Blaxploitation is alive and well in Minnesota

It's likely going to be a long season for the Timberwolves. They're young and not very good right now. But they have one of the better tv ad campaigns in recent memory. They managed to get 3'11" Archibald "Sweetwater" Jones, who was an ABA and NBA journeyman during the 1970s, to do some awesome blaxploitation style ads. Even better is that Mark Madsen is in them. Right on.

-WCK

In case you ever wanted to see an Ahman Green Jack-o'-Lantern

You'd think there would be a lot of pro sports jack-o'-lanterns out there, because apparently there are jack-o'-lantern cut out kits for basically every pro team. But that isn't the case. Luckily we found some of the more bizarre sports jack-o'-lanterns you will ever see. So let's get to them.

The first is the Ahman Green Jack-o'-lantern, which is somewhat rare.
And as an added bonues, he autographed it too.

If you're worried that Ahman's the only pro (or former pro) out there signing jack-o'-lanterns, fear not. Stan Musial is doing it as well, because we all know signing jack-o'-lanterns is how most athletes make money on the side.

I'm starting to wonder if both these guys are a little hard-up for cash. Anyway, both of those pumpkins were just sold on eBay. I have no clue how rampant the practice of athletes signing jack-o'-lanterns for cash is, but I'm sure Pete Rose is interested.

Coaches are also getting in on the jack-o'-lantern action, like Mike Holmgren. Oddly enough, this jack-o'-lantern may actually be a better coach than Holmgren.


And lastly, here are some other unique sports jack-o'-lanterns.


That last one's not really sports-related, but whatever, it's awesome.

For more jack-o'-lantern goodness, Home Run Derby has some great ones, including an Ozzie Guillen pumpkin.

-WCK

Soulja Boy, done by every mascot in existence

This is a video from some football game at Kutztown University a few weeks ago. And it seems like literally every mascot in the free world came to do the Soulja Boy dance, including a giant crayon and what appears to be a giant turd or a Ho-Ho, I can't tell which. Superman dat ho, Ho-Ho!

-WCK

Wednesday links

Not a good start to the Warriors season. And they're also going to have some bench problems this year. But not in the way you think. Last year they didn't have enough guys who could play, this year they have too many. Makes my head hurt, sort of like our team cheerleader above.

On to the links.

I recommend every angry bench warmer does this to their coach's car. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]

An intriguing look at Martel Van Zant, Oklahoma State's deaf football player. [All on the Field]

Toronto has a chat with Buffalo bout dem Bills. [Food Court Lunch]

DC athletes seem to have a tendency of dating Miss DC's. Somehow, I'm not that shocked. [Mr. Irrelevant]

I'm not really sure who Don West was, but he was the man at selling sports stuff on TV. And hilarious. [Cats and Beer]

I thought about live blogging the NBA's opening night, but didn't. Luckily someone did it for me. [Half Court Heave]

A look back at Robert Goulet's NCAA basketball work. [Part 1] [Part 2] via Pop Jocks.

-WCK

I'd like a parking pass and a masking agent please

It's always great when the NYT makes an appearance here on the blog. Provides a nice break from photos of a dog humping another dog wearing a Mike Vick jersey.

Anyway, the paper of record has a story that I don't really think will surprise anyone, but it speaks to the problems still facing baseball. Apparently MLB has continued to employ a drug-testing procedure that may allow players time to mask their use of performance-enhancing drugs. May allow? Oh, it allows, no question.

Drug testers contracted by the league routinely alert team officials a day or more before their arrival at ballparks for what is supposed to be random, unannounced testing of players. By eliminating the surprise factor, antidoping experts say the practice undermines the integrity of the testing program.

Something tells me those antidoping experts might be on to something.

Advance notice of only a few hours can provide the opportunity for a player to dilute their urine, use a masking agent or employ a device that allows them to fill their bladders with drug-free urine. Or if they're really pressed for time, they can use the Wizzinator.

The way this alert system works is that the night before testers arrive at major league stadiums to take urine samples from players, officials for the home team receive a call from the testing company requesting stadium and parking passes for the drug testers. This procedure is not outlined in the league’s 48-page testing policy, which baseball promotes as one of the toughest in sports.

That doesn't exactly sound real tough to me. In fact, in sounds like the testing companies and MLB teams are in cahoots.

According to Robert Manfred, baseball’s vice president for labor relations and the official who oversees the sport’s drug-testing programs, team officials are not supposed to tell players that tests will be conducted. But naturally that rarely happens. Multiple anonymous sources from MLB teams told the NYT they receive notice often as early as two days before a test and pass on the info.

Frankly, I don't care if guys are on performance-enhancing drugs or not, because sports are merely entertainment for the masses. But since I'm in the minority on that opinion, I guess I should advise MLB to get a little tougher and close this massive, glaring loophole. I think giving testers year round parking passes so they, you know, don't have to "wink, wink" call in advance for them would be a decent start.

-WCK

Which was better: The Play or The Mississippi Miracle?

Seeing as this question has been going on for the last few days, we've decided we might as well try and answer it. First let's take a look back at The Play.


And now the Mississippi Miracle.
Now let's get to which one is better.

1. Number of laterals - The Play has 5. Mississippi Miracle has 15. Edge Mississippi Miracle.

2. Play Calls - Both announcers have their heads explode. Even.

3. Finish - The Play has the Stanford Band on the field during the final seconds. Mississippi Miracle has Trinity run out onto the field after the final TD. Edge The Play.

4. Number of band members injured - The Play has 1. Mississippi Miracle has zero. Huge edge to The Play.

5. Number of controversial non-calls - The Play has 2, one player is pretty clearly down, and one lateral was potentially a forward pass. Mississippi Miracle has at least one potential holding penalty not called. Edge The Play.

6. Classic postgame quotes - The Play had John Elway saying "This was an insult to college football... They [the officials] ruined my last game as a college football player." Mississippi Miracle had Millsaps coach Mike DuBose saying "The worst part about it is we had five or six guys just quit on the play." Edge clearly to The Play.

7. Impact of loss - The Play prevented Elway from ever playing in a bowl game while at Stanford. Mississippi Miracle prevented Millsaps from clinching a D-III playoff berth for a week. Massive edge to The Play.

So there you have it. Because of the magnitude of The Play's impact on royally screwing over John Elway's college career, combined with the fact that a band member was massacred in the process, clearly gives The Play the definitive title of best play in college football history over the Mississippi Miracle.

-WCK

Hopefully Mike Vick's prison term doesn't wind up like this

Halloween parties are great because something ridiculous always happens. Like having a small dog start humping the hell out of another dog wearing a Mike Vick jersey. There are too many potential jokes you can make about these pictures. All I know is the Mike Vick dog doesn't seem too upset about the violation he's about to receive.


HT: Investors Gab

-WCK

Tuesday links

So, Torre to the Dodgers. As a Giants fan I'm pleased about this. Gives me even more of a reason to hate him.

On to the links.

A look at this year's most epic beatdowns. Pats/Skins wasn't #1. [The Legend of Cecilio Guante]

Seems Oregon coach Mike Bellotti's wife was hammered while going off on a reporter for writing about her son's two DUI's. Hypocritical? Uh, hell yes. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]

An extensive look at the Patriots cheating ways, including the most recent headset problems the Skins had. [Ballsiest]

Emmitt Smith, still awesome, still making no sense whatsoever. [Awful Announcing]

This old Miami Dolphins video may be worse than this years team. [Deuce of Davenport]

A follow-up to the biggest loser sports city post. [Rumors and Rants]

The Giants/Phins halftime streaker. [Pop Jocks]

A 2008 World Series prediction. If the Red Sox win again next year, I'm moving to Canada. [Home Run Derby]

An interview with HOFer Larry Csonka. [Phin Phanatic]

-WCK

Devin Hester as Mona Lisa

You know you've made it when someone does a full-scale painting of you. Here's a guy doing a painting of Hester being chased by a bunch of conference mascots, the weirdest of which has to be the NY Giant. Even though Hester is only in his second season, it makes sense to paint his picture. After all, he's basically the Bears' entire offense.

-WCK

How to become an accidental sex offender

Soccer is bigger in California than most people realize. People can play it here year-round and a lot of the leagues are super intense. Naturally when you combine that high-pressued atmosphere with psychotic fans and coaches, you get a truly awesome mix.

Anyway, over the weekend not far from us one coach went a little overboard. The male coach of a Petaluma-based under 16 girls team was suspended from the league for keeping it a little bit too real.

Witnesses reported that the coach went to the center of the field after the game and exposed himself to the opposing team. Thankfully it was just his ass. At least, I hope that's all that was exposed.

Perhaps even worse than the fact that the guy has been permanently suspended from the league is that police say they are asking prosecutors to file indecent exposure charges against the coach. I think the real travesty here is that the girls will no longer have a coach who will go the extra mile for the team.

-WCK

You may have some money coming your way today

Now that the Red Sox have won the World Series, it's time for one furniture store to start shelling out a hell of a lot of cash.

Jordan's Furniture, which is based in New England and may have the most boring commercials in the region, ran a promotion back in March and April: buy any sofa, dining room table, bed or mattress, and if the Red Sox win the World Series, you'll be completely refunded. Uh oh.

Apparently there were just below 30,000 orders taken during the promotion, so a lot of people will be getting a lot of money back.

If each order was just $500 — a pretty conservative estimate — then Jordan's might end up giving away more than $15 million. But most people bought more than one item. Apparently one customer could get $40,000 back after they furnished their whole house.

Jordan's — like most companies that run such promotions — had taken out prize indemnification insurance, which covers the payouts. So regrettably they aren't going bankrupt. But estimates are that they spent at least $4.5 million on insurance, so at least there's that.

So just in case you weren't already pissed off enough at Red Sox Nation, now you've got this to add some fuel to the fire.

-WCK

Monday links

So that World Series. Not so great. Anyway, I'm intrigued by how many people are angry at A-Rod for opting out of his contract on the same day the Red Sox won the World Series. Is that some sort of a surprise to people? It seems Boras wanted him to do it before the season officially ended, so there you go. Now he can go sign a contract worth the GDP of Bangladesh. And Boston might be interested in signing him. Even though I think he winds up with the Cubs, I'd be happy to see him go to the Sox. He'd probably curse them for another 86 years.

On to the links.

One More Dying Quail interviews Erin Andrews. [OMDQ]

Phil and Kobe are taking off the gloves. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]

Are the Red Sox the team of the decade? Well, I guess so, they're the only team to have won it twice so far this decade. Right? I don't know. I just work here. [Larry Brown Sports]

A Skins fan's reaction to what the Patriots did. [Deuce of Davenport]

Vol fans are sort of mad at Kenny Chesney. You know, because he has a new favorite team every damn week. [Lion in Oil]

Sharapova - huge in the Middle East. [Part Mule]

As always, your weekly hockey recap. I know there were some huge hits this past week. And that's about it. [Pop Jocks]

-WCK