You can change your name, but you still suck

It's well known that English soccer fans are a bit nuts. And this post will do nothing to change that. A group of perpetually horrible soccer players who play for the Lynam Athletic club in the Birmingham Coronation League Alliance Division 3 (translation: a pub league) have decided to try something interesting to change their fortunes since they were the worst team in the league last year. Here's what they did:

The team needed an inspirational way to strike fear into their opposition - so they ALL officially changed their names by deed poll (English term for changing one's name) to professional footballers for the start of this season. With Peter Cech in goal and a back four of Paulo Maldini, Cafu, John Terry and Fabio Cannavaro - their defence sounds like a force to be reckoned with. And the appetising prospects of a midfield of Steven Gerrard, Ronaldinho, Kaka and Christiano Ronaldo would have any manager licking his lips. Thierry Henry and Ruud van Nistelrooy make up the front line but unfortunately, all are merely a bunch of IT workers from the West Midlands.

That means Ronaldinho no longer looks like a horse, but instead a pasty fat white guy with a beer gut. While the new Ronaldinho doesn't have anywhere near the soccer skills of his original namesake, he at least can give the name a slight upgrade in the looks department.

Now the only tough part is getting Henry and Nistelrooy to quit smoking.

Hey, at least they didn't name themselves this.

-WCK