Pole Dancing classes make kids great athletes

Trust me, this move will make you a much better baseball player.

I've often wondered to myself, how can I make today's young kids better athletes? Maybe I could force them to run 2,000 miles non-stop, or make them do 1,000 pushups with me on their backs. But no, both those ideas are ridiculous.

What I really need to be doing is getting them into pole dancing, and the younger the kids the better.

Wait, someone's already doing this?

Yes, in Australia apparently you can get your kids - both boys and girls - who are as young as seven, involved in pole dancing lessons. So, uh, what exactly is the rationale behind these classes aside from greasing the skids for these kids to eventually become professional strippers?

The classes in Sydney impart pole-dancing classes as strengthening and flexibility workouts for teens and pre-teens.

Of course. And the kids love it too.

"It's really fun and you get to learn a lot of different moves. People think it's pole dancing but it's not. It's great exercise," said 11-year-old Angela.

You know what, I'm not even going to make a joke there. Naturally just a few people are upset about this.

"There are plenty of exercise tools out there. Why choose a pole, the classic phallic symbol of the pornographic world," spokeswoman Angela Conway for the Australian Family Association said. "By putting children in a pole dancing exercise class you're teaching children a sexual body language that they don't know the meaning of but adults do," she said.

Look, as far as I'm concerned, if one day we can have an Olympic gold medal winner who can also grind up and down a stripper pole, more power to them. Doesn't Amanda Beard already do this anyway?

-WCK