almost inexplicable. Like, why would anyone create a database of every stupid Chris Berman nickname that the man ever used on Sportscenter?

I honestly have no idea.

But you know what, somebody has actually done that. Believe it or not, there are hundreds of nicknames that Berman has used over the years. I thought there'd be maybe 75 to 100. Man, was I ever wrong. The list contains such longtime forgotten nicknames as:

Jay Fiedler on the Roof
Jim Saturday Night LeFebvre
Mike Car 54 Lavalliere
Al Cigarette Leiter
James Teenage Mouton Ninja Turtles
Chan Ho 3 Com Park
Mark Fall Of The House Of Tauscher
John Teenage Wetteland
Greg The Wrath Of Zahn
Rich Protect Your Car With Amaral

Anyway, the whole thing is categorized from A-Z. I'd only suggest viewing the complete list if you're having a really slow day at work. Which, come to think of it, is probably all of you.

-WCK

"I want Colt Brennan's head on a stick"

Look, I think the BCS stinks. No question. And I can understand why Georgia is angry. But all that said, I will never, ever, understand the South's fixation on college football.

Case in point is a wonderful - by which I mean horrible - article penned by Travis Fain at the Macon Telegraph.

It's basically your classic slurp the local college team for having a big year deal, but then it gets a bit bizarre. Despite Fain early in the article saying that the Telegraph is a family newspaper, he proceeds to write this ridiculous paragraph:

But since I doubt the BCS is looking for my opinion, let me close with this: I want Colt Brennan's head on a stick. I want that pretty boy Hawaii quarterback driven through the Superdome turf. I want perfection in all phases of the game this New Year's Day. Destroy Hawaii. And then let this be known across the land: The Georgia Bulldogs will be staying in the national title conversation for many years to come. And if you're not with us, then you'd better start running.

Nothing says family newspaper like "I want his head on a stick." I also can't remember ever seeing a print journalist write something like this. Fain writes like Hawaii invaded Georgia and Brennan took a dump on a Jefferson Davis statue (which I'd whole-heartedly approve of Brennan doing).

Hawaii, I'm definitely pulling for you in this game. Just to see what Fain pens if you beat Georgia.

-WCK

What in the hell is wrong with Canadians?

This isn't really sports related, but whatever. Like everyone else, I spent yesterday being seriously amazed by the video Deadspin put up of an insane Canadian PSA that's been appearing recently during Hockey Night in Canada broadcasts.

But it turns out that Canada's been doing these horror show style PSA's for a while now. And man, are they graphic. I'd have had nightmares for years if I had seen these PSA's as a kid - or think I could survive getting two pieces of rebar stuck through me. But anyway, let's take a look at the others, some of which may even be worse than melting skin soup lady.


Here's the old "guy gets blown up and we watch his body fall 4 stories on to a truck" PSA. I like the coworker who says "There's been an accident." You know, I'd say it's a bit worse than an accident.



Here's the guy with some rebar stuck through him. Is it really necessary to show this? I get the point, be safe.



Here's someone falling through a glass counter.



And here's the Frank Grimes endorsed PSA.



Here's a cartoon for how to respond to unsafe working conditions. The phrase "dude" is used a lot.



And lastly, although this isn't work-related, it's a Canadian Domestic Violence PSA. It of course involves more hot liquids and, uh, it's NSFW.

Remember people, there are no accidents. Personally, I'll never look at soup the same way again.

-WCK

College sure has gotten nerdier since I left

I have never read a single Harry Potter book, so I don't really know what Quiddich is, but it looks, uh, ridiculously stupid. This video is of the Vassar Quiddich team preparing for the Quiddich World Cup which was held a few weeks ago at Middlebury College in Connecticut - by which I mean Vermont. In case you were wondering, Vassar lost 120-0, or so the comments section of YouTube tells me. I'm not sure what's worse, that there are people playing this made up sport, or that there are people good enough at it to destroy another team 120-0.

-WCK

Steve Phillips wants you to turn that frown upside down

Since I was busy watching the Rutgers/USF game for most of the night, I decided to just keep watching ESPN to quickly get the ALCS highlights. But of course you can't have just the highlights. Steve Phillips must drop some knowledge on you.

Neil Everett asked Phillips about the Indians' body language - which is almost as stupid a question as Phillips' response was:

I think the players' body language reflected their manager Eric Wedge’s body language. I thought Eric Wedge was frowning too much. He was head down, shaking his head too much.

Did I miss something, or when did the Indians suddenly become 7-year-old kids? These guys are pros, not impressionable kids. Besides, every time I flipped over to the game some Indians player was making an error or striking out looking. I think Wedge had legitimate reason to be upset.

But who am I to disagree with ESPN "expert" Steve Phillips? Turn that frown upside down!

I'll be looking for a maniacally smiling Wedge in Game 6. That's sure to get the Indians a win. They might want to try swinging at pitches too.

-WCK

Play golf and take a dump at the same time

Some inventions are seriously stupid. Yet others are so insanely stupid that they somehow become cool. I'm not sure where this one falls exactly, but it's certainly intriguing.

The object you see to your right is the Potty Putter and it's been around since 2001, supposedly. If that's true, then I guess at least a few people out there own it.

Here's the information about what comes in the box:

No longer will your spouse/partner not have an excuse to putter around the house, at least in the bathroom. The kit includes a putting green, 2 golf balls, a mini-putter, a hole with flag stick and a “Do Not Disturb” sign. Pre-order for an October 5 delivery from Latest Buy with a price of AU $29.95 (~$26.66.)

The Potty Putter of course brings new meaning to the term hole-in-one. By the way, I wonder if Tiger used the Potty Putter when he was taking a dump at the US Open.

According to the internet, which is always right and should never be questioned, there was a real infomercial for this thing back in the day featuring actors and actresses putting with their pants off, which I'm sure was the highlight of all their careers. Unfortunately, no version of the infomercial exists on the internet.

However, here's a video featuring the Potty Putter and some other weird sports inventions that involve relieving yourself - including a portable urinal. Excellent.



-WCK

A tuna melt sandwich, except with a squirrel instead of tuna

Salty D did a post last week wrecking fans of SEC football, and said he'd actually seen people stewing squirrels before games. I was skeptical, but Salty D came through for us. Watch this video he sent us of how to make a squirrel melt. I might have three or four of these this weekend.

-WCK

Bob Uecker - Future WWE Hall of Famer

I didn't know this, but apparently the WWE - formerly the WWF - actually has a Hall of Fame. Yes, that sounds ridiculous to me as well.

Anyway, there's a grueling induction process for getting in. Ok, I made that up, but some of the wrestlers up for induction next year include Rick Rude and Ted DiBiase. And also Bob Uecker. What?

Yes, Uecker used to be a WWE sideline reporter who would frequently get pummeled by pissed off wrestlers who displaced their anger on him. So in early celebration of what I'm sure will be the crowning moment of Uecker's career, here's a look back at Andre the Giant strangling Uecker as he attempts to find Vanna White for some reason.

-WCK

Because losers need nachos

This is one of the weirder things to pop up on the blogoshpere of late, but in the wake of Notre Dame's hideous loss to Michigan (and likely upcoming loss to Michigan St.), supposedly Taco Bell is giving away free nachos this Sunday to help console Fighting Irish fans as their team continues to stink it up. I thought this was just a joke - you know "Nacho Day" is "Not your day" - but Sunday Morning Quarterback apparently was emailed Taco Bell's letter to Weis by an L.A.-based account executive for the global marketing firm Cohn & Wolfe who claimed it was 100% legit. Like SMQ, I'm not sure how much you should trust a PR guy, but hey, if you're in South Bend this Sunday, might as well give it a shot. There are three Taco Bells in the area.

Here's the letter:

September 17, 2007

Mr. Charlie Weis
Head Football Coach
University of Notre Dame
C113 Joyce Center
Notre Dame, IN 46556

Dear Coach Weis,

We've all had days we'd rather forget. Clearly, the season isn't unfolding the way we all hoped and Saturday was another tough loss. When that happens, we call it NACHO DAY.

Hey, it may sound corny, but sometimes when your chips are down, all it takes is a gesture of support from an unexpected source to help turn things around. At TACO BELL, we always THINK OUTSIDE THE BUN, so we'd like to offer the enclosed NACHO DAY award and an order of Nachos to help lift your spirits.

In fact, we want to lift the spirits of everyone in South Bend. We invite all fans of the Irish to head into any participating South Bend TACO BELL(r) location on Sunday, September 23 from 2:00 p.m. - 5:00 p.m. and we'll give them a free order of regular Nachos.

Please enjoy our offer of free Nachos to help you get through all those crunchy NACHO DAYS. Hopefully, things will turn around and you can just enjoy the food!

- Your friends at Taco Bell

--------------------------------------------

-WCK

The Japanese turn sexual deviancy into a sport, like they always do

This looks like a packed house for a Kentucky basketball game, but it's not. It's the audience for a Japanese game show that almost defies comprehension. A martial arts master flips a girl over using his feet and tries to get her to fall to the canvas spread eagle style - if that happens, an eagle flies up the screen. That's literally about it. The crowd is just insane though. You'd think they were watching some sporting event that determined the fate of the free world. Instead it seems they're just excited because they haven't been arrested yet.

-WCK

Uh, you might want to take a timeout champ

UPDATE: SPORTSbyBROOKS has found out that De La Hoya's agent is saying the photos are fake and that the matter is being referred to his attorneys. So somebody's wallet may be a lot lighter soon.

It appears that some photos of Oscar De La Hoya in a fishnet outfit and panties have leaked out - and he even has his boxing gloves on in one photo. In another he dons a wig and is bent over in stiletto pumps. Yikes. Yet another picture shows him on the edge of a bathtub spread eagle with an odd grin on his face and bare chested. To prevent our humble blog from being sued, we can't post any of them, but you can be find them here. They're just bizarre and don't appear to be photoshopped.

I'm not exactly sure what Oscar was thinking when these photos were taken, but odds are pretty good he wasn't thinking at all. He has some explaining to do before his next fight.

-WCK

ESPN is covering a topless ping-pong tournament tonight?

I think most of us are familiar with the fact that ESPN is owned by Disney. That naturally means that ESPN tends to tow the line of being relatively "family-oriented" and doesn't exactly push the envelope.

Well, that's what I thought, until I saw the poster above.

The Las Vegas based Sapphire Gentlemen's Club, which is the world's largest gentlemen's club, is hosting Ping Pong Palooza tonight, which is best described as a topless stripper competition where women face off in singles and doubles matches. As the poster says "Come watch the topless stripper competition."

So naturally I was surprised to see in the right hand corner of the poster an ESPN logo, you know, because ESPN doesn't usually cover stuff like this. Mickey tends not to approve of strip clubs. But if you look real close, it says "ESPN - Live on Air Remote During the Event." That term, "live on air remote" is a relatively familiar broadcast phrase that suggests ESPN will be there to broadcast or hype the event in some way.

You can also find the poster on Sapphire's home page, with the ESPN image and wording, so it's not photoshopped. Naturally you can't find anything on the internet about ESPN's role in this event other than the poster. I would assume Sapphire is just trying to capitalize on the The Leader's name, but I find it odd that someone at ESPN hasn't noticed it yet - since I'm sure Stuart Scott's on the site at least 5 times a day.

Anyway, I have no problem with ESPN doing this - if it's actually true - and hopefully we can all find the broadcast, be it radio or TV. Let's hope it's true, because having this event and ESPN come together is perfect, considering The Leader has been involved in multiple sexual harassment cases.

Either way I'm sure Sean Salisbury will be there.

-WCK

What in the hell is this?

Football is a pretty rough sport. That's one reason why you don't buy footballs at the makeup counter or a woman's dress department. But don't worry, one company is looking to change that.

Uh, why?

The football you see above is part of Chanel's 2007 fall accesories line. And you'll be even more thrilled when you hear the price - $195.

Man, the other side of that football better be diamond-encrusted or I have a feeling this won't exactly be a top selling item.

Anyway, here was some woman fashion blogger's take on the football.

When I saw this I was like "wow, that is the perfect marriage between fashion and football." This football represents my marriage in some strange way LOL. It is a really cute gift for a guy that is into fashion, and if his fav. sport is football, which would be RARE.

Let me go out on a limb here and say that actually would be rare. I watch football in sweats with Doritos strewn across my chest. Let me also go out on a limb and say no man in his right mind would ever be caught dead throwing a Chanel football around. Let alone pay $195 for one.

UPDATE: It seems Deuce did this story months ago, which I totally missed since it wasn't football season when they did it. So for their take, here you go.

-WCK

WTF? Chuck Liddell was a kid actor?

This extremely brief video comes courtesy of Sports Rumblings, which somehow found out that UFC badass Chuck Liddell appeared in the 1981 movie The Postman Always Rings Twice, which had Jack Nicholson in it. The Iceman also appeared briefly in How High and Cradle 2 the Grave, two slightly worse movies, along with his notable appearance on Entourage.

If you want to see the Iceman's old high school work, you can find that over at Awful Announcing.

-WCK

Carlos Tevez is a heartbreaker

This is Carlos Tevez. He was involved in a rather dodgy transfer this past year in which he was transferred to West Ham of the Premier League to help them avoid relegation. And as you can see, he is generally regarded as the ugliest player in soccer. Huge neck scars, crooked teeth and a unibrow will do that to you. Deuce of Davenport has always said he looks like the Incredible Hulk, and I agree.

But anyway, for a period of time he was going out with this lovely Argentinean model, Natalia Fassi.
They broke up for reasons we'll get to later, but she apparently really wants him back.

Now I know what you're thinking. She just wants the money or to be seen with a soccer player again. I mean, that has to be the reason? Or maybe she's legally blind.

Turns out we were all wrong. Apparently Tevez is, uh, pretty good in the sack. He better be with a mug like that. Here's what Fassi said drove her to Tevez in the News of the World:

"Every time we made love it was so passionate we would forget what planet we were on."

Ok. But what about the fact that he looks like Frankenstein?

"He is no David Beckham. If you compared the two I definitely would take Beckham any time. But it was a relationship of love. I liked the way he looked at me."

Yes, I'm sure that's true. This must have been the look she loved (also known as Tevez's "Oh" face):

I mean seriously ladies, what's not to like about that? That crooked tooth is sexy.

The couple was known as Beauty and the Beast in Argentina during their six-month affair and they ultimately broke up because Tevez got his actual wife pregnant (this guy has a wife?!). So anyway, I think there's an important lesson here. And that lesson is if you're an ugly famous soccer player, you can still get tons of hot women. Or something like that.

-WCK