100% IR and Deuce of Davenport's Straight Up NFL Weekly Beatdown Contest

Chimp at Deuce of Davenport and I couldn't really find a lot of stories for today so we decided we'd try something new. From this point on, we're going to do a straight up weekly NFL pick 'em contest.

The rules are simple. Submit your teams in a post on Friday. Whoever wins gets lauded with praise. Whoever loses has to do a post defending something despicable. And if there's a tie, we both have to defend said despicable thing.

This week's loser will have to defend baby seal clubbing. Should be fun. I might just lose on purpose.


Picks are in the post below. Enjoy.

-WCK

100% IR and Deuce of Davenport's Straight Up NFL Weekly Beatdown Contest - WEEK 3

Here are the picks:

Saint Louis @ Tampa Bay - I'm going to go with St. Louis, even though they're on the road. They've got a lot to play for, considering if they lose this game their season's basically over.

San Diego @ Green Bay - San Diego.

Miami @ New York Jets - I don't know, both suck, so I'll take the home team. Jets.

Arizona @ Baltimore - I don't care who's at QB for the Ravens, they're not losing.

Indy @ Houston - Indy.

Detroit @ Philly - McNabb is awful. Westbrook is sort of injured. The Eagles have no receivers. Detroit has Kitna and God on their side. Lions, even though they're on the road.

Minnesota @ Kansas City - Awful game. And I honestly have no clue who even plays for Minnesota. And I don't know who their QB is. Whatever, I'll take the Chiefs to win even though I know Herm will find a way to blow it for me.

Buffalo @ New England - Hmmm. Patriots.

San Francisco @ Pittsburgh - My 9ers shouldn't be 2-0 at all. Steelers.

Cleveland @ Oakland - No way Browns repeat what they did against the Bengals. Plus i need to show the Raiders some seal-clubbing love.

Cincy @ Seattle - You know logic says Seattle. But logic is for stuff that makes sense. Sports make no sense. Bengals and two Ocho Cinco TD celebrations.

Jax @ Denver - Denver.

New York Giants @ Washington - Redskins.

Carolina @ Atlanta - Carolina.

Cowboys @ Bears - I'm risking it here by takin' them Cowboys.

Titans @ N.O. - New Orleans. Get McAlister some carries.

Here are Chimp's choices. I smell a seal-clubbing post.

-WCK

Tiger takes major dumps

This was passed along to us by a friendly reader and maybe you don't want to see it, or maybe you do. I'm not sure what gets you off. But anyway, this is Tiger, mid-round, taking a dump at the US Open before teeing off. He of course later took a more figurative dump by losing to Angel Cabrera. This video may be the only proof we ever have that Woods is human.

What's great is that there's a crowd gathered around the toilet, and Woods has a security detail. You know you've made it when you can't even take a dump without intriguing people.

-WCK

ESPN sticks it to Mike Hart and Michigan

Death Rattle sports first caught this, and it wasn't up for long, but it was pretty brilliant.

It seems even ESPN is open to messing with Michigan. Because on their "Heisman Watch" page someone messed up a link - and it was far from accidental.

You'll notice down the page there's an ESPN experts poll where they rank all the major candidates for the Heisman. Anyway, Mike Hart is currently ranked 12th. And for a brief time yesterday, if you clicked on Hart's name, you surprisingly didn't get his ESPN player profile.

Instead you got Armanti Edwards' player profile - he's the QB for Appalachian State.

Well played faceless ESPN grunt. Well played indeed.

-WCK

Thursday links

It's Thursday and there's not much going on. So enjoy this rocket powered port-o-john.

Here are the links.

Donovan McNabb says black QBs are treated differently. That means it's time to get NOIS's take. [NOIS]

Larry Brown scored an interview with the RGX bodyspray model. It's not exactly sports related at all, but that's ok. I forgive you Larry. [Larry Brown Sports]

Mark Cuban got censored at a Cubs game. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]

ESPN may be making sure they get no more sexual harassment claims. [Awful Announcing]

It's time Tony LaRussa to move on. [I'm Writing Sports]

See what I would listen to if I were stuck on a desert island. [Brahsome]

This is quite the boxing match. Like size double-D boxing match. [Deuce of Davenport]

Vote on whether "seal dribbling" should be allowed in soccer. Personally I think it's fine, as long as you can absolutely deck the guy doing it. [The Beautiful Game]

It must be a slow day out there, because everyone and their fucking mom is writing about that "seal dribbling" story. I suggest instead that you watch a somewhat sexually deviant Japanese game show.

-WCK

Because losers need nachos

This is one of the weirder things to pop up on the blogoshpere of late, but in the wake of Notre Dame's hideous loss to Michigan (and likely upcoming loss to Michigan St.), supposedly Taco Bell is giving away free nachos this Sunday to help console Fighting Irish fans as their team continues to stink it up. I thought this was just a joke - you know "Nacho Day" is "Not your day" - but Sunday Morning Quarterback apparently was emailed Taco Bell's letter to Weis by an L.A.-based account executive for the global marketing firm Cohn & Wolfe who claimed it was 100% legit. Like SMQ, I'm not sure how much you should trust a PR guy, but hey, if you're in South Bend this Sunday, might as well give it a shot. There are three Taco Bells in the area.

Here's the letter:

September 17, 2007

Mr. Charlie Weis
Head Football Coach
University of Notre Dame
C113 Joyce Center
Notre Dame, IN 46556

Dear Coach Weis,

We've all had days we'd rather forget. Clearly, the season isn't unfolding the way we all hoped and Saturday was another tough loss. When that happens, we call it NACHO DAY.

Hey, it may sound corny, but sometimes when your chips are down, all it takes is a gesture of support from an unexpected source to help turn things around. At TACO BELL, we always THINK OUTSIDE THE BUN, so we'd like to offer the enclosed NACHO DAY award and an order of Nachos to help lift your spirits.

In fact, we want to lift the spirits of everyone in South Bend. We invite all fans of the Irish to head into any participating South Bend TACO BELL(r) location on Sunday, September 23 from 2:00 p.m. - 5:00 p.m. and we'll give them a free order of regular Nachos.

Please enjoy our offer of free Nachos to help you get through all those crunchy NACHO DAYS. Hopefully, things will turn around and you can just enjoy the food!

- Your friends at Taco Bell

--------------------------------------------

-WCK

The Japanese turn sexual deviancy into a sport, like they always do

This looks like a packed house for a Kentucky basketball game, but it's not. It's the audience for a Japanese game show that almost defies comprehension. A martial arts master flips a girl over using his feet and tries to get her to fall to the canvas spread eagle style - if that happens, an eagle flies up the screen. That's literally about it. The crowd is just insane though. You'd think they were watching some sporting event that determined the fate of the free world. Instead it seems they're just excited because they haven't been arrested yet.

-WCK

Uh, you might want to take a timeout champ

UPDATE: SPORTSbyBROOKS has found out that De La Hoya's agent is saying the photos are fake and that the matter is being referred to his attorneys. So somebody's wallet may be a lot lighter soon.

It appears that some photos of Oscar De La Hoya in a fishnet outfit and panties have leaked out - and he even has his boxing gloves on in one photo. In another he dons a wig and is bent over in stiletto pumps. Yikes. Yet another picture shows him on the edge of a bathtub spread eagle with an odd grin on his face and bare chested. To prevent our humble blog from being sued, we can't post any of them, but you can be find them here. They're just bizarre and don't appear to be photoshopped.

I'm not exactly sure what Oscar was thinking when these photos were taken, but odds are pretty good he wasn't thinking at all. He has some explaining to do before his next fight.

-WCK

ESPN is covering a topless ping-pong tournament tonight?

I think most of us are familiar with the fact that ESPN is owned by Disney. That naturally means that ESPN tends to tow the line of being relatively "family-oriented" and doesn't exactly push the envelope.

Well, that's what I thought, until I saw the poster above.

The Las Vegas based Sapphire Gentlemen's Club, which is the world's largest gentlemen's club, is hosting Ping Pong Palooza tonight, which is best described as a topless stripper competition where women face off in singles and doubles matches. As the poster says "Come watch the topless stripper competition."

So naturally I was surprised to see in the right hand corner of the poster an ESPN logo, you know, because ESPN doesn't usually cover stuff like this. Mickey tends not to approve of strip clubs. But if you look real close, it says "ESPN - Live on Air Remote During the Event." That term, "live on air remote" is a relatively familiar broadcast phrase that suggests ESPN will be there to broadcast or hype the event in some way.

You can also find the poster on Sapphire's home page, with the ESPN image and wording, so it's not photoshopped. Naturally you can't find anything on the internet about ESPN's role in this event other than the poster. I would assume Sapphire is just trying to capitalize on the The Leader's name, but I find it odd that someone at ESPN hasn't noticed it yet - since I'm sure Stuart Scott's on the site at least 5 times a day.

Anyway, I have no problem with ESPN doing this - if it's actually true - and hopefully we can all find the broadcast, be it radio or TV. Let's hope it's true, because having this event and ESPN come together is perfect, considering The Leader has been involved in multiple sexual harassment cases.

Either way I'm sure Sean Salisbury will be there.

-WCK

There's some tension here

We're a little short on content today, so here's some filler. Nothing like an incredibly awkward beer commercial featuring Billy Martin and Steinbrenner.

By the way, why the hell is there a phone in the ad?

-WCK

How much is your head worth?

There's an interesting article over at a somewhat gay sounding site called FitBuff about a new Riddell helmet that's recently come out. The helmet costs an unreal $1000 but has some major advantages over current helmets.

Well, helmet may be the wrong term. It's being called a high-tech, concussion-sensing, skull encapsulator. Great. Anyway, the football helmet can monitor the precise location and severity of a hit to the player wearing it. Every time a player takes a hit, the helmet uses sensors, similar to those used in airbags, to register the impact, then wirelessly send the data to a computer on the sideline. If the computer determines that a certain player has received enough damage to potentially cause brain injury, it sends an alert to the coach or team trainer instantly.

What's pretty funny is that there will also be a consumer version of the helmet that will work a bit differently. The helmet will need to be hooked up to a computer after the game to upload the data. Once uploaded, you'll be able to officially determine that your illegitimate kid is in a coma from the hit he took on field.

Apparently eight college football teams are already using the new Riddell football helmets.

I'd have to this think this would be great for the pros to use considering how commonplace concussions are. But then I remember Gene "Neck Snapper" Upshaw is in charge of the players union. He'd prefer that players simply go braindead.

-WCK

Wednesday choke links

The Red Sox and Mets are choking about as bad as any teams in recent memory right now. Even though both should still be able to hang on, I have the feeling one of them is going to crap the bed. I'll say the Mets, provided Gagne never takes the mound again. Somebody really needs to put that guy down. He's done.

On to the links.

USC sticks it to UCLA. [Lion in Oil]

Grading Ray Lewis' restaurant. [Deuce of Davenport]

NOIS on cheating in the NFL. [NOIS]

Some numbers from last night's epic Phils/Cards game. [Crashburn Alley]

Greg Maddux just broke a record set by Cy Young. That's impressive. [Rumors and Rants]

When will Lovie finally stop drinking the Rex Kool-Aid? [The Pig Pen]

Yeah, Gagne really sucks. [Ump Bump]

People are already making moves to prevent S.A.S. from getting on the radio airwaves. [Awful Announcing]

Larry Brown says LT is a poor sport. I say Bill Belichick is a shithead because he went to Wesleyan. We're probably both right. [Larry Brown Sports]

Vote on baseball mascots. [Home Run Derby]

-WCK