Don't quit your day job

"I'm fierce like an orange, so y'all better...uh..."

With it looking like LeBron James is going to cut a rap album [via SPORTSbyBROOKS], I'm already preparing myself not to buy it.

I'm not sure why LeBron wants to join the list of "athletes who made shitty albums" but it seems there's no stopping him.

So then not for LeBron's sake, but for your sake, let's take a look back at some of the albums and singles put out by pro athletes, and we don't just mean the crap Shaq and Kobe did. Even Gary Payton, T.O., J.R. Rider, Malik Sealy and an F1 driver have busted some recorded lyrics.

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B-Ball's Best Kept Secret

This one is an absolute classic. Someone decided in 1994 to get a whole group of NBA stars together and have them record an album, which was entitled B-Ball's Best Kept Secret. I think it's still a secret to this day. Anyway, here are some tracks by each player:

Dana Barros - Check It
Malik Sealy - Lost in the Sauce
Cedric Ceballos - Flow On
Brian Shaw - Anything Can Happen
Jason Kidd - What the Kidd Didd
J.R. Rider - Funk in the Trunk
Dennis Scott - All Night Party
Gary Payton - Livin' Large and Legal
Dana Barros and Cedric Ceballos - Ya Don't Stop

Believe it or not you can still buy this thing on EBay. I may have to do that, just to hear Jason Kidd's mad skills.

SHAQ

Shaq actually recorded four albums: Shaq Diesel, Shaq-Fu da Return, You Can't Stop the Reign, and Respect. Even worse, he cut a "Best of Shaq" album as well, bringing his grand total of albums to FIVE. Shaq was very humble with his song titles, such as "I'm Outstanding."

Allen Iverson

Went by the name Jewels as a rapper. Cut the wonderfully lyrical "40 Bars" single where he swore every other word and incessently bashed gays. As a result of the controversy, Iverson never released his "Misunderstood" album. It had 15 tracks and one song with Jay-Z featured.

KOBE

A total nightmare. He released two singles, K.O.B.E. and Thug Poet. And that single cover definitely makes him look like one tough rapper. And by "tough rapper" I mean "complete tool." His singles were so bad, plans for his Visions album (man that's a horrible album name) were scrapped. On the plus side, Tyra Banks was featured on K.O.B.E. Here's a live performance if you're so inclined.

Roy Jones Jr.

Was once the best pound-for-pound fighter in the world. Then he started making CDs. It's been all downhill since. Made two CDs. The incredibly original Round One and the needlessly stupid Body Head Bangerz: Vol. I. Don't believe there was a Vol. II.

Oscar de la Hoya

Did a self-titled Latin album. Think of him as the poor man's Enrique Eglesias.

Bronson Arroyo

Former Red Sox stoner did an album entitled Covering the Bases. He's the early winner for worst album title in history.

Tony Parker

The album title is TP. Yes, TP, as in what I'll do to any store that sells this shit. I know exactly what you're thinking, and I'm pretty sure Tony didn't get the memo. French rap is also not in any way hardcore. Even my French friends tell me this.

Chris Webber

Released an album entitled 2 Much Drama. I think we now know why he's never won a title.

Deion Sanders

Thanks for starting the trend of athletes making shitty albums Deion. And if you want to see Deion rap some more - with the Dallas Mavericks - check out this horrible clip.

Jack McDowell

Yes, that's former MLB pitcher Jack McDowell on the right side of that queerer than a $3 bill album cover. He was with a band called View, which produced this classic single "Extendagenda." He also was in a band called Stickfigure. I'll let you handle the jokes.

Bernie Williams

I always wondered if Bernie Williams was gay. Then I saw his album cover. And it's title: The Journey Within. I'm no longer wondering.

Ron Artest

Artest released My World in 2006. On it he goes after everyone, including for some reason Matt Lauer. (Huh?) “Matt Lauer, up on NBC. You look like a girl don’t talk to me.” Oh snap! Lauer you got served! Anyway, the album sold 343 copies in its first week. Artest should probably avoid getting suspended from the NBA in the future and stop pissing off Lauer.

My other favorite Artest line: "I admit I used to smoke right before games, had to ease the pain, in the brain, was insane, halftime hit the liquor store for a half pint." Wait, isn't that supposed to rhyme?

Wayman Tisdale

Former NBA player is actually a decent Jazz musician and has released eight albums. Too bad they have retarded titles like Hang Time, In The Zone, and Power Forward.

T.O.

Released a single entitled "I'm Back." What he's back from remains a mystery.

F1 Racer Jacques Villeneuve

The French Canadian F1 driver, who hasn't won in ages (I wonder why?), released "Accepterais-tu?" The video is as bad as the title sounds. Actually, make that worse, much worse. Here's his MySpace page if you want to let him know how bad it is.

And for those of you wondering, Barry Zito occasionally plays in his sister's band, known as the Sally Zito Project. They released a shitty CD in 2004. Zito's the lead singer on a song called "Boy Next Door." Start pitching better you asshole and I'll forget you ever did that.

Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to go listen to Funk in the Trunk.

-WCK

Special extra bonus athlete music fun: Deuce of Davenport also has some reviews on the works of Ben Broussard and Peter Gammons.

More bonus music fun: If you want to hear some raps by the NBA players, here you go.