Channing Crowder is having fun with us, I hope

Channing Crowder is a linebacker for the Miami Dolphins, and I'm hoping he was joking here.

Yesterday Crowder confessed (joked?) that he didn’t know until Tuesday that people spoke English in London, or the rest of England for that matter.

"I couldn’t find London on a map if they didn’t have the names of the countries," Crowder said. "I swear to God. I don’t know what nothing is. I know Italy looks like a boot. I learned that."

And he just kept going.

"I know (Washington Redskins linebacker) London Fletcher. We did a football camp together. So I know him. That’s the closest thing I know to London. He’s black, so I’m sure he’s not from London. I’m sure that’s a coincidental name."

I have to think he's kidding. Mainly because he apparently scored a 30 on his Wonderlic and also graduated from Florida with a 3.5 GPA. Then again, he also supposedly wrestled wild boars and alligators while in college, so who knows. All I know is that I'm familiar with people who could sleep through four years at Florida and still graduate with a 3.5 GPA.

Here's Deuce's take on the story, they have a rather awesome picture of Crowder.

-WCK

Thursday "Keep it in perspective" links

All day long you're going to hear people saying "This World Series is over already." Pay no attention to them. Even though the Rockies were destroyed last night, the fact remains that this was one game. It doesn't matter if they lost 13-1 or 100-1. It's one damn game. Besides, this wasn't exactly a surprise. The Sox had one of the best modern postseason pitchers on the mound and were playing at home. And the Rockies insane run was going to end at some point anyway, we all knew that, and I'm sure they did too. For the Rockies, now's the time to make the move. They've got Schilling, Dice-K, and Lester coming up. Even if they go back to Colorado down 0-2, so what? The Sox will have to tinker with their lineup and they'll be throwing Dice-K and Lester out there. This series is far from over.

Also a tip of the cap to Bay Area product Troy Tulowitzki (Fremont High). The lone bright spot for the Rockies last night.

On to the links.

Ah yes, a look at forgotten players in the CFL. [Deuce of Davenport]

Who will beat 31 NFL teams first? Manning or Brady? Then when they're done, they should switch teams and play each other for the ultimate 32 team winner. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]

The '72 Dolphins team ain't so pleased with the current squad. [Larry Brown Sports]

Who is the bigger loser? Cleveland or Buffalo. My vote's for Cleveland. They suck at everything. [Rumors and Rants]

Who should be the Yankees manager? [NOIS]

The evolution of Dirk's Nowitzki's hair. [The Pig Pen]

Proving that hooliganism is making strides in our country, a soccer mom goes WWE on a coach. [The Beautiful Game]

The Jub-Jub gets dropped in the third inning. [Home Run Derby]

The problems of fall wedding season and watching the NFL. See, this is why you should do everything you can to never, ever, be invited to weddings again. May I suggest taking a dump in the punch. [The Legend of Cecilio Guante]

A dumbass Sox fan tries his hand at making fun of the Rockies by going hick-style, which seems odd because there aren't a lot of hicks in Colorado. Sort of like how it's odd there aren't a lot of sober, rational Sox fans. Wait, that isn't odd at all. [Red Sox Monster]

I wonder if the Rockies were forced to do this last night

Those of you familiar with international soccer may have heard about the epic beatdown Arsenal gave Slavia Prague two nights ago in the Champion's League. 7-0. That's the equivalent of the Rockies losing 50-0.

Anyway, pictures leaked out after the game that showed Slavia Prague bending down in a line while facing the stands at the conclusion of the game. So what the hell were they doing?

They were reportedly apologizing to their fans, even though the game was being played in London. Man, to say people take soccer way too seriously outside of the U.S. would be a major understatement. Although I'm sure Dolphins fans would have appreciated a similar gesture from their squad this past Sunday.

Interestingly, Arsenal fans applauded the act by Slavia Prague. Although that might have been because they were thanking them for their awesomely poor performance against their hometown Gunners. Your guess is as good as mine.

Anyway, it was probably smart for Slavia Prague to beg their fans for forgiveness. After all, soccer fans sometimes do crazy things after their team loses a game. You know, like shoot a player.

-WCK

A different way to get your hands on World Series tickets

You can never really trust Craigslist ads, since it's possible someone could just be posting something as a joke. But for some reason, I sort of believe this one.

Some woman in Colorado has a proposal out there for an interested party. She's got 4 tickets to the World Series in Colorado, but isn't really interested in going. So she'll swap the tickets with you provided you pay for her boob-job.

I was one of the lucky ones and got world series tickets. I have 4 tickets in hand, but honestly would like to get my boobs enhanced....=-)If it helps here is a desricption of me, I am Italian 5'4 125 lbs, long beautiful hair, pretty face...just a little small in the breast area.... I know this sounds shallow, but I figure someone out there would like to go to the game more than me. Tickets are lower level, and I have 4....make me an offer I can't refuse....or we can make a transaction at the plastic surgeons office of my choice here in Denver....plus I will send you before and after photos!! =-) Best wishes to all......

I like how she'll send before and after pictures, just so you can see where your money went. The interesting thing is that it may actually be cheaper to buy her the boob-job than actually buy the tickets straight up. World Series tickets have gone for as high as $1,400 this year. A boob-job, when it's all said and done, usually ranges from $4,000 to $10,000. So if she's up for a cheaper job, you might actually save money. That seems like a good deal for everyone.

-WCK

Going Dirty Vegas on Soulja Boy

Every college mascot in America has been doing Soulja Boy. Why? Because mascots are lazy as hell. No originality whatsoever.

Except Penn State. The Penn State mascot breaks the mold and goes Dirty Vegas on us during a home game against Iowa a few weeks ago. There's something to be said for just going back to a huge ass boom box and breakin' on a piece of flat cardboard. Suck it Soulja Boy.

-WCK

Agent Zero stays true to the Bay Area

It seems Agent Zero, once the only reason to watch the Dubs play, is ready to come back to town with a brand new shoe. The 756 shoe. That's right, as you may remember, Gilbert wasn't a big fan of Mark Ecko branding the ball. He wanted to buy it back from the fashion fool so the ball could go to Cooperstown untouched. Gilbert even offered $800,000 to get it back. But since Ecko appears not to be interested, Agent Zero is taking matters into his own hands.

Here's what Gil plans to do, from his blog:

Right now, since Marc Ecko hasn't replied about the Barry Bonds ball to me I'm going to do something different about it. It looks like Coca-Cola has dropped out as one of the color ways for the GilIIZeros, so I'm going to do a 756 shoe, the Barry Bonds shoe. It's going to be the San Francisco colors and it's only coming out in the San Francisco Bay area. It's going to be a giveaway, it's not going to be sold. I'm going to buy probably like 8,000 pairs of shoes and when I come to town, I'm giving them away for free. This is still in the making. Please, for all the San Francisco people that want the 756 shoe to happen, write to adidas and let them know how excited you are for it so they can start making it. Free giveaway, baby. Free giveaway. Since Marc Ecko doesn't want to give the ball back to San Francisco, I'll give you 756 in a shoe.

Regardless of what you think of Bonds, this is awesome. We're going to do everything in our power to get our hands on a pair of these shoes, even if it means knocking over old ladies. The Wizards come to town on February 11th. We'll be waiting Agent Zero.

-100%

How to avoid China's pollution during the Olympics, don't stay in the country

This is a pretty big week for China. That's because the International Olympic Committee is in town to check on the air pollution at potential Olympic sites. And honestly, it's not looking real good.

Pollution levels in Beijing regularly reach five times higher than the safety level recommended by the World Health Organization. And IOC President Jacques Rogge has said unsafe levels of pollutants in the city might force some outdoor endurance events to be postponed or moved to another location.

The United Nations Environment Program plans to release a report Thursday on Beijing's efforts. But whatever that report says, it probably doesn't matter for a lot of countries and their athletes. And that's because they only plan on being in Beijing for their event and that's it.

In a story that has kind of slipped under the radar of late, it turns out that the U.S. is seriously looking into permanently basing their athletes in South Korea and then flying them into China just prior to competitions. The reason is so that they don't expose them to Beijing's terrible air quality.

And it's not just the U.S. that's mulling this. The British have already made plans to base their Olympic squad on the Chinese protectorate island of Macau, which is about 1,300 miles away from Beijing. The Australians are going to gut it out, but are apparently going to have an asthma doctor on hand.

Anyway, Thursday's findings are fairly important. Forcing the Chinese to move events probably won't help their psyche much.

-WCK

Wednesday World Series links

If you look at this matchup between the Red Sox and the Rockies, then it's really no contest. The Red Sox are a veteran team, complete with big-time pitchers and two of the best bats in the game. And they're red hot. Meanwhile, the Rockies have had 8 days off and still haven't touched home plate. But so what? What matters is that the Rockies crushed Beckett and Schilling in the regular season. What matters is that they'll make the Red Sox pay for mistakes, rather than screw them up like the Indians did. What matters is that they have no expectations hanging over them and no annoying fan base. And lastly, they supposedly have God on their side. I'm not really sure that last one counts, but with the way they've played their last 22 games, you never know.

On to the links.

Nick Saban passing the buck? Nah, he'd never do that. [Deuce of Davenport]

Mark Cuban is off Dancing With the Stars. The world weeps. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]

Mark "Dirty" Sanchez represents for Mexico. In his mouth. [Larry Brown Sports]

NOIS on the firing of Greg Ryan. [NOIS]

A former MLB journeyman now has his own song in Japan. [Ump Bump]

MBSR goes after the Pats. [My Brian Says Rage]

Some suggestions for how to make lame World Series bets better. [The Angry T]

-WCK

Everything's coming up Red Sox

Considering I'm not pulling for the Red Sox in the World Series at all, it pains me to write this post. But what can I do. The Nation is out in force doing comical and stupid things. And it's my job to bring you that news. The man you see above is Mr. Cedric Baar. He's actually a Yankees fan who lives in Rockland, Massachusetts. However, when his beloved Yankees lost in the ALDS, he decided to hitch his wagon to the Tribe in a bet to beat the Red Sox. Needless to say he lost the bet. Naturally, most people who lose a bet and have to wear a dress like to pay their price without a TV camera in their face. But Barr was unlucky, because it must have been a slow news day and Fox shoved a camera in his face to get a thrilling interview. And here's the worst thing. It's not like he was only subject to abuse on Tuesday. No sir. He also has to be out on the street in Rockland again from 5-6pm on Thursday and Friday. Sweet.

And in other Red Sox related news, 7 fans who allegedly threw bottles and rocks at police after Sunday's ALCS Game 7 were sentenced to each write a 5-page essay explaining what they have learned from their experience of being arrested. My guess would be run faster. But don't worry, this isn't as easy a sentence it seems like. I'm not sure any of them can write.

-WCK

The 21st anniversary of The Fridge GI Joe action figure is coming up

I'm not sure how many of you out there remember The Fridge. My only memory of him, aside from the Super Bowl Shuffle, is when he ran through about 40 New England Patriots for a touchdown during the Super Bowl in 1986. Later that year though, The Fridge received one of the greatest honors in American history. He became the first - and last - pro football player to be made into a G.I. Joe action figure. That was primarily because everyone hated the figure so much. Reportedly the reason why The Fridge was even considered was because a deal to introduce Rocky Balboa into the toy line fell through, apparently because Sylvester Stallone's likeness was licensed for the new Rambo toy line. I totally remember that toy line, uh, not so much. Anyway, since the idea to create this ill-fated G.I. Joe action figure happened right around this time of the year and we're nearing the 21st anniversary of its release (it was available to get from late 1986 through 1987 and again in 1989), here's a look back at The Fridge's valiant fight to stop the evil Cobra Commander.

Believe it or not, somebody actually made The Fridge the Joes' physical training instructor. The Fridge taught them how to effectively eat a 10,000 calorie per day diet.

His weapon was a black football attached to a chain. Which I guess makes some sense. Sort of.

The Fridge was also not an easy character to get. You had to save up 5 Fridge proof of purchase certificates to get him. Interestingly, the Fridge also had a 900 number you could call. Seriously.

And last but not least, he even appeared in a cartoon commercial.


I don't think I'm the only one that seems to remember the Fridge being slightly fatter in real life. But whatever.

The only other pro athlete (by which I mean non full-time pro wrestler) to be turned into a G.I. Joe action figure was Ted Williams - who was a decorated Marine Corps pilot.

-WCK

An update on athletes with illegitimate kids (Jason Caffey edition)

wanna have my baby? baby.

I'd like to thank my buddy Larry Brown at Larry Brown Sports for informing me that I needed to update this list. That's because Larry found out that former basketball player Jason Caffey, who played like a shot dog for my G-State Warriors some years back, has 8 kids by 7 women, putting him in elite company on our list. No, he's not Calvin "I should have been a Mormon" Murphy or Travis Henry. But he managed to get past Shawn Kemp, which is quite the achievement. You have to actively try to get a number that high. By the way I've also confirmed that Marshall Faulk and Ray Lewis are going to be joining the middleweights due to their, uh, productive careers.

But first, as always, a legendary story that reader Paul sent us about Shawn Kemp. It's awesome.

In college I was an intern for the Portland Trailblazers (mind you, this was during their Jailblazers heyday while Shawn Kemp was there). I did a bunch of stuff for the PR Department and one day I was filing a bunch of stuff in the office and I came across the Player Questionnaires that they have each new player fill out when they are acquired. It gives them some stupid personal info to include in the media guide and for the announcers and what not. Anyway, on Shawn Kemp’s questionnaire under hobbies it said, “girls”. And my personal favorite – under favorite breakfast he listed, “girls”.

Brilliant work Paul. As usual, we've decided not to include people like LeBron James on the list, who's at least with his girlfriend while having kids.

Feel free to let us know if we missed anyone, and we'll update the list again whenever someone surpasses Shawn Kemp's total.

ATHLETES WITH ILLEGITIMATE KIDS

THE HEAVYWEIGHTS
Calvin Murphy - 14 illegitimate kids by 9 women. You sir are our current champion.
Travis Henry - 9 kids by 9 women. All of this by 28. Impressive. He is on pace to catch Calvin. The fact that he's broke from paying child support may slow him down though.
Ex-San Antonio Spur Willie Anderson - 9 illegitimate kids. If only his field goal percentage had been as high as his impregnation rate.
Evander Holyfield - 9 illegitimate kids. Has more kids than brain cells left.
NEW MEMBER Jason Caffey - 8 kids by 7 women.
Shawn Kemp - 7 illegitimate kids by 6 women. Gives his nickname of the Reign Man new meaning.
Derrick Thomas - 7 illegitimate kids by 5 women. He died at 33. Let's just leave it at that.

THE MIDDLEWEIGHTS
NEW MEMBER Ray Lewis - 6 kids by 4 women.
NEW MEMBER Marshall Faulk - 6 kids by 3 women. Which is probably why he considered coming out of retirement.
Larry Johnson (basketball) - 5 kids by 4 women. 3 are illegitimate.
Charles Rogers - Uber-NFL Draft bust reportedly has 5 illegitimate kids...and no paycheck. Definitely the makings of a solid family.
Vlad Guerrero - 4 kids by 4 women.
Santonio Holmes - 3 illegitimate kids by two women, before leaving college.
Former Celtic Greg Minor - 3 illegitimate kids.
Ricky Williams - 3 illegitimate kids. Maybe that's why he smokes so much weed.
Priest Holmes - 3 illegitimate kids. You best keep running Priest.
Chad Johnson - Has 3 illegitimate kids.
Shannon "Horseface" Sharpe - 3 as well.
Mike Bibby - apparently had two before leaving 'Zona.

THE LIGHTNING FAST GROUP
Willis McGahee - 3 illegitimate kids in 2 years in Buffalo. Not a lot to do in Buffalo, except make babies. Lots and lots of babies.

THE GUYS YOU WOULDN'T EXPECT GROUP
Walter Herrmann
Peja Stojakovic
Wizards Coach Eddie Jordan
NHL player Daniel Alfredsson
NHL player Richard Zednik
Mike Miller
Marvin Harrison
Tracy McGrady

THE FAMOUS OLD GUYS GROUP
Steve Garvey - 2 illegitimate kids by 2 women.
Dr. J - 2 illegitimate kids by 2 women. I actually met one of them.
Larry Bird
Isiah Thomas
Jim Palmer
Darryl Strawberry
Pete Rose
Tug McGraw

THE GETTING A HEAD START GROUP
Gary Sheffield - Had 2 illegitimate kids by age 17. Added a few more later on in life.

THE THAT'S JUST WRONG GROUP
Elijah Dukes - recently impregnated a 17-year-old foster child. Also has 4 more illegitimate kids - making him a middleweight as well.

THE QB KIDS GROUP
Matt Leinart - already has one, my guess is he's working hard on another while that collar bone heals.
Tom Brady - the dream baby is here.

KEEP YOUR EYE ON THIS GUY GROUP
Noel Devine - He's not an official member yet because he's not a pro. He's an incoming freshman at WV. But he had 2 illegitimate kids in high school, and possibly more. Keep it Noel, a good start, but you've got a long way to go.

GUYS WITH AT LEAST ONE ILLEGITIMATE KID
Antawn Jamison
Chipper Jones
DeShawn Stevenson
Cliff Floyd
Mark Messier
Brian Urlacher
Rae Carruth - Yes, he fathered an illegitimate kid before the incident where he had his pregnant girlfriend gunned down.
Oscar De La Hoya
Juan Gonzalez
Andre Rison
David Justice
Andruw Jones
Alonzo Spellman
Dave Meggett
Gary Payton - From a reader: The best part about Gary Payton is that his illegitimate kid is named "Gary Payton, Jr." so that when his wife (or whatever) had a kid, and he wanted a junior, he couldn't do it without major confusion, so he named his legitimate kid "Gary Payton II."
Stephon Marbury
Jason Kidd
Allen Iverson
Latrell Sprewell
Juwan Howard
Kenny Anderson
Scottie Pippen
Hakeem Olajuwon
Patrick Ewing
Randy Johnson

So in other words, the moral of the story is wrap it up tight. Unless you're a professional athlete. Then just do whatever the hell you want.

-WCK

Tuesday links

After a Sunday of craptastic NFL games, we were rewarded with a great MNF matchup...until Garrard had his ankle crushed. I hate it when then happens in a big game. A good QB gets injured in the first quarter and it basically ends the game right there. I must have watched about 3 minutes of the second half.

On to the links.

Jags fans are freakin' dirty. But also hilarious. [Mr. Irrelevant]

Ohio State spends a hell of a lot more on its athletes than it does on its students. I'm shocked! Well, not really. [All On the Field]

USF let down Erin Andrews. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]

NOIS gives their weekly college rankings. [NOIS]

Agent Zero might want to come back home to the West Coast. [Larry Brown Sports]

Those fires in SoCal are causing lots of problems, even for bloggers. [Rumors and Rants]

Byron Leftwich's ankles need serious help. [5 on Five]

Travis Hafner promises to bring a bat next year to the playoffs. [Lord, Beer Me Strength]

-WCK