The best of Gary Sheffield

By now, most of you are familiar with Sheff's bizarre GQ rant about the reason why there are so few African-Americans in baseball.

• "I called it years ago. What I called is that you're going to see more black faces, but there ain't no English going to be coming out. … [It's about] being able to tell [Latin players] what to do -- being able to control them," he told the magazine.

If you want to read the rest of his rant on Signal to Noise, here you go. He also recently said he'd uncover a huge conspiracy in baseball for being suspended for three games [via Deadspin].

As we all know, Sheff is the ultimate savvy PR guy. This was just a minor slip-up. And by "a minor slip-up" I mean "par for the course."

We perused the internet for most of Sunday afternoon to try and track down the best Sheff quotes of all time. Some of these are just hilarious beyond belief, especially when you get him talking about his days in Milwaukee. Let's all just sit back now and let the words off Sheff wash over us.

THE BEST OF SHEFF

September '92 on his days in Milwaukee: "The Brewers brought out the hate in me. I was a crazy man. . . . I hated everything about the place. If the official scorer gave me an error I didn't think was an error, I'd say, 'OK, here's a real error,' and I'd throw the next ball into the stands on purpose.' "

On his hatred of Milwaukee: "Everything you asked for in Milwaukee you didn’t get—Ask for good weather, you don't get it. Ask for a good playing surface, you don't get it. Ask for a first-class organization, you don't get it."

On his having two kids with two women by age 17: "That was part of my plan. I didn't want to be the typical athlete who's single all his career. I wanted the all-American family, and I did it the wrong way."

On carrying a gun (he also took one to school in eighth and ninth grade): "It ain't changed because I got in the league. It just made me get more of them."

Sheff, a born-again Christian, on teammate Shawn Green missing a game with the Dodgers because of Yom Kippur during a crucial pennant stretch: "Religion is an important thing as long as you worship the right God."

July '05 after punching a fan in the right-field stands at Fenway: "What did I do to be a villain?" Sheffield listened patiently as someone recounted the reasoning. "Well, I mean you can't look at it that way. I didn't initiate it. It's a situation where I showed restraint, and I moved on from there."

May '89 on Milwaukee pitchers who won't throw at opposing batters even though opposing pitchers kept throwing at him: "Only two, three pitchers have helped me out. The rest have been girls. They won't throw at anybody if you paid them. I've been thrown at in every park I've played in."

In June 2005 On whether he would participate in next year's World Baseball Classic: "My season is when I get paid. I'm not doing that...I'm not sacrificing my body or taking a chance on an injury for something that's made up. This isn't the Olympics. That's a big difference. This is something you made up."

On the '04 Red Sox: "They're a walking disaster. They act like they're tough, how they care so much about winning, but it's all a front. They're just a bunch of characters."

On his non-reaction to getting intentionally beaned by Boston's Curtis Leskanic in 2004: "I know Leskanic. His brother did my pool."

Explaining that a hitting slump in 2007 was mental: "I could have bad mechanics and get hits. I don't worry about that, because I'm not really a mechanically-sound guy. It's more between my ears."

June '05 after being rumored in a trade to the Mets for Mike Cameron: "It don't make a difference who it is. If I didn't choose to go there, things are gonna have to change about my whole situation, contract, years, everything. Other than that, you might as well not bother trading for me, cause you're gonna have a very unhappy player. You gonna inconvenience me, I'm gonna inconvenience every situation there is. I mean, the only reason I'm playing is 'cause I wanna play for the Yankees."

January '02 to the Associated Press: "Barry told me what I have to do to finish my career as a Hall of Famer. I want to end my career with the Atlanta Braves and be a Hall of Famer with the Atlanta Braves."

On "Game of Shadows," which spells out Bonds' alleged use of steroids: "I don't even know what the book says. I never read it."

From a 2006 interview with Newsday on who on the Yankees would look out for A-Rod now that he (Sheff) was gone: "Nobody. You all got to get ready. You all got to get ready. There’s nobody."

In response to the Hartford Courant asking him in 2004 about whether winning an MVP award would mean anything to him: "No."

On his childhood: "I was hyper as a kid. My parents sent me to the hospital to get checked out. I was probably ADD (attention-deficit disorder). Still am."

On life in general: "Most people figured I’d be in jail. I’ve been proving people wrong my whole life."

Great stuff Sheff. Great stuff.

-WCK