The Patriots v. Lionel Hutz

I guess in our lawsuit happy nation this was bound to happen eventually. Yesterday a Jets fan, and lawyer, filed a class-action lawsuit against the New England Patriots and coach Bill Belichick for "deceiving customers."

Needless to say I'm not exactly surprised such an insane stunt came courtesy of a Jets fan.

The lawsuit filed in U.S. District Court in Newark, N.J., by Carl Mayer of Princeton Township, N.J., stems from the Patriots being caught illegally videotaping signals from Jets coaches in New England's 38-14 season-opening win September 9th.

Definitely a lawsuit worthy offense if I ever heard of one. Now comes the fun part. Mayer is seeking more than $184 million in damages for Jets ticket holders.

"They were deceiving customers," said Mayer. "You can't deceive customers."

That's one rock solid argument there if you ask me. Might as well just have the Patriots write the check now. But how'd we get to such a random number? Well, Mayer and his collegue Bruce Afran, also a lawyer, concluded that because Jets customers paid $61.6 million to watch eight "fraudulent" games between the Pats and Jets since 2000, they're entitled to triple that amount - or $184.8 million - in compensation under the federal Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organization Act and the New Jersey Consumer Fraud Act.

Naturally the Patriots aren't talking, I assume because they're quaking in their cleats.

I should say something here about how lawyers are awful and lawsuits like this are a scourge on our fair land, but I won't. I'll just say what every non-Pats fan - and everyone who hates Simmons - is thinking: Fight on my lawsuit happy brothers. Fight to the death.

-WCK