Sunday, August 12, 2007

Watch Your Back, Rick Ankiel!

I have to say I am just as pleased as anyone to see Rick Ankiel doing what he's doing and battling his way back into the major leagues after one of the most public and devestating burn-outs of any major sports prospect in recent memory. That being said, I also have to say I am enjoying the post-game press conference where Ankiel told the reporters not to expect this every day. Do you kind of get the sense that he understands the pitfalls of fame and celebrity and that he knows that any moment the media will blow up some story alleging he was using HGH, cheating on his wife, or didn't pay a phone bill on time one month and turn it into the "Let's Absolutely Destroy Someone We Made out to be a Hero Story of that Year?" I can see it in his eyes. You can almost hear him thinking to himself "Shit! The second my batting avereage dips from over .400 to under .300 the entire world is going to jump on my f'ing back again and take turns kicking me in the ribs when I'm down! Damn, I should have just gone into selling insurance like that buddy of mine suggested!!! Now I have to deal with this shit all over again..."

When did it come to this? It's really the perfect parallel to the Bonds home run chase and I don't think anyone would be surprised if it didn't turn out similarly due to some random allegation about Ankiel from the past 5 years. Can't you just see an expose about Ankiel if he keeps this up for a while? "NOT ONLY has this SOB Ankiel's left foot swollen an extra 1/2 size (!!!), a clear sign of HGH abuse, but his batting average has jumped from .200 with just a couple home runs when he was pitching and hitting back in 2000 to where he's both hitting for AVERAGE and POWER just 7 years later!! Now, let's dedicate hundrends of hours of airtime on ESPN's 1-7 about this over the next year and absoutely destroy this man with impunity!" Coincidentally, half of the advertising money that will be paid to cover that airtime will be for medical products that either help you convince yourself that you're not depressed or fool someone into thinking that your were born with a penis that is two inches longer than it actually was or can last an extra 4 hours in bed then any person with any common sense would actually want to last.

Honestly, I think the only way the public would ever buy the the movie the Natural today in 2007 as opposed to the mid 80's is if Robert Duvall's sleazy sports reporter character wins in the end and every single stadium started booing Roy Hobbs at the end of the film as he was crushing home runs and breaking some record. And meanwhile you could have Roy Hobbs pulling a Palmeiro and advertising for Viagra as a nice money-making product placement in the film. You could even throw in a Federal indictment because lord knows its better to spend millions of dollars prosecuting a perjury case about the GAME of BASEBALL than trying to help the millions of children starving in Africa right now.

All I have to say is "watch your back, Rick, and watch it good..."

--dwyermaker

11 comments:

Kevin Hayward said...

Eh, I think we should enjoy this while it lasts. We all felt sorry for Ankiel and rooted for his return, and now it's here. Let's appreciate the moment for what it is.

Anonymous said...

Did you read the Natural? You know, the book that the movie was based upon? The real story, written by Bernard Malamud, ends with him being disgraced by the media for suspicion of having thrown the game (after striking out in the last AB)....

Anonymous said...

fucking idiot

bonds did cheat

wow ur dumb i had trouble reading that

Anonymous said...

anonymous,

great comment. Nothing gets a point across better than random profanity and name-calling. Sorry to take you away from your incredbly important 15-year-old, won't get laid for 20 more years until I finally pay a hooker to sleep with me, life.

Btw, did I ever say Bonds didn't cheat? The point is that the media has done a complete hatchet job on him and Ankiel probably understands this better than anyone else and had better watch out for it again...

Unknown said...

Ankiel received a 12-month supply of HGH back in 2004 -- Google search "Rick Ankiel" and "HGH" and you'll get the link to the Daily News article, followed by the link to this now very ironic blog you posted.

Anonymous said...

Talk about foreshadowing...I am watching Baseball Tonight and they are "breaking the news" that The Daily News put out late last night stating that Ankiel received shipments of HGH in 2004. They tried to do everything the could to make it sound like the guy was shooting up in the dugout tonight. Ironically, they barely mentioned the fact that MLB didn't ban HGH until 2005. The last shipment that he received was prior to baseballs ban. This was 3 years ago and there is no proof that he has received HGH much less used it since. Funny how right on your were about him watching his back. You knew this had to be coming, we can't have heroes these days. Someone has to always go "dig up the dirt" on anyone who is successful. Since I started typing this Baseball Tonight brought it up again. This time they didn't even mention when he received it they just said that he received shipments. If I had just turned on the TV I would have thought he just got a shipment this week. I hate the media!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

you're gonna get alot of hits on this in the next 24! wow! that pic of him does look like he's now alot bigger than he once was. hell, who can blame him though. a taste of that fame and money back then......

a shame for the cards! go cubs!

shane

Anonymous said...

I hate the Cardinals just drunks and drug heads. FUCK You Ankiel. You were a piece of shit rag arm wannabe redneck trailor trash DRUGHEAD from the start. THE REDS Lost a game becuase of your cheater. You should be banned forever. Idiot!

Anonymous said...

Wow! Tell us how you really feel? Its not cheating. He was recovering from an injury and the substance wasn't even banned. Grow up! GO CARDS!

Anonymous said...

The REDS lost the game because they are the REDS......

Simon said...

Ankiel's alleged use of HGH does not constitute "cheating", technically.

However, it does constitute "cutting corners", and taking the quicker, easier, and less-than-honest way back to so-called "glory".

The shame here is that an incredible story is now tainted, and proves to us that if something seemes too good to be true, it probably is.

I'm sure the Cubs and Brewers aren't to thrilled that alleged HGH use has Ankiel helping the Cardinals in their late-season surge for the NL Cental crown.

My heart goes out to all the guys who had too much pride and dignity to use supplements and performance-enhancers through the better part of their careers to make the grade, and who missed out on all the potential cash accolades by choosing to better their performance and recover from injuries with things like hard work and perserverence.

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