What we learned from Sunday's NFL action

Somehow our 49ers are 2-0. Along with the Lions and the Texans. Meanwhile the Saints are 0-2. So are our Raiders, but they actually look better than the Saints right now. Pretty strange start to the season. And I'm now officially out of the East Coast Bias survivor league because I thought the Bengals were an automatic lock to win in Cleveland, along with probably the rest of the US population outside of Cleveland.

So anyway, we learned some things this week.

1. Never, ever trust fantasy experts on TV shows. They know nothing. As Hugging Harold Reynolds pointed out to me, an ESPN fantasy expert told everyone that you shouldn't start any Browns players on Sunday. Of course, if you did start any Browns players that you had on your fantasy team, they probably singlehandedly carried you to victory. I also heard an ESPN fantasy expert say, "You should consider using the Bengals defense for Sunday's game against the Browns." Great work gentlemen. A blind monkey flipping a coin could have made better picks than you guys this week.

2. The Patriots, whether they cheat or not, are pretty damn good. Even though I picked the Chargers to win it all this year, and I will never back down from that decision, the only way the Patriots don't win the Super Bowl is if Tom Brady gets injured or kidnapped. They still are waiting on Seymour and Harrison to return. The Pats are as loaded a team as any I've ever seen. And I saw Montana and the 49ers at their peak. By the way, I'd like to mention that the Chargers already seem to be regressing under Norv Turner. Is that even possible? How can you actually regress from when you had Marty as your coach?

3. As soon as the Pats went up 117-0, we all instantly realized Bill Simmons is going to hit us with a post dedicated to the Pats this week telling us we're all fools for having doubted them. Simmons is really starting to tread on thin ice. He's constantly referencing Boston teams in his columns and is taking the homer card to new levels. Look, I like the Niners, but there's no point in me mentioning them in every post. Plus his column defending the Pats last week didn't exactly make him the most popular sports columnist in America. I'd like to see Simmons do a column dedicated to his sleeper pick of Atlanta, or one on how he lost to his wife last year in NFL betting. I'm also hoping this story about the Pats wiring their defensive linemen to intercept the Jets play calls is true. Simmons might self-combust trying to defend his team. That would also save us from having to survive an entire NBA season of him slobbering all over the now relevant Celtics.

4. People need to stop humping the Colts. It seems to be a requirement at all major networks that whoever won the Super Bowl last year is destined to repeat. Why the hell is that? Are these people dense? Almost no one ever repeats. Indianapolis is good, sure. But they're certainly more vulnerable than the Pats. Simple logic says they won't repeat, because teams rarely repeat.

5. The Lions can actually get 10 wins. I know we all thought Kitna was mental when he said this, but hey, they're 2-0 and their schedule isn't exactly tough. Now watch them lose their next 14 games.

6. The Saints are an absolute mess. And Reggie Bush is actually starting to look like a bit of a bust. Their schedule isn't horrible, but Sean Payton better figure this out real fast, or the Saints are in serious trouble.

7. The Bengals are the most fun team to watch in pro football, period. They have an epic offense and the most entertaining wide receiver in the league...all while having literally no defense that can only survive by forcing turnovers. It's like Arena League football with the benefit of it being an NFL game. I'll do everything I can to watch every Bengals game this year.

8. The Falcons really, really wish they hadn't let Matt Schaub go.

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