Relegation: American Style

The recent conclusion of the English Premier League will see the three worst teams - Sheffield United, Charlton and Watford - all get relegated, meaning they'll get kicked out of the Premiership for those of you not familiar with this practice. If there's anything we've ever loved about soccer, and this is literally it, it's that if you really suck, you get the boot and have to work your way back up. We think this is absolutely brilliant and should be extended to American sports as well, although in our opinion you shouldn't necessarily have to finish at the bottom of your sports league to be relegated. There are plenty of American sports franchises that have sucked for extended periods of time that simply deserve to be relegated. So here's our list of American sports teams that should get the boot. We also put where they should be relegated to.

Washington Nationals (relegated to AAA for making Senate Committee meetings look like fun): This shouldn't be any surprise, since the Nationals actually are a AAA team. It seemed like it took them half a year to get double digit wins this season. I'm not even sure they could survive in AAA. Might have to drop them to AA.

Chicago Cubs (relegated to some league they can win a championship in): It's awful tough to have a full century of ineptitude, but the Cubs managed to do it. They had their chance in MLB, let's give them a chance somewhere else. I think the Mexican League would be muy bien por los Cubs.

Kansas City Royals (relegated to AAA for being the consistent AL doormat): This team has been consistently awful for so many years it's a wonder they still have any fans. I can't name a single Royals player off the top of my head either. But the Royals could cash in at the AAA level where promotions are a much bigger part of the baseball experience. They could open up the outfield fountains for swimming and wet t-shirt contests. I think I'd attend a Royals game then.

Tampa Bay Devil Rays (relegated to Fast Pitch Softball League for barely existing): I'm not even sure why this team is in the majors. They have no fans and they never win. I guess they're in the majors as a sort of professional farm team. I mean, there's really no other explanation I can think of.

Oakland Raiders (relegated to Pac-10 to piss off Al Davis): This would finally answer a question that has haunted me for the last few years. Can the Raiders actually beat USC? I could be wrong, but I think before the Raiders drafted JeMarcus Russell USC was actually the better team.

Detroit Lions (relegated to Pop Warner for sheer idiocy): This team is a complete joke. They love wasting top draft picks on wide receivers and have built around a stopgap QB. Not only that, but their GM Matt Millen is an idiot and has been the cause of mass protests by Lions fans. He should have been fired about 4 years ago but for some reason wasn't. Must be sweet to be a Lions fan. I actually think Lions fans would like to see their team get relegated, just to have the opportunity to see them consistenly win games.

Cleveland Browns (relegated to Arena League for being incredibly depressing): There's no nice way to say this. This team just sucks, year in and year out and it depresses the hell out of me since they have such great fans. In addition to stinking, they play in Cleveland and have the worst uniforms in pro sports - it's like an orange sitting on top of a pile of crap. At least in the Arena League they could win.

Houston Texans (relegated to the SEC as punishment for stupid personnel decisions): Even though they won 6 games during the 2006-2007 season, they've sucked something fierce since they came into the league. And drafting Mario "Hotrod" Williams over Reggie Bush was inexcusable. You deserve to be relegated just for shafting your fans that bad. Problem is the SEC might be too tough for them. I'm not even sure they could win 6 games in the SEC.

Atlanta Hawks (relegated to NBDL because it's where they belong): I would put them back in college, seeing as about half of their roster would probably still be in school if they had stayed for 4 years, but that would be too easy a break for them. This team deserves to spend some time in NBA hell. They've stunk for so long that relegation shouldn't even be seen as an option, it should be mandatory. And if they don't draft a point guard in this year's draft, I would just ban them from the NBA permanently.

Boston Celtics (relegated to the YMCA gym league to kill Simmons): How the mighty have fallen. Despite the fact that the Celtics have won more titles than Antonio Alfonseca has fingers, they have been borderline dreadful for an extended period of time. There are a few good seasons thrown sporadically in there, but not many. Plus when you factor in the end of the season tanking and Ainge's sleazy stalking of Durant's family, they deserve to get hammered. Plus their core group of players, outside of Paul Pierce, is incredibly young. Although Doc Rivers maintains this young group of players has improved in two years, no one else can see it. Relegating the Celtics would also make it near impossible for Simmons to write about them anymore, which would be a tremendously good thing. He's wasted way too many words on a beyond crappy team.

Philadelphia Flyers (relegated to Figure Skating Champions League for managing to disappoint pessimistic Philly fans, which is almost impossible to do): This team was beyond awful this year, winning the fewest games in the NHL by a significant margin. I don't know much at all about hockey, but I know the Flyers sucked to an unheard of degree this year.

Special Relegation Honorable Mention: Pittsburgh Pirates, Memphis Grizzlies (this was a one year hiccup), Milwaukee Bucks, St. Louis Blues, Los Angeles Clippers.

Extra Bonus Relegation: Even though we're Warriors fans, had the Warriors not beaten the Mavs in the playoffs, we would have relegated them instantly. Taking 13 years to get to the playoffs is way too long.

-WCK