On Veterans Day we should probably have a post about athletes who were in the military, but that would be too easy. So instead we're going to take a look back at the brave sports figures who appeared in ridiculous commercials for cash money.
Ok, I probably shouldn't have said brave sports figures, since this commercial has OJ in it. But honestly, I'd never be able to look at myself in the mirror again if I ever appeared in an ad like this.
This Wheaties commercial involves athletes rapping, which is always a winner. Darryl Dawkins steals the show with his memorable line of "Before I slam my gorilla dunkies, I get the eaties for my Wheaties." He clearly missed the boat by not becoming a rapper.
Whether you want more athletes rapping or not, you're gonna get them. Don't pay any attention to the first ad, but play close attention to the second. It features Warren Moon, Ronnie Lott and Boomer Esiason rapping about Diet Coke. Shameless might be too kind of a word to describe this ad.
This is unquestionably the most homoerotic Gatorade ad you will ever see. Thank God they eventually got Michael Jordan as a pitch man before they cornered the gay market.
Speaking of bizarrely homoerotic ads, here's Roger Clemens in an old Zest ad. (Shudder)
Mickey Mantle (seemingly sober) actually hawked a somewhat intriguing product from Intellivision that involved getting games through cable TV. It was sort of an early version of GameTap. Only problem is this was for Intellivision games, and they sucked.
Mantle also did a horrible athletes foot ad for some product that sounds like a fighter jet.
How about Roger Staubach and Tommie Lasorda in a Rolaids ad? At least Lasorda didn't take his pants off.
Tom Landry goes Cowboy on us. And lamely runs into some "Redskins."
And lastly, here's Pete Rose doing what all masculine men do: They sing stupid songs about their aftershave. Totally manly.
I realize that in 20 years I'll find some of today's current ads a bit dated, but they'll still be better than all of these. Especially that OJ ad.