The Bay Area is officially in Sports Hell

With the Bonds indictment getting dropped on us yesterday, I think it's time that I admitted what I think everyone already knows. The Bay Area sports scene has reached its absolute nadir. We are officially the anti-Boston.

While Say Hey did a run down of a few of the miseries the Bay Area has gone through of late, it's actually much, much worse than that. We're even partly to blame for Simmons' ridiculous Patriots columns and an annoyingly undefeated Hawaii team. Here's the full rundown of the hell that the Bay Area finds itself in, and how it's even seeped into the overall sports conciousness.

1. Barry Bonds, who grew up in the Bay Area and is the greatest Giants player in history (yes, better than Mays), is indicted for perjury and obstruction of justice. Even though everyone out here knows Bonds did steroids, until Thursday we could at least say "Well, he wasn't charged with a federal crime." No longer. By the way, the Giants also finished the 2007 season dead last in the National League West (19 games out of first place) and are about to start a major rebuilding phase.

2. Alex Smith separates his shoulder early on in the 2007 NFL season. Since coming back to play he's been dreadful. Nolan said it was due to a lack of confidence. Smith said it was because he was still hurt, and threatend to shut himself down for the rest of the season in response to Nolan. Although they finally put their disagreement to rest yesterday, I'm not sure it matters. Both are horrible at their given professions.

3. Nolan's dad, who coached the 49ers for eight seasons from 1968 through 1975 and led them to three straight NFC West division titles, died this week. Bill Walsh also died in July.

4. The 49ers have lost their last 7 games.

5. As a commenter reminded me, the 49ers have to give up their 2008 first round draft pick to the Patriots.

6. The Golden State Warriors, who set the NBA on fire last season by beating Dallas in the first round of the playoffs, are the only winless team in the NBA with a record of 0-6.

7. The Raiders haven't won a game in more than a month. And they have a 12-year-old head coach and an animated corpse for an owner.

8. Almost half way through October, Cal is ranked #2 in the college polls. They proceed to drop 4 of their next 5 games, primarily because Nate Longshore is rushed back too soon after injuring his ankle against Oregon.

9. Stanford beats USC, which is arguably the biggest college football upset of the year. They proceed to drop 4 of their next 5 games to such stalwarts as TCU and Washington State.

10. Up by 14 points with less than 5 minutes to go, San Jose State collapses against Hawaii, and eventually loses in overtime. Forces entire nation to continue to acknowledge Hawaii as an unbeaten team, despite the fact that they aren't very good.

11. Oakland A's suck all year, finish one game ahead of the Rangers in the AL West standings. Don't seem to have much upside headed into 2008.

12. Just to really piss us off, home town boy Tom Brady - who attended the same high school as Bonds - is currently leading the New England Patriots to an undefeated season, which has caused Simmons to write some of his worst columns in years.

The only thing the Bay Area has going for it right now, literally, is the San Jose Sharks, who are currently ranked second in the Western Conference. Other than that, it's like a combination of Cleveland meets Buffalo here in the Bay Area.

-WCK